Starting Five

1. “Look! Up in the sky! It’s an orb! It’s a sphere! It’s….SUPER MOON!”

In brief, it’s the closest that the moon will come to the earth in 2013. The next time our favorite satellite will be this close to us will be August of 2014. Having dispensed with that, I’m devoting the rest of this item to “Nep-Tunes”: songs with a celestial body in their title. And that’s the price of entry. So, sorry, Freddie Mercury, your name works but you’re a lead singer, not a song (and to to you, too, The Mars Volta).

1. “Moon River” (1961): Someone once noted that this song, like No. 2 on my list, is all about hope. There are only 42 different words in the lyrics. “Moon River” won both an Oscar (Best Song, 1961) and a Grammy (Best Song, 1962). It was used first in Breakfast at Tiffany’s, then it was assaulted in Fletch, and most recently it appeared just last night on “Mad Men.”

2. “Here Comes The Sun” (1969): This was the song that made John Lennon and Paul McCartney do a double-take and say, “Hey, our buddy George can write.” I’d have no problems with this tune being No. 1 on your list.

3 “Fly Me To The Moon” (1964): Recorded by Frank Sinatra. Extra points for mentioning two planets (“Let me know what spring is like on Jupiter and Mars.”)

4. “Moondance” (1970): This Van Morrison song was also the title of his greatest album (sorry, “Astral Weeks” fans). Bizarrely, this song was not released as a single until seven years later, while “Caravan”, also on the album –and the song that Nick Hornby has written he wants played at his funeral — never was.

5. “Planet Earth” (1981): A little high on the list? Perhaps, but it’s Duran Duran’s first single and I’ve always enjoyed its energy.

6. “Under the Milky Way” (1988): Somehow The Church, an Australian band, got misplaced by history. The album on which this tune appears, Starfish, is outstanding. They were less one-hit wonders than one-album wonders. The Down Under version of The La’s.

7. “Island in The Sun” (2001): If this Weezer tune doesn’t put a spring in your step, I don’t know what will.

8. “Moonshadow” (1970): Cat Stevens has called this the favorite of his songs. That’s good enough for me.

9. “Walking on Sunshine” (1987): Technically, the judges shouldn’t allow this. Sunshine is not itself the sun. Then again, the sun is simply a ball of fire, so who’s to say? Every time this Katrina and the Waves song came on the radio in the summer of ’87, you were obliged to turn it up and forget whatever you were doing for the next three minutes.

10. “Venus” (1959): Frankie Avalon’s big hit. A remnant of the Fifties, of the Pleasantville-lifestyle of the Eisenhower era.

Not making my cut, but they might make yours: “Walking On The Sun”, “Black Hole Sun”, “Invisible Sun”, “Staring at the Sun”, “Bad Moon Risin'”, “53 Miles West of Venus”, “Drops of Jupiter.” Note: Songs that just say “Star” in title don’t qualify, though if they did Radiohead’s “Black Star” would make the list.

2. California Dreamin’

All the leaves are brown

And the sky is gray

I think I’ll steal Stan Rizzo’s

Best idea today

On its season finale, “Mad Men” gets all Walter O’Malley as a number of characters decide it’s time to relocate from New York City to Los Angeles. Stan Rizzo hatches the idea to Don, who promptly usurps it, which leads to a classic confrontration between the two men in Don’s office in which Stan tells Don, “I’ve got a sandwich on my desk and I want to get to it before you do!”

Zing!

Then Sally, to her father: “Why don’t you tell them (the police) what I saw?”

Zing!

And it all begins to pile up for Don. Last week’s complete embarrassment of Ted Chaough and Peggy. The previous week’s “I was just comforting Mrs. Rosen Rosen.” Now this. And then he punches out a minister, while having a flashback to his youth of another minister who bleats that “the biggest mistake that people make is believing that they cannot be forgiven.”

Hello, DONNNNN! That’s God tapping you on the shoulder.

And then, in a scene that is every bit as worthy as Petyr Baelish’s “Chaos Is a Ladder”, Don Draper has his “On the Road To Damascus” moment. He’s pitching a perfect game to the Hershey executives, calling Hershey’s the “currency of affection” (that’s gold, Donny!) and noting his doting father, lawn mowing, and tousled hair. He’s right there! He’s won Hershey and he’s off to California! It’s George Bailey in the back of the sedan headed off for his honeymoon!

But wait. Don Draper, for the first time in as long as anyone can remember, and for no reason that will gain him any secular advantage, decides to come clean. “That isn’t true. I was an orphan. I grew up in Pennsylvania… in a whorehouse.”

Bye-bye, partnership.

Bye-bye, California.

Bye-bye, most likely, Megan.

Hello, inner peace.

“And the Emmy goes to…”
It’s just the most captivating scene in an episode that was replete with them.

And so now Ted will head to California (“Ciao, Chaough”), while we miss an opportunity to place two iconic Don D.’s (Draper and Drysdale) in the same city at the same time.

