by John Walters

PCH (non-mudslide edition): Cash Me Outside

Starting Five

PCH: Big Sur Face

Didn’t The Rock just make a joke about this during the opening monologue on Saturday Night Live four days ago? A massive mudslide near Big Sur in northern California (everything north of Malibu is northern California for some people) cuts off the Pacific Coast Highway and now how will Don Draper ever get back to New York City???

According to news reports, the hillside gave way late Saturday night in an area known as Mud Creek (there’s your first clue) and buried Highway 1 under 40 feet of dirt and rock, changing the coastline immediately. Kinda cool, but imagine if you were driving there at that moment and witnessed it. Whoooaaaaaaaa.

Roger, Over and Out (No Moore)

Nobody did it better. Sean Connery did it just as well, you may argue, but Roger Moore, who passed away yesterday at the age of 89, took 007 and made him more suave, more charming and definitely more of a lady killer. Connery’s James Bond was more physically imposing and masculine. Moore’s was more, well, British.

For example…

What a story. RIP #RogerMoore pic.twitter.com/ftNrsVxEqy

— Mike (@teamfaceplant) May 23, 2017

Finally…

3. “Can We Take This Beef Off The Grill?”

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5tvxzLK3rFs

Before this is all over, Katy Perry and Taylor Swift will team up to release the most downloaded song of all time. Cut to 9:29 of the clip (and if you leave before 11:18, you’re missing the big payoff)

You know how I feel about T-Swizzle, but Katy Perry’s spunk is irresistible and listen to her hit the high notes on “Firework.” James Corden can get along with anyone, by the way. He personifies “host.”

4.  Audacity and Pope

What an unbelievable photo pic.twitter.com/fGIaNZZQvY

— Gideon Resnick (@GideonResnick) May 24, 2017

“So, about your new budget…”

The Trump met The Pope while back in Washington, D.C., former CIA Director John Brennan testified before a Congressional committee that last summer “I encountered and am aware of information and intelligence that revealed contacts and interactions between Russian officials and U.S. persons involved in the Trump campaign.”

Later, director of national intelligence Dan Coats and the chief of the National Security Agency, Admiral Michael Rogers testified that in late March Trump asked each of them to make public statements saying there was no evidence of collusion between Russia and the Trump campaign.

In related news, Do  I need to draw you a picture?

5. Meet the Nodosaur

He’s 110 million years old, Canadian, 18 feet long, nearly 3,000 pounds and a vegan. Meet the nodosaur, whose nearly pristinely preserved remains were found by a man named Shawn Funk who was operating an excavator for Suncor near Fort McMurray, Alberta. I’m guessing he was a close cousin to the ankylosaurus.

Reserves

Yes, Susie B., I know that Sweet Pea’s team trailed by 10 at halftime and came back to win. Cash me outside on the NBA until the beginning of June. 

This dude gets it…

Amazing young man in #Manchester – fighting hate by kindness pic.twitter.com/9M3bO1bGA3

— Thinker (@SmellTheTea) May 23, 2017

Music 101

Run and Run

“Love My Way” was the breakout hit that brought Psychedelic Furs (simply “The Furs” to us) to America’s attention in the fall of 1982, but this tune, which immediately followed it on the album Forever Now, was the harder jam. Would that we could get The Furs and The Church, their Australian doppelgängers, to tour together.

Remote Patrol

I really don’t feel comfortable recommending anything this evening. Why don’t you go out for a beer with an old friend?

by John Walters

PCH: Robo Oh No

The Starting Five

Terror In Manchester

An explosive device, believed to have been set off by a suicide bomber, explodes outside of Manchester Arena in northern England just after an Ariana Grande concert. Initial reports say that 22 are dead and 59 are injured. The world is full of messed up people.

Yes, it could easily happen here. But you may as well try and prevent clouds. Live your life and, to quote Bono, “Don’t let the bastards get you down.”

2. Touch My Ball!

This is either a new NBC prime time game show starring Howie Mandel or a still from Austin Powers 4: The Orgasmic Orb of the Apocalypse. Actually, it is Egyptian president Abdel Fattah el-Sisi, King Salman bin Abdulaziz of Saudi Arabia and U.S. President Donald Trump officially “activating” Saudi Arabia’s Global Center for Combating Extremist Ideology (do visit the women’s equality wing!).

Meanwhile, commerce secretary Wilbur Ross noted on CNBC that “there was not a single hint of a protester anywhere [in Saudi Arabia] during the whole time we were there, not one guy with a bad placard.”

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=YMbeiUlxtyM

When CNBC host Becky Quick pointed out, without being so graphic, that protesters in Saudi Arabia typically find themselves disconnected from their heads, all Ross could say was, “In theory that may be true.”

