STARTING FIVE

The blond dude (Scott Winters) is the younger brother of Mayhem from the All-State ads.

1. How Do You Like Them Apples?

The tech giant announces its best non-holiday quarter earnings ever, and Wall Street finally applauds, as the stock rises 8% after hours. Then CEO Tim Cook, finally stepping out from behind Steve Jobs’ shadow, announces that the stock will do a 7-for-1 split –to make it more accessible to the home gamers — and that he is suing Hooli for its Nucleus project.

An excerpt from Cook’s conference call…

2. Pine In the Neck (tip o’ the hat to you, Daily News)

Ay, there’s the rub.

New York Yankee pitcher Michael Pineda puts down his copy of Sir Arthur Conan Doyle’s “The Purloined Letter” just long enough to apply a liberal, Biletnikoffian amount of pine tar to his neck. The best part is that he attempted this versus the Red Sox, who less than two weeks earlier accused him of using pine tar against them in Yankee Stadium.

My question: With the way dugout phones work now, Could Sawx manager John Farrell have called Joe Girardi and warned him to have Pineda remove the offending tar?

3. The Overweight Championship of the World

We’re only one week into the NBA postseason, and easily the most intriguing battle is Shaq versus Chuck. Did you see halftime of last night’s Blazers-Rockets game? Shaq was celebrating Dwight Howard’s DOMINANT first half, 25 points, and noting that he’d been urging Howard to play like this all season.

Barkley noted, aptly, that the score was tied and that this wasn’t Houston’s game.

Shaq went the “I have four rings, Tim Duncan has four rings, Kareeem has 16 rings…” route and nearly added, “And you don’t have any”, but even though he didn’t say it, we all heard it. The rest of the evening these two Alpha Dogs, who are separated by the Beta bunnies, Ernie and Kenny the Jet, seemed ready to spar.

Only at the very end of the night, some time after 1:15 a.m., were they jovial again, as Ernie announced a May 14 bout between the two (kudos to whoever thought of that name). This’ll be more fun than almost any Eastern Conference playoff game. It’s “Shaq Vs…Chuck.”

We’re not even one week in, though, and it’s smarter, funnier big brother versus more intimidating, more accomplished little bro who doesn’t pay him respect. These two may need to settle it in the backyard before May 14.

4. Cubs Lose! Cubs Lose!

Ruggiano: “TAKE me out of the ball game…”

100th birthday of Wrigley Field. Cubs lead 5-2 entering the ninth inning against, oh yes, the team with the worst record in the big leagues. And I can already assure you that the Kansas City Packers’ top hitter, Paul Goldschmidt, will strike out.

So what happens? Well, of course, the Cubs surrender five runs and lose. How? An error by shortstop Starlin Castro, a game-tying single that bounces off second base and into right field, and a two-out pop up down the right-field line that was eminently catchable, but dropped and resulted in a hamstring injury to the Cubs, er, Federals, right fielder, Justin Ruggiano. Honestly, no one could have scripted a more Cubs finish.

5. The David Robertson of Late Night

“It’s been clear to me that I’ve won television,” Stephen Colbert tells his old boss, Jon Stewart, in a cameo appearance on The Daily Show. “At this point I’m just running up the score.”

It’s a terrific moment, because Colbert is portraying is overbearing, tone-deaf, self-absorbed alter-ego.

In fact, it’s a far funnier moment than the one two nights earlier, when Colbert went on Letterman as the funny but decent guy he actually is. Which is why not a few smart people (Howard Stern, etc.) wonder if Colbert is just the latest, most famous example of the Peter Principle.

Clearly, as this insightful Daily Beast article attests, no one is going to replace David Letterman. In fact, his year-long victory lap will give us just more of a chance to appreciate how unique he has been (I’ve never needed convincing; he’s atop my list of performers in my lifetime). So Colbert becomes the David Robertson to Letterman’s Mariano Rivera, simply the best available. But not in the same league.

And that would be fine except that we’re not going to be getting the Stephen Colbert of the Colbert Report. We’re going to be getting the real Stephen Colbert, a man we hardly know. It’s like trading for Steve Nash and then telling him that Kobe feels more comfortable running the point.

Funny that at the end of his bit with Stewart, Colbert quips, “I’m really going to miss me.” Maybe more than you realize.

The Hall

Charter Inductees: Ty Cobb, Walter Johnson, Christy Mathewson, Babe Ruth, Honus Wagner 1937:  Tris Speaker, CF; Cy Young, P ; 1938: Grover Cleveland Alexander, P; Eddie Collins, 2B 1939:Nap Lajoie, 2B; Joe Jackson, LF; 1940: Billy Hamilton, OF; Cap Anson, 1B; 1941: Wee Willie Keeler, RF; George Sisler, 1B; 1942: Rogers Hornsby, 2B; Pie Traynor, 3B; 1943: Mickey Cochrane, C; Frankie Frisch, 2B 1944: Ed Walsh, P; Old Hoss Radbourn, P 1945: Lou Gehrig, 1B; Kid Nichols, P 1946: Ed Delahanty, LF; Lefty O’Doul 1947: Pud Galvin, P; John McGraw, INF 1948: Carl Hubbell, P; Addie Joss, P 1949: Harry Heilman, OF/1B; Monte Ward, P/SS 1950: Cool Papa Bell, CF; Jimmie Foxx, 1B 1951: Mordecai “Three Finger” Brown, P; Josh Gibson, C 1952: Paul Waner, RF; Charlie Gehringer, 2B 1953: Mel Ott, RF; Hank Greenberg, 1B 1954: Eddie Plank, P; Dan Brouthers, 1B 1955: “Wahoo” Sam Crawford, OF; John Clarkson, P 1956: Chief Bender, P; Bill Dickey, C 1957: Sam Rice, RF; Joe DiMaggio, CF 1958: Bill Terry, 1B; Heinie Manush, LF 1959: Dizzy Dean, P; Tim Keefe, P 1960: Gabby Hartnett, C; Mickey Welch, P 1961: Bob Feller, P; Ducky Medwick, LF 1962: Luke Appling, SS; Jesse Burkett, LF 1963 Jackie Robinson, 2B; Zack Wheat, LF 1964: Jake Beckley, 1B; Rube Waddell, P 1965: Ralph Kiner, 1B; Lefty Grove, P

