by John Walters

On the day Roger Ebert would have turned 75, our own Chris Corbellini posted his “25 Best Films Since 2000” list yesterday. If you missed it, here it is. 

Starting Five

Lady Diana

I remember her as the freshman who was unable to crack the starting lineup at UConn (all five starters were or would be first-team All-Americans), but her coach, Geno Auriemma, was correct when he forsoothed that Diana Taurasi would be the greatest of them all.

Yesterday in Los Angeles Taurasi scored 19 points to pass Tina Thompson as the WNBA’s all-time scoring leader. Thompson, who played with the Houston Comets, scored 7,488 points in 17 seasons; Taurasi, who has spent her entire WNBA career with the Phoenix Mercury, now has 7, 494 points in fewer than 13 seasons (recall her team from Russia paid her a hefty sum to NOT play in the WNBA last season).

Perhaps the best thing for Taurasi yesterday is that the kid from Chino’s childhood idol was in attendance: Kobe Bryant.

Last note: she’s a better passer than she is a shooter.

2.  Golf”s Leaderboard Is Very Crowded

The immediate story is that 27 year-old Brooks Koepka, a Florida State alum who has already dated two hyperlink-worthy women (Becky Edwards and Jena Sims), won the U.S. Open at Erin Hills yesterday. Koepka, in winning his first major, shot a minus-16, tying Rory McIlroy for the greatest score to-par in a U.S. Open.

The larger story? Koepka becomes the seventh consecutive major winner (Sergio Garcia, 2017 Masters; Jimmy Walker, 2016 PGA Championship; Henrik Stenson, 2016 British Open; Dustin Johnson, 2016 U.S. Open; Danny Willett, 2016 Masters; Jason Day, 2015 PGA Championship) who is a first-time major winner. Good for that septet, but not necessarily good for golf.

There is only one golfer under the age of 45 who has won at least five PGA majors. His name? Tiger Woods. And he’s probably toast.

3. Fenn Diagram

Yesterday Earlier today CBS This Morning profiled the deadly treasure hunt involving Santa Fe art dealer and author Forrest Fenn. Not unlike another alliterative New Mexican, Walter White, Fenn was diagnosed with cancer and immediately became obsessed with riches. Instead of accumulating them, however, Fenn sought to give away some $2 million worth of gold coins and other treasure.

The catch? Fenn, 87, hid his loot somewhere in the Rocky Mountains seven years ago and only provided this poem as a clue. A Colorado pastor has recently gone missing in search of the treasure and last year, Randy Bilyeu, 54, was found dead after searching for the treasure in a remote area of the Rio Grande.

Charlie Rose after the piece aired: “Money will drive you crazy.” His sit-in co-host: “Yes, it will. So will billionaires.”

4. Sunshine on My Shoulders*

*The judges are opting to use other John Denver songs instead of always going with the obvious one here.

He is the best player that nobody knows playing for the best team that no one talks about. But that may change after yesterday. With his Colorado Rockies trailing the San Francisco Giants 5-4 with one out in the bottom of the ninth, Nolan Arenado struck a game-winning three-run blast over the left-field wall. It was Arenado’s fourth hit of the game, following a triple in the first, a double in the fourth and a single in the sixth.

Colorado now has baseball’s second-best record (46-26) after the Houston Astros and Arenado has his first career cycle. He’s now batting .299 with 15 homers and 55 RBI and it’s worth remembering that the SoCal native LED the National League in BOTH home runs and RBI the previous two seasons without, I think, ever leading off SportsCenter.

5. Farewell, Flounder

“Fat, drunk and stupid is no way to go through life, son” — Dean Wormer to Dorfman, a.k.a. Flounder (Stephen Furst)

Actor Stephen Furst, who played Flounder in the 1978 film Animal House, the funniest college comedy since the Marx Brothers did Horse Feathers, passed away at age 63.

RIP Flounder who will doubtless make it past the Pearly Gates because he’s a legacy. https://t.co/Sx9ngJStjj

— Cecil Hurt (@CecilHurt) June 18, 2017

Reserves

Update on the Grenfell Tower tragedy in London last week: at least 79 dead.

Music 101

Carry On/Questions

What a sound Crosby, Stills, Nash & Young had. They were rock ‘n roll’s first “super team,” as Graham Nash had come over from The Hollies, Stephen Stills and Neil Young from the Buffalo Springfield, and David Crosby from The Byrds. This song defnes 1970, that transition from the turbulent/psychedelic late Sixties to the songwriter-heavy California sound of the early Seventies.