Pete Campbell: “Baby, You Can Drive My Car”

We end the episode, and the season, with Don taking his three children to see his childhood home on Thanksgiving weekend. It’s a dilapidated whorehouse in a bad neighborhood, but on the bright side it’s a Victorian on a corner lot. “This is where I grew up,” Don tells them. And cue Judy Collins singing Joni Mitchell’s classic hit, “Both Sides Now.” Yes, Don/Dick has looked at life from both sides now, from up and down…

And I do hope that Bob Benson tops Mark Lisanti’s “Mad Men” Power Rankings this week: He (possibly) engineers Pete Campbell’s mother’s death (“Manolo overboard!”), gets Pete kicked out of the Chevy account (you’ll thank him later for this, Campbell), survives a performance review with Roger Sterling, and still carves Joan’s turkey, so to speak.

Here is Alan Sepinwall’s review.

3. Or-Chasm

So now we know there’s another situation in which a grown man will repeat the terms “Jesus” and “Lord” ceaseleslly.

Nik Wallenda, 34, crossed not the Grand Canyon but actually the Little Colorado River Gorge last night by walking across a two-inch thick cable suspended 1,500 feet above the river. The crossing lasted more than 20 minutes and aired “plausibly live” (a 10-second delay, just in case) on The Discovery Channel.

If you’re not familiar with the surname, the Wallendas are the most famous and tragic high-wire act in history. Here are the final moments of Nik’s grandfather, Karl Wallenda, the founder of The Flying Wallendas. Karl was 73 at the time of that attempt in Puerto Rico.

4. Speaking of aerial acts gone wrong…

Just a reminder that there are no safe seats at air shows, people.

…That’s Jane Wicker, in her final few seconds, standing on the wing of a bi-plane at the 39th annual Vectron Dayton Air Show last weekend. The pilot seemed to be suddenly overtaken by a gust of wind that caused the plane to tilt severely and then, as so often happens, gravity won. The last words she hears, ironically, from the P.A. announcer: “Watch this. Jane Wicker. Sitting on top of the world.”

Updated rankings of the 200 Best & Worst Jobs now have “Wing Walker” at 199th, behind “Lumberjack” but still ahead of “Newspaper Reporter.”

5. “We, the people…”

Yesterday morning I exhausted a few tweets on the Booz Allen whistleblower, but I think Max Frankel in The New York Times did an exemplary job of noting most of the points that needed to be made. Here’s the essay, and I’ll highlight the most salient points below.

1. The title: “Inalienable”, which means “unable to be taken away from or given away by the possessor.” Well, that key adjective from a little document known as the Declaration of Indpendence appears to have been cast aside by our government.

2. You can bicker about Facebook or Amazon sharing your information. But, no one is compelling you to use those sites. You and I trade privacy for convenience here. More importantly, those two companies lack the authority to indict and incarcerate us.

3. You, and the federal government, can accuse Snowden of releasing classified information, but the government was openly lying, in congressional hearings, on this topic. Snowden’s “crime” was the only tangible way to compel our elected officials to come clean about programs that not only seem to be serious transgressions on our privacy, but also open the door to a litany of corrupt behavior if and when misused.

4. The government long, long ago forfeited the moral authority to say, Just trust us.

5. The government cannot act on its suspicions without a warrant from the Foreign Intelligence Surveillance Court. However, this is a judicial board that operates entirely in secret. Are you f’in kidding me? As Jon Stewart said a few weeks back, “It’s not tragic that you broke laws to do this. It’s tragic that you didn’t have to break any.”

6. Privatization. And this is a MAJOR POINT. There’s lots of money in consulting firms getting their tentacles into the act of private surveillance. Especially if it is done indiscriminately, as it is now. So that means government contracts. And who sits on the boards of these firms. Former legislators. It’s a scam, babe, and it’s costing you and I money.

7. My own final point: If government surveillance of its own citizens has expanded to such lengths that we contract that duty out to private firms, well, maybe we’ve gone a little bit too far. There’s a “Minority Report” sensibility going on here, and of course it is also Orwellian. Patrick Henry said it best, “Give me liberty or give me death.” I’d rather not sacrifice the former while trying to preserve the latter.

Reserves

Just what in the wide world of sports (Slim Pickens reference!) do Selena Roberts and Roopstigo think they are doing? Roberts, the former New York Times and later Sports Illustrated scribe, launched her site on February 4. Her Wiki page denotes her as a “digital entrepreneur”, which I’d take to mean that she is hoping to make this site profitable.

So, if you visit Roopstigo you will see that, today, there is one original written piece on the homepage (“Straight Shooters: Why Women Rule The Rifle Range”, by Pat Jordan, a story that has been begging to be reported, let’s be honest) and five pieces that Roberts (her staff?) have culled from great American newspapers.

One by Blair Kerkoff of The Kansas City Star.

One by Chris Mueller of the Mitchell, S.D., Daily Republic.

One by Steve Hummer and Bill Rankin of The Atlanta Constitution.

One by Shawn Windsor of The Detroit Free Press.

