Monthly Archives: October 2017

IT’S ALL HAPPENING!

by John Walters | 1 Comment

by John Walters

Starting Five

Justin Turner Overdrive

Los Angeles Dodger 3rd baseman and Troll lookalike Justin Turner began his team’s postseason with a three-run bomb and he ended Game 2 of the NLCS last night with another three-run bomb. Hollywoods’ most popular ginger since, well, Ginger, has a .500 OBP this postseason and leads all players in RBI with 10 (including all four in L.A.’s 4-1 win last night).

She, too, could circle the bases

Oh, and the Dodgers are 5-0 in the playoffs.

Finally, yes, today was the 29th anniversary of Kirk Gibson‘s dramatic walk-off home run in Game 1 of the 1988 World Series over the A’s Dennis Eckersley. This was the second walk-off home run in the Dodgers’ postseason history.

2. Rodgers Over And Out*

*The judges will also accept “O Romo, my Romo! Wherefore Art Thou, Romo?” but will not accept “Barr Class.”

Green Bay Packer quarterback Aaron Rodgers breaks his collarbone via a hit by Anthony Barr and may be out for the season one week after Houston Texan J.J. Watt messes up his lower leg and is lost for the season. Doing TV commercials is hazardous to your NFL health (keep your head on a swivel, Clay Matthews).

3. Him, Too? 

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=wj2NASpWb3g

As #MeToo was trending on Twitter last night, encouraging victims of sexual harassment or sexual assault to share their stories, NBC’s Al Michaels made a clumsy Harvey Weinstein joke that incited an awkward “Only my L.A. partner” quip from Cris Collinsworth. That led to some folks on Twitter suggesting that we’ve all become a little too P.C.

 

That’s fine if you think this, but we imagine that a lot of people telling the snowflakes not to be so offended by Michaels’ joke become super-offended when a black dude in shoulder pads kneels for the national anthem. I mean, why do they have to get offended by everything???

4. A Minor Disturbance

Arnold Parker? I don’t think so.

After two “meh” Curb Your Enthusiasm episodes that followed a six-year sabbatical, “L-vid” hit his stride last night with an episode that included “Fatwa Sex” and “a minor disturbance.” You just have to know that there is a restaurant manager at a local Brentwood or Pacific Palisades bistro whose opaque responses have been getting under Larry’s skin for years now. Also, having Salmon Rushdie on some 20 years after he was heavily cited on an episode of Seinfeld must have been satisfying. And there’s Elizabeth Banks mocking herself as an awful actress.

Best line? When Suzy to guilt Larry about not attending a children’s dance recital. Larry: “I don’t like to go out of my way to be bored.”

5. Dr. Teeth & The Medicine Show

This is what my tooth looks like AFTER Zach got through with it…

Visited the Phoenix homestead recently, where my old friend (since high school) Michael Zacher, who doubles as the team dentist for the Arizona Cardinals, invited me to visit his office “for a cleaning.”

It was a ruse.

This was before…

Soon as I was in the chair, x-rays were being taken, fillings were being replaced and there was some chatter about “Do you floss? Like, ever?”  Before I knew it Zach’s amazing dental hygienist, Amy Raffa, was giving my choppers a thorough cleaning and then there were appointments and recriminations being made and I was in the chair the following morning at 8:40 for a filling removal and re-fill.

This was after one filling removed and before the new one was implanted. Is that a Hostess Cupcake I see lodged in there?

Anyway, I can’t thank Zach and his staff enough (and they did the entire thing pro bono). It’s weird knowing the same fingers that have been in my mouth have been inside Tyrann Mathieu’s. Zach’s parting message was to ask us here at MH to remind all of you to not be negligent when it comes to your teeth. Not all of you have as good a friend as I have, and it can get awfully expensive if you avoid your local D.D.S.

Reserves

 

J-E-T-S, Mess! Mess! MESS!

It feels as if the Jets got screwed on this call, but they really didn’t. Meanwhile, how did the Kansas City Chiefs mess up this coverage of Antonio Brown so poorly? Who do they think they are, the Georgia Tech defensive backfield?