The Cobra

1966: Ted Williams, LF; Smoky Joe Wood, P/OF 1967: Roy Campanella, C; Max Carey, OF 1968: Goose Goslin, LF; Rabbit Maranville, SS 1969: Stan Musial, 1B/OF 1970: Ferris Fain, 1B; Earle Combs, CF 1971: Warren Spahn, P; Yogi Berra, C 1972 Satchel Paige, P; Sandy Koufax, P 1973: Robin Roberts, P; Whitey Ford, P 1974: Mickey Mantle, CF; Eddie Mathews, 3B 1975: Lefty Gomez, P; Hack Wilson, CF 1976: Jack Pfiester, P; Johnny Mize, 1B 1977: Ernie Banks, SS; Mickey Welch, P 1978: Roberto Clemente, RF; Chuck Klein, RF 1979: Willie Mays, CF; Luis Aparicio,  SS 1980: Al Kaline, RF; Enos Slaughter, RF 1981: Bob Gibson, P; Harmon Killebrew, 1B 1982: Hank Aaron, RF; Frank Robinson, OF 1983: Brooks Robinson, 3B, Juan Marichal, P 1984: Hoyt Wilhelm, P; Arky Vaughan, SS 1985: Lou Brock, LF; Pete Browning, OF 1986: Sidd Finch, P 1987: Willie McCovey, 1B, Roger Maris, RF 1988: Willie Stargell, 1B, Catfish Hunter, P 1989: Earl Averill, CF, Billy Williams, LF 1990: Johnny Bench, C, Carl Yastrzemski, LF 1991: Jim Palmer, P, Joe Morgan, 2B 1992: Rod Carew, 2B; Gaylord Perry, P 1993: Reggie Jackson, RF, Tom Seaver, P 1994: Phil Niekro, P, Rollie Fingers, P 1995: Pete Rose, INF, Mike Schmidt, 3B 1996: Steve Carlton, P, Denny McLain, P 1997: Jim Rice, LF, Don Sutton, P 1998: Dick Allen, 1B, Dave Parker, RF 1999: Nolan Ryan, P, George Brett, 3B 2000: Robin Yount, SS, Carlton Fisk, C 2001: Kirby Puckett, CF, Mark Fidrych, P

2002

Ozzie Smith, SS; 1978-1996, Padres, Cardinals

The Flip

The Wizard is in the top three among –most would say he’s No. 1–among defensive shortstops, winning the Gold Glove for 13 consecutive seasons while setting Major League records for assists (8,375) and double plays (1,590). The latter record has since been broken by Omar Vizquel. A 15-time All-Star, Smith also finished with 2,460 career hits.

Gary Carter, C; 1974-1992, Expos, Mets

The Kid was an 11-time All-Star and one of the leaders of the unforgettable 1986 Mets. One of the few catchers to eclipse the 300-home run mark (he retired with 324), Carter’s signature look was an ear-to-ear grin. If there were a Hall of Fame for exuberance, he’d be a charter member.

Remote Patrol

Clippers at Warriors, Game 3

TNT 10:30 p.m.

Thankfully, Blake Griffin’s performance in Game 2 saved me from writing that his best performance this month is in the latest KIA ad (“Mmm-umm, MMMM-umm, thank you…”). Blake’s out saving the planet, one KIA Optima at a time, while Stephen Curry is helping entire grammar schools take an hour or two off from class to play hoops in the gym. No wonder nobody knows SAT words any more.

STARTING FIVE

Wrigley Field turns 100 years old today. Willard Scott should sing “Take Me Out to the Ballgame.”

1. Ivy League

Thoughts on Wrigley Field hitting the century mark without ever hoisting a World Series championship banner…My first visit, 1998, shortly after Harry Caray had passed away. I’m in the press box with my friend and co-worker, Steve Rushin, and as we amble through the ancient hallway to our seats, we pass a VIP box in which Caray’s widow, Dutchie, is sitting. Steve turns to me and, as only Steve can, off-handedly remarks, “We just passed the Dutchie on the left-hand side.”

****

Six years later, May of 2004. My good friend and ESPN on-air reporter Kelly Neal (now Naqi) gets married and has the reception in a box at Wrigley. I think Lesley Visser was also there. Can’t remember.

***

Sitting with my good friend, and boss at the time, Mike Harris, catching a game in the summer of 2010. It was his maiden visit.

***
Multiple trips with college buddies, all of whom seemed to move to Lincoln Park upon graduation. Never remembering much beyond the fifth inning.

***

Jeff Samardzija gets the start today for the Cubbies versus baseball’s worst team thus far, the Arizona Diamondbacks. Samardzija will remain at best second in Wrigley Field lore, behind Steve Bartman, as far as Notre Dame alums go.

2. Peak Pique

It appears that the Sherpas, in the wake of a tragedy that claimed 16 of their brethren on the world’s tallest mountain, are packing it in for the season. Intriguing blog entry by the bard of Everest, Jon Krakauer, detailing how a leading expedition company pulled its guides off Mount Everest two years ago out of fear of this very ice ledge falling.

