Starting Five

1. If you told us a month ago that Dennis Rodman was going to hook up with a Kim, we’d have taken Kim Kardashian over Kim Jong-un. Stay tuned for Jose Canseco’s visit with Iranian leader Mahmoud Ahmadinejad. Rodman: “You know, he’s a good guy to me. Guess what?  He’s my friend…I don’t condone what he does, but as a person-to-person, he’s my friend.

Are rebound for war with North Korea? Worm says no.

Someone  on Twitter cited North Korea, Iran and the 1988-89 Detroit Pistons (of which Rodman was a member) as the true Axis of Evil. Seconded.

2. This is certainly not the play New Rochelle’s coach drew up on the white board during the final timeout versus rival Mount Vernon, but who cares? It worked. Keep in mind: Khalil Edney, the New Rochelle player who tossed in the 55-foot game-winning shot, is also the guy who inbounded the ball. The three-pointer capped an 12-1 comeback in the 61-60 victory. The game was for the New York Section I Class AA championship. Worth noting: Edney was the quarterback on New Rochelle’s state championship-winning football team last fall. This is one interception he did not mind tossing.

3. Later today a Catholic school will find itself ranked No. 1 in the nation in a major revenue sport, even though most experts don’t believe they are truly the best team in the country. Haven’t we seen this movie before, this academic year? Welcome, at long last, to the summit, Gonzaga. On Saturday night the Zags beat Portland, 81-52, to move to 29-2 on the season and finish the WCC schedule 16-0.

Gonzaga coach Mark Few (371-92, .801): Sometimes the smartest career move you can make is to stay put

The Bulldogs’ top two players, center Kelly Olynyk and forward Elias Harris, are from Canada and Germany, respectively. Gonzaga’s total undergrad enrollment? 7,874. Indiana University, last week’s No. 1, has an undergrad enrollment of nearly 43,000 students.

4. Sinkhole de Mayo? (Okay, we were stretching). The massive sinkhole that swallowed Florida man Jeff Bush, 36, is actually not that uncommon in western Florida. In fact, that area of the state is known as “Sinkhole Alley.” Bush’s body will not be recovered as authorities have decided to raze the house before anyone else comes to harm. Not to sound callous –which is a signal that I’m about to be callous –but if you’re just going to unearth a corpse only to bury that corpse once more, what’s the point?

If only a sinkhole would swallow Tropicana Field

5. Premature Evaluations, ESPN variety: At halftime of Sunday’s Heat-Knicks contest, in which New York led by 14, Michael Wilbon said that “it looks as if Miami is going to lose this game.” The Heat won by six. Later, during the Thunder-Clippers contest, our good friend Arash “Guest List” Markazi had a third quarter tweet that began, “And Kevin Durant just put the game away with that dunk.” The Clippers would come back to tie the Thunder before ultimately losing. After the game, on ABC, Bill Simmons was discussing the ankle injury to San Antonio’s Tony Parker and said (not verbatim), “Let’s be honest: Tony Parker’s injury means that Oklahoma City is going to get the No. 1 seed out west, and that means that we’re going to have a replay of last year’s NBA Finals.” The Spurs currently lead OKC out west by three games and last night, minus Tony Parker, they beat Detroit by 39 points. As Magic Johnson might say(might say? Try “always says”), “You know what? Look. Shut up and let things happen or at least own up to when you’re wrong.”

This photo of Bar Refaeli has nothing to do with anything we are writing about today

Reserves

Oh, this was stupid. A 46 year-old man dies during the swim portion of the Escape from Alcatraz Triathlon in San Francisco Bay. It was stupid because the event is ordinarily held in June, but the race was moved up three months to accommodate the America’s Cup, which will be staged there come June. If you’ve been to San Francisco, you know that the bay is never particularly warm. Yesterday water temps were about 51 degrees. Approximately 150 swimmers were pulled from the water.

Brrrrrrr-ing it on!

Blackhawks up… Chicago’s point streak survives as Patrick Kane scores a game-tying goal versus the Red Wings with 2:02 remaining in the third period. Chicago won a shootout, though the streak was intact just by forcing overtime. The Blackhawks now have at least one point (tie or win) in 22 consecutive games to open the season, an NHL record.

