1. A Tale of Two Dwights

“Would I ever leave this company? Look, I’m all about loyalty. In fact, I feel like part of what I’m being paid for here is my loyalty. But if there were somewhere else that valued loyalty more highly… I’m going wherever they value loyalty the most.”

Later, Dunder-Mifflin

I had planned to do an exhaustive search of Dwight Schrute quotes, but this was actually the first one I happened upon. Now, we all know that Dwight Howard isn’t pulling a Rod Tidwell here (“Show me the money!”). Still, there’s something askew when two Hall of Famers who played with you last season have to be dragged into a conference room during their summer vacations (I’m sure Kobe loved leaving his Newport Beach crib for this) to entreat you to remain in a relationship. What could Kobe or Steve Nash really tell Howard during that two-hour meeting that he didn’t already know from being their teammate last season? “Hey, we’ve added Ryan Kelly!”

So now Howard has retreated to his Aspen hideaway (Kobe’s parting advice: Do NOT, whatever you do, order the room service) and hopefully will realize that if he wants to win a championship, he’ll be playing for a team on which he is not the leading scorer. Personally, I believe that team should be Golden State. Young nucleus and outstanding team chemistry. The Rockets should also be in the mix, but would you rather reside in San Francisco or Houston? Is that even a question?

Later, Kobe-Nash.

We all love the Mamba (don’t we?), and he’s the fiercest competitor of his generation. But his window is closing and if you’re Dwight’s representation, you know the Lakers are no better than a second-round out unless they upgrade the lineup with youth. That isn’t happening right away.

2. Mount Marathon 2013: A New Men’s Record, and No One Disappears

The winner, Eric Strabel: It’s all downhill from here — and that’s the scary part.

Our favorite bizarre foot race, Alaska’s Mount Marathon Race, took place for the 86th time yesterday in Seward (that’s the 3,022-foot mountain’s name; the distance is closer to a 5-K). Eric Strabel, the cross-country skiing coach at Alaska-Pacific University, won the climb-up-and-clamber-down trek in a record time of 42:55 (Bill Spencer, a former Olympic skier, set the previous record in 1981).

What makes Mount Marathon memorable? The degrees. The mountain grade itself is 38 degrees, while the temperatures ranged from the low 50s on Fifth Avenue in Seward to below-freezing at the summit. Race officials actually handed out blankets to runners at the mountain’s peak, i.e., the race’s halfway point. “That’s the coldest I’ve ever been,” said 69 year-old Sandy Johnson of Anchorage.

When an Alaskan confides that it’s the coldest he’s ever been, you pay attention.

3. Pigging Out

Yesterday I ran a photo of Tahrir Square and suggested that Americans would only gather in groups so large for concerts, victory parades or a new iPhone. How naïve I am. I should’ve added “Competitive Eating Contests.” I do hope/expect that extraterrestrials will one day descend upon this planet and use footage of the Nathan’s Hot Dog Eating Contest to demonstrate to us that as a species we deserve to be enslaved until we become more highly evolved.

Nothing like the thrill of watching people ingest soaked wieners from 100 yards away.

The only saving grace of the competition (and, yes, I’ll accede that Joey Chestnut, having set a record –69 franks– in yesterday’s annual Fourth of July event, is the Eric Strabel of this event) was learning that women’s champion Sonya Thomas refers to herself as one of the “Four Horsemen of the Esophagus.” That’s good. Slow clap, LOL, the works….  

4. Don’t Blame It on Rio An Awful Film from 1984

If you really want to explore next summer’s World Cup, you’re going to have to have to be all Sugar Ray (“I just wanna fly…”)

Here’s an interesting piece from ESPN.com about next summer’s World Cup that Brazil will host. The tournament will have 12 host sites, and it’s probably worth informing/reminding you that Brazil (3.29 million square miles) is greater in size than the contiguous 48 States (2.96 million square miles) (it’s comparisons such as these that give us an excuse to type “contiguous”…we can do so contiguously…).

And Brazil fully intends to showcase all of its wonders. Hence, while the most populous cities, Rio de Janeiro (6.3 million) and Sao Paulo (11.2 million) will host matches, so will Manaus, the capital of the Amazonas state, which is located at the confluence of two major rivers (it’s the Pittsburgh of Brazil?). Manaus is a swift four-hour flight to the northwest of Rio. If you prefer to drive, the driving distance is 2,771 miles.

A post-modern domicile in Manaus.

Then again, isn’t that part of the adventure? Manaus does have a soccer club, but it isn’t even in the top 100 in the nation. A new stadium is being built for the World Cup and below you can see why:

Vivaldao, formerly the stadium that was home to Nacional, Manaus’ home club.

