Don’t think of it as the start of winter; think of it as, starting yesterday, every day will be longer than the previous one for the next six months! Yay!

Starting Five

1. Miami Beach Brawl

A 55-48 double overtime win for Memphis. A 55-yar Tiger field goal to send the contest into a second overtime. And yet what most people will recall from the inaugural Miami Beach Bowl is a lusty postgame melee.

What incited it? Easy. The game was played at Marlins Park, which sits atop the same site where the legendary Orange Bowl once stood. It’s all about The U.

The ugliest moment was when BYU defensive back Kai Nacua took a shot at the head of a Memphis player from behind while that player was being restrained by one of his own coaches. The most craven Mormon ambush since the Meadows Massacre, it had to be.

2. Meet The Cocker

Cocker, at Woodstock

The legendary Joe Cocker, owner of the blackest vocal chords of any white singer we can think of, died of lung cancer yesterday at age 70. The Sheffield, England, native’s reworking of the Beatles’ “With a Little Help From My Friends” at Woodstock became an iconic moment of the end of the Sixties and then was used as the theme song for The Wonder Years.

Other great tunes: “You Can Leave Your Hat On,” “Feelin’ Alright,”
You Are So Beautiful,” “Up Where We Belong” (from An Officer and a Gentleman) and a favorite of mine from the late Eighties, “When the Night Comes.”

Besides that unique voice, Cocker gyrated as if he were having a nightmare during performances. John Belushi had fun with this once.

3. 39-0Uch

So, Oklahoma sees your 24-0 run versus UCLA, Kentucky, and raises it to a 39-0 run versus Weber State last night. The Sooners led 10-2 when Weber State’s Joel Bolomboy’s  dunk came at 12:55 of the first half. No. 19 OU then went on its Division I NCAA-record run, 39 consecutive points, to make it 49-4 with 2:26 left in the half. That’s 39 points in under 10 minutes.

By my unofficial count, six different Sooners scored during the run. Oklahoma won 85-51, so yeah, if you erase that 39-point explosion, the Wildcats outscored them.

The previous record, 37 straight points, was held by Utah State, at Idaho, in 2006. Weber State called three timeouts during the avalanche of points, to no avail.

4. The Server is Down

With the internet down, North Koreans were unable to view pics of Aussie actress Yvonne Strahovski for nearly half the day. That is inhumane!

North Korea loses internet service for nine hours, which was terrible for business over at “OppressedAsianPeopleMeet.com.”

“If it is an attack, it’s highly unlikely it’s the United States,” said Matthew Prince, president of Cloudfare, an internet security company. “More likely it’s a 15 year-old in a Guy Fawkes mask.”

Honestly, I think it’s Sheldon. Bazinga.

5. He Sees You When You’re Sleeping (Because He Comes on Air at 11:30 p.m.)

The only late-night host working this week is Jimmy Fallon. Last night The Tonight Show host invited One Direction to join him and The Roots for their latest installment of the Classroom Instruments series on a rendition of “Santa Claus is Coming to Town.”

You wonder if Fallon attempted to get The Boss to join him on this tune, first.

Reserves

Great moment on CNBC this morning, as unctuous co-host Joe Kernan attempts to school oil tycoon T. Boone Pickens on his own business. Finally, Pickens replies with “Well, that’s all good bullshit.”

Pickens was good-humored (but feisty) throughout. The co-hosts of “Squawk Box” (okay, not Sorkin) kept interrupting him. They’re lucky that billionaires (Pickens, Buffet) are so good-natured. Then again, if you’re a billionaire, shouldn’t you be?

Also, Becky let out a scoop: CNBC’s “Squawk Box” will soon be coming to you from a Manhattan-based studio (it’s currently right over the George Washington Bridge in New Jersey, right along the Palisades Parkway). UWS-based Sorkin wins again!

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I’ll be home for Christ– Maybe you won’t. A major storm is brewing for the eastern half of  the country on Christmas eve…

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Techapella, y’all…. (It’s exactly what you think)

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Esquire has the “Ten Most Overlooked Things” of 2014.

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“The 50 Best Performances of 2014” from TVGuide.com.

Remote Patrol

Boca Raton Bowl

ESPN 6 p.m.