And one, ironically titled “Poaching Disease”, by Rustin Dodd, also of The Kansas City Star.

Roberts is NOT providing links to these papers’ websites. Instead, she has literally cut and pasted the pieces and then placed them on her own site. Yes, she credits the newspaper and authors, but this is like me taking a loaf of bread from Albertson’s and selling it at Kroger.

Selena: You are stealing.

And you’re probably not making any friends among editors and your fellow/former colleagues.

Granted, I used to write at SI, I launched my own site (though I’m not a digital entrepreneur) and I, too, post stories that others have written. However, I ALWAYS provide a link to the publication and the majority of my content here is my own.

Your thoughts?

Warning: Summer is here but the time is still not right for dancing in the street. It’s dangerous. You may be struck by a motorist. Please exercise caution. Do exercise, though.

Starting Five

1. Try, Try, Try To Understaaaaand: He’s a Magic Man

Jocular, adj., “Given to joking”

Jockular, adj. “Given to obsequious fawning over fellow athletes”

Look…we get it. No one is paying Magic Johnson to be Howard Cosell. And it’s okay if he says, “He don’t.” And of course the man who coached him to four of his five NBA championships, Pat Riley, is now the president of Team Heat. However, at some point during this sublime and memorable NBA Finals, Magic went from being an annoying sideshow to an impossible-to-ignore braying ass.

After Game 6 Magic, in front of his three NBA Countdown-erparts, Michael Wilbon, Jalen Rose and Bill Simmons, declared, “I’ll say it: they (the Spurs) choked.” Curiously enough, two days later on Grantland.com, a site that Simmons founded and of which he is the managing editor, Zach Lowe wrote an astute essay on why such a pronouncement was ludicrous. Lowe never mentioned Magic by name, and Magic probably does not even know what Grantland is. Some day, though, someone may connect  the dots for Magic and inform him that the jovial Simmons was openly disputing his claim.

Last night, after Team Heat won, 95-88, (outstanding effort by LeBron; more later), Magic basically went Jonah Hill-on-Aldous Snow nuts over the team’s two principal figures. He told James, “You are the only guy that can become the greatest to ever play this game” and then later told Wade, “You are the most unselfish person on the face of this Earth.”

Whether that latter pronouncement is related to the fact that Wade pays his ex-wife $25,000 monthly in alimony was left unsaid.

And, because Magic’s legacy as a player is so deservedly respected, no one on set has the gumption to confront him on his forays into (into? “beyond”) hyperbole.

Cosell, in his later years, used to openly lament the “jockocracy.” Ex-jocks muscling their way into the broadcast booth, devoid of impartiality or incisive commentary. Howard actually hoped he could stem the tide. In a Bristolized republic, that is no longer possible. The most we can do now is to openly point out, and hope that you see, that cheerleaders belong courtside in low-cut tops, not on the set of NBA Countdown.

2. LeBron’s Mettle

The dagger: This jumper put the Heat up by four with 0:27 to play.

37 points and 12 rebounds and, just as importantly, holding Tony Parker to 25% shooting. LeBron James was a beast in Game 7. Were he not saved by Jesus (Shuttleworth) two nights earlier, the narrative might have been that he clanged two three-point attempts in the final 28 seconds when his team needed him most. But LBJ and his team were given a reprieve.

And he took full advantage.

You want to be known as the greatest player on Earth (as opposed to the most unselfish person on Earth)? Then take and bury those open 18-footers San Antonio is ceding you. LeBron did.

For me, the most impressive aspect of Team Heat in Game 7 was its stifling defense. There were so very few open looks. Not just LeBron, but Chris Bosh and Shane Battier and even D-Wade were pests all game long. The defense was the difference.

3. Series Epitaph

“Heat Boobs.” Another legacy of the ’13 Finals.

A few final Finals thoughts:

–The old Manu Ginobili, as opposed to “an old Manu Ginobili”, might have been the difference the Spurs needed. I went from bellowing, “Ginobiliiiiiiiiiii!” to “Gi-NOOOOOOOOOOO-bili!” in the course of seven games.

–San Antonio, with this quartet of Hall of Famers, is not returning to the NBA Finals. They all know it. That is why this defeat will always sting so much worse.

–The series was everything we could have hoped it to be, and I was calling for this duo to meet back in March. A contrast of cultures, generations and styles, but both excellent teams. In most seven-game series, a dominant team emerges. That was not the case here. One team, by fiat, had to win four of the seven games. It was Miami. And even then it was not decided until the final 30 seconds.

–Nice to watch a series devoid of adversarial melodrama. There was no hostility between the two sides. Just mutual respect.

— “You can only grow so many tomatoes.” Pop. Love Pop. Here’s his Game 7 pre-game presser, just an hour or so before tip-off. He already acts like my good friend, former NBA reporter Marty Burns. And I can assume they’ll even physically resemble one another when Marty reaches this age.