By the way, if you’re paying attention, Sherpas earn far more than the average Nepalese worker, but they take in only a small fraction of what the government of Nepal earns off climbing fees and other revenue generated by the Everest craze, even though, as we are seeing now, scaling Mount Everest is nigh impossible without the aid of Sherpas. All of which leads me to wonder, What is Nepalese for “Mark Emmert?”

3. Beautifullery

Nyong’o is best-known for being the unknown African-born Oscar nominee who did not say, “I’m the captain now!”

So, People magazine is teasing us with its “50 Most Beautiful” issue by announcing that Oscar winner Lupita Nyong’o of “12 Years a Slave” is its Most Beautifulest.” Kenya dig it?

4. A Band or a Hoax?

The Strypes: the pride of Cavan, Ireland

Everything about The Strypes sounds as if it’s an elaborate musical hoax erected upon what we fans already know about other bands:

The music is speed blues, not unlike the best blues-rock band of this millennium, whose name is similar, The White Stripes.

They’re a foursome of Irish lads who’ve been friends for awhile, though the lead singer entered the group last. U2, check.

Their haircuts. Beatles, check.

Their clothes. Early era The Who, or even the Rolling Stones. British Invasion. Check.

They’re all 17 or 18. And if they are a hoax, they even fooled David Letterman, who joked after their performance, “I’m very excited. Before the show I said, ‘If this goes well, I’ll take you all to play laser tag.”

5. Hinrich Maneuver

Now down 2-0, we are bearish on the Bulls.

It’s hardly Kirk’s fault alone, but the Chicago Bulls now trail their first-round series to the Wizards 2-0 after losing both games at the United Center. Chicago lost in OT, 101-99, after Hinrich was fouled with 2.4 seconds left (questionable whistle, but then Joey Crawford is the Lou Avery of referees) and missed the first free throw. He missed the second intentionally, but the Wiz grabbed the rebound. They ARE The Wiz!

Hinrich is a career 80% free throw shooter.

The Hall

Charter Inductees: Ty Cobb, Walter Johnson, Christy Mathewson, Babe Ruth, Honus Wagner 1937:  Tris Speaker, CF; Cy Young, P ; 1938: Grover Cleveland Alexander, P; Eddie Collins, 2B 1939:Nap Lajoie, 2B; Joe Jackson, LF; 1940: Billy Hamilton, OF; Cap Anson, 1B; 1941: Wee Willie Keeler, RF; George Sisler, 1B; 1942: Rogers Hornsby, 2B; Pie Traynor, 3B; 1943: Mickey Cochrane, C; Frankie Frisch, 2B 1944: Ed Walsh, P; Old Hoss Radbourn, P 1945: Lou Gehrig, 1B; Kid Nichols, P 1946: Ed Delahanty, LF; Lefty O’Doul 1947: Pud Galvin, P; John McGraw, INF 1948: Carl Hubbell, P; Addie Joss, P 1949: Harry Heilman, OF/1B; Monte Ward, P/SS 1950: Cool Papa Bell, CF; Jimmie Foxx, 1B 1951: Mordecai “Three Finger” Brown, P; Josh Gibson, C 1952: Paul Waner, RF; Charlie Gehringer, 2B 1953: Mel Ott, RF; Hank Greenberg, 1B 1954: Eddie Plank, P; Dan Brouthers, 1B 1955: “Wahoo” Sam Crawford, OF; John Clarkson, P 1956: Chief Bender, P; Bill Dickey, C 1957: Sam Rice, RF; Joe DiMaggio, CF 1958: Bill Terry, 1B; Heinie Manush, LF 1959: Dizzy Dean, P; Tim Keefe, P 1960: Gabby Hartnett, C; Mickey Welch, P 1961: Bob Feller, P; Ducky Medwick, LF 1962: Luke Appling, SS; Jesse Burkett, LF 1963 Jackie Robinson, 2B; Zack Wheat, LF 1964: Jake Beckley, 1B; Rube Waddell, P 1965: Ralph Kiner, 1B; Lefty Grove, P

Max Carey

1966: Ted Williams, LF; Smoky Joe Wood, P/OF 1967: Roy Campanella, C; Max Carey, OF 1968: Goose Goslin, LF; Rabbit Maranville, SS 1969: Stan Musial, 1B/OF 1970: Ferris Fain, 1B; Earle Combs, CF 1971: Warren Spahn, P; Yogi Berra, C 1972 Satchel Paige, P; Sandy Koufax, P 1973: Robin Roberts, P; Whitey Ford, P 1974: Mickey Mantle, CF; Eddie Mathews, 3B 1975: Lefty Gomez, P; Hack Wilson, CF 1976: Jack Pfiester, P; Johnny Mize, 1B 1977: Ernie Banks, SS; Mickey Welch, P 1978: Roberto Clemente, RF; Chuck Klein, RF 1979: Willie Mays, CF; Luis Aparicio,  SS 1980: Al Kaline, RF; Enos Slaughter, RF 1981: Bob Gibson, P; Harmon Killebrew, 1B 1982: Hank Aaron, RF; Frank Robinson, OF 1983: Brooks Robinson, 3B, Juan Marichal, P 1984: Hoyt Wilhelm, P; Arky Vaughan, SS 1985: Lou Brock, LF; Pete Browning, OF 1986: Sidd Finch, P 1987: Willie McCovey, 1B, Roger Maris, RF 1988: Willie Stargell, 1B, Catfish Hunter, P 1989: Earl Averill, CF, Billy Williams, LF 1990: Johnny Bench, C, Carl Yastrzemski, LF 1991: Jim Palmer, P, Joe Morgan, 2B 1992: Rod Carew, 2B; Gaylord Perry, P 1993: Reggie Jackson, RF, Tom Seaver, P 1994: Phil Niekro, P, Rollie Fingers, P 1995: Pete Rose, INF, Mike Schmidt, 3B 1996: Steve Carlton, P, Denny McLain, P 1997: Jim Rice, LF, Don Sutton, P 1998: Dick Allen, 1B, Dave Parker, RF 1999: Nolan Ryan, P, George Brett, 3B 2000: Robin Yount, SS, Carlton Fisk, C

2001

Kirby Puckett, CF; 1984-1995, Twins

Besides leading the Twins to two World Series wins in a five-year span, the 5’8″ center fielder appeared in 10 All-Star Games in his 12-year career, collected six Gold Gloves, and averaged 209 hits per season. An eye condition forced Puckett to retire prematurely or else he certainly would have collected 3,000 hits. His .318 lifetime batting average was the best for a right-handed hitter in the American League since Joe DiMaggio.