How much longer must Chicago’s points streak extend before someone wonders aloud whether their logo could be any more racist?

Speaking of streaks, Miami wins its 14th straight as LeBron comes up HA-YOUGE in the fourth quarter at Madison Square Garden versus the Knicks. New York led by 16 early in the second half.

Hot-and-cold shooting: In Norman, Oklahoma converts all 34 of its free throws as the Sooners beat Iowa State, 86-69. OU’s charity-stripe perfection equaled an NCAA record achieved twice before, by UC Irvine in 1981 and by Samford in 1990. In Riverdale, N.Y. (just north of Manhattan), it was Manhattan 34, Fairfield 31, the second-lowest scoring game of the shot clock era. Only Princeton 41, Monmouth 21, in 2005, saw fewer points scored.

In Mississippi, doctors claim to have cured a baby that was born with the HIV virus. That baby has since offered LeBron James $1 million to participate in next year’s NBA Slam Dunk Contest.

The Lakers, fueled by Kobe’s 34 points, beat Atlanta 99-98  to get back to even (.500). LA is now 2 1/2 games out of an 8th-place playoff spot. You know what? Look. We want to see the Lakers make the playoffs as much as anyone in the 310/323 does, but if they draw San Antonio it’ll be ugly and swift.

Earlier that day at Staples, OKC beat the Clippers. The Thunder’s Serge Ibaka nut-punched Blake Griffin late in the fourth quarter, and for some bizarre reason was whistled for a flagrant-1 but not ejected. Ibaka later converted a three-point play (and-one style) and had a key block as the Thunder held on to win. The Clippers and Lakers both played at home as part of “MarkaziFest”, a celebration of our friend’s birthday.

How do you introduce a clause such as “(Roger) Goodell, who has an openly gay brother…” just one graf from the end of this column?

There are three remaining unbeatens in college basketball, all of them on the women’s side: Division II Clayton State (Ga.) is 26-0. Division III squads Montclair State (29-0) and DePauw (30-0) could meet in the second round of the D3 tournament next weekend, with DePauw hosting…and speaking of perfect female hoops teams, Duncanville (Texas) won the 5A state championship this weekend to finish 42-0 and run their nation’s-best win streak to 70 games.

Remote Patrol

Connecticut at Notre Dame (Women)

ESPN2, 7 p.m.

The No. 3Huskies (27-2) lead the overall series, 29-9, but theNo. 2 Irish have won five of the past six. No. 2 Notre Dame has won 22 straight, which is one shy of the school record. Its only loss was to No. 1 Baylor. UConn’s only defeats have been to Baylor and the Irish. These two coaching staffs don’t like each other very much. Geno Auriemma is a ball-buster and a funny guy. Muffet McGraw? Not so much. No one’s fannies will be patted tonight.

Skylar Diggins of Notre Dame

Goodbye, winter. Okay, we haven’t been able to kick you out yet– you’re still putting on your coat and asking if you can use the head before you leave — but turning the calendar from February to March always induces hope. Now, where’s my SPF 45 sun-block?

Starting Five

1. Remember when only juries were sequestered? Well, sequester has now replaced fiscal cliff as the Beltway buzz-term that translates to “Our economy is screwed.” In August of 2011 Congress gave itself a deadline to cut the budget or else. Well, guess what? That deadline date and the “or else” is now here. The cuts will not be immediate or dramatic and judging by the relative lack of bleating in D.C., both sides of the aisle were happy to do nothing and let these cuts take place (this way, when reelection time comes, no one can be blamed for DOING SOMETHING. Because why would anyone want a

Sequester: 535 Angry Men

political leader to, you know, lead?).

Anyway, I do wish there were a Schoolhouse Rock episode to make this entire unwieldy issue explicable in one minute or less, but alas, the funding for that was most likely cut. Funny or Die has volunteered to fill in and take a shot at explaining it all.

2. Men on a mission outlast Men who’ve been on a mission, as No. 2 Gonzaga edges BYU in Provo, 70-65. Interesting note: BYU’s home court, the Marriott Center, seats nearly 21,000 (and was full). The West Coast Conference’s next largest arena, Gonzaga’s McCarthey Athetic Center (a.k.a. The Kennel) seats about 6,000. Also, Cougar fans taunted Zag guard David Stockton with chants of “Who’s Your Daddy?” whenever the son of the Utah Jazz legend went to the free throw line. Suggestion for Gonzaga fans: When BYU next visits, return the favor with chants of “Who’s Your Mommy?”