–Danny Green was the big story after four games, but when the palms got sweaty and the pressure built, Kawhi Leonard proved to be the more reliable young player for the Spurs (and, yes, I know that he missed a free throw; I’ll remind you that Mario Chalmers missed BOTH free throws he attempted last night with under two minutes to play).

–Simmons was funny last night. He read James’ stats, noted his defensive prowess on Parker, and quipped, “I thought you could’ve done a little bit more.” James took the joke well. Then Simmons asked him to come clean: if at any point in the waning moments of Game 6 if he thought it was all over. James: “To win a championship, you need a little luck.” Bingo. Well said. And well done, too, LeBron. Well done.

–I still cannot believe the Thunder let James Harden go. That trio was the only entity potentially (I said, “Potentially”) standing between the Heat and five NBA titles. I don’t know who steps in their path now. Seriously.

4. Arrested, Development

Hernandez’s next uniform may be orange.

An arrest warrant has been issued for New England Patriot tight end Aaron Hernandez. Obstruction of justice in relation to the murder of Odin Lloyd. You hand over a shattered cell phone to police investigators, you’re going to raise eyebrows, you know.

Interestingly, some people tweeted (and then deleted said tweets) yesterday, upon learning of the destroyed cell phone and home-security system, that it was “sad” that Hernandez may be involved in this. No. It is sad that Odin Lloyd was murdered.

Someone else tweeted –and I laughed– that he couldn’t wait for Ray Lewis to join ESPN’s studio shows so that the retired Raven could provide expert analysis on how to avoid being charged with murder.

Finally: Who are the two other people whom Hernandez and Lloyd were with on Monday night? I suppose that’s the first question investigators will ask.

5. “I Thought It Was Great”

NBC, please tell us that this is not the best you can do.

The “Morning Joe” crew addresses yesterday’s debacle with Russell Brand. The aforementioned quote comes from Brian Schactman. Mika Brzezinski notes that she has never “gotten so much hatred, so much vitriol.” (I’m raising my hand here). Brian, it was great. And you came off as a boy talking to a man. And, yes, we caught that you noted this morning that Brand notified Katy Perry that he wanted a divorce via text message, something that you wouldn’t have dared say to his face yesterday.

Near the end of the broadcast Andy Serwer, the managing editor of Fortune and one of the plethora of like-minded pinheads who regularly appear on this show, told Mika that he thought she did not have anything to apologize for. He actually thought it was Brand who had been rude.

At the very end of this morning’s show, there was a dedication to the recently deceased dog of one of “Morning Joe’s” behind-the-scenes staffers.

We’ll get through this, America.

Starting Five

1. Yo, T! Rest In Peace.

Ursine. Volcanic. Ruthless. Sweet. Charismatic. Autocratic. Family-oriented. That was the character, Tony Soprano, that James Gandolfini, who died yesterday in Rome at age 51, brought to life. Before The Sopranos, there was only one real drama of note (and it was more of a comedy at best) on HBO, and that was Sex and The City.

In the winter of 1999 Creator David Chase, with a writing staff that would include the future creator of Mad Men, Matt Weiner, foisted upon us one of the truly inimitable and unforgettable characters in television history. The genre, Mafia movies/TV, was not at all new. But we’d never seen a godfather quite like this one.

If you are from New Jersey originally (raises hand), and Italian-American (hand raised even higher), you are both proud of and appalled at the character. But, this show changed television. In its wake came The Wire, Breaking Bad, Entourage, Mad Men, Game of Thrones, Boardwalk Empire, etc. Most of the best, if not all of the best, dramatic series ever to air on TV were spawned after this. The Sopranos was the model.

A few more thoughts…

–Here’s Gandolfini, who would win three Emmys, on “Inside The Actors’ Studio.”

–Here he is, with the rest of the cast, doing a “Top Ten List” on The Late Show

–Here’s a vintage scene with Dr. Melfi, the “Jimmy Smash story” from Season 1. Comic, wistful, empathetic. All in two minutes.

–Right now Gandolfini knows what Chase does not: whether the final scene of this series, the final moment, is actually accurate. Whether everything truly fades to black.

2. Exposed

British Invasion of “Morning Joe”

Comedian, erstwhile husband of Katy Perry and smoldering ball of sexual fire Russell Brand stopped by the MSNBC set of “Morning Joe” yesterday and in eight-plus captivating minutes, simply laid waste to the junior varsity trio of on-air “talent” (I’m using that word oh so loosely) seated around the desk.

Brand absolutely schooled host Mika Brzezinski and quasi-co-hosts Brian Schachtman (oh, you poor boy) and fellow Brit Katty Kay (who was at least smart enough to keep her mouth shut most of the time) on their superficial comments and rude behavior. It began badly when Morning Mika introduced him by saying, “Joining us now, he’s a really big deal…I know, I’m told this…I’m not very pop-cultured, I’m sorry.”

Well, Mika, considering you’re on air three hours every morning, perhaps you oughta be. And how rude was that? Fortunately, that was just the sort of insult that got Brand’s juices running and he can more than retaliate.