Arena Amazonia, the venue that will be used next summer.

5. So I Married An Axe-Murderer A Bridge

She’s in her 30s. It is 600. It’ll never work.

Jodi Rose, an Australian artist, married a 600 year-old French bridge last month, wreaking havoc in the writers’ rooms at all late-night talk shows as each pundit tried to conjure the cleverest line. “Jodi has an edifice complex?” “This will take a toll on their relationship?”  “A French husband that won’t cheat? That’s the unbelievable part!”

“Mmm, this IS a tasty burger” — Jules Winnfield, Nina Agdal

Anyway, on the same site we found photos of Nina Agdal, who probably will never need to resort to marrying an inanimate object…unless she marries a septuagenarian Greek shipping magnate or similarly aged financier. And, in modeling, there is always that possibility.

Starting Five

Honestly, though, wouldn’t it be cool if one year we threw America a surprise birthday party one week early? It’s so difficult to book a room on the 4th.

1. Egypt Sacks President; Hires Butler’s Brad Stevens

Morsy: Viva La Hate

We interrupt the George Zimmerman/Trayvon Martin trial to bring you this update on the events from Tehrir Square Garden. The Egyptian people, abetted by the nation’s military, have fired incumbent and democratically elected president Mohamed Morsy (Morsi?) and replaced him with Butler basketball coach Brad Stevens, 36. The DePauw alumnus led the Bulldogs to a pair of Final Fours in just six seasons as coach at the relatively tiny Indianapolis school.

Egypt’s top military officer, General Abdel-Fatah El Sisi, was interviewed by Shelley Smith shortly after Morsy/Morsi was ousted from office and the constitution was suspended. “Morsy-Morsi did not achieve the goals of the people,” said El Sisi, “which included advancing to the Eastern Conference finals.”

Who’s going to lead Egypt back to prominence? I’m going to lead Egypt back to prominence.

ESPN’s Bill Simmons criticized El Sisi both for suspending the nascent Egyptian constitution and for staging a coup.

“I’d call Bill an idiot but I have too much class for that,” said El Sisi, as Smith snorted out bursts of laughter. “This was not a ‘coup.’ It was a populist insurrection.”

“The truth keeps changing,” replied Simmons. “First, we had a deadline to accommodate the people, then Richard Engel was going to host the revolution from Tahrir Square, then fun. was slated to perform, then CNN realized that it’s new morning show “New Day” sounds a lot like “Nude, Eh?”, which is why it’s so popular in Canada, then House and J. Bug promised to do a podcast comparing Morsy-Morsi to Yul Brenner. All I know is that Egypt is tanking for Andrew Wiggins.”

A crowd this large would only assemble in America for 1) a music festival 2) an NBA championship victory parade or 3) the iPhone 6.

Stevens briefly met the press and the million or so gathered in Tahrir Square after the announcement. He informed them that Morsy-Morsi’s coaching staff, the Muslim Brotherhood, would not be retained, and that instead he’d be enlisting the services of the Funk Soul Brotherhood.

2. Yankee Doodle Movie Scenes

Three memorable movie scenes that take place on our nation’s birthday, none of which include Will Smith or Tom Cruise:

1)  The “Get Out of the Water” scene from “Jaws”. We got trouble/Right here on Amity Island/With a capital “T” and that rhymes with “sea”/And there lives a shark.

2) The Plaza Hotel scene from “The Great Gatsby” (Redford version). Nick Carraway realizes that it is not only the nation’s birthday, but that it is his 30th birthday, and then a giant sign reading “SYMBOL ALERT” drops from the ceiling. Okay, not exactly, but you get the picture, right? (“30” was the 1920s version of “45”).

3) The “4th of July” party scene from “The Great Escape”, starring Steve McQueen, James Garner, Charles Bronson and a bunch of other dudes who were neither bald nor fat. Fittingly, it involves alcohol and gun shots, although this clip cuts out before the firing begins.

“Keystone Light?!? Seriously?”

3. Trouble Bruin in Westwood

Sondheimer, as reporter David Goldstein attempts to interview him.

Eight days ago, June 27, and with almost zero fanfare, inveterate UCLA associate athletic director Michael Sondheimer resigned. A 1977 UCLA alumnus, Sondheimer had worked his entire adult career, 36 years, at his alma mater. Twenty-four days earlier, on June 3rd, Sondheimer had been placed on administrative leave from the school after a sting operation by a group called “Operation Riptide” had found him to be sending wildly inappropriate messages to what he thought was a 13 year-old girl.