Mark Fidrych, P; 1976-1980, Tigers

Is it the Hall of Fame or is it the Hall of Talent?  I could’ve slotted Dave Winfield here, one of the most gifted athletes ever to step onto a diamond, but Winfield, in 22 seasons, never led the league in home runs, in batting average, in slugging percentage, or in OBP. Yes, he collected 3,110 hits and maybe we’ll find a place for him later.

Fidrych played only five seasons and never won 20 games, but for the madness that he created in his rookie season, America’s bicentennial, he will forever be cherished by those of us who were around to see it. Fidrych went 19-9 as a rookie, winning the Rookie of the Year award while also leading the league in ERA (2.34) and tossing an irresponsibly high 24 complete games.

How many pitchers make the cover of the Rolling Stone?

Mostly, though, The Bird was the word. His infectious personality and “One Flew Over the Cuckoo’s Nest” personality on the mound made him a true original. Watch this. And then this after, from the famous Monday Night Baseball win against the World Series-bound Yankees, back when nationally televised prime-time baseball games took place once per week.

Remember the Jeremy Lin hysteria a few seasons back that lasted about three weeks? Extrapolate that out to an entire baseball season and you have Fidrych’s unforgettable rookie year.

Remote Patrol

Blazers at Rockets

TNT 9:30 p.m.

This is shaping up as the most intriguing first-round series. James Harden’s unique style, Patrick Beverley’s tiny Rodman act, Chandler Parsons’ mellow cool, Dwight Howard’s underwhelming presence…and all of it was just enough to blow a double-digit fourth-quarter lead at the Toyota Center on Sunday night. Chico, please. As usual, stay up for the post-mortem with Ernie, Chuck, Kenny the Jet and Shaq. “Chuck is fake MMA” and “For Chuck, ‘MMA’ stands for Meals, Munchies, and Appetizers” were the jewels of last night’s fun.

 STARTING FIVE

1. Ten Years After

I never really felt those Don McLean lyrics, “the day the music died” until I got word on a Friday afternoon in April of 2004 that Pat Tillman had been killed. On days such as today, you try to be careful not to appropriate his memory, not to ascribe qualities to him just because you appreciate those qualities, as opposed to him actually having those traits.

I never met Tillman, although he played college and pro football in my hometown, i.e., the Phoenix area. What I do think it’s fair to say about Tillman is that comfort and ease were never priorities for him, nor were being popular or cool. He came to his own conclusions and his B.S. meter was always properly calibrated.

Tillman’s sacrifice may have been no greater than any other soldier who died in the line of duty. But his character was rare. See the powerful doc “The Pat Tillman Story” if you ever get the chance and watching ESPN’s “OTL” on Tillman’s death tonight is a good idea, too. The young Ranger who was standing near him when he died, Bryan O’Neal, tells Mike Fish of ESPN, and I paraphrase, “Everything I do in my life is an effort to live up to the standards that Pat set.”

And here are some solid words from Jim Rome. Rack it.

And here’s a solid anecdote, told by Josh Weinfuss, about a dinner in Seattle that took place a few months before Tillman died. Doug Tammaro is one of the men behind the creation of “Pat’s Run”, which will take place for the 10th time in Tempe this weekend.

2. We Like Ike

For the second time in two weeks, Ike Davis hits a grand slam in his team’s win. What makes the Arizona State alum’s prolific clouts more unusual is that he was traded from the Mets to the Pirates between the first and second slams. Davis’s two grand slams after just 15 games puts him on pace to hit 21 grand slams, for 21 different ball clubs, in 2014. \

3. Girls Gone Wildling

Ygrittes, I’ve had a few/But then again too few to mention…

I wish there were even more time to recap Sunday night television. Instead, a few random thinkages: Ygritte shoots a father dead with an arrow to the head as he is talking to his son. And then the Thenns will…eat Crow? Cooking instructions: It takes 30 minutes as the Crow fries…Ever notice how Tywin Lannister always comes out a winner and never seems to break a sweat? He’s Gregg Popovich. Meanwhile, Daenerys Targaryen has the world’s most awe-inspiring army but never has to fight a battle. She’s Geno Auriemma. 

On “Mad Men”, of course Don Draper gets an “I love you” on Valentine’s Day from…Sally. While Peggy has turned into the nastiest cat lady of all time, or as James Poniewozik of Time aptly called it, into “Hannah Horvath.” Pete Campbell remains as self-absorbed and needy as ever –he’s “guy-coastal”–while Roger keeps his clothes on for an entire episode.

It is an episode filled with bon mots of wisdom, from “Just tell the truth” to “Cash the checks, you’re going to die some day” to “Keep pretending: That’s your job.” There’s the work kitchen scene, which is every bit as good as last season’s when Harry Crane commented on how hot Don’s new bride was within earshot of Megan (awkward). This time, it’s African-American secretaries Dawn and Shirley calling one another by their own names as a means of mocking their white colleagues who cannot tell them apart. And then, when the white secretary enters, silence. That’s pitch perfect.