At one point, when one of them obsessed about his clothes and British accent, Brand quipped, “Thanks for your casual objectification.”

I’ve seen Brand on talk shows before. And seemingly so have you. What becomes very apparent very quickly is that he is brilliant. And not just because of his prolix vocabulary. There is a tendency to simply think of him a Aldous Snow or some type of clown because of his unique features and mode of dress, but what Brzezkinski & Co. discovered the hard way is this: He’s out-thinking you every moment.

At one point Brand, so exasperated at the “Morning Joe” crew’s utter lack of professionalism and intellect, bursts out, “Is this what you all do for a living?”

It was an outstanding performance. Hey, I’m straight and while watching this “it went from six to midnight.” Russell Brand is one of those performers who actually deserves to be famous.

3. Moms Are The Best

Here is Colbert mentioning his mom one year ago.

Last week Stephen Colbert, who is one of 11 children, lost his mother, Lorna Colbert. She was 92 years old. The host of “The Colbert Report” broke character and gave a simple, sincere tribute to the woman who shaped his life more than anyone else (“If you also like me, that’s because of my mom.”). My mom is, fortunately, still around and will be for a long time–and reads this daily –and has had the same effect on me.

4. Taking Care of Business — and Working Overtime

For the third time in four games, the Stanley Cup finals went beyond the designated 60 minutes. The Blackhawks won 6-5 on Brent Seabrook’s goal midway through the first overtime. The series is now knotted up 2-2 as both Original Six squads return to Chicago for Game 5 and I desperately hope that I got through this item without exposing my Brzezinski-esque ignorance of hockey. I hear it’s a really big deal.

5. A Tight End, And Some Loose Ends

Why was the New England Patriot tight end out with homicide victim Odin Llloyd, who dated the sister of Hernandez’s girlfriend, on the night that Lloyd was murdered? Did Hernandez, Lloyd and two other men leave the bar together? If so, when and why did they separate? Doesn’t Hernandez have a beautiful home? Will Tim Tebow, who played with Hernandez at Florida, move to tight end? When is Rob Gronkowski’s next surgery? Is Kelli Naqi now sentenced to a summer of staking out Hernandez’ North Attleborough home the way she once had to stalk Michael Vick (it’s cool; she’s a Boston College alum so she won’t mind)? Do you think Bill Belichick wouldn’t mind now fielding more Tebow questions? Do the Savage brothers have an alibi?

Reserves

The home of University of Oklahoma football coach Bob Stoops is burgled on the eve of the 24th anniversary of Barry Switzer’s resignation. Probably just a coincidence. Stoops was traveling in Kansas when the break-in occurred, some time after 3:30 a.m., but his family was home. In the wake of this incident Stoops has fired his defensive coordinator.

***

Day of Puig’s

Puig steals second as Yankee shortstop Not-Derek-Jeter attempts to apply tag.

Dodger rookie phenom Yasiel Puig etches his name alongside hundreds –thousands? — of other Major Leaguers by striking out against Mariano Rivera. Puig, who was at Yankee Stadium yesterday for a mid-week day-night doubleheader against The Pinstripes, had quite the memorable afternoon. He had both a bunt single and a home run, a stolen base, and an attempted 9-3 put-out at first base that went awry. Still, you cannot take your eyes off him. And there he was, in the opener, whiffing against the greatest closer of all time to end the game. A crossing of two epochs.

Speaking of which, the Dodgers’ visit to Yankee Stadium inspired Vin Scully, who has only been calling Dodger games for 64 years, to take to Twitter yesterday.

****

The Washington Post’s Melinda Henneberger, who is rapidly running out of college football teams for whom to root, tweets, “Naval Academy required woman to attend football games even after she reported being raped by 3 players charged today.” I have not seen this actually reported in a story yet, so take Henneberger’s tweet for what it is. Still, that’s SEC-level misappropriation of values taking place at Annapolis. Also, why should anyone be compelled to watch Navy play?

***

Hey, kids, The Backstreet Boys have a new song out! Which I doubt will threaten Kanye West’s “Yeezus.”  I completely recused myself from the Boy Band era, but if I had to pick just one group to follow, it would certainly be Dudez A-Plenti.

Remote Patrol

Game 7, NBA Finals

Spurs-Heat

ABC 9 p.m.

No predictions. I had Spurs in six and I was one defensive rebound away from being correct. Thank goodness Disney has Jeff Van Gundy as its color analyst. He’s the most candid on-air talent at ESPN.

Starting Five

1. TEAM HEA(R)T

Ray Allen: “Three-Feat”

Ten Things To Remember About Game Six

1. The 25 first-half points by the Spurs’ Tim Duncan. Vintage Big Fundamental from a decade earlier.

2. The Heat’s Mike Miller not only playing an entire offensive possession in the fourth quarter with only one shoe, but spotting up and burying the three.

3. Kawhi Leonard’s first-half dunk. As one person tweeted, Leonard just fulfilled two of his lifetime objectives: “He dunked and he punched Mike Miller in the face.”