What else matters, Wilbur?

3. Pittsburgh Penguins Vs. Tennessee Tuxedos?

Someone phone Professor Whoopee! The Nashville Predators, who have lost just one game in Bridgestone Arena during the NHL playoffs, are on to the Stanley Cup finals, where they are likely to meet the defending champion Pittsburgh Penguins, who smoked Ottawa 7-1 on Sunday afternoon to go up 3-2 in the Eastern Conference.

This is the finals we all wanted, no? Hockey’s hottest team versus its reigning champion.

4. A Farewell To King

Oregon’s Edward Cheserek, he of the 17 NCAA titles, including three individual national championships in FOUR different events, is done as an amateur. A lower back injury will keep him out of this week’s Western Regionals, which is a qualifying meet for the NCAA Outdoor Championships that will be held on Cheserek’s home turf, Hayward Field in Eugene (one of my favorite places in the USA).

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=2EXMixBq_Rk

The Kenyan native, who emigrated to the States seven years ago, is still waiting upon his U.S. citizenship. Considering that he won 17 of 21 NCAA finals that he entered and also last winter set a new collegiate mile record (3:52.01), don’t you want him on our team?

Here’s a terrific feature on King Ches from The New York Times.

5. Never Rest Up Everest

Ultrarunner and alpine enthusiast Kilian Jornet just set a new record for the fastest ascent up the world’s highest mountain, Everest, by summiting it in 26 hours. The 29 year-old Spaniard eschewed oxygen and fixed ropes and clambered up the world’s tallest mountain’s North Face, from base camp (17,600 feet) to the peak (29,029 feet), as if it were a hill of dirt at a construction site. This may be the world’s fittest human being.

Music 101

Take A Picture

In the late 1990s we got a profundity of American bands that seemed poised to maybe perhaps hopefully seemed poised to take the baton from grunge and carry us forward (Third Eye Blind, Sublime, Goo Goo Dolls, Foo Fighters, Collective Soul and these guys, Filter) into the next century. Most of them had a hit or two, but none of them with the possible exception of FF really, REALLY, attained the summit that bands such as Nirvana, Pearl Jam and Guns ‘n Roses did. But I really did love this song.

Remote Patrol

Game 4: Boston at Cleveland

8:30 p.m. TNT

Of course Cleveland is going to blow the Celtics out by 40-plus again tonight. But, I mean, what if they lose? Then it would be best of three with two in Boston. Does Marcus Smart have another 27-point game in him? I doubt it. And I’m sure LeBron isn’t going to put up a mere 11 again.

by John Walters

Starting Five

Donald of Arabia

Remember when candidate Donald Trump said, “We have a problem in this country; it’s called Muslims. We know our current president is one.” (Sept. 17, 2015)

Or when he said, “I wonder if President Obama would have attended the funeral of Justice Scalia if it were held in a Mosque? Very sad that he did not go!” (Feb. 20, 2016)

Or when he told Anderson Cooper, ““I think Islam hates us. There’s something there that — there’s a tremendous hatred there. There’s a tremendous hatred. We have to get to the bottom of it. There’s an unbelievable hatred of us.” (March 20, 2016)

Is he bowing or squatting?

That guy never got on the plane to Riyadh. During his weekend with the world’s largest oil-producing nation, Trump signed a $350 billion defense deal with Saudi Arabia, dangled an olive branch and sounded Obaamaesque (“This is not a battle between different faiths, different sects or different civilizations. This is a battle between barbaric criminals who seek to obliterate human life and decent people, all in the name of religion, people that want to protect life and want to protect their religion. This is a battle between good and evil”) and even called on other Arab leaders to isolate Iran because Iranian extremists were responsible for taking down the World Trade Center.

This would be a great place for a Trump casino

Wait, no. That’s not right. Nineteen of the 20 hijackers were from Saudi Arabia. Which was the first country Trump chose to visit as President of the United States. With all those other countries out there. Did I mention that Saudi Arabia is the world’s largest producer of oil?

2. Irish Go

Notre Dame Stadium, home to the world’s most famous walk-on (“Rudy! Rudy!”) on Sunday became home to a walk-out, as dozens of members of the Class of 2017 exited commencement exercises as Vice President Mike Pence stood up to speak. Been a tough year for these seniors inside that stadium: Michigan State, Duke, Stanford and Virginia Tech, and then you’ve got to end it with Mike Pence?

@jdubs88 “What adjustments will you be making for the real world?”

— Tim Ring (@timringTV) May 21, 2017

3. I’m Only Huma

Get the Soul Cycle membership/subscription ready! Huma Abedin is cutting Anthony Weiner loose. S’about time, girl! On Friday the former Congressman man from New York, a.k.a. Carlos Danger, pleaded guilty to federal obscenity charges and he’ll be going away for awhile. That same day Huma filed for divorce. Snap!

