by John Walters

PCH: Robo Oh No

The Starting Five

Terror In Manchester

An explosive device, believed to have been set off by a suicide bomber, explodes outside of Manchester Arena in northern England just after an Ariana Grande concert. Initial reports say that 22 are dead and 59 are injured. The world is full of messed up people.

Yes, it could easily happen here. But you may as well try and prevent clouds. Live your life and, to quote Bono, “Don’t let the bastards get you down.”

2. Touch My Ball!

This is either a new NBC prime time game show starring Howie Mandel or a still from Austin Powers 4: The Orgasmic Orb of the Apocalypse. Actually, it is Egyptian president Abdel Fattah el-Sisi, King Salman bin Abdulaziz of Saudi Arabia and U.S. President Donald Trump officially “activating” Saudi Arabia’s Global Center for Combating Extremist Ideology (do visit the women’s equality wing!).

Meanwhile, commerce secretary Wilbur Ross noted on CNBC that “there was not a single hint of a protester anywhere [in Saudi Arabia] during the whole time we were there, not one guy with a bad placard.”

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=YMbeiUlxtyM

When CNBC host Becky Quick pointed out, without being so graphic, that protesters in Saudi Arabia typically find themselves disconnected from their heads, all Ross could say was, “In theory that may be true.”

What else matters, Wilbur?

3. Pittsburgh Penguins Vs. Tennessee Tuxedos?

Someone phone Professor Whoopee! The Nashville Predators, who have lost just one game in Bridgestone Arena during the NHL playoffs, are on to the Stanley Cup finals, where they are likely to meet the defending champion Pittsburgh Penguins, who smoked Ottawa 7-1 on Sunday afternoon to go up 3-2 in the Eastern Conference.

This is the finals we all wanted, no? Hockey’s hottest team versus its reigning champion.

4. A Farewell To King

Oregon’s Edward Cheserek, he of the 17 NCAA titles, including three individual national championships in FOUR different events, is done as an amateur. A lower back injury will keep him out of this week’s Western Regionals, which is a qualifying meet for the NCAA Outdoor Championships that will be held on Cheserek’s home turf, Hayward Field in Eugene (one of my favorite places in the USA).

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=2EXMixBq_Rk

The Kenyan native, who emigrated to the States seven years ago, is still waiting upon his U.S. citizenship. Considering that he won 17 of 21 NCAA finals that he entered and also last winter set a new collegiate mile record (3:52.01), don’t you want him on our team?

Here’s a terrific feature on King Ches from The New York Times.

5. Never Rest Up Everest

Ultrarunner and alpine enthusiast Kilian Jornet just set a new record for the fastest ascent up the world’s highest mountain, Everest, by summiting it in 26 hours. The 29 year-old Spaniard eschewed oxygen and fixed ropes and clambered up the world’s tallest mountain’s North Face, from base camp (17,600 feet) to the peak (29,029 feet), as if it were a hill of dirt at a construction site. This may be the world’s fittest human being.

Music 101

Take A Picture

In the late 1990s we got a profundity of American bands that seemed poised to maybe perhaps hopefully seemed poised to take the baton from grunge and carry us forward (Third Eye Blind, Sublime, Goo Goo Dolls, Foo Fighters, Collective Soul and these guys, Filter) into the next century. Most of them had a hit or two, but none of them with the possible exception of FF really, REALLY, attained the summit that bands such as Nirvana, Pearl Jam and Guns ‘n Roses did. But I really did love this song.

Remote Patrol

Game 4: Boston at Cleveland

8:30 p.m. TNT

Of course Cleveland is going to blow the Celtics out by 40-plus again tonight. But, I mean, what if they lose? Then it would be best of three with two in Boston. Does Marcus Smart have another 27-point game in him? I doubt it. And I’m sure LeBron isn’t going to put up a mere 11 again.

by John Walters

Starting Five

Donald of Arabia

Remember when candidate Donald Trump said, “We have a problem in this country; it’s called Muslims. We know our current president is one.” (Sept. 17, 2015)

Or when he said, “I wonder if President Obama would have attended the funeral of Justice Scalia if it were held in a Mosque? Very sad that he did not go!” (Feb. 20, 2016)

Or when he told Anderson Cooper, ““I think Islam hates us. There’s something there that — there’s a tremendous hatred there. There’s a tremendous hatred. We have to get to the bottom of it. There’s an unbelievable hatred of us.” (March 20, 2016)

Is he bowing or squatting?