The bridge from 1:54 to 2:09 is one of the most ethereal moments in rock history. You gotta listen to that!

Remote Patrol

Better Call Saul

10 p.m. AMC

Season finale. I’m an episode behind as I type this, but I’ll be there. Mike Ehrmentraut demands nothing less.

Last weekend the New York Times released a list of the “25 Best Films of the 21st Century (So Far)” because after all, as the paper astutely pointed out, we “are one-sixth of the way through the century.” The list was, to put it kindly, erudite; and to put it unkindly, trash. Million Dollar Baby? Had that film been any more overwrought and disingenuously affecting, they’d have titled it Crash. 

Mad Maximus: How many other Best Picture winners made CC’s list besides Gladiator?

Anyway, the Medium Happy staff sought out its resident film connoisseur, Chris Corbellini (Yaayyyyyyy!), to compile a list. He was kind enough to turn around the assignment in under 24 hours. Here it is:

Below are my own top 25 films of the 21st Century.

Thank you, New York Times, for allowing me to put thought into this based off your 25, and a tip of the cap to you, John Walters, for allowing me to post a counter-list.

There was no complex formula involved. These movies simply got to me, or wowed me on a technical level, or both. It was and should be the only standard that matters. I started by writing out some of the titles that most affected me and tabulated afterward, hoping I hit 25 on the nose. Instead I listed 28, and begrudgingly took out three (Once, Slumdog Millionaire, Skyfall). Tougher still was ranking them all, 1-25.

While I’m here, some titles that just missed: Amelie, The Big Short, Zero Dark Thirty, War Horse, Inception, the Aviator, the Sapphires, and Love and Mercy. And I have not yet seen the O.J. doc, so perhaps one of the 25 gets bumped in the coming weeks.

Clearly I like the popular stuff, and Alfonso Cuaron movies (he has three on this list).

Feel free to come at me, you slack-jawed swill merchants. Counter-counter list me.

25. The Departed – Went back-and-forth between this and The Aviator, which is more aesthetically pleasing (so much green in the frame, and crispy edits). Decided on The Departed because I had to get a drink to decompress after viewing it.

24. The Hurt Locker – The slo-mo shots of the opening bomb blast, and Renner’s speech to his son about things you love sealed it over the other war films of this era.

23. Y Tu Mama Tambien –

So much more than a road trip coming-of-ager about two horned-up teens trying to score with the 30-year-old hottie that’s tagging along.

22. Catch Me If You Can – Great opening credits, plus the flight attendant escape, the always-reliable Hanks, and Walken-DiCaprio looking so much like father and son.

21. Sideways – Wine = Lust for Life. According to that lovely speech on the porch to poor Miles by Virginia Madsen (perhaps the best speech within this entire list).

20. Anchorman – Introduced me to Steve Carell, who obviously went on to a bigger movie career (it’s still going strong), and led a very good U.S. version of “The Office.” A mediocre sequel tarnished this comedy, but there are just so many quotable lines.

19. Michael Clayton:

Get in the way of big business, and you’re a fucking dead man. The last shred of Clayton’s soul got him out of that car to see those horses, but his soulless approach to his job saved him thereafter (“I’m a fixer! I’m a bagman!”)

18. Shaun of the Dead: Not sure Simon Pegg will ever be better (he co-wrote it as well). But the director, Edgar Wright, has an even bigger one ahead. You can feel it.

17. La La Land: Perhaps too high for a new entry. I’m still a little drunk on it. I loved “Fools Who Dream,” and it made me nostalgic for my time living in Santa Monica.

16. Before Sunset:

The one in the middle, not about what could be between Jesse and Celine, or what happened, but what they’ve missed out on in between.

15. Mad Max: Fury Road: The batshit crazy entry. Director George Miller no doubt put his stuntmen, stars and himself in serious danger at many points, dangling bodies off the side of speeding, fire-breathing trucks. But the end result is magic.

14. Lost in Translation: The final images of the film, after Murray whispers to ScarJo and kisses her goodbye, are moments in his travels that are passing him by while he thinks of her, lost in their time together, replaying the moments in his imagination.

13. Whale Rider:

I thought the lead — 12-year-old Keisha Castle-Hughes — was going to become a Hollywood superstar. Then in her teens she got pregnant, battled alcoholism, and to complete the child-star trifecta, was diagnosed with bipolar disorder. Thankfully now she’s getting TV parts, the biggest being “Game of Thrones.”

