Monthly Archives: November 2012

Day of Yore, November 13

by bhubbell | Leave a comment

“How about if we get Farrah and Wonder Woman and they’re both nipping out? And we’ll get Howard Cosell to call the action.”

It probably wasn’t the longest pitch meeting ever held. “That’s gold, Jerry!”

   

Jill Munroe vs. Richie Cunningham in a running race? No bras allowed? Why, yes, I am interested, thank you for asking!

You TV historians would note that both of those characters were on team ABC, so they’d be running together. I guess that wasn’t as important as the second question posed. “Battle of the Network Stars” premiered tonight in 1976. Happy fucking birthday America! We learned as nation as we got older and in time “Baywatch” gave us all we wanted out of “Battle…” in it’s opening credits, but damn, was this a good idea when it hit. The first of 19 competitions was highlighted by…. well, Farrah… but as far as the competition, this ridiculous run-off. In my memory (made up), Howard says, “Bah, Bah Blacksheep? How about, Bye, Bye Blacksheep?”

What was not-so-great television was an afternoon fight on CBS today in 1982. Ray Mancini defeated Duk Koo Kim in fifteen brutal rounds. Kim would die of brain injuries four days later. His mother would commit suicide four months later and the referee of the fight, Richard Green, would also commit suicide eight months later. Mancini was never the same as a fighter and the WBC would be the first branch of boxing to reduce fights from 15 to 12 rounds.

  

Tonight in 1979 Darryl Dawkins of the Philadelphia 76’ers threw down one of the most famous dunks in NBA history, shattering the backboard over Bill Robinzine of the Kansas City Kings. Dawkins later named the dunk, “The Chocolate-Thunder-Flying, Robinzine-Crying, Teeth-Shaking, Glass-Breaking, Rump-Roasting, Bun-Toasting, Wham-Bam, Glass-Breaker-I-Am-Jam.”

The Walt Disney Company delivered something completely different today in 1940, releasing “Fantasia.” Loved by critics, the film didn’t perform well at the box-office because nobody was going to movies because of the war, and many felt Disney had gone highbrow. “Fantasia” has been released many times since then and more than made it’s money back and is considered an all-time classic. Disney struck again today in 1991, releasing the first animated movie to ever be nominated for Best Picture, “Beauty and the Beast.”

  

Also released today in 1991 was a movie of a different sort. Also a remake, this beast made the one in the Disney movie seem like a pansy.

DeNiro was 48 when “Cape Fear” came out.

Greg Maddox became the first pitcher to ever win 4 straight Cy Young awards today in 1995. Nobody ever accused him of cheating either.

Birthday wishes to Garry Marshall (78) and Joe Mantegna (65). Their five best:

Marshall

1. Happy Days

2. Overboard

3. Pretty Woman

4. Laverne and Shirley

5. Nothing In Common

Mantegna

1. Searching For Bobby Fischer

2. Criminal Minds

3. Alice

4. Things Change

5. House of Games

— Bill Hubbell

Posted in: 365 |

IT’S ALL HAPPENING: 11/13

by John Walters | Leave a comment

Starting Five

1. While all the precincts have yet to report, we are going to award The New York Daily News with “headline of the day” for its cover,”In the Line of Booty”, featuring other other woman Jill Kelley. Both other women are married to doctors, coincidentally. We also like The Daily Show’s succinct but effective “Spyfall.”

2. In foregone conclusion news, Mike Trout (Los Angeles Angels of Anaheim) and Bryce Harper (Washington Nationals) win the American and National League Rookie of the Year awards, respectively.

Harper made the cover of SI at age 16…

…while Trout had to wait until he was an old man of 21.

3. Detroit remains winless at 0-8. Coach Lawrence Frank, who, um, led the New Jersey Nets to an 0-16 start in 2009 before being fired, is in the words of Garden Stater Jon Bon Jovi, “whoa, oh, we’re halfway there.”  The Pistons absorbed a 92-90 loss at home to Oklahoma City. Detroit actually led the Thunder by 11 points entering the fourth quarter, which began with a 13-0 run by OKC. Russell Westbrook led the Thunder, playing its fourth game in five nights, with 33 points on his 24th birthday. (we erred yesterday when we said Frank’s persona losing streak is 23 games, forgetting that he coached Detroit all of las season; it’s actually eight games at the moment). 

4.  Florida State coach Jimbo Fisher hates the BCS. And he hates the playoff. From what we can deciper from his presser yesterday, he believes in a “Little Miss Sunshine” format. His quote: “I think (the BCS) stinks. I think the BCS and how we’re doing it with these computurs, I think we’re ruining it. And the playoff isn’t going to solve it, either. They’ve got to change how we pick the top teams in this country. It’s not working. I think it was better in the old days when you did it by the eye test and you didn’t have a championship game.” (more on this matter in reserves) 

5. Now that the Lakers have hired Steve Nash and Mike D’Antoni, how long until their new mascot is The Gorilla? Their new broadcaster, Al McCoy (who has been with the Phoenix Suns since 1972)? Their new p.r chief, Julie Fie (who’s held that job in Phoenix for more than 20 years)? 