 

Music 101

Rip Her To Shreds

The MH staff took a field trip Friday night to see Blondie, but were disappointed when Debbie Harry and the gang did not play their punker classic. This 1976 tune never charted, but we love turning it up. Here’s a version from the band’s first TV performance.

Remote Patrol

ALCS Game 3

Astros at Yankees

8 p.m. FS1

Gardner was thrown out trying to leg out a two-out triple in Game 2

For the first time in five games, the Yankees will not be playing a postseason game in the Bronx that is not also an elimination game. Two 2-1 losses in Houston are not as disturbing as striking out 14 and 13 times in those contests. The Astros pitching staff steps down a level after Keuchel and Verlander, and leadoff hitter Brett Gardner (five strikeouts in Games 1 and 2) needs to get on base more.

IT’S ALL HAPPENING!

by John Walters | Leave a comment

by John Walters

Starting Five

Jayson Werth won’t catch this; another Cub run will score

Metropolitan Opera

The four largest urban areas in the U.S.A.—New York, Los Angeles, Chicago and Houston—are the last four remaining in the MLB playoffs. We don’t know the last time that has happened, if ever, in any sport. The crack MH staff is researching this.

The Nats, meanwhile, went Bad News Bears in Game 5 with a passed ball-strikeout-RBI-double, catcher’s interference, beaned hitter and a runner picked off first (with the tying run on 2nd) in the 8th inning as they lost to the Cubs, 9-8.

2. Lesser Further Review

Regarding the Jose Lobaton pickoff play: our friend Kimball, a Major League baseball scout, proposed what he calls the “George Brett Rule” for all video replay, and I agree. A call has to be egregious to the level that the visceral reaction is the one Brett had after the pine tar call (or, for example, the “safe” call that robbed Detroit Tiger pitcher Armando Galarraga of a perfect game a few years back. If it’s as close as the Lobaton call, you let it go.

Does that mean some missed calls will happen? Certainly. But the umps missed the struck helmet call last night in the Cubs’ infamous four-run fifth inning (the play is not reviewable) and you know what? Life went on. Let’s curb video replay, please. We’re drunk on it and this isn’t the only reason the game lasted four-plus hours.

Rule 6:06

If a batter strikes at a ball and misses and swings so hard he carries the bat all the way around and, in the umpire’s judgment, unintentionally hits the catcher or the ball in back of him on the backswing, it shall be called a strike only (not interference). The ball will be dead, however, and no runner shall advance on the play.

To recap: a play that could NOT be reviewed for an arbitrary reason wound up costing the Nationals two runs. A close play that could be reviewed took two men off base and ended an inning in the 8th for the Nationals. What’s the difference?

3. A Bee In Her Bonnet

Full Frontal host Samantha Bee had to spell it out for would-be Weinsteins, a.k.a. male predators, two nights ago. Worth a listen. “Every day I wake up, take the subway to work, and then don’t masturbate in front of anyone.”

4. The NBA’s Man In Charge

From mechanical engineering student who toted a briefcase between classes while doubling as the captain of the Notre Dame football team in 1987 (the season in which a teammate on his unit, Tim Brown, won the Heisman Trophy) to general partner at Deloitte to, as of last summer, the NBA’s Chief of Operations. I had a chance to spend some time with double Domer Byron Spruell (’87 undergrad, ’89 MBA) the other night. Quite an impressive dude.

5. Trust The Process

Scientists at Arizona State University (Ha!) claim that a subterranean “supervolcano” beneath Yellowstone Park could blow sooner than expected and wipe out life on Earth. Coming This Christmas and starring Bill Paxton (wait, he’s already dead) and Kristen Stewart!

Reserves

Have Another Bacon Donut Cheeseburger

Live look-in at heart disease

A report (mmm) from the Center for Disease Control (Does that come with fries?) claims that obesity (deep fried!) in America has hit an all-time high.

Music 101

Tell Me Something Good

Chaka Khan? Chaka Khan. Featuring the band Rufus. This 1974 hit that went to No. 3 on the Billboard charts was written by, of all people, Stevie Wonder. And it was among the first to use the guitar “talk box.”