4. The polarizing play of LeBron James. If you love him, you note that the Heat forward had 32 points, 11 rebounds and 10 assists, his second triple-double of the Finals. If you don’t, you remind people that he palms the ball on every one of his patented “set-up-from-30-feet-out-and-then-bullrush-to-the-bucket” maneuvers. If you love him, you remind us that LeBron scored 16 points in the final 12:10 of regulation to lead the Heat back from a 12-point deficit. If you don’t, you note that late in the third, he failed to get a whistle on a driving layup and sat in the lane, his palms held upward, and whined to the referees as the Spurs raced downcourt to score a bucket. It was 60-56 at that point and the Spurs quickly turned it into a 13-point lead. If you love him, you note that LBJ was an absolute beast on defense. If you don’t, you grudgingly accede that point. But you note that LeBron, for as great as he is, plays like a playground chump. The dude who misses his shot and then calls the foul. In overtime he came up with a steal and had Danny Green onein-on-one in the open court. Miami led by just one with :40 to play. LeBron did three things here: 1. He slammed into Green and cleared him out with his left arm, conspicuously 2. Lost the ball out of bounds, again conspicuously, and really through no effort on the part of Green, who was falling to the floor, and 3. reacted by making the face you see below.

5. Tony Parker’s brilliance. TP hit a teardrop three with the Spurs down three and under two minutes to play, then made the spin move “Where Did He Go?” play on Mario Chalmers that led to the go-ahead bucket. If either James or Allen miss their threes, the Spurs have a fifth title and Monsieur Parker is the undisputed NBA Finals MVP.

6. That offensive rebound by Chris Bosh (and yes, it is worth asking why Tim Duncan and his 17 rebounds were not on the floor). Four Spurs defenders were in the area of LeBron’s three-point miss, but the human velociraptor (he really was perfect for that team’s nickname) that is Bosh extended to the heavens to grab the board and kick it out to Allen who…

7…. buried the most clutch three in NBA Finals memory. Yes, John Paxson buried a three that won the 1993 NBA Finals, but the score was tied at that point. Garfield Heard buried a shot to force another overtime in the Phoenix Suns-Boston Celtics three-overtime classic in 1976, but the Suns would ultimately lose the game and the series. Two years earlier Kareem Abdul-Jabbar swished the prettiest baseline sky hook you will ever see to clinch a double OT win against those same Celtics in Game 6 of the Finals, but the Celtics would win Game 7 (in Milwaukee) and then the series. (Watch the final 30 seconds of that contest, by the way–go to 6:00 mark. Note two things: 1) there are three lead changes in the final 30 seconds and 2) pay attention to the dribbling. No one is palming the ball. That makes it more difficult for the ballhandler to change direction. But that’s the way the rules are written. The NBA has lost its way in terms of officiating this, which is why LeBron is as lethal as he is).

8. The KIA NBA Countdown postgame show in which Magic Johnson opined, “I’ll say it –they choked.” The road team was down three in the final two minutes and they choked? Really? Kawhi Leonard only made one of two free throws in the final few seconds with the Spurs up two, but he was only a 63% FT shooter in the playoffs, anyway. He didn’t choke. He simply performed at his expected level. Honestly, Magic’s presence on this show is puzzling. If you are too young to remember him as a player, he was a charismatic leader, an ultimate competitor and, like LeBron, a physical beast as a matchup — a 6-9 point guard was at the time unheard of — who, also like LeBron, whined when things didn’t go his way. And, again like LeBron, had a suspect jump shot. But he was the ultimate leader and a brilliant player. It’s startling how simple-minded he comes off on this show. I’m sure Bill Simmons looks at him before every broadcast and thinks two things: 1) The Ewing Theory would work here and 2) this is the guy who beat my Celtics three out of five times in the Eighties?

9. Heat security attempting to cordon off the court as Tim Duncan was attempting to inbound the ball before San Antonio’s final possession in regulation. As ABC’s Jeff Van Gundy astutely observed, “What are they worried about? Miami fans rushing the court if the Spurs win?”

10. Jesus Shuttleworth’s textbook form on his season-saving jumper from the corner. And the look on Tony Parker’s face as he raced to guard him. Freeze-frame moment in NBA history.

2. Michael Hastings Dies in Single-Car Accident

The Buzzfeed reporter, whose 2010 expose on four-star general Stanley McChrystal, then the joint commander of U.S. and NATO forces in Afghanistan, in Rolling Stone, led to McChrsytal’s resignation, is dead. Hastings, 33, perished in a high-speed, single-car accident in the Hancock Park area of Los Angeles at around 4:15 a.m. Locals will tell you that Hancock Park is a tony neighborhood (but not decadently so like Beverly Hills or Bel Air) that almost makes you feel as if you are in Westchester County or New England. Almost.