Lou Avery: How do you spell “troglodyte?”

Reminds me of the SI writers meeting I once attended. The only black writer on staff then was Phil Taylor. As he walked past, one of the funniest people I ever met at SI –I’ll leave him anonymous here –said to me, but loud enough because he wanted Phil to hear, “See that? Those people always hang out with each other.”

Honestly, if this particular episode of “Mad Men” wasn’t for you, then I must say that this series isn’t for you. It’s the subtext and the character evolution that makes this show brilliant, not the plot twists.

4. Kevin is For Real*

You kind of figured that was going in. That’s the scariest part.

The Thunder still lost later, in overtime,  but this reedick four-point play by Kevin Durant that trimmed a five-point lead Grizzlies lead to one with 13 tick-tocks remaining was otherworldly. The funny thing, as others have noted, is that it seemed a surer thing than Kendrick Perkins’ point-blank layup that tied the contest later. If the Thunder somehow fail to make the NBA Finals, or even the Western Conference finals, is it too soon to do a “30 for 30” on the fact that Durant and James Harden were once teammates?

*See what I did there?

5. Wheel or Fake?

That’s him in the stretcher, wondering, Why do I have to return home?

Did the 15- or 16 year-old Santa Clara lad really stow away in the wheel well of a Maui-bound Hawaiian Airlines jet over the weekend? How did he survive he decrease in both air pressure and temperature? Impossible! we all say, even though while this flight was taking place we were probably at mass celebrating the resurrection from the dead of an unemployed Jewish carpenter whom the Romans put to death. Life’s funny that way.

The Hall

Charter Inductees: Ty Cobb, Walter Johnson, Christy Mathewson, Babe Ruth, Honus Wagner 1937:  Tris Speaker, CF; Cy Young, P ; 1938: Grover Cleveland Alexander, P; Eddie Collins, 2B 1939:Nap Lajoie, 2B; Joe Jackson, LF; 1940: Billy Hamilton, OF; Cap Anson, 1B; 1941: Wee Willie Keeler, RF; George Sisler, 1B; 1942: Rogers Hornsby, 2B; Pie Traynor, 3B; 1943: Mickey Cochrane, C; Frankie Frisch, 2B 1944: Ed Walsh, P; Old Hoss Radbourn, P 1945: Lou Gehrig, 1B; Kid Nichols, P 1946: Ed Delahanty, LF; Lefty O’Doul 1947: Pud Galvin, P; John McGraw, INF 1948: Carl Hubbell, P; Addie Joss, P 1949: Harry Heilman, OF/1B; Monte Ward, P/SS 1950: Cool Papa Bell, CF; Jimmie Foxx, 1B 1951: Mordecai “Three Finger” Brown, P; Josh Gibson, C 1952: Paul Waner, RF; Charlie Gehringer, 2B 1953: Mel Ott, RF; Hank Greenberg, 1B 1954: Eddie Plank, P; Dan Brouthers, 1B 1955: “Wahoo” Sam Crawford, OF; John Clarkson, P 1956: Chief Bender, P; Bill Dickey, C 1957: Sam Rice, RF; Joe DiMaggio, CF 1958: Bill Terry, 1B; Heinie Manush, LF 1959: Dizzy Dean, P; Tim Keefe, P 1960: Gabby Hartnett, C; Mickey Welch, P 1961: Bob Feller, P; Ducky Medwick, LF 1962: Luke Appling, SS; Jesse Burkett, LF 1963 Jackie Robinson, 2B; Zack Wheat, LF 1964: Jake Beckley, 1B; Rube Waddell, P 1965: Ralph Kiner, 1B; Lefty Grove, P

 1966: Ted Williams, LF; Smoky Joe Wood, P/OF 1967: Roy Campanella, C; Max Carey, OF 1968: Goose Goslin, LF; Rabbit Maranville, SS 1969: Stan Musial, 1B/OF 1970: Ferris Fain, 1B; Earle Combs, CF 1971: Warren Spahn, P; Yogi Berra, C 1972 Satchel Paige, P; Sandy Koufax, P 1973: Robin Roberts, P; Whitey Ford, P 1974: Mickey Mantle, CF; Eddie Mathews, 3B 1975: Lefty Gomez, P; Hack Wilson, CF 1976: Jack Pfiester, P; Johnny Mize, 1B 1977: Ernie Banks, SS; Mickey Welch, P 1978: Roberto Clemente, RF; Chuck Klein, RF 1979: Willie Mays, CF; Luis Aparicio,  SS 1980: Al Kaline, RF; Enos Slaughter, RF 1981: Bob Gibson, P; Harmon Killebrew, 1B 1982: Hank Aaron, RF; Frank Robinson, OF 1983: Brooks Robinson, 3B, Juan Marichal, P 1984: Hoyt Wilhelm, P; Arky Vaughan, SS 1985: Lou Brock, LF; Pete Browning, OF 1986: Sidd Finch, P 1987: Willie McCovey, 1B, Roger Maris, RF 1988: Willie Stargell, 1B, Catfish Hunter, P 1989: Earl Averill, CF, Billy Williams, LF 1990: Johnny Bench, C, Carl Yastrzemski, LF 1991: Jim Palmer, P, Joe Morgan, 2B 1992: Rod Carew, 2B; Gaylord Perry, P 1993: Reggie Jackson, RF, Tom Seaver, P 1994: Phil Niekro, P, Rollie Fingers, P 1995: Pete Rose, INF, Mike Schmidt, 3B 1996: Steve Carlton, P, Denny McLain, P 1997: Jim Rice, LF, Don Sutton, P 1998: Dick Allen, 1B, Dave Parker, RF 1999: Nolan Ryan, P, George Brett, 3B

2000

Robin Yount, SS; 1974-1993, Brewers

To damn The Kid with faint praise,  Yount was a two-time American League MVP despite never leading the league in HRs, batting average or RBI. He may belong in the Hall of Very Good, but his inclusion is an indictment on the Eighties as perhaps the game’s most forgettable decade since integration. Yount did collect 3,142 hits, though, which puts him 18th all time.