Come Monday, Kelly Olynyk will be the best player on the nation’s No. 1 team. And he red-shirted last season because he knew he’d get few minutes.

3. The only way to improve upon this Sneering Coach K Face moment would be if another Wahoo fan had made a “Screaming Mickie Krzyzewski Face” and held it aloft about two rows behind. Unranked Virginia upset No. 3 Duke, 73-68, behind Joe Harris’ 36-point effort. By the way, it was the third consecutive night that a Top 5 team had lost to an unranked opponent (No. 1 Indiana fell at Minnesota and No. 4 Michigan lost at Penn State). The field is WIIIIIIIDE open this season.

Now, afterward, Coach K, 66, was irritated about the lack of security provided during the court storming at the John Paul Jones Arena (you have to admire a school that names its arena after a member of Led Zeppelin. But when the levee breaks, Krzyzewski seems to be saying, the Dookies are put in an untenable position. Hard to disagree with anything that Coach K says here, and in fact we wholeheartedly endorse his “burn benches” suggestion.

Coach K’s comments should not incite a fuhrer…um, furor.

We are approaching the day when, in this type of situation, a visiting coach will call a timeout with 10 or so seconds left and just walk his team off the floor. And who would blame him?

4. State television in China broadcasts the final pre-execution moments of four convicted drug traffickers who murdered 13 Chinese fishermen. There’s a line in the story that notes “China executes about 4,000 people each year, more than all other countries combined. Even more than Texas!” Okay, maybe we added that second sentence.

Meanwhile in China, their newspaper is probably running a story about how American television has a program in which celebrities leap from a high dive. Honestly, which is worse?

5. You make the cover of Time magazine with the word “Man” attached, and there’s a chance that you have done something extraordinary. Well, Oscar Pistorius is no one’s Man of the Year, but he has done something out of the ordinary. Here he is on this week’s cover under the heading “Man Superman Gunman”. Here’s the full story by Alex Perry , because who is dumb enough to actually pay for journalism any more?

Also, we should mention — and so we do — that this week Time turns 90. Columnist Joel Stein wishes his employer a happy birthday, and I’m glad I read this piece if for no other reason than to learn that 90 year-old Norman Lear has twin 18 year-old daughters. All in the Family, indeed.

Reserves

Kobe Bryant scores 33 points in 32 minutes as the Los Angeles Lakers sweep the leg on the Minnesota Timberwolwed, 116-94…Joakim Noah of the Chicago Bulls goes for a triple double (21 points, 20 rebounds, 11 blocked shots) in a win against the Sixers… The most fascinating nugget to be unearthed from the Warrior-Pacer fracas is that Warrior guard Klay Thompson’s paychecks are sent directly to his parents (dad Mychal was an NBA player), who then give him an allowance. If only the Thompson parents had control over every NBA player’s finances…

We can’t just put a reference to The Alarm in today’s hed and not provide the video, now can we? There was a time in the early ’80s where you could have surmised that this band was headed to a U2 future. Instead, it was closer to Big Country.

“This is a good company… for me to Groupon!” Outgoing GroupOn CEO Andrew Mason writes a letter that is funny and self-deprecating.

In Texas, the Duncanville High girls basketball team goes for a second consecutive 5A state championship this weekend. So? Well, Duncanville (40-0) has the nation’s longest win streak, 68 games. Also, tomorrow is Texas Independence Day, so that’s a nice dovetail.

Remote Patrol

Oklahoma City Thunder at Denver Nuggets

ESPN, 10:30 p.m.