Okay, I wouldn’t exactly leave the Christmas Party early in order to catch Marshall (12-1) face Northern Illinois (11-2), but then I’d probably forget when the Christmas party was being held (this actually happened this year). Anyway, maybe you’re better off just listening to Mitch Miller’s Christmas album…

STARTING FIVE

Lynch’s runs are tantamount to assault

1. Recovering the Seattleites

You only needed to watch the fourth quarter of last night’s 35-6 win in Glendale to think that Pete Carroll’s Army will be returning there in 41 days. Marshawn Lynch’s epic Son-of-Beastquake 79-yard run, the second-best “I’m also here to kick your ass” run of his career; Richard Sherman’s interception, in which he effortlessly ran it back 30 yards or so without a single Cardinal laying a hand on him before stepping out of bounds; Russell Wilson’s bootleg TD run, in which he faked not one but two Cardinals out of their jocks and never had a hand laid on him.

The Cardinals entered 11-3, needing this win to guarantee a first-week bye and home filed. They’re now 11-4, will get nothing and like it. One of the NFL’s BEST defenses yielded 596 yards, their worst showing in 54 years.

Seattle, meanwhile, has allowed 33 points in its last five games. After a bumpy 6-4 start, these birds are once again of a feather.

2. Straight Outta…Would You Believe, Brooklyn?

Took a bike ride last night to Brooklyn’s finest residential neighborhood, Dyker Heights, which is near the Verrazano-Narrows Bridge. Over a 5-by-2 block patch of homes, the residents really get into the Christmas spirit, Thomas Edison-style. I’m told that the owner of the house above is Lucy of Lucy’s Sausage (kind of a big deal at NYC’s Italian festivals). Fuggedaboutit!

Now all we need is a little snow…

3. Kringle, Guilty?

The zeitgeisty NPR podcast “Serial” wrapped last week and Saturday Night Live paid it proper tribute with this parody. Strong work, Cecily.

4. 24-0

Get outta Towns! No Kentucky starter played more than 23 minutes and only one scored in double figures. Cal didn’t need them.

That was the score at the United Center in Chicago after 7:18 had elapsed in Saturday’s game between No. 1 Kentucky and UCLA. At halftime the Wildcats, who are looking very 1990-91 UNLV at the moment, led 41-7.

On Sunday No. 6 Virginia almost equaled that output, taking a 39-8 lead into the break versus Harvard. In no particular order, the teams to keep an eye on are Kentucky, Duke, Wisconsin, Arizona, Virginia and Louisville.

5. Films of the Year

So the people who pay me to write, Newsweek, have released a list of our favorite movies of 2014 (I get to write about Nightcrawler). Feel free to tell us what we’ve missed.

Reserves

Dior versus Armani.

Charlize versus Cate.

If you have yet to see the Armani ads (a perfume called “Si”) with the incandescent Aussie, I’m sure you will. True story (not a Barney Stinson-styled “true story,” an actual true story): I’m boarding a plane from Phoenix to JFK about 8 years ago and I espy –yes, it used to be a verb–an angelic creature in the waiting area, but she’s not really close enough to get a good glimpse. Then I board the plane and there in first class is Cate Blanchett. Holy smoke, Barney! I’m really not sure she’s human.

Remote Patrol

His Girl Friday

TCM 8 p.m.

I know what you’re thinking: JW, shouldn’t you just rename this section “What’s on TCM tonight?” Maybe you’re right. In a sentence or less, this 1940 Howard Hawkes film stars Cary Grant as a newspaper editor whose star reporter, and ex-wife, played by Rosalind Russell, is about to tie the knot again and retire. Well, I think we all know where this is headed. It’s listed as a “screwball comedy,” but seeing how an attractive dame chooses a newspaper guy over an insurance exec, let’s call it science fiction.

STARTING FIVE

1. “We are the Nation/We are the Children…”

Nation, our fearless leader, @StephenatHome, signed off last night (but he did gain immortality, and not just from the Museum of Television and Radio). Besides the grand finale sing-along for “We’ll Meet Again,” our favorite moment was when he noted that he’d started a “revolution” and that a revolution is actually one full turn of a 360-degree circle, which is to note that we are right back where we began in 2005.

Pull-quote? “My first impression of immortality? Kinda lonely, a little snacky. Overall, I can see why God went this way.”