 

Reserves

Okay, who wants to see shirtless pics of this man?

David Letterman on a recently released film: “Steven Spielberg’s ‘Lincoln’ is now in theaters… traditionally not a good place for Lincoln.”

We received word yesterday that Cortland College and Ithaca College in upstate New York marketed their football game last weekend as “the biggest little game in America” after something we wrote in Sports Illustrated. Which, hey, go ahead but we wrote that line in 1991. Cortland won, 16-10.

“I must be the WORST journalist in the world!” laughed Jon Stewart of The Daily Show after showing clips of his interview last January with heavily armed Paula Broadwell, in which he failed to pick up on any sexual innuendo that the paramour or less of General David Petraeus was offering him. “For God’s sake, the title of her book was ‘All In’. She may as well have called the book What’s Got Two Thumbs and Is Banging His Biographer? This Guy.” Our favorite line from the well-armed biographer is when she gushes, “(Petraeus) can turn water into bottled water!”

Paula Broadwell…physically, we’d describe her as ‘arm-y’

Fans of Kansas State, Oregon and Notre Dame (but especially fans of Notre Dame), please stop the insanity. It’s November 13 and you’re already bickering about which unbeaten is going to be shut out of the National Championship Game.

Allow us to make a few points: 1. These three teams still have six known opponents remaining (this IS the playoff, as Jesus Jones would say, “Right here, right now.” It’s terrible to think that you are watching it and not realizing it). Let’s rank these contests in order of “lose-ability”, shall we: 

1. Notre Dame at USC, November 24. The Trojans have spoiled undefeated Irish seasons in November in the past, most notably in Ara Parseghian’s first season in South Bend in 1964. This is truly USC’s bowl game this season, even though they will play in a lower-tiered bowl in December. 

2. Oregon at Oregon State, November 24: This is the two-blade razor effect. Stanford will set the injury-riddled Ducks up next week, giving them quite a battle but not quite getting the job done in Eugene. Then Oregon State will knock them out in Corvallis in the Civil War. 

3. Kansas State at Baylor, November 17: Of course the Wildcats should win, but the Bears can score and that makes them dangerous.

 4. Texas at Kansas State, December 1: The Longhorns have enough talent to get this done. It’s all a matter of focus. 

5. Stanford at Oregon, November 17: The Cardinal’s physical offensive line versus a depleted defensive line, due to injury, for the Ducks. The gameplan will be ball control and Stepfan Taylor. 

6. Wake Forest at Notre Dame, November 17: The only mortal lock of the sextet. The question isn’t whether the Irish will win, but whether the nation’s top scoring defense will record its first shutout of the season. 

We fully expect one of this trio of unbeatens to lose at least one game. We’re tempted to say that two of them will lose, but we’ll stick with one for the moment. Who will it be? One, we don’t know and two, it doesn’t matter. It just makes the larger point of how difficult it is for any team to go undefeated and how much more difficult each successive game becomes, particularly in November.

 In short, you don’t write a review of “The Sixth Sense” before the final reveal, and you don’t bicker about there still being three undefeated teams in college football when there are still two full weeks of the season remaining to be played.

  Our second looming point is that even with a playoff, the bickering would be just as hostile and annoying. A four-team playoff?

Great. Right now you’d begin with Oregon, Kansas State and Notre Dame. Immediately after that you have eight — EIGHT! — one-loss teams. And what if Louisville were still unbeaten? What would you do with them? This is why BCS wonks want to increase the playoff to eight teams. These are the same types of people who, if they were bartenders, would add an extras splash of tonic water to your drink to disguise the fact that they short-changed you on your Grey Goose. 

Finally, the puppeteer behind (and we use that word hesitantly) Elmo, Kevin Clash, 52, was given a leave of absence from “Sesame Street” after producers were informed of an alleged sexual relationship between he and a 16 year-old male. You’re not surprised. We’re not surprised. Moving on…

We enjoyed how Letterman introduced the Petraeus affair in his monologue. Obviously, this was the pot calling the kettle black, and Letterman knows that most of his audience realizes it. Hence, the long awkward pause and the “How about that?” before leading into the obligatory joke.

Day of Yore, November 12

by bhubbell | Leave a comment

It might have taken 25 or so years, but today in 1984, rock ‘n roll finally had it’s female Elvis.