When Manimals Attack

Two of the league’s top three scoring teams meet in the Mile High City. The Thunder have won their last three games by an average of 30 points per, but have lost eight of their last 10 in Denver. Pepsi Center games are never dull, thanks to Nuggets such as kinetic Kennet Faried (The Manimal), Ty Lawson and Andre “Night of the” Iguodala (pardon the Bermanism). If leading scorer Danilo Gallinari (bruised thigh) plays, even better.

xxxx

Starting Five

1. The list of players who have scored more points against the New York Knicks at Madison Square Garden than Stephen Curry, who posted a career-best 54 last night:

Wilt Chamberlain: (six times, his high game being 73)

Elgin Baylor (71)

Kobe Bryant (61)

Rick Barry (57)

Michael Jordan (55)

That list includes four of the top ten players in NBA history as well as Barry, who may be Top 20. Curry (remember when scouts wondered if he was too slight to make it in the NBA? Or was that Kevin Durant? Answer: it was both), who played all 48 minutes of the 109-105 loss, buried 11 of 13 three-pointers and was 7-7 on free throws. He also more than doubled any of his teammates’ assists total with seven.

Curry’s play has blossomed so much that folks rarely even talk about how attractive his mom is anymore.

Oh, and we should note that Knicks center Tyson Chandler grabbed 28 rebounds.

2. In Vatican City Pope Benedict XVI retires in order to spend more time with his fami–or whatever it is retired popes do. The last time a pope chose to retire instead of die in office (1415), America had yet to be discovered by Europeans. Columbus had yet to be born. Dinosaurs were unknown to man. I mean, it was awhile ago.

After saying his goodbyes on Thursday, Benedict ascended into the heavens and… okay, well, he departed by helicopter to the papal summer retreat, Castel Gandolfo. The bocce board there is killer.

Castel Gandolfo, the papal retirement community. The par-3 golf course is a blast.

3. A marijuana cannon? Yes, a marijuana cannon! That shoots weed across the border from Mexico into the USA in 13-kilo bags. Since when did Wile E. Coyote begin working for Mexican drug cartels? There’s a war on drugs taking place, and drugs are returning fire with real cannons.

Replacing the heroin catapult

4. The worst team, by record, in the NBA’s Western Conference, the Phoenix Suns (20-39), beat its best team, the San Antonio Spurs (45-14), in San Antonio, 105-101 (in OT). This is what happens when you return from a 19-day road trip (the annual tour) and your wife has a list of things that need your attention. None of which is Goran Dragic. Speaking of the Sun guard, he had 13 assists and 13 points in the victory. The spindly, southpaw Yugo leads Phoenix in points, assists, steals and free throw attempts. The only other NBA player who leads his team in all four categories is LeBron James.

5. The country’s top-ranked boys high school basketball team, according to MaxPreps, is 1) a public high schoool that 2) is based in Utah and 3) has no African-American starters. The New York Times had a nice story yesterday on Lone Peak (24-1), which is based in Highland, which is NOT where Beavis and Butthead attended high school. Or Napoleon Dynamite. Golll!

Shouldn’t you all be out playing lacrosse?

Reserves 

The latest cover of Business Week….

The White House picks a fight with Bob Woodward. Dear White House: You NEVER want to pick a fight with Bob Woodward.

Remote Patrol

No. 2 Gonzaga at BYU

ESPN2, 11 p.m.

The Zags (27-2), winners of 10 straight, have achieved their highest ranking in school history. The streak began with a 20-point win over BYU in Spokane. The Cougars’ Tyler Haws leads the WCC in scoring (20.9) and his younger brother is the starting center for the aforementioned Lone Peak.

He? Haws. (Sometimes we go for the easy pun…Sometimes?)

If Gonzaga can take care of bidness in Provo, and then tackle Portland at home Saturday (consider it done), they’d possibly move up to No. 1 (Indiana already lost this week) in the polls.

Starting Five

1. “You get a fine! And you get a fine! And you get a fine!” On the final day of the NFL Combine in Indianapolis, a hitting drill broke out. The problem? It took place at the Golden State Warriors-Indiana Pacers game. It began when behemoths David Lee (Warriors) and Roy Hibbert (Pacers) decided to stage a sumu wrestling match under the basket. Then Stephen Curry attempted to Van Gundy the seven-footer, Hibbert. Then David West shoved some dude in a suit. The entire incident took, like, 4.82 seconds… and it will likely cost all of those named above some $$$.

Klay Thompson (right): Willing to mix it up, but not willing to commit a turnover while doing so

2. Tourist Tragedy…. Easily the day’s most bizarre story. Nineteen tourists, nine of whom are from Hong Kong, perish in Egypt during a balloon ride when it catches fire just two to three meters (less than 12 feet) from landing. It is the deadliest balloon accident in at least two decades. The pilot and another passenger leaped out, which appears to have facilitated the basket’s imbalance, which accelerated the propulsion of the balloon hundreds of feet into the air. Burn or leap? A horrible dilemma.