Remote Patrol

ALCS: Game 1

Yankees at Astros

FS1 8 p.m.

College Football

Washington State at Cal

ESPN 10:30 p.m.

Luke, I am your father!

You can watch a game from the city that is recovering from Hurricane Harvey or from Berkeley, where the night skies will be filled with smoke and ash as the  Top 10 Cougars try to remain undefeated (you recall two Fridays ago that Top 10 USC was unable to remain undefeated versus these Cougs). Aaron Judge in the postseason: 29 plate appearances, 16 strikeouts, zero home runs.

IT’S ALL HAPPENING!

by John Walters | 1 Comment

by John Walters

Starting Five

The Constant Gardner

Didi Gregorious hit two home runs, but it was the 12-pitch, two-out, ninth-inning at-bat of  Brett Gardner that will resonate for Yankee fans. New York rebounded from a 2-0 deficit against the hottest team in baseball to win the series in five games. Gardner’s two-run single in the ninth, after fighting off six two-strike pitches with foul balls, was emblematic of New York’s resilience.

Yankees win (“Thuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuh Yankees WIN!”), 5-2

The Yankees have already won four elimination games this month. Oh, and Joe Girardi never had anything to apologize for. He didn’t load the bases and he didn’t give up the grand salami.

2. Stephen Gets Nats Even

Nat co-ace Stephen Strasburg was too sick to pitch on Tuesday, but fortunately for the Nationals Game 4 was rained out and postponed until last night. And last night Strasburg, still under the weather, which itself was cold and damp and misty (like something you’d see off the coast of Maine) threw seven shutout innings, striking out 12 batters from the world champion Cubs, as Washington won 5-0.

Fly the L, Cubbies.

Weird note: The Nats were kicked out of their hotel because it could not accommodate them for their one-day extension due to the rain. Someone call Costanza! This team needs a new assistant to the traveling secretary.

3. Jon Stewart Explosion

“Calm before the storm? What the ____? How is this not the storm? And what kind of sociopath would use that terminology when people are literally still cleaning up from storms?”

4. The War on 1st Amendment and Women

The dreaded physically and morally repulsive two-fer

So yesterday Donald Trump, a man who frequently makes claims on Twitter that are within minutes proven to be false, says this: “It’s frankly disgusting the press is able to write whatever they want to write. People should look into it.”

Of course, people do look into it every day. And if the press writes something that is false, it can be sued for libel. Happens every day, dumb ass.

Then later, someone posted on Twitter (I assume it’s real, but it may be fake) a flier handed out at a Trump hotel recommending that federal buildings no longer air CNN because of their fake news.

Meanwhile, Twitter suspended Rose McGowan’s account after she posted this tweet directed at Ben Affleck:

 

I really hope that RICH WHITE MEN understand that their day of reckoning is coming, and sooner than they expect. Of course, I’ll be swept up with them because I’m 2 of the 3. When I’m burning on a stake, I hope someone remembers I fought the good fight. I’ll be too busy screaming to remind you.

5. Meet Patrick Murray

After Nick Folk’s 0-fer-3 field-goal quagmire on national TV last Thursday night, the Tampa Bay Buccaneers brought back 5’7″ Patrick Murray (who made the last 25 kicks, 13 PATs and 12 field goals) that he attempted for the Bucs in 2014. Good friend of MH Greg Auman notes that in high school in New York City Murray won a championship playing Gaelic football and that as far as anyone knows, “Murray is the first openly Gaelic player in the NFL.”

That was just too good not to use.

Music 101

You’ve Made Me So Very Happy

The horns and the unmistakable bedroom voice of David Clayton-Thomas is what sets Blood, Sweat & Tears from the pack. The New York City-based band found its Canadian lead singer when Judy Collins (of “Suite: Judy Blue Eyes” renown) saw him singing in a club and encouraged the band to go see him. They signed him immediately. This late 1968 tune was actually written by Motown legend Berry Gordy and Brenda Holloway and it rose to No. 2 on the charts.