  

Madonna released, “Like A Virgin” on November 12, 1984 and the promise she had shown on her debut album exploded into a world-wide phenomenon. The girls all wanted to be her and the guys all wanted to… um, pray with her. The album delivered a hailstorm of singles, attitude, looks, sex, hooks, bangles, sneers, necklaces, gyrations, brattiness and innuendo. And then some more sex and attitude. You look back at the singles now and they’re impossibly tame: Like a Virgin, Material Girl, Into the Groove, Angel, Dress You Up… but at the time she represented a huge liberation in Reagan’s America. Prince had hinted that there was a huge party going on, Madonna threw the door open and invited everyone in. AIDS was still a few years away and for those of a certain age, you paid your cover charge and the shit was on.

The Benatar look quickly gave way to the Madonna-be

There’s a 90% chance you were at a place called something like: Heartbreakers, Graffiti’s, Razzmatazz or Club ____. And there’s a billion% chance there was a Madonna song playing every hour.

Girls drink free til midnight!!!!

 

Appropo of nothing, Charles Manson turned 50 the day “Like A Virgin” came out.

Today in 1602 Sebastian Viscaino landed his ship at, and named, San Diego. I don’t think anyone knows what it means anymore. Scholars maintain that the translation was lost hundreds of years ago.

William “Pudge” Heffilfinger became the first known professional football player today in 1892. Heffilfinger, who grew up in Minneapolis and played at Yale, was paid $500 to play for Allegheny against the Pittsburgh Athletic Club. Heffilfinger recoverd a fumble in the end zone for the game’s only score, Allegheny winning 4-0.

He looks like a dude who would fall on a fumble.

Today in 1993 “The Piano” came out. If you’d have told me while I was watching “Broadcast News” in 1987 that Holly Hunter would be in a movie in six years where there was tons of sex and nudity and that I would still hate it, I’d have said you were high. My critique aside, Hunter won Best Actress and 11-year old Anna Paquin won Best Supporting Actress. (I’ve never liked any movies about mute pianists, it’s just a thing I have.)

From this picture, you’d think a male in his 20’s would have loved the movie… alas, I did not.

If you would have told me that I would ever like a movie about a Mumbai teen trying to win a game show, I would have told you that it sounded better than a movie about a mute pianist, but it still sounded terrible. “Slumdog Millionaire” was released in selected cities today in 2008 and went on to win Best Picture.

Tom Wolfe’s brilliant take on the times, “A Man in Full,” set mostly in Atlanta, hit the bookshelves today in 1998.

Ann Hathaway (30), who hosted SNL last week, and Ryan Gosling (32) share birthdays today. It’s odd that Gosling has never hosted SNL (and probably never will, too big and actory at this point, although he seems like a guy who does whatever the hell he wants, so we’ll call it a maybe), and it’s also strange that these two, who hit at about the same time, haven’t worked together.

“You want to close, right? You want to get laid?”

“Do people still say ‘bang'”?

— Bill Hubbell

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Posted in: 365 |

IT’S ALL HAPPENING! 11/12 The “007 Seconds Or Less” Edition

by John Walters | 1 Comment

 

Starting Five

1. Undefeated Alabama loses; everybody cares. The Crimson Tide fall at home to Johnny Football and Texas A&M, 29-24. Bama, which trailed 20-0, actually had a first-and-goal at the Aggie four yard-line in the final two minutes, but A.J. McWeepie’s fourth-down pass was intercepted. The SEC’s six-year stranglehold on the BCS national title is now so endangered that Noah Wylie is doing PSAs on its behalf.

2. Undefeated Atlanta loses; nobody cares. The Falcons, who were 8-0 and the last NFL unbeaten, fell to the New Orleans Saints, who had been 3-5. People who started Atlanta QB Matt Ryan on their fantasy teams (34 of 52, 411 yards, 3 TDs, one pick) are at worst sanguine about the defeat.

3. It’s not the Los Angeles Lakers; it’s the “Seven Seconds Or Less” Reunion Tour! The Lakers take the HOV lane less traveled by choosing not to rehire Phil Jackson but instead hiring former Phoenix Suns coach Mike D’antoni to a four-year contract. D’Antoni reunites with Steve Nash, a 6-2 white point guard who never dunks but who nevertheless, running D’Antoni’s pick-and-roll up tempo offense, earned two league MVP awards while playing for him.

4. What is most bizarre? That Paula Broadwell, the paramour-or-less of CIA director David Petraeus 1) wrote a biography of the four-star general titled “All In: The Education of David Petraeus” 2) that only two weeks ago she published, in The Daily Beast, Petraeus’ “12 Rules for Living” or that 3) she had an on-air push-up contest with Jon Stewart on The Daily Show earlier this year (Stewart stopped at 38, she continued on to 60). By the way, an All-Aptly Named Team nominee. “Is she a broad? Well….