Among the printable things that Sondheimer is alleged to have typed are:

“13? Good”

“Love ghetto girls U are so real and so cool”

and

“Want to do anything to your hot body”

Sondheimer’s principal duties were overseeing on-campus recruiting (“Well, hellllllo, Mr. Vanderdoes!”) and working with compliance.

A few factors here:

1) Perhaps it’s because UCLA is located in such a small market, a media backwater if you will, that this story has not gone viral. Kudos to the local CBS affiliate, KCBS, and reporter David Goldstein for exclusively pursuing it with gusto and for going all Carl Monday on Sondheimer. That Goldstein actually located Sondheimer on a computer at a Los Angeles public library is just creepy. Still, isn’t this the type of story that Deadspin lives for? Where have they been on this? Too busy fisking female columnists?

2) Was this a widely known secret inside the J.D. Morgan Center, UCLA’s athletic administration building? Consider:

—Glenn Toth, a senior associate athletic director and a 1976 UCLA alumnus, had worked in the same department as Sondheimer since 1978.

—Ken Weiner, a UCLA class of ’78 and also a senior associate athletic director, had worked in the same department as Sondheimer since 1981.

–Former associate athletic director and longtime sports information director Marc Dellins (any writer who covers college sports has dealt with Dellins, who was the portal to UCLA athlete access for decades), is a 1976 alum who had worked in the athletic department from his freshman year in 1972 until Dellins retired on May 31st –just three days before Sondheimer was placed on administrative leave.

Dellins, left, with former Bruin football coach Karl Dorrell.

Were any of these three men aware of Sondheimer’s criminal habit? Each had worked with him for more than three decades. How long had Sondheimer been attempting to contact minors via the internet? Will the righteous indignation from our nation’s sports columnists commence after the 4th of July holiday? When will the police get involved?

3) Why did UCLA athletic director Dan Guerrero –yet another Bruin alum from the 1970s– allow Sondheimer to resign instead of firing him? How does that maneuver affect Sondheimer’s state pension and retirement benefits? Guerrero, curiously enough, jetted off for an Italian vacation after Sondheimer’s resignation.

4) As an aside, but potentially a sticky situation: Sondheimer’s brother, Eric Sondheimer, has covered high school sports for the Los Angeles Times since 1997. Thus far the Times, the paper of record in the Southland, has had less coverage of this story than Bleacher Report, which after this posting, has now had less in-depth coverage of this story than Medium Happy. KCBS and Goldstein have been out front on this, and they should remain so. This is a story that should not go away –once it eventually appears, that is.

5) Will UCLA alums in sports media offer any insights on this story? Former staffers at The Daily Bruin include KNBR morning radio host Brian Murphy and Sports Illustrated senior writer Alan Shipnuck, among others.

(By the way, did you know that James Dean, Jim Morrison and Anthony Keidis attended UCLA — as well as Turtle, of course?)

4. All You Zombies.

“World War Z”. “The Walking Dead.” “Shaun of the Dead.” “28 Days Later.” “28 Weeks Later.”

Zombie movies have been around for as long as movies have (you don’t recall “White Zombie” in 1932 or “Revolt of the Zombies” in 1936), but certainly the zombie genre has never been more popular than in the last decade. In the last half-decade alone, besides the aforementioned and better-known films/TV show, the following have either been released, filmed, or set for production:

–“Bath Salt Zombies” (2013)

–“The Harvard Zombie Massacre” (2013)

–“Zombie A-Hole” (2012)

–“Attack of the Vegan Zombies” (2010)

–“Onechanbara: Zombie Bikini Squad” (2008)

“The Harvard Zombie Massacre”: They’ll make hasty pudding out of your brain!

So, the question becomes, How come? Why are the undead thriving so much in popular culture? Is it simply a product of Max Brooks’ brilliant book, “World War Z”, which was released in 2005? That’s part of it, but here’s my dime-store sermon on it all.

Zombification does not scare us solely because of the potential for death, but also because of the potential for conversion. Humans possessed of good health and free will are overtaken by the zombie movement and converted into one of them: an individual with a sole determination to survive by converting others to the same mass movement that robs them of their free will and ability to think independently, as well.

Hence, your garden variety zombie may as well be the Third Reich, the Scientologists, the Tea Party or Rachel Maddow/Bill O’Reilly. Your thoughts?

When you look at it that way, zombie movies don’t necessarily even need zombies. “Invasion of the Body Snatchers” was a zombie film. So was “The Blob”, the quintessential Fifties horror flick (“Why are they just standing still and shrieking!?!? Why don’t they run away???”).