12. Finding Nemo: The opening barracuda scene is borderline-traumatic, especially for kids. That was a big risk by the creatives at Pixar. Yet because of it you are right there with the father’s overprotectiveness, and Nemo’s wish to return home.

11. Inglourious Basterds: Tarantino turns Hitler into hamburger helper.

10. The Dark Knight: Film historians may label the years 2000-2020 as the comic-book era. At least we’ll have this one at the top. The villain won a posthumous Oscar, and the “two-ferry, two-bomb” scenario elevated TDK to the best of its genre.

9. Lord of the Rings: The Return of the King: Biggest jaw drop moment for me, in a movie full of them … when the Riders of Rohan charged the elephants head on. Still, the loudest ovation came from the women in the audience when the female lead shouted “I am NO man!” before plunging her sword into an enemy’s face. I never forgot that, and I’m not surprised that Wonder Woman is doing so well this summer.

8. Midnight in Paris:

Woody gives Gertrude Stein this line: “We all fear death and question our place in the universe. The artist’s job is not to succumb to despair, but to find an antidote for the emptiness of existence.” And somehow, this is a comedy.

7. The Royal Tenenbaums: The final 15 minutes of The Life Aquatic hits me deeper emotionally, but this novel (in a movie format) is a better Wes Anderson story credits to credits, carried by whimsy, family, a pitch-perfect soundtrack, and that son of a bitch Gene Hackman. It also has a spectacular dolly shot around a fire truck.

6. Gravity: A masterpiece of technical achievement. Could have been a silent movie.

5. Children of Men:

Imagery grotesque and intense, and brilliantly staged throughout. Interesting to note that despite the carnage that circles Clive Owen and the pregnant girl he’s destined to protect, he never once picks up a gun.

4. Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind: What a script. An Oscar-winner. You want to be a screenwriter? Here’s the standard you should be reaching for. Kate Winslet had to play three versions of her character: how complicated she was pre-breakup, how vivid she was in his memory, and how lost she became after the operation.

3. Gladiator: The most re-watchable movie on this list. I thought it was a three-and-a-half star movie exiting the theater the first time I caught it, but it holds up spectacularly on the small screen. When Crowe hissed “The frost. Sometimes it makes the blade stick,” I realized I was watching bad-assery bound for Cooperstown.

2. City of God:

In stark contrast, I only watched C-O-D once. It practically seared my skin, and felt so grimy I checked for dirt under my fingernails. The main character would’ve won a Pulitzer for the gangland photos he snapped on the fly at the end.

1. Almost Famous: All you need is love. Love is all you need.

by John Walters

Starting Five

Posse Galore

The escaped Georgia inmates who killed two prison guards in making their getaway were caught, nabbed by an Uptight Citizens Brigade. Donnie Rowe, 43, and Ricky Dubose, 24, were captured in Tennessee after 2 days, 250 miles, 5 stolen cars and one elderly couple terrorized in their home.

After a high-speed chase led to a crash in which the fugitives lost their weapons, they were found in the woods by two locals who held them at gunpoint. It could have gone far, far worse for Rowe and Dubose. You’ve seen Deliverance, no?

The $200 Million Man*

*The judges will not accept “Black Irish”

Reports that Floyd Mayweather will make $800 million for his 12-round, August 26 bout with Conor McGregor are exaggerated, but “Money” still could bring in $200 LARGE. And McGregor, who five years ago was collecting welfare checks in Ireland, may earn half that much.

The bout takes place at T-Mobile Arena and the pay-per-view will be probably $99.95. Mayweather, 40, will remain the prohibitive favorite because McGregor, 28, will not be allowed to kick or wrassle. Still, if McGregor wins, you can give boxing a final 10-count.

3. “But They Weren’t High-Priced Hos, Yo!”

The 2A, as we call it (NCAA), suspended Louisville coach Rick Pitino five games and vacated its wins from 2010-2014—without explicitly stating that the Cardinals needed to vacate its 2013 natty—due to its hos-for-bros scandal. As SI’s Luke Winn reports, Louisville agreed as to the facts of the case, but tried to argue down the severity of the infractions by claiming that the women paid for sex were of the low-budget variety. No Russian imports here.