Bizarrely, David Halberstam was, like Hastings, a fierce and fearless young war correspondent in the 1960s (what Hastings was to Afghanistan and the U.S. military, Halberstam was to Vietnam and the Pentagon, with his work appearing in The New York Times). Halberstam also died in a car accident in California, although as a much older man. If you want to read an outstanding book on being a journalist, especially a war correspondent, read William Prochnau’s “Once Upon A Distant War”, which relates the tale of Halberstam and Neil Sheehan, among others, as young, headstrong reporters in Vietnam.

3. Max Brooks Is Not Part of the World War Z Promo Tour

This is actually the line to acquire Wendy’s new pretzel bacon cheeseburger.

Here’s the author, who also happens to be Mel Brooks’ son, discussing how he had absolutely no control over the adaptation of his best-seller once Brad Pitt’s company purchased the rights to it. “Looks like World War Z in name only,” says Brooks, who notes that Pitt and Leo DiCaprio got into a bidding war for the rights to the story before the book was even published.

My two pennies: I LOVE the book. But, if you have not read it, you should know that it’s constructed a little like The Canterbury Tales. There’s a central story –a zombie apocalypse — around which are based a series of vignettes that allow Brooks to provide observations on economics, geo-politics, sociology, etc. It’s brilliant. But there’s no central character or characters. Hence, with the hindsight of Game of Thrones to guide us, the preferred option would have been to turn WWZ into an HBO series. And, hopefully, someday that will still happen.

As it is now, World War Z the film will resemble its literary sire the way “The Hunger Games” film might have resembled the book that preceded it if the film were about a pie-eating contest. That said, my man Adam Duerson caught a sneak preview and tweeted, “Resembled Max Brooks’ book 0%, but I enjoyed it 100%.”

Last two things: 1) Don’t cry for Brooks. No one forced him to sell the rights. Surely he banked a fortune on this. 2) To avoid confusion, World War Z is the 2013 summer apocalypse film in which everyone is not getting stoned. You’re welcome.

4. Miss Utah Just Keeps on Winning

Third runner-up? Please.

Last night Marissa Powell’s “The Man Who Shot Liberty Valance” World Tour (i.e., “Print the legend”) continued triumphantly in Hollywood, as she sang the words to her incoherent answer on Jimmy Kimmel Live. Poor Erin Brady, a.k.a. Miss USA, a.k.a. “Who Dat?” She is sentenced to a years of visiting hospitals and cutting ribbons and air travel and trying vainly to remain in shape for Miss Universe –which will not have a bikini competition due to its being staged in a Muslim nation –while Powell will slingshot that fame to a hosting gig on E! or perhaps replacing Diane Sawyer on “World News Tonight.”

What about me?

Powell could be earning high six figures, if not seven, by this time next year, at which point the then 22 year-old can return to Nene “Wiki” Leakes’ question and say, “I don’t know who you’re talking about, home girl, but I’m making bank.”

5. Obesity: The Other White Meat

The American Medical Association votes to recognize obesity as a disease,  while the World Hunger Organization and Sudan vote to collectively raise a middle finger in the general direction of the AMA. As one follower on Twitter noted, “Obesity is a disease? Maybe we should start a 5-K to find a cure.” Yes, let’s. We’ll call it Fat’s Run.

Reserves

Mess Sweep Twinbill from Barves; Costas Does Not Do Highlights

This had the makings of the Most Mess game of the season thus far. Through six innings Matt Harvey was pitching a no-hitter and had struck out 13 Barves. Then Lukas Duda failed to cover first on an infield roller, spoiling Harvey’s no-no. In the eight David Wright misplayed a ground ball (E-5) but the official scorer ruled it a hit. The Mess led 4-0 at the time but the Barves soon made it 4-3 –all three runs charged to Harvey, even though they should have been unearned– and had the tying run at third.

Honestly, if Harvey were to kill a teammate at this point, it’s justifiable homicide.

But then the Mess actually came through. Bobby Parnell whiffed an Upton –don’t ask me to remember which one — to end the threat and then worked out of a jam in the ninth to record the save.

For Harvey it was his first win since May 17 in Chicago, when he himself drove in the winning run.

In the nightcap, phenom Zack “To The Future” Wheeler pitched six shutout innings in his Major League debut to get the win. Of course, the Mess did not score until the top of the seventh and Wheeler left after six. He got the W, but barely. Get used to this feeling, Zack.

Wheeler: 7 K’s but also five walks in his debut.

*****
In World Cup qualifying, Team USA beat Honduras, 2-0. World Cup qualifying for the USA is the soccer equivalent to Kansas State’s football schedule in September.

***
Eighty-Six Steak Shapiro

An obnoxious, boorish radio host with a meathead sobriquet was canned for saying something obnoxious and boorish. I’m shocked.

Remote Patrol

Stanley Cup Finals, Game 4

Blackhawks at Bruins

8 p.m. NBC

Between the NHL and NBA, we’ve had three overtime contests in nine games. Not bad. However, with the little ice ken that I possess, it feels to me that Boston has been the superior team every time it has taken the ice dating back to the second round. Toronto, which had a three-goal lead in the third period of Game 7 in the opening round, should have provided the knockout punch. Ever since the Bruins have looked lethal. So, Maple Leaf fans, you’ll always have that to live with. Oh, and by the way, Magic Johnson, THAT was a choke.

