Twitter might have had to just shut down for a couple of hours tonight in 1975.

“M.A.S.H” became the first show in the history of television to have one of it’s lead characters die a tragic death on the show’s third season finale, “Abyssinia, Henry.” 

Lt. Colonel Henry Blake got word at the start of the episode that he had accumulated enough points to be rotated home and honorably discharged. The rest of the show had Blake saying his goodbyes to the rest of the staff at the 4077 MASH unit. The last scene of the episode had Radar entering the O.R. and delivering the shocking news.

In news that might have been just as shocking to those who were around for it, Caligula became emperor of Rome today in 37.

Even his bust had herpes. 

It was today in 1992 that South Africa voted to end Apartheid. 

Today in 1902, Enrico Caruso recorded 10 arias for the Gramophone Co, becoming the first artist to make a record. Tomorrow, 111 years and a day later, Justin Timberlake’s “The 20/20 Experience” comes out. That seems about right.

“The Paper” came out today in 1994. Directed by Ron Howard and starring Michael Keaton, Robert Duvall, Glenn Close and Marisa Tomei, it got middling reviews. I remember liking it, but I’ve never seen it since. What the hell cable?

Happy 34th birthday to Adam Levine, who expertly used television to superstardom. I’m not going to rank Maroon 5 songs, but I’ll admit to liking this one.

— Bill Hubbell

It was today in 1970 that my high school, Minneapolis Southwest, celebrated its only State Hockey Championship with a huge rally in the gym. The Indians had defeated their hated rival, the Edina Hornets, 1-0 in overtime two nights before. The young man at the microphone was Southwest’s phenomenal goalie, Brad Shelstad, who went on to be an All-American for the Minnesota Gophers. The Minnesota High School Hockey Tournament is the best high school sports event in the country and it’s going on now at the Xcel Energy Center in St. Paul…. moving along…

The Fight of the Century was tonight in 1971 at Madison Square Garden. It was the only time two undefeated heavyweight champions met each other and Joe Frazier won a unanimous decision of Muhammad Ali. Ali had led in the first half of the fight, but Frazier wore him down as it went on, knocking him down in the 15th round. Ali would win both of the rematches.

“Beavis and Butthead” made its debut on MTV tonight in 1993. If it didn’t make you laugh, you were dumber than they were.

I waxed on the brilliance of the Coen brothers earlier this week, so I’ll simply say that their best movie was “Fargo,” which hit screens today in 1996. The Coen brothers knocked on my parents door while scouting locations for the movie (they grew up 10 minutes from my parents home) and my mom was more than giddy. Our house proved to be much too big for the Coen’s to use (I think they just wanted to look at it). “Fargo” itself was a small movie that was so, so, SO big.

REM released “Out of Time” today in 1991. It won three Grammys and sold over 18 million copies. Huge REM fan, but I never liked “Losing My Religion.”

“Mask” opened today in 1985. Eric Stoltz played Rocky Dennis, a young man born with a skull deformity and Cher won raves as his strong-willed, biker mom. The movie ended with this poem written by Dennis:

These things are good:

Ice cream and cake,

A ride on a Harley,

Seeing monkeys in the trees,

The rain on my tongue,

And the sun shining on my face.

These things are a drag:

Dust in my hair,

Holes in my shoes,

No money in my pocket,

And the sun shining on my face

The curtain fell on one of television’s greatest comedy teams tonight in 1975, when “The Odd Couple” ran it’s last original episode, “Felix Remarries.”  Though a regular at the Emmy awards, “The Odd Couple” incredibly never cracked the top 25 in the Nielsen ratings, but always performed well in summer reruns. The last episode saw Felix win back his ex-wife Gloria, leaving Oscar to live alone again as a bachelor.

Felix: Your dinner’s in the oven; turn it off in twenty minutes. [pause] Oscar … what can I say? Five years ago you took me in: a broken man on the verge of … mental collapse. I leave here a cured human being. I owe it all to you. [gesturing toward apartment] It’s all yours buddy. I salute you. [empties waste basket onto floor]Oscar: Felix, you know how I’m gonna salute you? I’m gonna clean that up.Felix: It has not been in vain.[They shake hands and Felix exits stage right through front door. After door closes …]Oscar: [swings his hand through the air] I’m not gonna clean that up.[exits stage left to bedroom to audience laughter][Felix sneaks back in stage right and looks at floor]Felix: [disgustedly] I knew he wouldn’t clean it up! [proceeds to pick up trash to audience applause] (fade out)

On the night of March 6, 1965, the sheriff of Dallas County, Alabama, Jim Clark, ordered all white males over the age of 21 to report to the court house to be deputized. The following day as 5-600 civil rights marchers headed out of Selma, Alabama, they were met by a horde of troopers. Tear gas, nightsticks and brutality ensued. Televised images and newspaper photos spread around the country and world and roused support for the U.S. Civil Rights Movement. Amelia Boynton was gassed and nearly beaten to death and became the photo most associated what with would be called, Bloody Sunday.

Today in 1876 Alexander Graham Bell got his US patent for the telephone. His data plan was pretty weak and he could only get one bar at a time.