4. Mad Scientists

Buried in the final half hour of the final Saturday Night Live episode of the season was perhaps their most daring skit in years: they tried to make the audience laugh at child molestation. Honestly, until the White Castle veer off at the end (maybe the writers just didn’t have a good idea to end the skit? Maybe White Castle actually underwrote it?), this sketch was truly inspired. The Rock was fantastically understated and sold his part so well.

The premise: a conference of evil scientists vying for most evil invention of the year. After that? You’ll have to watch.

5. The Judge: Overruled!

Is Aaron Judge going to be an All-Star starter in the American League outfield as a rookie? He leads the majors in home runs (15), is tied with Mike Trout in WAR (2.9) and then yesterday in New York’s 3-2 win against Tampa Bay he makes a catch like this. Get ready for greatness, Lloyd.

Music 101

If We Were Vampires

Is Jason Isbell the Southern Springsteen? I dunno, but lots of SEC fans on my Twitter feed love him. His wife Amanda Shires provides the harmonies on this new track about the ephemeral quality of love and life itself.

Remote Patrol

Better Call Saul

10 p.m. AMC

Last week’s show was a reset of sorts after the dramatic courtroom episode. But it was also the first time Jimmy McGill referred to himself as “Saul Goodman” since moving to Albuquerque and passing the bar. Also, things are getting more tense between Gus and Hector. The temperatures are starting to rise and certain relationships (Jimmy and Kim, Hector and Nacho, Gus and Hector) and the pot is about to boil over.

by John Walters

PCH (We’ve already turned “Please Click Here” into an acronym)

Starting Five

Superunknown Rock Star

Why did Chris Cornell, lead singer of Soundgarden, hang himself after Wednesday night’s show in Detroit? No one knows for sure, but Cornell, 52, provided some clues during the show at the historic Fox Theater. 

“I feel bad for the next city,” Cornell told the audience. And during the encore, he inserted lyrics from Led Zeppelins’ “In My Time of Dying” into the Soundgarden tune “Slaves and Bulldozers.” He knew. An hour or two later, Cornell was dead.

I invite you to put the earbuds in, tap the volume as high as it can possibly go, and taste the robust flavor of “My Wave” from the 1994 classic Superunknown.

2. Ailes No Longer Ailing

And then there was the death of the Jabba the Hut of American media, Roger Ailes. The man who created the Fox News monolith, a man whom Matt Taibbi of Rolling Stone called “the Christopher Columbus of hate” died yesterday at the age of 77. Ailes once told an interviewer, “I created a TV network for people 55 to dead.”

Mission accomplished. And it’s nice to see you’ve reached the end of that sentence.

3. All Your Eggs In One Basquiat

I once attended a party at the home of this man (as bloggers make for wonderful party guests) and overheard someone gush, “OH! You have a Basquiat!” I was certain it was probably some French toilet innovation.

Turns out it was a painting by the Brooklyn-born artist Jean-Michel Basquiat, who died of a heroin overdose at the age of 27 in 1988. Last night the above painting by the neo-impressionist (of course I had to look that up) sold at auction for $110.5 million, the highest price that a piece by an American artist has ever fetched. It was purchased by a Japanese art collector and entrepreneur.

4. Farewell, Drunk Uncle

After nine seasons Bobby Moynihan will make his final appearance on Saturday Night Live tomorrow. In the last five years or so, his “Drunk Uncle” character (“You know what state I’m in? Denial.”) was the funniest recurring bit on “Weekend Update” outside of Kate McKinnon’s Russian peasant. Also, Moynihan co-wrote the David S. Pumpkins sketch, which goes down as a Top-10 all-timer. He’s headed to Hollywood, where he’ll co-star in a sitcom on CBS called “Me, Myself & I.”

5. The Flying Dutchman*

*The judges will also accept, “This Is Your Majesty Speaking”

Well, this is rather disturbing. The King of the Netherlands, Willem-Alexander, recently revealed that he’d flown as a co-pilot on KLM (a.k.a. Royal Dutch Airlines) for two decades or so. The monarch, who flew twice monthly, did so to decompress. In the words of Tom Petty, “It’s good to be king.”

Sir Winston Churchill was a pilot, but he was never known to have flown commercially.

Reserves

Endline, Sideline, Fraulein

Germany’s top-tier league, the Bundesliga, has just installed its first female referee. Next season Bibiana Steinhaus, who looks as if she could play the role of a villainous femme fatale in a Bond film, will be doling out yellow and red cards to the likes of Arjen Robben and Thomas Lewandowski.