Seriously, kids, this hyper-steroidal Tootsie Roll pop scared Eisenhower-era audiences.

Also, if you are going to see just one zombie flick –and you’ll probably see more — see “Night of The Living Dead” from 1968. It’s simple and straightforward, a “Twilight Zone” episode writ large.

And, of course, Season 4 of “The Walking Dead” premieres next week.

5. And Now, A Message from Moose

A good, dear friend of ours, who goes by the sobriquet of Moose, recently took a visit to Bali. She sent a letter, portions of which I have excerpted (without her permission, as she is en route back to North America at the moment) for you. Why? Because, as another UCLA alum, Randy Newman, once lamented, “It’s Money That Matters”, (with a guitar assist from Mark Knopfler) and as Americans I feel that we’ve lost our way so badly in proving the verity of this song.

My guide on the trip is named Nova.  He went to university and he is married and he lives with his wife and his mother-in-law.  He has a good job by Indonesian standards and a face that lights up with his laughter.  We all thought him shy at first, as he bumbled his way through the opening meeting.  But he is one of the most lovely people I know.  His only failings on the job were being baffled by some of the requests made by pampered Westerners.  Someone who did not want to sleep in a room with someone else because she might snore, the lack of hot water at one hotel.  In a country where 80% of the people still bath in the rivers, where squat toilets that you then scoop water into are the norm and the temperature and humidity usually top 100 degrees, how do you compute a complaint about hot water? 

There was a terrific segment on last night’s “Colbert Report” (original air date: June 26)  in which the host interviewed Bill Moyers, who has just come out with a documentary in which he follows two families whose principle earners have been laid off from their manufacturing jobs. Stephen Colbert, who is peerless in playing the devil’s advocate for laughs, asks Moyers, “Why do we need a middle class? They have other options. They can either choose the wealth class or the poverty class. It’s up to them. PERSONAL RESPONSIBILITY.”

Sadly, too many Americans actually agree with this viewpoint. Moyers attempts to explain that most Americans just want to work and make a decent living, and that being part of the middle class represents at least HOPE for them. Moyers points out that when he was a lad in Texas and Colbert was a boy in South Carolina, they prayed, “Give US this day OUR daily bread”, not “Give ME this day MY daily bread.”

So, yes, I’m preaching here.

Colbert explained that the middle class did it to themselves, what with their whining about health care and better work conditions. Companies were FORCED to outsource labor in order to stay competitive in a global economy.

Moyers concludes: “The question shouldn’t be why so many Americans are falling through the cracks. The question should be why are there so many cracks?”

Something to think about on Independence Day. This land is your land. But this land is also our land. It’s a country with gated communities for the ultra-wealthy and for the far more numerous poor (prisons). It doesn’t have to be that way.

 Reserves

Starting Five

1. Homer Holds ‘Em Hitless…Again

Fun Facts About Homer Bailey’s No-Hitter Versus the San Francisco Giants Last Night (collect ’em all, or trade with friends!):

1. Like his boyhood idol, Nolan Ryan, Bailey hails from Texas, wears No. 34, and has now thrown two no-hitters while no other MLB pitcher threw one in the interim (Ryan performed the feat in 1974 and 1975). Bailey’s other no-hitter took place last September 28.

2. Three other current Major League pitchers have thrown multiple no-hitters. All have two in their career. The trio are Mark Buehrle, Justin Verlander and Roy Halladay.

3. Bailey’s was that rare no-hitter in which a batter actually reached first base on his hit and there was no error. So what happened? A fielder’s choice. Buster Posey, the reigning National League MVP, fisted a one-hopper that dragged Red first baseman Joey Votto, the 2010 NL MVP, far off the bag. Bailey was late off the mound to cover first. Posey likely beats him there. However, Gregor Blanco, who had walked earlier in the inning and advanced to second base on a groundout, strayed too far off second base. Votto threw to third base and picked off Blanco. Posey reached first base safely, but since it was a fielder’s choice, officially it is not a hit. Domo arigoto, Joe-Joey Votto.

4. Bailey becomes the first Reds pitcher to throw a no-hitter and share a name with a character from the Queen City’s own “WKRP in Cincinnati” since Johnny Vander Meer. The latter actually tossed a pair of no-hitters in consecutive starts, which no other pitcher has ever done.

Bailey Quarters: The Maryann to Jennifer Marlowe’s Ginger.