Sissy Spacek would win an Academy Award for portraying Loretta Lynn in “Coal Miner’s Daughter” which was released today in 1980.

A slightly less award-worthy film was released today in 1997, but it was much better than anybody thought it would be. Howard Stern’s “Private Parts” was the movie version of his rise to prominence in radio.

Today in 1970 Austin Carr of Notre Dame set an NCAA tournament record by scoring 61 points against Ohio. Nobody has scored as many as 50 points since David Robinson in 1987.

Today in 1987 saw the first time a rap album ever hit #1 on the Billboard album charts, when the Beastie Boys debut album, “Licensed to Ill” achieved the top spot.

David Bowie dropped “Young Americans” today in 1975. It was the last of his “glam” records and had the hits, “Fame,” “Fascination” and “Young Americans.”

— Bill Hubbell

The Dude: Yeah, well. The Dude abides.
The Stranger: The Dude abides. I don’t know about you but I take comfort in that. It’s good knowin’ he’s out there. The Dude. Takin’ ‘er easy for all us sinners. Shoosh. I sure hope he makes the finals.

The Big Lebowski, the iconic stoner, who gives a shit about anything, fuck it all anyway cult classic hit movie theaters today in 1998. Jeff Bridges is The Dude, the centerpiece of the Coen brothers movie that at first glance is nothing more than a slightly amusing stoner movie. The Big Lebowski is satire at it’s finest and its mark is the politically correct world we’ve become. But what makes the film a classic is that it has a secret heart the size of bowling alley.

The Alamo fell today in 1836 when it was overrun by Mexican soldiers after a 13-day siege. Davy Crockett and Jim Bowie were both killed in the battle.

Walter Cronkite signed off for the last time tonight in 1981 as the host of the CBS Evening News, which he anchored for 19 years.

Tonight in 1985 18-year old Mike Tyson had his first professional fight, knocking out Hector Mercedes in Albany, New York.

Today in 1987 it seemed like Mel Gibson and Lisa Bonet would never not be huge movie stars. “Lethal Weapon” and “Angel Heart” both hit the big screen and Hollywood was theirs. Bonet was a nobody in the blink of an eye and Gibson had a long career before being overcome by madness in the last decade.

Speaking of great satire, Ring Lardner, the author of one of the best sports satires ever penned, was born today in 1885. “You Know Me Al,” published in 1916 is pure perfection in sending up the clueless, entitled mind of the spoiled athlete. It was “Eastbound and Down” 90 years before Kenny Powers was born.

Happy 41st birthday to Shaquille O’Neal, who put up 61 points and 23 rebounds for the Lakers in a win over the Clippers on his 28th birthday, tonight in 2000.

And Happy 66th to Rob Reiner. His top 10:

1. A Few Good Men
2. When Harry Met Sally
3. The Princess Bride
4. This Is Spinal Tap
5. The American President
6. Misery
7. The Sure Thing
8. Stand By Me
9. Ghosts of Mississippi
10. All in the Family

— Bill Hubbell

 “Cancer can take away all my physical abilities. It cannot touch my mind, it cannot touch my heart and it cannot touch my soul. And those three things are going to carry on forever.”– Jim Valvano, at the ESPYs on March 4, 1993.

Valvano’s speech at the very first ESPYs, is the last thing that ever happened at ESPN’s awards show that anyone remembers.

Hank Gathers died today in 1990 in a quarterfinal game of the WCC basketball tournament. Gathers, who along with Bo Kimble, had led Loyola Marymount to national prominence, was just the second player to ever lead the nation in both scoring and rebounding. Gathers had just thrown down a big alley-oop jam against Pacific before falling to the ground. Gathers had a heart condition and had stopped taking his medication before games. He was pronounced dead upon arrival at a nearby hospital. The player closest to Gathers when he fell? Pacific point guard Eric Spoelstra. Kimble would lead a spirited run to the elite eight in the NCAA tournament before LMU lost to eventual champion UNLV.

People magazine published their first issue today in 1974. Mia Farrow was on the cover as Daisy Buchanan from “The Great Gatsby”. The issue cost 35 cents. God willing, Baz Luhrman’s 2013 edition is better than Farrow and Robert Redford’s borefest.

It was today in 1986 when Janet Jackson proved she wasn’t going to just be Michael’s little sister anymore. She vaulted to superstardom herself with the release of “Control.” 

Her third album sold over 14 million copies and made her one of the biggest stars of the second half of the eighties. The hits were plentiful: “What Have You Done For Me Lately?,” “Control,” “Nasty,” “Let’s Wait Awhile,” “When I Think of You,” and “The Pleasure Principal.” 

Today in 1983 Spandau Ballet released their only hit album, “True.” “True” was a one-hit wonder and was on the radio every five minutes in 1983 and I hated it. It doesn’t sound as bad to me now. The 30th anniversary of the album brings to mind one of my favorite tweets from 2012:

Michael Ian Black ‏@michaelianblack

One man thought “Let’s name the band Spandau Ballet” and four other men agreed.

— Bill Hubbell