3.ESPN’s  Mark May hating on a Notre Dame player? I know, we were astonished, too. Here’s May on Twitter yesterday: “Any team that wastes a first-round pick on Manti Te’o should fire their GM on draft day…He’s a mid- to late-second at best.” We don’t necessarily disagree with May’s assessment of where to take Te’o in the NFL Draft –that is, if the draft were held today — but to say you should fire your GM for selecting the Butkus Award winner at, say, 29th? That’s a little caffeinated. ESPN’s latest NFL obsession, it turns out, was found by just striking two letters from the surname of their previous obsession (TEBOW to TE’O).

4. The Heat win their 12 straight, beating hapless feckless potentially homeless Sacramento by 12 points as LeBron ‘splodes for 40 points and D-Wade for 39. About what you expected, no? Until you realize it took Miami two overtimes to do so and that King sub Marcus Thornton had 36 points — off the bench. Here’s an interesting stat, courtesy of ESPN stats & info: James, Wade and Chris Bosh, all of whom missed potential game-winning shots in the fourth quarter and first overtime last night, are a combined 0-for-10 in such situations this season.

5. Ronaldo-Messi is the Magic-Bird of soccer. Cristiano Ronaldo (Real Madrid) and Lionel Messi (FC Barcelona) locked shinguards again yesterday at Camp Nou (the Spaniards know how to name stadiums) in Barcelona, with the visitors handing the Catalans (i.e., Messi’s squad) their first home loss since last April. Ronaldo, who has scored nine goals in these two squads’ last eight meetings, connected on two goals in the 3-1 victory. The good news for you? The two sides meet again on Saturday. The series has long been referred to as “El Clasico”, but this may just be the best rivalry in sport right now. Messi and Ronaldo are all-timers.

There was something in the air that night/The stars were bright/ Ronaldo

Reserves

A female scribe at The New Yorker, Amy Davidson, pillories Seth Davis MacFarlane for his “crudely sexist” hosting job of the Oscars. In her opinion. Ms. Davidson sounds like a lot of fun.

Say what you want about how Deadspin reported the Manti Te’o-Lennay Kekua love story, but editor-in-chief Tommy Craggs does not crack under interrogation. One smart dude.

“C-c-c-c-c-c-c-catfight.” We hear you, Cosmo. Some 15,000-plus visited the Honda Center in Anaheim to watch the first victory by a woman in the Ultimate Fighting Championship. Ronda Rousey defeated Liz Carmouche with a “first-round armbar submission.” Your thoughts, Amy Davidson?

Is there any way we can do a “Wife Swap” that involves former WCBS anchor Rob Morrison and one of these women?

The No. 1 team in college hoops loses. Again. Yawn. Indiana falls at Minnesota, which is like, what, the third time the Hoosiers have fallen as No. 1 this winter? The most dominant team in college basketball this season? Outside of the Baylor women, we might go with St. Thomas,  the alma mater of Day of Yore smith of words Bill Hubbell. The Division III Tommies are 26-1 and lead D-3 in both scoring margin (21.9 ppg) and field-goal percentage (52.8%).

We took this Oscar Pistorious-Reeva Steenkamp graphic from the terrific media column of SI.com’s Richard Deitsch, who took it from The National Post (Canada). Just wondering: Has anyone mentioned, or did Pistorius ever say in his statement, that Ms. Steenkamp’s –there’s no delicate way to put this — pants were down when he discovered her? It seems that police forensics would have a way to verify this, given the amount of blood.

See, Fiddy, if you give a female celebrity flowers at a sporting event first, AND THEN go in for the smooch…

Remote Patrol

History of The Eagles

Showtime Too, 8 p.m.

Calm down, Chris D’Amico, we don’t mean the Philadelphia Iggles. No, this is a rockumentary of one of the most successful rock bands of all time. Member for member, the Eagles are about as talented as any group of the rock era and they personified the California lifestyle in the 1970s. Also, because of them, nobody can pass through Winslow, Arizona, without searching for a girl, my Lord, in a flatbed Ford.