Finally, this isn’t a fact but it’s worth mentioning. The no-hitter may be what sets baseball apart from other sports. What other sport provides the opportunity for such a spectacular event every time out, something that happens once to four times annually but yet most fans know they will never see? Is there a football or basketball equivalent?

2. Coachella? Bonnaroo? No, It’s an Egyptian Protest

And the Lumineers were not even performing!

For the second time in 2 1/2 years (“yeaarrrrs”), Egyptians are gathering by the hundreds of thousands in Tahrir Square to protest an oppressive political regime (imagine that: an oppressive political regime! I know!). The people are protesting the Islamic government of president Mohamed Morsi, whom they elected only last year.

On Monday the military, which is now backing Morsi’s opponents (that, as Tywin Lannister could surely tell you, is not a good sign for Morsi), gave the president 48 hours to come to a power-sharing agreement with the other side. But Morsi went all Tom Petty on them, singing, “I won’t back down.” Which, of course, may lead to his free falling out of the presidency. Last night 23 people died during protests at Cairo University.

Apparently, Morsi has run an increasingly authoritarian and dictatorial government since being elected president. We point out, for no particular reason, that Morsi earned a PhD at the University of Southern California.

Anyway, that’s what’s going on overseas, where people gather en masse for other things besides music festivals and cronuts.  Now back to the George Zimmerman-Trayvon Martin trial…

3. A “Wrecking Ball” Across Europe

It’s easier to conquer Europe with a Fender than with a Panzer.

Granted, foreigners will gather by the tens of thousands for a good band or show, too. Bruce Springsteen, for example, who is currently invading Europe for the second time in the past two summers. David Fricke has a terrific profile of the current tour in Rolling Stone, and I mention it because The Boss gives a quote that should be every live performer’s creed. It reads:

“The (fans) are here to hear their favorite songs. But what they really pay you for is to be as present and alive as you can be, to have a band that is as present and alive as it can be. If it’s an act of replication, you are failing. It has to be a rebirth on a nightly basis.”

On a recent night in Milan, Springsteen’s show clocked in at three hours and 25 minutes. The encore alone was 45 minutes long and the album “Born In The USA” was performed in its entirety.

Bruce has 12 dates remaining on his European crusade, including tonight’s show in Geneva. It wraps up on July 28 in Kilkenny, Ireland. Whaddaya say, Barry? Cardiff, Wales, on July 23?

3. Worm Turns

The bird in this photo is 1) not Rodman and 2) shackled. But, whatever.

The magazine Sports Illustrated just released its “Where Are They Now?” summer double issue, which is industry code for “The Editorial Staff Wants a Week Off In the Summer, Too.” I thought I’d do a little “Where Are They Now?” of former members of “The Bullpen”, which is what we referred to the Reporters Group at SI, back when it was actually large enough that you could play a hand of bridge with the assembled members. It no longer is. Not all of the following toiled in the Bullpen, checking facts, simultaneously, but I ran across all of them at some stage of my tenure. This is not an exhaustive list, just a list of many:

1. Steve Rushin: Still the greatest talent to emerge from the red-pencil crew. Currently residing in north central Connecticut with a lovely and lanky wife and four children. He had left SI, but now is back. Smart move, SI. Besides being an incomparable talent, Rushin was arguably the best basketball player on staff. Also, he is Exhibit A. of the Seinfeld doctrine that  being irritated is necessary to produce humor. Steve had a temper, although I imagine Steve would say, in a Rushinesque way, that having kids has tempered his temper.

2. Tim Crothers: Currently the most popular journalism professor at the University of North Carolina, his alma mater. Has written some terrific books and his story on Phiona Mutesi, a Ugandan chess prodigy –which SI rejected a couple of years ago — ran in ESPN the Magazine and was nominated for a 2012 National Magazine Award. Crothers, whom I consider the most talented writer outside of Rushin that the Bullpen produced in my time, can be spotted almost daily playing roller hockey with his good friend Anson Dorrance. I kid you not. (also, on that Mutesi piece: Crothers flew from North Carolina to Uganda to Siberia, which must be the strangest expense report itinerary in the history of sports writing).

Crothers: Once wrote a bonus piece on Red Klotz and handed in an expense report for $2.25

3. Chad Millman: Currently the managing editor of ESPN the Magazine. Good guy, but dribbles too much.

4. Christian Stone: Currently the managing editor of Sports Illustrated. My scouting report? Get it in writing. And notarized.

5. Josh Elliott: Was always too handsome for press boxes. Currently a co-host on “Good Morning, America.” Never worked a local market. Like a few other extremely good-looking people I’ve met, he was adopted.