My not-quite-but-nearly-complete guest list of those celebrities who participated in the sing-along:

Jon Stewart, Randy Newman (playing piano), Alan Alda, Bob Costas, Jeff Daniels, Sam Waterston, Keith Olbermann (in a pink dinner jacket), Matt Taibbi, Yo Yo Ma, Katie Couric, Michael Stipe, Gloria Steinem, Andrew Sullivan, Willie Nelson, Tom Brokaw, Smaug, Dean Kamen, Neil Degrasse Tyson, David Gregory, Kareem Abdul-Jabbar, Mike Huckabee, Thomas Friedman, Paul Krugman, Pussy Riot, Stone Phillips, Ric Ocasek, Big Bird, Elijah Wood, Jeff Tweedy, Patrick Stewart, JJ Abrams, Cyndi Lauper, Vince Gilligan, a space station astrounaut, Ken Burns, Tim Meadows, Bryan Cranston, Arianna Huffington, Paulina Porizkova, George Lucas, James Franco, Eliot Spitzer, Alexei Lalas, Doris Kearns Goodwin, Cookie Monster, Cory Booker, NYC Mayor Bill Deblasio, Mandy Patinkin,  aaaaaaand Stephen’s longtime nemesis, Barry Manilow.

2. Rondo is Gondo!

The Boston Celtics trade Rajon Rondo to the Dallas Mavericks.

3. TESLA roars

Wall Street analysts call it “the stock of 2015.”

4. Michelle Caruso Cabrera in Cuba

If you have to be a journalist covering the events in Cuba, aren’t you happy that it’s in December and not July?

5. “Serial” Killer

Didn’t listen to the final episode of Serial or any of the other episodes because I don’t yet listen to podcasts (Hey! Get off my lawn!), but I hope to someday. I think Spencer Hall summed it up best when he tweeted, “(Host) Sarah Koenig admitting she was The Zodiac Killer was undoubtedly my favorite part of Serial’s finale.”

*This (2-5) is what happens when you accidentally press “Move to Trash” instead of “Publish.” Thanks so much, Tim Cook (because why would I blame it on my own stupidity?)

Remote Patrol

Seahawks at Cardinals

Sunday 8:30 p.m. NBC

Will either of these two NFC West powers return to this stadium in early February for the Super Bowl? Depends if either can win in Green Bay, most likely.

STARTING FIVE

I’m not even making this up: a theater in Dallas will show “Team America: World Police” gratis on Xmas Day in lieu of “The Interview”

1. The Interviewention

So, here are my points to ponder:

–The U.S. government isn’t forbidding anyone from seeing this film. A bunch of theater owners who are in business to make money are. Maybe they thought December 25, Christmas, might not be a good date to have their theater chain associated with a terrorist attack. Maybe they didn’t want to hire security detail because, even though the likelihood of an attack is low, what happens if you DON’T hire security and something happens? But if you do, your profit margin lowers.

–Our version of free speech is producing a film such as The Interview. Someone else’s version is hacking into your computers and revealing private information. Potato, Po-tah-toe.

–Let’s admit that this is more than a little bit about the cult of personality. Seth Rogen has stoner-cool cred and Kim Jong-Un is a ruthless dictator. But people are behaving as if this is a free speech issue. Really? Would the reaction be the same if Mel Gibson were producing a film about bombing the Holy Land? I think not.

2. Havana Good Time, Wish You Were Here!

It’s been a good week for both the Cubs and Cuba

The Twitter account of @PourMeCoffee said it best, “We cannot normalize relations with oppressive regimes” –sent from my iPhone.

Interesting that Sports Illustrated put the Cubs on its cover this week as Cuba makes big news.

3. My Kinda (Navrati) Lova

Czech mate (I know, TOO easy)

That’s 18-time Grand Slam champion Martina Navratilova, 58, and her new spouse, former Miss U.S.S.R. Julia Lemigova (There’s a lot of “ova” in this relationship, in more ways than one…yes, I love plural Latin puns), 42. It’s the first marriage for one of tennis’ all-time greats, which means that there is hope for the rest of us (and if it happens to be a former Miss Russia 16 years my junior, so be it).

4. Today In B1G Coaching

From Faux Pelini to Foe Pelini

“Bo Peeps!” would normally be all you’d need to sate your desire for nutty news.