This photograph was taken after Ron Jaworski left the band

This entire blog post was written from the comfort of my living room chaise. Suck on that, Marissa Mayer.

Starting 4.82

1. Manti Te’o runs a sub-par 40 time at the NFL Combine, 4.82, which is the same exact time that former Ohio State linebacker James Laurinaitis ran. Laurinaitis, who once won the Laurinaitis Award (okay, there isn’t one, but doesn’t it sound like a real thing?), is now a starter for the Not Los Angeles Rams.

A few thoughts:

A.) I’ve always thought that if you were going to draft a Domer from this year’s crop, the smart money is on Tyler Eifert. I’ve been a huge fan of his for three years now.

B.) As far as Te’o’s stock has fallen since January 7, it still hasn’t fallen as far as Vontaze Burfict’s did last year. Burfict, formerly of Arizona State, went undrafted after a poor Combine and rumors about his off-the-field self-discipline and motivation (or lack thereof). The Cincinnati Bengals took him as a free agent and all he did was lead a playoff team in tackles (127) in his rookie season. So, who knows?

“I throw my hands up in the air sometimes/Sayin’ ‘Te’o!/Lookin’ too slow'”

C.) In the last two years Te’o played behind two defensive linemen, nose tackle Louis Nix and defensive end Stephon Tuitt, who may ultimately go higher in the NFL draft than he will. Their presence certainly helped his numbers. When they didn’t dominate an offensive line (Alabama), he looked pedestrian. On the other hand, Teo’s’ seven interceptions last fall were the most by a linebacker in 13 seasons and he anchored a defense that in 2010 allowed one touchdown over a span of 18 quarters (and that one when USC got a first-and-goal on the 4 after a turnover) and in 2012 did not allow a touchdown over a span of 19 quarters. Not bad.

2. Blackhawks Up! (Don’t faint, Billy; yes, I’m actually talking about hockey). The Chicago Blackhawks beat the Edmonton Oiler in overtime, improving their record to 16-0-3 to start the NHL season. The Blackhawks have at least one point (three for a win, one for a tie) in each game through 19 games, which is an NHL record.

3. Have you been paying any attention to Italy? So, apparently, Italians are disgusted with their political leaders (what must that be like?) and held an election and do you know whose party won control of Parliament in Europe’s third-largest economy? It was an upstart political party, the Five-Star Movement, led by comedian Beppe Grillo (there are Italian comedians?). The other two “established” political leaders who were vying for control are both convicted felons. Fortunately, the Pope is around to lend some stability to a troubled nation. Wait….WHAT???

Four out of five Midwesterners believe that “Beppe Grillo” is a restaurant chain

4. Below, that is Fauja Singh, alias “The Turban Tornado”, who on Sunday retired from marathoning at the age of 101 (Singh ran his first marathon at the age of 89). If Singh is like most retiring marathoners, he will now branch out into competing in triathlons.

Singh would have made the cover of Runners’ World, but he refused to wax his chest and pose shirtless

5. “Arizona, it’s the new Flori-duh!”

Reserves

Quick confession: I never saw the Oscars on Sunday night and only watched “We Saw Your Boobs” on YouTube, minus any context for how and where it appeared on the opening monologue. Obviously, I missed the joke.

Looks, charm, can sing and dance, and funny. The Oscars’ five-tool player of a host

Last night ABC.com put the entire first hour on-line and I finally saw it. So, my one-word review? Brilliant, and I agree with everything that the fabulous Katie said. Marlow Stern of The Daily Beast begs to differ.

And now, realizing that it was obvious they’d spliced in the reactions of Naomi Watts, Charlize Theron and Jennifer Lawrence and that they were all in on the joke (something I didn’t previously realize), well that’s just more subtlety than I’ve ever been conditioned to expect from a mainstream, prime-time broadcast.

Magic Mike and Monster

And who knew Charlize Theron was such the hoofer? Right?

Loved the “Flight Sock Puppets” bit, too. Loved that Captain Kirk (William Shatner, who had to be performing live) made the Amy and Tina reference. Love that MacFarlane made the Chris Brown joke and then said, “That’s as bad as it gets…. that’s not as bad as it gets.”

Loved it all. I hope they bring back Stewie’s dad next year.