Carlton Fisk, C; 1969-1993, Red Sox, White Sox

Pudge was an answered prayer to New Englanders. A native of New Hampshire who had a face that begged to be put on a Brawny towel package, Pudge was unanimously voted Rookie of the Year in 1972. Three years later he clouted the most famous home run in World Series history (sorry, Joe Carter), and most fans seem to forget –or not care–that the Sawx didn’t even win that Fall Classic. A born on-field leader, Pudge held the record for most home runs by a catcher (351) and most games played by a catcher (2,226) at the time of his retirement.

Remote Patrol

John Wayne Double Feature

TCM 8 p.m.

There’s actually lots of good viewing available this evening (I’ll be DVR’ing “The Way, Way Back” on HBO 2 at 8 p.m.), but Turner Classic Movies lives up to its name with two of The Duke’s (not to mention director John Ford’s) finer efforts: first, it’s the 1939 film “Stagecoach” (1939)at 8 p.m., followed by “The Man Who Shot Liberty Valance” (1962) with Jimmy Stewart, at 10. The latter film gave us the eternal truism, “When the legend becomes fact, print the legend.”

Draft Day

by Chris Corbellini

While we wait for some foolish soul to tackle a movie about Super Bowl Sunday that doesn’t involve a low-hanging blimp, here’s the not-quite-the next-best thing: a film about football with virtually no football in it, the Kevin Costner flick “Draft Day.”

It should come as no surprise that the NFL wants the lot of us with discretionary income (Ed Note: People have discretionary income?) thinking about football year-round, and a good way to market the sport that way is to build up its annual Draft as the second biggest event of its calendar. What once was an April weekend of chain-smoking, phone calls and Pete Rozelle’s announcements in what looked like a 1970s basement is now a prime-time broadcast from Radio City Music Hall in May, and before the draft prospects even play a single down in the league they are introduced on the red carpet as if hosting Saturday Night Live.

“Draft Day” is the realization of that marketing mission. Here’s a non-threatening, Hollywood treatment about dreams being realized against the backdrop of the game (even NFL Commissioner Roger Goodell has a cameo). The league should be most pleased with the final cut, and the story’s within-reason authenticity. The rest of us will watch amiable, disposable entertainment that skims the skim of the surface of what could have been a terrific football film (Ed Note: In short, this film is the Dallas Cowboys of movies?)

       Full-disclosure here: I work on and off with the NFL’s offices in New York, Mt. Laurel, N.J., and Los Angeles. My favorite moment of the picture occurred when I saw a colleague get his own line of script in the third act. That happens when you put in some unofficial work for a production (usually gratis), and knowing that this guy wants his name in lights anyway, I chuckled when I saw him involved. Secondly, a show I’ve helped put together about draft prospects for the league’s network is in the final stages of production.  Please consider all of that when I write the following … I love the NFL Draft itself, for what it was and what it is now, for a reason somehow not shown in the movie.

“No, I said, ‘Fold your right arm over your left.'”

There have been some easy comparisons between “Draft Day” and “Moneyball.” I see that and raise you the following: Draft Day is a 90-minute football version of the Ricardo Rincon trade scene in Moneyball.  Remember, earlier in the movie, Billy Beane (Brad Pitt) explains his backstory to assistant Jonah Hill by saying, and I’m paraphrasing, “You’ve got the Yale degree and a great apprenticeship here. You can bail at anytime. I’m 44 and this is it. Do you believe in this thing or not?”

It pays off later, as the duo work the phones to make the Rincon trade. It’s fabulous, it shows the smarts behind the brawn of the game, there are stakes involved, and it might have happened nearly verbatim. So, a Hollywood creative might think: That was a great scene, and meaty acting. You know what, football is enormously popular now. Do crafty deals like that happen in football? Oh yeah they do, on draft day.

Sub out Billy Beane for Sonny Weaver, Jr. (Kevin Costner), the Cleveland Browns general manger who appears headed for a terrible, horrible, no good, very bad day: his girlfriend, the team’s salary capologist, Ali (Jennifer Garner), informs him that she’s pregnant; his disapproving mother demands that they sprinkle his late father’s ashes on the practice field; his coach (Denis Leary) comes at him like a two-headed hydra of James Woods and Barry Switzer. Toss in a ticked-off incumbent quarterback and an owner demanding he make a splash to appease their relentlessly tortured Browns fan base. It’s a grocery list of nightmares for an NFL GM, or someone in the audience who has ever been a middle manager in the audience.

I want the linemen on this side of the room, and the backs on this side of the room, OKAY!?!

So Costner makes his move early, becoming the other guy on the line with a Beane-like wheeler-dealer, giving up his future for the Seattle Seahawks’ No. 1 overall selection. (I thought this was fortuitous timing for the entire production, given the nationwide exposure of the Seahawks as Super Bowl champs. Of course, that doesn’t explain why Seattle had the top pick). From there, Costner gets his groove back and becomes The Man With The Plan, and it all ends well for our hero, some of the college players he targeted all along, the family and the franchise.

Sounds reasonable for a lukewarm April release, right (Ed Note: matches the weather)? Certainly timely, right? Maybe, but it really missed out on capturing the pure joy involved in being selected. If you are producing a sports movie with no sports action involved, and phone calls drive the drama, shouldn’t there be a climactic moment where a drafted player gets the call that will change his life? It doesn’t have to be showy, either. Think of the five most meaningful phone calls you’ve ever had. The map of your entire world is being redrawn, and it can be a quiet thing. They failed to capture that aspect of it.