Remote Patrol

Game 5

Cubs at Nationals

TBS 8:08 p.m.

Jayson Werth and a hirsute pursuit of glory

A quick turnaround from Chicago and an elimination game. Washington’s engine room of Ryan Zimmerman, Bryce Harper and Jayson Werth are batting .188, .133 and .071, respectively. Who pitches for the Nats tonight? I dunno, but I still have them advancing.

IT’S ALL HAPPENING!

by John Walters | 1 Comment

by John Walters

Starting Five

All Is Lost

Trinidad & Tobago 2, USA 1, last night. All the Tattooed Millionaires needed to advance to the World Cup was a draw against the worst squad in their group. They fell behind 2-0 in the first half and could manage no better than a Christian Pulisic goal in the second half.

Pulisic, 19, is the biggest hope for the future of U.S. soccer. I know, you’ve heard similar words before.

For the first time since 1986, the Yanks will not advance to the World Cup.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=mAwxl_67SPw

Meanwhile, Fox Sports is going to be wondering about its massive investment to cover the 2018 World Cup from Russia.

 

2. Where Was Hollywood?

If you read The New Yorker piece on human pig Harvey Weinstein, you wonder if and hope that he will be going to prison. This isn’t “sex addiction” as his flaks are suggesting. This is serial sexual assault that took place over decades.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=KCNvREKTnQc

It’s wonderful that Gwyneth Paltrow and Angelina Jolie, two of Hollywood’s more powerful actresses, came out and discussed how Weinstein had harassed them. But why did it take until now for Hollywood’s worst-kept secret to come out? And how many actresses had to give blow jobs, etc., because all of this was kept quiet for so long?

Weinstein’s wife, Georgina Chapman, announced this morning that she is leaving him

The entire board of Weinstein’s company needs to go. There were numerous settlements that they knew about over the years. Here is the original New York Times piece that blew the lid off the story. Everyone owes Ashley Judd a debt of gratitude.

Meanwhile, everyone (Ben) in Hollywood now (Affleck) now releasing their “shocked and appalled” statements put themselves in the hypocrisy cross hairs.  

Listen to this by Gwyneth Paltrow, with a smile, from 1998: “Harvey will coerce you to do a thing or two.

By the way, another aging misogynist from Queens…just sayin’, America.

3. California Steamin’

At least 17 people are dead

Your 2017 vintages of California wines are going to have a distinct taste of “ash on the nose.” Here is a list of the wineries affected by the devastating fires in Napa and Sonoma. Still no word on what caused them.

4. Tainted Win?

Is Galen Rupp the Lance Armstrong of American distance running?

On Sunday American distance runner Galen Rupp ended a 35-year drought at the Chicago Marathon for U.S. men, winning with a time of 2:09:19. So what did America’s premier female marathoner, Shalane Flanagan (6th place at the 2016 Olympic marathon), think of Rupp’s win?

That program, the NOP [Nike Oregon Project] has been under investigation for the last two years,” Flanagan said in a conference call with reporters ahead of November 5’s TCS New York City Marathon, which Flanagan and Keflezighi will run. “So as a fan of my own sport, it’s hard to have full excitement and faith when you don’t know all the facts yet. There’s still an investigation going on so it’s hard to truly and genuinely get excited about the performances that I’m watching. 

“And I think it’s really important to consider who you associate with. We don’t get to choose our parents, but we certainly get to choose our friends and our coaches and who we want to include in our circle and put our faith and our trust in. I think it’s really important to think about who you include in your professional circle in this sport, and I think that who you choose to allow in says a lot about you.”

5. The Shield Has Spoken

Will a fist in the air replace taking a knee?

Per a memo from Roger Goodell’s office yesterday, the NFL tells its players, “Like many of our fans, we believe that everyone should stand for the National Anthem.” That’s fine, but what if players still do not? There’s nothing in the memo that discusses penalties or fines for those players who choose not to stand.

The NFL believes everyone should stand, but stops short of saying it won’t stand for players not standing. What comes next? What if players, instead of taking a knee, hoist a fist in the air or turn their backs to the flag?