Deep in that NCAA release: Louisville argued its penalties should be downgraded because the sex acts/stripteases weren’t worth all that much pic.twitter.com/sMac9npH7T

— Luke Winn (@lukewinn) June 15, 2017

4. Valuable Crystal

One of the two Capitol Police (or as they’d say on The Wire, “PO-leece”) officers who saved Rep. Steve Scalise and others is a former college basketball player who is lesbian and has a same-sex spouse named Tiffany. Crystal Griner took one in the ankle while doing her job and probably saving half a dozen lives but it’s too bad that she’s a sinner and is condemned to hell for eternity, isn’t that right, Mike Pence?

5. Unparalleled Parking Spot

A parking space in Hong Kong sells for $664,000. If you’ve got that kind of cash, why don’t you just park it at someone’s home and Uber it out there? And if it’s not a parallel park pull-in, you’ve overspent.*

*You’ve overspent, anyway.

Music 101

Starships

It’s more than just the closing credits track from Pitch Perfect; it’s absolute dance floor juju, this 2012 megahit by Trinidad-born Nicki Minaj. Released on Valentine’s Day, it soared into the top five in 15 different countries.

by John Walters

Starting Five

Take Me Out

Remember when the only violence in Alexandria centered around Rick fighting off the Saviors? Anyway, yes, a terrible event occurred yesterday during practice for today’s Congressional Baseball Game, a tradition dating back to 1909. The shooter, James Hodgkinson, 66, injured five people, including congressman and House Majority WHIP Steve Scalise, who remains in critical condition. Hodgkinson was taken out by two Capitol Police officers, who were also wounded.

A good tweet on this by my former colleague Mark Hasty:

Periodic, sadly necessary reminders: 1. The actor, and only the actor, is responsible for the action.

— Mark Hasty (@MarkHasty) June 14, 2017

Meanwhile, Rep. Rodney Davis (R) of Illinois, who was catching at the time the shooting began, said, “It’s my breaking point. We have to stop this.”

Did he mean senseless shootings? GOP-DEM rancor? I don’t know. But it seems odd after Sandy Hook that this, an incident in which no one but the shooter died, had to be his breaking point (and yes, he represents Illinois, where you will find Chicago; tone-deaf).

2. Where is SuperMensch? La La Land? Grizzly Man? Sexy Beast? No Country For Old Men? Whiplash? Inglourious Basterds? Gladiator? In Bruges? Argo?

Tommy Lee Jones is a little dubious about the NYT list. Call it, friendo.

Last weekend The New York Times submitted a (very pretentious) list of the “25 Best Films of the 21st Century…So Far” and included Boyhood and Million Dollar Baby (two films I never need to see again) while omitting the ones above. It also posted The Forty Year-Old Virgin (a nice, light comedy) while failing to mention The Hangover, which takes a genius premise and carries it all the way through to the final shot. That’s just idiotic. Help me make a better list (in Comments).

3. Is Russell Westbrook Bodie Broadus?

Indulge me for a moment (like that’s a first ask on this site): I just finished Season 4 of The Wire and I’m not sure I want to move on to the final season (I’ve heard it’s a letdown and most of my favorite characters, such as the one above, have been killed off). Anyway, I couldn’t help thinking through the end of Season 3 and all of Season 4, which took place at least 10 years ago, that the character of Bodie was a spiritual ancestor of Russell Westbrook.

Like Russ, Bodie was part of a strong organization. He was young and fiery and a little rebellious, but he was a loyal soldier and tough. Smart, too. Willing to improve. Then he had the rug swept out from him, but that only made him more resilient, more defiant. He lost his support, but that only inspired him to try harder (we’re talking about a drug dealer here).

At a certain point of Season 4, you have to think of Bodie as heroic. Not because he’s doing the right thing in terms of law enforcement, but because within the game he fights for what is his and he plays fair. He’s just trying to find a way to make the Western Conference finals, yo.

And you cannot help but notice the physical similarities (Yeah, because they’re black, John; Ni**er, shut yo’ mouth!) facially, either. Needless to say, I was crushed at the end of Season 4. RIP, Bodie.

4. Can You See My Ball Spot?

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=iPteUZfRrKw

Good stuff here from Lonzo Ball. Not as funny as I was led to believe from the Twiter props it was receiving yesterday, but props to Lonzo for the stone-cold delivery of the lines without cracking a smile.