On that note, one final personal NFL story: I worked on a production that wired Adrian Peterson for sound while he was waiting for the call in the NFL Draft’s green room. His family, seated at a table just like in this film, had suffered their share of head-shaking hardships, from the incarceration of his father, to the death of a brother (who was struck by a drunk driver right in front of Peterson’s eyes). A beat after the Minnesota Vikings called with the life-altering news, Peterson whispered to his mother, “It’s happening, mom.”

The powerful runner, now an All-Pro, nearly trembled as he waited for the official announcement. “Draft Day” didn’t capture that, or try to, not even with a game, giddy Chadwick Boseman (who capably played Jackie Robinson a year earlier, and here portrays a linebacker who unfortunately reminded me of New York Jets bust Vernon Gholston) celebrating with family after his name was called. The film doesn’t focus on the prospects behind a superficial scene or two, so their draft moments pass without much weight.

Which leaves us with Crash Davis/Ray Kinsella/Roy McAvoy to carry the picture.  Costner had two standout moments, one involving a yellow post-it note, and the line about “the great ones find a way to slow it down.” Paul Newman once said “I can make a good script great.” It was his gift, and because of all our years together with Costner, he can do it too in one genre – sports. Telling James Earl Jones that the voice at Fenway Park said “The man’s done enough, leave him alone,” in “Field of Dreams“, or dancing with Annie Savoy, or quietly absorbing his outright release from the Durham Bulls in a pool hall in “Bull Durham”.

Not appearing in this film.

In this case, Costner did his best with a script that tried to serve both the die-hards (look, that’s the real NFL green room!) and general movie going public (look, Costner and Garner are having an in-office romance in a closet!).  There is another great sports movie in him, just like there was another great movie for a white-haired Newman about a small-town fix-it man called “Nobody’s Fool.” (Ed Note: That’s in my “In Bruges Hall of Fame”, films that you REALLY need to see). “Draft Day” was not it. The framing is all wrong. In the classic “Bull Durham,” Savoy’s velvety voice tells the story about Costner’s minor league club and her belief in the Church of Baseball. This go-around, Costner’s narrator was ESPN’s bombastic Chris Berman, indirectly expounding on what makes the NFL Draft so easy to market. I preferred Annie.

 STARTING FIVE

The last time an American man won Boston, they didn’t hand out prize money.

1. Meb Wins!

American marathoner Meb Keflezighi, 38, wins the Boston Marathon in 2:08:37, becoming the first U.S. male since Greg Meyer in 1983 to break the tape on Boylston Street.

Rita Jeptoo of Kenya was a repeat winner in the women’s division, trimming nearly two minutes off the course record with a 2:18:57. Shalane Flanagan, a Yank, led the race through 17 miles before finishing in 2:22:02, which was a PR for her.

It was the largest field (approx. 36,000) in Boston Marathon history and, given the anticipation surrounding the race, appeared to have the largest number of spectators.

My question: There were about 36,000 entrants. Americans pay $175 to enter and foreigners $225. Put the income there at about $6.5 million. The race pays out $800,000 in prize money and a little more than that in fees to towns through which the race runs. Meanwhile, the Boston Athletic Association is probably still raking in $2-3 million (most race day workers are volunteers). So, isn’t this model a little bit like the NCAA?

2. Mad Men of Westeros

If you’re scoring at home, that’s the second Jaime-Cersei sex scene played out in front of a boy.

Jamie Lannister says “I don’t care” when his sister/co-parent Cersei tells him to “Stop” (dont’ fear: the Tallahassee Police Dept. is on the case) in front of their son’s death altar…the Thenns invade a peaceful Crow settlement, sparing one lad to inform him that he was going to eat both his parents (so, no boiled potatoes for supper)…Samwell deposits the woman he adores (and her son) in a whorehouse…the Hound robs a man who gave him shelter because he can…Stannis continues to be deluded by his own grandeur… It’s nice to see so many Game of Thrones characters picking up the slack for Joffrey now that he’s gone.

And wouldn’t the world be a better place if it had a Game of Thrones theme park or Game of Thones Las Vegas casino/hotel? Who wouldn’t love to see a life-size replica of the wall and Castle Black? Or cocktail waitresses who behave like Melisandre? Bouncers who wield Valeryian steel?

3. Knicks Nix Woodson

To nobody’s surprise, the ‘bockers fired coach Mike Woodson and his staff on Monday morning because doing so on Friday might have made too many of us compare him to the most famous martyr of all time. The Knicks fired Woodson because 1) James Dolan cannot fire himself and 2) he’s not that good of a coach.

Five Hall of Famers, but only three starters, in this photo (Lucas, Clyde, Reed, Phil, Bradley)

Here’s hoping Phil Jackson finds a way to let Carmelo go and reap something in return. Meanwhile, I’d recommend an obligatory viewing of Michael Rapaport’s “When The Garden Was Eden” at this week’s Tribeca Film Festival.

4. Rockets Trail Blazers…

LaMarcus Aldridge scored 46 points in Portland’s Game 1 OT win.

…1-0 after blowing a 13-point fourth-quarter lead at home. There are going to be some goats after one round of playoffs this month, and right now your leading contenders are Dwight Howard, Chris Paul –I cannot wait until State Farm rolls out its Steph Curry/Jeff Curry campaign, and Roy Hibbert.

5. Richard the Lion-Hearted

Richard: Geek chic.