Music 101

Hunger Strike

We’ve probably already run this song in this space, but it’s the tune that introduced its writer and co-lead singer, along with Eddie Vedder, to the MTV generation. A classic and the song that pretty much raised the curtain on grunge.

Remote Patrol

Wizard of Lies

Saturday

8 p.m. HBO 

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4G2carVhVJk

Two mega-stars in the twilights of their careers, Robert De Niro and Michelle Pfeiffer, portray Bernie and Ruth Madoff in this made-for-HBO production. Kids, Pfeiffer was the Charlize Theron of the 1980s and early ’90s. It’s kind of a nice book-ender for De Niro, who broke into the business playing NYC characters who knew how to make a buck the wrong way in both Mean Streets (Martin Scorcese) and The Godfather 2 (Francis Ford Coppola). Barry Levinson, another heavy hitter, directs here. Here’s the NYT review.

Or you could tune into Showtime Now and catch up on Billions.

by John Walters

Please Click Here

Because it’s the 21st century and nothing else matters in journalism….

Starting Five

Another Day Of Trump:

Coast Guard Meets Boast Lard

Speaking at the commencement exercises at the United States Coast Guard Academy in New London, Conn., the 45th President of the United States said, “Look at the way I have been treated lately, especially by the media. No politician in history (Wait, he’s a politician now), and I say this with great…surety (it actually is a word) , has been treated worse or more unfairly (You need to get with Julius Caesar, Abraham Lincoln and Selina Meyer) . You can’t let them get you down, you can’t let the critics and the naysayers get in the way of your dreams (“Street light people, whoa-oh-ohhhhhh!”).”

2. Get On With It Already

James scored 38, while Kevin Love put in 32

The Cavs beat the Celtics 117-104 in Game 1 of the Eastern Conference Finals, so now they and the Dubs are a combined 19-0 this postseason. Just get a room already, you two. For me there was only one play in the Eastern Conference playoffs, and that was that Cleveland fast break against the Raptors in Game 1 when Kyrie Irving drove toward the hoop like a bat out of hell and ricocheted the ball off the glass hard (without looking back) knowing that LeBron would be trailing to slam it home. That play signified how Cleveland has ravaged the East since LeBron’s return.

Why has anyone even bothered watching these game? I mean, I guess Cleveland or Golden State may lose one game before the NBA Finals, but it almost seems impure if they do (Cleveland won’t; Golden State may).

3. Looking Good

Meet Megan Good, who is great. She has a 36-1 record at Jason McIntyre’s alma mater, James Madison. Good leads the nation in wins and also has the nation’s second-best ERA, 0.48, for the 50-6 Dukes. They’re headed to Waco this weekend to play in a regional in the Women’s College World Series.

Good has been great for a while now. Her record as a freshman was 29-3, as a sophomore 32-3, and now 36-1. That’s a 97-7 record and the Sidney, Va., native has never had higher than a 1.00 ERA.

How good is Good? She also leads JMU in batting average (.399), home runs (12) and RBI (57).

4. The Moors Murders

In the early 1960s Ian Brady and his girlfriend, Myra Hindley, went on a cruel and cunning murdering rampage outside of Manchester, England. They lured and then killed, often using sexual assault and torture, five young people and then buried them out in the Moors. Brady died at the age of 79 on Monday, which is why this story has resurfaced this week (I’d never heard of it).

Hinkley died in 2002. Both were found guilty in the late 1960s (after Brady’s brother-in-law went to police) and were sentenced to life imprisonment. If you’ve ever been up in the Yorkshire moors, you know that it’s a very lonely and spooky place. Stories such as this one only accentuate that.

5. Follow The Bouncing Ball

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=fGZRkKQQDLo

It kinda feels as if Robert Mueller should also look into impeaching LaVar Ball. I only watched this very quickly this afternoon. On a second viewing, no one looks good here. Colin Cowherd doesn’t support his co-host; Kristine Leahy is a little too combative right from the beginning; and LaVar Ball comes off as the misogynistic bully I suppose he probably is.

Sir Charles nails it … pic.twitter.com/R3z2doh73M

— jeffpearlman (@jeffpearlman) May 18, 2017

Music 101

White Wedding

Punk and New Wave met at an all-night rave, hooked up, and nine months later Billy Idol was born. When this song with its dominant bass line made its debut in 1982, Idol shot right to MTV super-duper stardom. The song hit No. 36 on the charts, but it was ubiquitous on the MTV and on every “Modern Rock” FM station in existence.

Remote Patrol

Godzilla, King of the Monsters

9:45 p.m. TCM

I’m not proud of this, but at one time in my young life my three greatest heroes were Roger Staubach, Richard Petty and Godzilla. And maybe not in that order. This is the 1956 version with Raymond Burr (the original all-Japanese version was released two years earlier).