Apatowcalpyse Now

by Chris Corbellini

How tricky it must be for a guy like Seth Rogen to play himself when the rest of the movie-watching world thinks it already knows him. When an actor does it right though, exaggerating the worst parts of his public self, it’s always good for a laugh. Rogen is the co-director and writer of the Apocalypse comedy “This is the End,” and with a cast that graduated with dishonors from the School of Apatow, the movie suggests that he and other big-name actors aren’t worthy of ascending to heaven. No, it’s much funnier to see these fools suffer each other at the mouth of hell.

What up? Jon Hamm just dropped trou.

The six leads, Rogen, Jay Baruchel, James Franco, Jonah Hill, Craig Robinson and Danny McBride have all found success on their own in Hollywood. Now, with a credit line to do a project all their own, they’ve put together the funniest movie of the summer so far. It’s drags a bit while the end-of-the-world story plays out in the background, but there’s a lot to chuckle about from credits to credits, which in today’s comedy market is really saying something.

One of the smarter choices the filmmakers made was lingering longer than usual with the set-up: Baruchel flies into Los Angeles to visit Rogen, and while there are smiles, backslaps and a rapid-fire montage of ganja smoking involved, the visitor can barely conceal his disgust with how phony his world-famous buddy has become. This may be rooted in truth, with Baruchel doubling for the co-director Evan Goldberg, who is a childhood friend of Rogen’s. Then again, Baruchel gets recognized himself at a Hollywood party (“Loved you in Million Dollar Baby”), so it might be partly from his point of view as well – a working actor that is not a megastar surrounded on all sides by megastars. The party in question takes place at James Franco’s new mansion in the Hollywood Hills, and it’s the best slice of the picture.

127 Hours; Forgetting Sarah Marshall; The 40 Year-Old Virgin; Mad Men. The Freaks are killing the Geeks in IMDB credits.

There’s an unspoken rule when invited to nights like these: If you have a choice between checking out a pack of celebrities seated at a table or a pack of matches placed at another table … you stare at the matches. The endgame is if you pretend not to look long enough something interesting will happen, and the Rogen-Goldberg tandem shot the party this way and it’s funny and knowing. Michael Cera, for instance, an actor known for his inherent meekness, is spotted hopped up on cocaine and slapping Rihanna’s butt, and she wheels around and belts him.  My favorite moment, lensed in passing as if you were walking out of a bathroom upstairs, was Jason Segel bitching about the dumb-it-down comedy of his own hit television series, mimicking chubby cheeks and mumbling as if he had eaten his TV wife’s food without permission. These would be the stories you tell friends the following morning. Of course the joke of the movie is you wouldn’t live long enough to see the following morning. Just as Baruchel and Rogen are close to having it out for good, beams of godly light bolt from the sky, and the Apocalypse begins.

MH has a soft spot for the almost-famous Baruchel, who first uttered, “It’s All Happening.” He’s sweet in “She’s Out Of My League.”

A good comparison from this point would be “Ghostbusters,” with its combination of how-is-this-happening scares and humor (one of the monsters looks like the ugly dog-creature that attacks Rick Moranis outside Tavern on the Green). But Rogen and Goldberg push it far beyond the silly imagery of a Stay-Puff Marshmallow Man. They instead open up a sinkhole right in front of Franco’s house and drop nearly all of young Hollywood to their deaths.  The Marshmallow Man in this instance is actually a well-endowed demon giant, because what’s worse than feeling inadequate before being swallowed and banished to hell?

The CGI isn’t mind-blowing, and that’s not really the intention. The intention is the hilarious facial reactions to that CGI. It wasn’t enough that these actors were so freaked out by a severed human head that they began squealing in horror. No, the creatives thought it would be even funnier if they captured their horror from the point of view of the HEAD, rolling around like a soccer ball on the floor.  Then, when a exorcism must take place, one of them repeats “The power of Christ compels you!” because that’s the quote they (and the rest of us) remember from “The Exorcist.” This group may not known much about the writings from the Bible, but they do know their movie scenes.

The performers clearly had a blast making this film, you can see it. They must have laughed quite often after someone yelled “cut,” and I look forward to the DVD commentary, when they crack up even more. Rogen doesn’t showcase his famous laugh much in “This is the End,” but you can almost see him bellowing to himself months earlier, as he wrote moments for each of his cast-mates. McBride somehow chews up scenery which involves fire and death, and his moment with the biggest cameo in the movie brings the biggest laugh. Then there’s the finale, with extras and stars alike decked out in white. In the end, sweetness prevails. That may seem like a surprise considering the subject matter, but not to anyone who watched Rogen and many in this cast getting their big break in the Judd Apatow show “Freaks and Geeks.” They are now paying forward that rooted-in-kindness storytelling. The Freaks and Geeks shall inherit the Earth. What’s left of it that hasn’t been stomped on by a demon with his junk dangling out, that is.