5. Florida declares that President Obama defeated Mitt Romney in its balloting… on Saturday. That is soooo  Flori-Duh.

Reserves

The Detroit Pistons are 0-7. The Pistons are coached by Lawrence Frank, who you may recall was fired in his previous coaching job three years ago with New Jersey after the Nets started 0-16. Frank seems like a decent enough guy, a red-headed Jeff Van Gundy if you will, but he now owns a personal 23-game losing streak (next up on the schedule: Oklahoma City). Frank is the Charlotte Bobcats of coaches.

Yesterday morning ESPN.com, SI.com, NCAA.com and presumably the Ladies Home Journal  web site all featured a photo of a jubilant Johnny Football and Texas A&M on their respective home pages. A&M has absolutely no shot at a national championship this fall, although its 7-2 record during its maiden voyage throughout the SEC has been impressive and augurs even better days to come. Our point? The culture of college football, as is, is unique and certainly different than the NFL or the NCAA tournament. A sub-text of the month of November — a subtext that will largely disappear when the four- (make that eight-) team playoff gets underway in two years –is the pressure on the remaining undefeated teams and how it builds exponentially each week. Meanwhile, the opportunity to take down an unbeaten is an enormous motivator for teams, teams that themselves have no chance of winning the national title (ask anyone who was in Ames, Iowa, on a late November Friday night last season). No one — certainly not I — is suggesting that BCS bowls are fair and honest, or that this system is the best system. It’s different. It is also, for the most part, wonderful and magical, as those photos attest.  And if you want to quibble about how one team with one loss may advance to a national title game while another does not (see: Alabama and Oklahoma State, 2011), I’ll remind you that there were other 9-7 teams besides the New York Giants last season, and not all of them were afforded the opportunity to participate in the Super Bowl tournament.

 

 

Bill Kristol, editor of The Weekly Standard  (and not the guy who played the titular male lead in “Whe Harry Met Sally”), appears on “Fox News Sunday” and risks own life by stating, “It won’t kill the country if we raise taxes on millionaires”, which is another way of saying that a threshold for the highest tax bracket in the country that begins at $385,000 (as is currently the case) is too low. Which is something we have been saying ever since CNBC began running those “fiscal cliff” ads. Of course, Bill Kristol’s remark, if it comes to pass, will presumably affect the income of Bill Crystal.

Marquess Wilson is swinging his sword right back at first-year Washington State coach Mike Leach. On Saturday Wilson, a junior who last season caught a school-record 82 passes for the Cougars, quit the team. ON his way out of the Palouse, Wilson accused Leach and  his coaching staff of “preferring to belittle, intimidate and humiliate us” and that included physical abuse (stop smirking, Adam James). The Cougars are a dismal 2-8 this year and 0-7 in the Pac-12, including a home loss to Colorado. Wilson led the team in receptions this year, too, with 52. Consider him the No. 1 free agent in college football at the moment.

Skyfall or Windfall? The latest “Bond, James Bond” film earned $87 million at the box office its opening weekend, a record for the franchise, which turned 50 this year.  The film has already been out for three weeks internationally and earned $428 million overseas. These figures leave us both shaken and stirred.  Wherefore the  popularity? Could it be the fans love  cheering on a a spy who indulges in romantic liaisons while remaining unmarried?

Day of Yore, November 9

by bhubbell | Leave a comment

“The legend lives on from the Chippewa on down… of the big lake they called “Gitche Gumee.” The lake, it is said, never gives up her dead… when the skies of November turn gloomy.”– Gordon Lightfoot

The Edmund Fitzgerald embarked from Superior, Wisconsin this afternoon in 1975. The Great Lakes freighter was legendary for its size and dependability in bringing taconite ore products from Duluth, MN to Detroit and Toledo. A brutal winter storm caused the ship to sink the next day, killing all 29 of her crew. None of the bodies were ever found.

Mary Jane Kelly was murdered this night in London in 1888, the fifth and final victim of Jack the Ripper.

Freddy Krueger first hit movie screens today in 1984, with the release of “A Nightmare on Elm Street.”

I’ve yet to see today’s release of “Skyfall,” but it was five years ago today that Javier Bardem played another pretty spooky bad guy in, “No Country For Old Men.”

Stieg Larsson died today in 2004 of a heart attack at just 50 years old after walking up seven flights of stairs to his office because the lift was out of service. Larsson’s trilogy, starring Lizbeth Salender was published after his death and has sold over 70 million copies.

Yeah, he looked like John Hughes, but his material was just a wee bit darker…

The first issue of Rolling Stone magazine hit newsstands today in 1967. John Lennon was on the cover.

— Bill Hubbell