You know, when I played football, a coach would say, “Take a knee” whenever he wanted to address us for a minute or two. Who knew the phrase would become so politically charged?

Reserves

Go, Cosmo

Eminem goes off on the prez…

“And any fan of mine/Who’s a supporter of his/I’m drawing in the sand a line/You’re either for or against…”

Music 101

I’ll Be Around

When The Spinners released this song in 1972, it was the B-side of their 45, with the A-side being “How Could I Let You Get Away.” Deejays preferred this tune, which would go on to spend five weeks on the R&B chart.

Remote Patrol

Game 4

Nationals at Cubs

4 p.m. TBS

Game 5

Yankees at Indians

8:08 p.m. FS1

Will the Nats fail to win a series yet again? Will Corey Kluber pitch a second dud in a row?

IT’S ALL HAPPENING!

by John Walters | 2 Comments

by John Walters*

*Apologies for the tardy column. Recovering from a red-eye flight. When we landed at IdlewildJFK, we had this thought…

 

but then we were gobsmacked when our L.A.-based friend immediately replied to that thought at about 2:10 a.m. local time:

 

Starting Five

Hill Tweet Blues

You know the deets. Our two cents is that if Jemele Hill SAYS this on her 6 p.m. ESPN program as opposed to tweeting it, few would have noticed. As for ESPN, it signed the most lucrative TV rights deal in history with the NFL a few years back. Whether or not you agree with Hill doesn’t matter much—she already has a highly pronounced anti-Trump stance and she openly suggested, to her 770,000 Twitter followers, that if fans don’t like Jerry Jones’ threat, they can boycott the Dallas Cowboys.

She never said she would. She never said they unconditionally should. But all of that gets lost in the optics. I imagine she and ESPN will part ways soon, and should. These are two strikes in short order. We know who she is and we know who they are. Why pretend the marriage will work?

2. Napa

If you’ve visited northern California wine country, you know that it is one of the loveliest (and most expensive areas for real estate) spots in the U.S.A. Arguably the most sublime that is neither a national park nor a beach.

Now, Napa is an inferno (11 have perished). More than 1,500 homes and businesses have been destroyed as well as 103,000 acres. Simply devastating. The cause of the multiple fires, outside of drought and record-setting heat, is yet unknown.

3. The Bears Lost, But They Won

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=T3LV2cN3vBU

The above two-point rugby-style conversion is all anyone will remember from Chicago’s 20-17 loss to Minnesota on Monday Night Football. Da Bears should have received three points for this play, which helped to overshadow DITKA’S comments that there had been no oppression for the last 100 years. Have you ever heard of Harvey Weinstein, coach? And that’s just this week.

4. I Scream, You Scream, We All Scream for Iceland!

Everyone’s favorite side (and by far the best-selling kit) at next summer’s World Cup in Russia, outside of their own country, will be Iceland. With their 2-0 win over Kosovo in Reykjavik Monday, they became the smallest nation (Pop. 340,000) to ever qualify for a World Cup finals. Team manager Heimir Hallgrimsson is a part-time dentist.

5. What’s A Wedding Without Rice?

This is the type of story that, when I worked at Sports Illustrated, the editors would have handed to Franz Lidz and he would have knocked it out of the park. Jerry Rice, serial wedding crasher?!? Who knew!

Music 101

These Are Days

I first heard this song this time of year, which is absolutely the best time of year in the northeast with the autumn light and the fall foliage. And I remember thinking, you’ve got a point, Natalie Merchant. You definitely have a point. 10,000 Maniacs never approached the heights of their first two albums, but both were outstanding (don’t call me a Lilith fairy; You’re a Lilith fairy!)

Remote Patrol

World Cup Qualifying

USA vs. Trinidad & Tobago

beIN Sports 8 p.m.

The final qualifier in the hexagonal round. Win and you’re in, Yanks. Draw or lose and it gets messy. The pitch, by the way, was flooded as of yesterday, as you can see above. No word yet on whether the match will be postponed.