As HBO comedies go, “Silicon Valley” has yet to hit its stride, but in Richard (Thomas Middleditch, who resembles Hugh Grant’s pale, wan, malnourished little brother) we have a protagonist who’s easy to root for. He’s pretty much the polar opposite of “Veep’s” Selina Meyer.

In fact, positioning “Veep” and “Silicon Valley” adjacent to one another allows for fun comparison/contrasts between the two ambitious leaders and their support staffs. Richard is decent and upright, while his crew is a little morally untethered, while with “Veep” it’s sort of the opposite. Not totally, but a little.

I love how in just two weeks we’ve gone from Richard negotiating with his incubator buddies as to what type of negotiator he is to Richard negotiating sternly for the rights to Pied Piper (even though the T-shirts are horrible and, yes, the Pied Piper was a mass murderer of children, but…)

The Hall

Charter Inductees: Ty Cobb, Walter Johnson, Christy Mathewson, Babe Ruth, Honus Wagner 1937:  Tris Speaker, CF; Cy Young, P ; 1938: Grover Cleveland Alexander, P; Eddie Collins, 2B 1939:Nap Lajoie, 2B; Joe Jackson, LF; 1940: Billy Hamilton, OF; Cap Anson, 1B; 1941: Wee Willie Keeler, RF; George Sisler, 1B; 1942: Rogers Hornsby, 2B; Pie Traynor, 3B; 1943: Mickey Cochrane, C; Frankie Frisch, 2B 1944: Ed Walsh, P; Old Hoss Radbourn, P 1945: Lou Gehrig, 1B; Kid Nichols, P 1946: Ed Delahanty, LF; Lefty O’Doul 1947: Pud Galvin, P; John McGraw, INF 1948: Carl Hubbell, P; Addie Joss, P 1949: Harry Heilman, OF/1B; Monte Ward, P/SS 1950: Cool Papa Bell, CF; Jimmie Foxx, 1B 1951: Mordecai “Three Finger” Brown, P; Josh Gibson, C 1952: Paul Waner, RF; Charlie Gehringer, 2B 1953: Mel Ott, RF; Hank Greenberg, 1B 1954: Eddie Plank, P; Dan Brouthers, 1B 1955: “Wahoo” Sam Crawford, OF; John Clarkson, P 1956: Chief Bender, P; Bill Dickey, C 1957: Sam Rice, RF; Joe DiMaggio, CF 1958: Bill Terry, 1B; Heinie Manush, LF 1959: Dizzy Dean, P; Tim Keefe, P 1960: Gabby Hartnett, C; Mickey Welch, P 1961: Bob Feller, P; Ducky Medwick, LF 1962: Luke Appling, SS; Jesse Burkett, LF 1963 Jackie Robinson, 2B; Zack Wheat, LF 1964: Jake Beckley, 1B; Rube Waddell, P 1965: Ralph Kiner, 1B; Lefty Grove, P

Ducky Medwick

 1966: Ted Williams, LF; Smoky Joe Wood, P/OF 1967: Roy Campanella, C; Max Carey, OF 1968: Goose Goslin, LF; Rabbit Maranville, SS 1969: Stan Musial, 1B/OF 1970: Ferris Fain, 1B; Earle Combs, CF 1971: Warren Spahn, P; Yogi Berra, C 1972 Satchel Paige, P; Sandy Koufax, P 1973: Robin Roberts, P; Whitey Ford, P 1974: Mickey Mantle, CF; Eddie Mathews, 3B 1975: Lefty Gomez, P; Hack Wilson, CF 1976: Jack Pfiester, P; Johnny Mize, 1B 1977: Ernie Banks, SS; Mickey Welch, P 1978: Roberto Clemente, RF; Chuck Klein, RF 1979: Willie Mays, CF; Luis Aparicio,  SS 1980: Al Kaline, RF; Enos Slaughter, RF 1981: Bob Gibson, P; Harmon Killebrew, 1B 1982: Hank Aaron, RF; Frank Robinson, OF 1983: Brooks Robinson, 3B, Juan Marichal, P 1984: Hoyt Wilhelm, P; Arky Vaughan, SS 1985: Lou Brock, LF; Pete Browning, OF 1986: Sidd Finch, P 1987: Willie McCovey, 1B, Roger Maris, RF 1988: Willie Stargell, 1B, Catfish Hunter, P 1989: Earl Averill, CF, Billy Williams, LF 1990: Johnny Bench, C, Carl Yastrzemski, LF 1991: Jim Palmer, P, Joe Morgan, 2B 1992: Rod Carew, 2B; Gaylord Perry, P 1993: Reggie Jackson, RF, Tom Seaver, P 1994: Phil Niekro, P, Rollie Fingers, P 1995: Pete Rose, INF, Mike Schmidt, 3B 1996: Steve Carlton, P, Denny McLain, P 1997: Jim Rice, LF, Don Sutton, P 1998: Dick Allen, 1B, Dave Parker, RF

1999

Nolan Ryan, P; 1966-1993, Angels, Rangers, etc.

For the first half of his career, Ryan was known as pure heat, but wasn’t considered a masterful pitcher. More like a gimmick. After all, no pitcher ever issued more walks (2,795) or allowed more hits per nine innings (6.6). He also never won a Cy Young Award. Only in his later seasons did he garner the respect of the greater baseball community, as he set the all-time record for career strikeouts (5,714) while hurling an MLB-record seven career no-hitters.

George Brett, 3B; 1973-1993, Royals

Brett, who actually inspired the hit song, meets Lorde.

Imagine an affable Pete Rose and you have Brett, a 13-time All Star who won the American League batting crown in three different decades (the only player ever to do so). One of only four players in MLB history to collect at least 3,000 hits (3,154), 300 home runs (317) and retire with a .300 batting average (.305), Brett seemed that more dangerous at the plate when runners were in scoring position or the game was on the line.