6. Seth Davis: Currently an on-air analyst for CBS’ college hoops coverage while still writing for SI. The dream job that this Dookie probably could not even have dreamed of. Good egg. I used to attend his open-mic comedy attempts in Manhattan and Seth would even told you that I wrote the joke that he’d use to open his act.

7. Jeff Bradley: Great guy, younger brother of soccer coach Bob Bradley and hence uncle of Team USA soccer player Michael Bradley. Currently enjoying the Jersey shore and raising his brood.

8. Paul Gutierrez: The only martial arts black belt I ever came across in the Bullpen. Currently covers the A’s and Raiders for Comcast Sports Net California.

9. Jeff Pearlman: Currently writes his own blog and best-selling sports books. One of the more talented writers the Bullpen produced. His secret? An innate curiosity about everything and a willingness to ask any question, no matter how bold or brazen. He also pioneered, as a hoopster, the idea of leaving your soles but not your toes on a shot fake. More often than not the refs called him for traveling, and then he’d question them about what they missed. Jeff learned to apprise refs of his move before games, as if he were a football coach informing a referee about a trick play during warm-ups.

10. Dave Fleming: One of the most affable guys you’ll ever come across. Currently writes for ESPN: The Magazine and wrote a terrific story on poop a few years back.

11. J.B. Morris: Born and raised in State College, Pa., where Jay Paterno was one of his closest childhood friends. Currently the college football editor at ESPN: The Magazine.

12. Ashley McGeachy (now “Fox”): Currently covers the NFL for ESPN.com and is occasionally fisked by Deadspin. Another good egg.

13. Candace Putnam (now “Murphy”): Married to San Francisco sports radio host Brian Murphy. Candace is definitely  the only Alaskan native, Yale alum, former “Faces in the Crowd” subject (swimming) to ever work for SI. There’s piss-and-vinegar coursing through Candi Sue’s veins, and I mean that as the highest form of compliment. One of my all-time favorites, and she knows it.

14. Loren Mooney: Former editor-in-chief at Bicycling, now an editor at Sunset magazine. An Alabama-raised Cornell alum who, like Putnam, previously appeared in “Faces in the Crowd” (as a middle-distance runner).

Mooney: Would probably win a Bullpen 10-K

15. Dave Gabel: The coordinating producer of NBCOlympics.com. Obsessions include Rush (the band, not the windbag), tennis, The Simpsons and fantasy baseball.

Gabel: Once actually hit a home run over the Green Monster at Fenway.

16. Steve Hymon: Of everyone mentioned, “Hymo” is my hero. He once stormed into a particularly out-of-touch, Princeton-alum, editor’s office (that doesn’t really narrow it down much, I realize) after having returned from filing a piece on the road and seeing his copy butchered, and said, “Don’t f___ with my copy!” Hymo was maybe 25 at the time.

Steve’s problem –and this will get you killed in corporate life –is that he cared too damn much about the quality of the product. On the other hand, he was the first and maybe only fact-checker to submit a “Point After” column that was used (He advocated for a two-point conversion after the touchdown in the NFL; and what ever became of that idea?).

Hymon: Winner.

Eventually, Hymo left the magazine and moved to Los Angeles with his girlfriend. A few years later as a court reporter for the Los Angeles Times, he was part of a team that won a Pulitzer Prize. The LA Times eventually laid him off — and almost everyone else–and now Steve lives a serene and happy Krameresque life, playing pick-up hockey and camping and skiing in California’s big, bold and beautiful backyard. He’s living the dream.

5. The Los Angeles Lakers Do NOT Understand Dating, At All

As Dwight Howard enjoys the ego stroking that is unrestricted free agency, his former team, the Los Angeles Lakers, are sounding a lot like the desperate Lara Flynn Boyle character in the original “Wayne’s World” movie. The “Stay” billboards are sad and desperate, and the thought of them must make Kobe Bryant — who will someday make an outstanding NBA analyst, if he chooses to go that route — howl in scornful laughter.

Dwight Howard is a terrific NBA center. But he has never won an NBA championship and he has never been happy, no matter how much coddling has been afforded him. If I were the Lakers, I’d play the “You Got Lucky” (yet another Tom Petty song reference? Yeah, you got a problem with that?) card. Hey, Dwight, we are the Lakers. Laker Girls. Hollywood. The franchise of Mikan, West, Wilt, Baylor, Kareem, Magic, Worthy, Shaq and Kobe. We’re gonna be just fine with or without you (okay, so maybe they are also playing the U2 “With or Without You” card). We’d love to have you, and we can pay you more than anyone else, but if you can’t see what we’re worth, good riddance (also playing the Green Day card).