Today, in addition, we have “Harbought”: Will Michigan alumnus Jim Harbaugh accept his school’s offer of a reported six years and $48 million to turn its program around?

5. That’s How I Got to Memphis

Zach Randolph had 21 points and 21 rebounds in last night’s win, but refuses to go on the Marc Gasol Diet

Beware the Grizzlies, who took down 21-2 Golden State on Tuesday and then beat, in three overtimes, defending NBA champs San Antonio in S.A. the following night. Memphis and Golden State are following the same model: find a solid core (here, Z-Bo, Mike Conley and Skinny Gasol) and give them a couple of seasons to blend.
Recall, last spring, Memphis maybe ousts OKC if Russell Westbrook does not make that steal late in Game 5 (?). The Grizz (21-4) are for real.

Remote Patrol

The Colbert Report

Comedy Central 11:30 p.m.

Nation! Our star-spangled host signs off after nine years tonight–and then he’ll take the next nine months off. Nice work if you can get it.

Jilly B. Returns!

STARTING FIVE

Gaol should’ve entered The Biggest Loser, Pro Athletes Edition. The seven-footer has lost at least 50 pounds and –shocker!–is playing the best ball of his career.

1. Memphis Bellwether

The two teams with the NBA’s best records met last night as Golden State (21-2) visited Memphis (19-4). Not sure the last time two teams with a combined 40 wins and only six losses played. Anyone? Oh, thanks, Elias. They say that it was the fifth time two teams with a combined .870 win percentage had met this late in the season.

The Grizz won, 105-98, thanks in part to Stephen Curry shooting 1 for 10 from beyond the arc. Also, the Grizz went on a 20-0 run to begin the second quarter, all while Steph was seated on the bench.

Skinny Marc Gasol scored a game-high 24 points, but Zach Randolph remains a freak of nature. Thus endeth GSW’s win streak at 16 games.

Oh, and yes, this is a walk year for Gasol. That’s one way to be motivated to stop snarfing pretzel burgers.

2. Orange County Prodigy

Among Orange County teens, Landon is without peer

Your humble scribe got dragged to a sushi happy hour joint on a Monday night in Orange County. Did not expect much from the raw fish, much less the live entertainment. And then this 18 year-old takes the stage with his guitar and blows us away. He’s got the looks, he’s got a powerful voice, and he wields the axe like John Mayer. His name is Landon Longard and he’s one of six kids (three boys, three girls, perhaps a maid named Alice).

Remember his name.

3. “The Interview/This Is The End”Double Feature

Wait until we learn that Jonah Hill 1) was behind the entire prank and/or 2) is Marc Gasol’s weight-loss coach.

It’s getting more interesting as America braces itself for the premiere of The Interview on Friday. Guardians of Peace, the group that has claimed responsibility for the hacking (two thoughts: 1) Same initials as GOP and 2) Isn’t it refreshing to hear of a terrorist organization hacking without lopping off heads?) has pledged a “9/11-style attack” at theaters that air the Seth Rogen-James Franco vehicle.

It’s so bizarre. Usually the movie bombs. Not vice versa.

4. Havana Good Time

Happy New Year!

So apparently the USA only holds a grudge for 55 years, as President Obama is considering lifting our embargo on Cuba, which is only the largest and nearest to the U.S. Caribbean island. Like…duh!

This should happen just in time for New Year’s Eve, so we may all celebrate Michael Corleone-style: “I know it was you, Fredo! You broke my heart. You broke my heart.”

Related: Hollywood has yet to lift its embargo of Cuba Gooding, Jr.

5. Assuming We Finished 21st Last Year

So, the Washington Post published a list of the 20 Most Popular Web Sites each year since 1996. Fascinating. Penthouse, kudos, you were once in the Top 20. And I cannot believe AOL remains in the Top 25 –AOL users, you DO realize you do not need to pay for email, etc., don’t you?

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Of course, if you have a surfboard, you can do this…

Rule No. 2: “Diving into a wave is safer than running away from it. Dive into waves.” *

That may or may not be metaphorical.

Remote Patrol

 White Christmas

AMC 8 p.m.

Seriously, everyone here is straight

Bing Crosby and Danny Kaye save an inn in New England by singing and dancing with George Clooney’s aunt. Seriously. Also, this is the last known inn in New England not owned by either a gay couple or Bob Newhart.