5. Greeting From Asbury Park F.C.

If your merchandise and marketing is good enough, do you really need to actually field a team to schedule matches? If you thought an amateur squad whose headquarters are a liquor store (i.e., Christos F.C.) was bizarre, wait until you read this amusing piece about A.P.F.C.

One question: Do players emerge onto the field from the Tunnel of Love?

Music 101

Down By The River

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=y1gxkRve4Q0

Neil Young’s best songs are like a really tasty stout beer that leaves you with a foam mustache. Youg apparently wrote this song while delirious with a 103 fever in Topanga Canyon in 1969. Illness can be a great muse; delirium always is.

Remote Patrol

by John Walters

Starting Five

London

Grenfell Tower, a 27-story apartment building in London, goes up in flames after a fire starts on the fourth floor at about 1 a.m. Six people are dead and at least 20 others are in critical condition. No word yet on how the fire began.

2. Bear-ly Broke A Sweat

At last weekend’s Garden of the Gods 10-Miler that runs from Manitou Springs to Colorado Springs, a bear was disqualified for not wearing a bib. He’s like the Kathryn Switzer of ursine runners. CanNOT wait for the “30 For 30” on this: There was a time when people thought bears should not be allowed to run road races.

3. From Track To the Warning Track

By now you’ve probably seen the video of The Freeze outsprinting a hapless Atlanta Braves fan to the finish line, as the fan prematurely celebrated a la Lindsey Jacobellis at the 2006 Torino Olympics. But who is he?

The Freeze is Nigel Talton, 26, a member of the Atlanta Braves grounds crew and a former college track athlete at Iowa Wesleyan and Shorter University, where he posted times of 6.73 in the 60, 10.47 in the 100 and 21.66 in the 200. Those are not quite Olympic medal times, but they’re pretty damn fast.

Whoever thought of this idea in the Braves’ promotional department deserves a raise. And probably had, as did a lot of us, long slow summer days with his or her friends where they invented competitions to stave off boredom. Great idea here.

4. Unlike Father, Like Son

You may remember—I do—Clay Bellinger as a tall backup shortstop who played three seasons for the New York Yankees (1999-2001) and won two World Series rings (and it shoulda been three if Torre didn’t bring in Mo in the 8th, but hey, who remembers those types of things or holds grudges?). He’d play one more year in the big leagues, with Anaheim, before retiring.

Bellinger moved to Chandler, Arizona, where his son Cody attended Hamilton High School  and is now making much more of a name for himself as a rookie with the Los Angeles Dodgers. Through 45 games, Bellinger has smote 17 home runs (the fastest any player has hit that many through that first stretch of his career; remember, Aaron Judge played for six weeks last season) and already has four multi-homer games.

Clay? He hit 12 home runs in four seasons.

5. The Sessions Session*

*The judges will also accept “Beauregard Has No Regard For Justice”

It’s Another Day of Trump, as Attorney General Jefferson Beauregard Sessions clambers up from his thatched hut in Middle Earth and appears before the same senatorial committee that James Comey did five days earlier and has nothing to say of any value. Other than, “If that did happen, I don’t recall it.”

This is the man who holds the highest law-enforcement office in the land  while also lying under oath. It’s like watching a Catholic priest break every commandment one-by-one while also taking umbrage at the fact that you point out there’s a hooker sitting shotgun, holding a smoking shotgun, in his Lamborghini.

Music 101

Take Another Piece of My Heart

At her high school in Port Arthur, Texas, where Jimmy Johnson was a classmate and due to alphabetical order probably sat right in front of her, Janis Joplin was voted “Ugliest Boy” in class. But, lordy, could that white girl sing. When she was fronting Big Brother and the Holding Company (who played at the music fair reference in MH No. 5 yesterday), they took this blues classic to No. 12 in 1968. Joplin, Jimi Hendrix and Jim Morrison would all be dead within three years, all at the age of 27.

Remote Patrol

Celtics/Lakers: Best Of Enemies, Part 3

8 p.m. ESPN

I haven’t watched this yet, but I’m sure ESPN will replay it all a time or two and fortunately, I’m old enough to recall it. This rivalry, at that time, is the best NBA hostility of the past 45 years, if not of them all. Monster teams, monster talent, and a distinctly different approach to hoops and life. Celtics/Lakers was the lubrication as this nation transitioned from a white world to hip-hop, Spike Lee films, etc. The Eighties is when the worm turned, and this rivalry had as much to do with it as anything in pop culture.

And it has to be killing Bill Simmons to not be a part of this….