Reserves

This should — will? — be a much larger story. Michael Sondheimer, an associate athletic director at UCLA who had been an employee in the Bruin athletic department for more than 36 years, resigned amidst allegations that he used the internet to inappropriately contact minors. In this local CBS piece, which has shades of a Carl Monday exclusive, reporter David Goldstein confronts Sondheimer about messages such as “Love ghetto girls” and “Want to do anything to your hot body.”

Sondheimer: Big Trouble Bruin.

Ironically, Goldstein found Sondheimer at a local library, using the internet.

Sondheimer is a ’77 UCLA alum, though you will no longer find his profile page on the internet.

A couple of years ago I spoke to former UCLA coach Rick Neuheisel, whom I’ve known for 20 years. He told me that one of the difficulties of working at UCLA is that so many athletic department staffers have been entrenched there for decades, and that there’s no sense of hustle or ambition in them. It’s as if, We’re UCLA, and excellence will just happen. Granted, it’s a fabulous school with arguably the most successful overall athletic program in NCAA history, but there is a lot of dead wood there. Looks like the Bruins just lost one piece of old lumber.

Not sure why the national media has yet to pick up on this. Is it because it’s the slowest sports week of the year? Or, like me, were they just unaware of this development (thanks to my tipster)? I’ll await Gregg Doyel’s “Shame on UCLA” column. And I’ll wonder, if Sondheimer was at UCLA for three-plus decades, if this is the first that most of his colleagues knew about this bizarre habit of his.

******

Yet another former colleague, and easily the most fearless female sportswriter I know of, Sally Jenkins, takes Rush, Geraldo and other to task for painting all NFL players with the Aaron Hernandez brush. I’d put myself in that miserable lot, as I too suggested that every NFL locker room has a guy (or a few) who walk a thin line between All-Pro and incarceration.

My lone beef with Sally’s data: To compare NFL players with males 22-34 for your crime rate comparison (3% to 10.8%) is to overlook or ignore the tremendous economic disparity between pro football players and that age group in general. And I’d argue that the crime rate among males aged 22-34 would drop precipitously if their median income was, say, $500,000 per year.

Sam Hurd, like Hernandez, punted a fabulous life.

I’ll speak for myself here, and not for you, but what I hear over and over again in the wake of Hernandez’s arrest is, “What an idiot.” Just like I heard after Chicago Bear wide receiver Sam Hurd was arrested for allegedly being a major cocaine dealer (Hurd, while out on bond, twice failed drug tests and will now receive a minimum sentence of 10 years). These are men who seemingly have everything, but they risk it all for what? Pride? Ego? Excitement? Can we categorize it as a “Hurd Mentality?”

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Here is a quick piece on Brendan McDonough, 21, the lone survivor of the Granite Mountain Hotshots. His 19 comrades all perished in Sunday’s Yarnell Hill fire.

McDonough: Was acting as the lookout. And that saved his life.

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Here are your new Fox Sports 1 lead duo, Jay Onrait and Dan O’Toole. They’re the Dan Patrick and Keith Olbermann of Canadia.

Flesh-Eating Disorder

by Chris Corbellini

This is either a still from “Night of the Living Dead” or the worst-line dancing attempt of all time.

Pegg vs. Pitt: The better zombie film is….?

Starting Five

1. Young Men And Fire

In today’s edition of The Arizona Republic, profiles of all 19 firefighters who perished Sunday while battling the Yarnell Hill Fire in central Arizona. The men ranged in age from 21 year-old Grant McKee to 43 year-old Eric Marsh and leave behind 12 children.

““Probably most catastrophes end this way without an ending, the dead not even knowing how they died…,those who loved them forever questioning “this unnecessary death,” and the rest of us tiring of this inconsolable catastrophe and turning to the next one.”  –Norman MacLean, Young Men and Fire

MacLean, whose life story you know if you’ve seen or read “A River Runs Through It”, wrote Young Men and Fire, which won the National Book Critics Circle Award in 1992. It is a non-fiction account of the Mann Gulch Fire outside of Helena, Mont., that claimed 13 lives in 1949.

The details of how the 19 members of Prescott’s Granite Mountain Hotshots crew died are still trickling in, but they appear to have been between two ridges when the winds shifted and the fire changed directions, trapping the. This according to The Arizona Republic.

2. Debunk Beds: “A Proper Fisking” by Drew Magary

Magary: fisker

Fox: fiskee

Sometimes it takes a truly poorly written column to produce a masterpiece of irritability and refutation such as the one that Deadspin’s Drew Magary produced yesterday in answer to Ashley Fox’s “No Clean Break From Aaron Hernandez” column on ESPN.com. Now, I should inform you that Fox (ne’ Ashley McGeachy, a former reporter at Sports Illustrated) is (was?) a friend of mine, but so what? Magary’s absolutely right, and hopefully Fox read this “fisking” –an actual term that was born in the blogosphere era that refers to a point-by-point debunking of lies and/or idiocies, originating from the essays of Robert Fisk — and takes it to heart. Or has her brand been tarnished?

(Note: I thought that “fisking” referred to wishfully waving an airborne object to go toward the right, but apparently that is a secondary or even tertiary definition)

3. Wimble-done

Serena Williams falls victim to the dreaded Rolling Stone profile curse, as the No. 1 Ladies’ seed at Wimbledon loses in three sets to No. 23 seed Sabine Lisicki in the Round of 16. Only one of the top five Ladies’ seeds, Agnieszka Radwanska of Poland, has survived to the quarterfinals.

4. Snowden Update

Edward Snowden: We’ve read this book before

So, WikiLeaks reports that it has submitted asylum requests to 19 more countries for Eric Snowden. This reminds me of the time in 1995 when I submitted three Soul Asylum requests to 100.3 FM: 1) “Without A Trace” 2) “Black Gold” and 3) “Stand Up and Be Strong”. (So many good bands from this era: Soul Asylum, Stone Temple Pilots, Gin Blossoms, Live, Foo Fighters, etc., who were soon to be crushed under the wave of boy bands and Matchbox 20; good rock wouldn’t return until Jack White started chopping riffs in Detroit five years later).

Back to Snowden. A major advocate of his –besides yours truly — happens to be actor John Cusack. Check out his Twitter feed (@johncusack).

By the way, all the NSA and the feds seem to be good at lately is being pissed that their little spy ring has been sussed out. Gentlemen, we’re here to help. We want to help you capture Edward Snowden. So here’s the plan: you get a CIA agent to fly into Moscow posing as a movie producer — or, you get a movie producer to fly into Moscow posing as a CIA agent….let’s not get lost in the minutiae. You tell Putin that you’re scouting locations for “The Terminal 2” starring Tom Hanks and Jim Carrey. Why Jim Carrey is in it, I’m not sure, but he’s a superb talent in desperate need of a hit. Anyway, once inside the airport you find Snowden and return him to the States.

Afterward, Ashley Fox writes a column about how Snowden has tarnished Booz Allen-Hamilton’s brand. Or the NSA’s brand. Or Elton Brand.

5. Flori-Duh

“Beaten, Stripped, Robbed on First Date”

“Can I see you again?”

You may think it’s funny that a man endured such a miserable first date. Or that, losing only $200 and his dignity, he reported it to the POE-lice. What I find funnier –this is where reading down to the 10th graf pays dividends — is that he wore a gray tank top and Dickie shorts on his first date. He kind of deserved what he got, no?

Reserves

David Chase’s eulogy for James Gandolfini, complete with a nod to Journey. David, if you were ever going to reveal the interpretation of the final episode of “The Sopranos”, this was your chance.

Things I Don’t Care About Update: Where Dwight Howard lands, Paula Deen and the George Zimmerman trial.

Mount Marathon Race

Mount Marathon Race: Putting mud runs to shame since 1915.

We are two days away from the running of this long-time July 4th tradition from Seward, Alaska, in which intrepid runners clamber up Mount Marathon and then descend wildly out of control down it. Last year Michael Lemaitre, a first-timer who was 65, disappeared during the race. His body has still never been found. So, if you’re looking to escape a bad marriage…

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A belated Happy Canada Day to our reader(s) north of the border. The Blue Jays won, so all is right with the provinces.

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Missed Opportunity: In yesterday’s Yasiel Puig item (not a daily feature….yet), I failed to note that Angelenos are more than familiar with the term “June Gloom.” And yet, because of the advent of Puig, they experienced a June Swoon. Got that, Markazi? June Swoon.

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Vamp Ire

Can you be bored to death if you’re already dead?

It’s nice to see that Rob Sheffield feels exactly the same way about “True Blood” that I do. It had so much potential. Outstanding debut season, insightful sociological metaphors. The second season was solid, too, peaking with the sacrifice of Godric. After that, it almost immediately became camp and just lost me. It became Melrose Place meets Swamp People, and that’s a lot less entertaining than it sounds.