That guy never got on the plane to Riyadh. During his weekend with the world’s largest oil-producing nation, Trump signed a $350 billion defense deal with Saudi Arabia, dangled an olive branch and sounded Obaamaesque (“This is not a battle between different faiths, different sects or different civilizations. This is a battle between barbaric criminals who seek to obliterate human life and decent people, all in the name of religion, people that want to protect life and want to protect their religion. This is a battle between good and evil”) and even called on other Arab leaders to isolate Iran because Iranian extremists were responsible for taking down the World Trade Center.

This would be a great place for a Trump casino

Wait, no. That’s not right. Nineteen of the 20 hijackers were from Saudi Arabia. Which was the first country Trump chose to visit as President of the United States. With all those other countries out there. Did I mention that Saudi Arabia is the world’s largest producer of oil?

2. Irish Go

Notre Dame Stadium, home to the world’s most famous walk-on (“Rudy! Rudy!”) on Sunday became home to a walk-out, as dozens of members of the Class of 2017 exited commencement exercises as Vice President Mike Pence stood up to speak. Been a tough year for these seniors inside that stadium: Michigan State, Duke, Stanford and Virginia Tech, and then you’ve got to end it with Mike Pence?

@jdubs88 “What adjustments will you be making for the real world?”

— Tim Ring (@timringTV) May 21, 2017

3. I’m Only Huma

Get the Soul Cycle membership/subscription ready! Huma Abedin is cutting Anthony Weiner loose. S’about time, girl! On Friday the former Congressman man from New York, a.k.a. Carlos Danger, pleaded guilty to federal obscenity charges and he’ll be going away for awhile. That same day Huma filed for divorce. Snap!

4. Mad Scientists

Buried in the final half hour of the final Saturday Night Live episode of the season was perhaps their most daring skit in years: they tried to make the audience laugh at child molestation. Honestly, until the White Castle veer off at the end (maybe the writers just didn’t have a good idea to end the skit? Maybe White Castle actually underwrote it?), this sketch was truly inspired. The Rock was fantastically understated and sold his part so well.

The premise: a conference of evil scientists vying for most evil invention of the year. After that? You’ll have to watch.

5. The Judge: Overruled!

Is Aaron Judge going to be an All-Star starter in the American League outfield as a rookie? He leads the majors in home runs (15), is tied with Mike Trout in WAR (2.9) and then yesterday in New York’s 3-2 win against Tampa Bay he makes a catch like this. Get ready for greatness, Lloyd.

Music 101

If We Were Vampires

Is Jason Isbell the Southern Springsteen? I dunno, but lots of SEC fans on my Twitter feed love him. His wife Amanda Shires provides the harmonies on this new track about the ephemeral quality of love and life itself.

Remote Patrol

Better Call Saul

10 p.m. AMC

Last week’s show was a reset of sorts after the dramatic courtroom episode. But it was also the first time Jimmy McGill referred to himself as “Saul Goodman” since moving to Albuquerque and passing the bar. Also, things are getting more tense between Gus and Hector. The temperatures are starting to rise and certain relationships (Jimmy and Kim, Hector and Nacho, Gus and Hector) and the pot is about to boil over.

by John Walters

PCH (We’ve already turned “Please Click Here” into an acronym)

Starting Five

Superunknown Rock Star

Why did Chris Cornell, lead singer of Soundgarden, hang himself after Wednesday night’s show in Detroit? No one knows for sure, but Cornell, 52, provided some clues during the show at the historic Fox Theater. 

“I feel bad for the next city,” Cornell told the audience. And during the encore, he inserted lyrics from Led Zeppelins’ “In My Time of Dying” into the Soundgarden tune “Slaves and Bulldozers.” He knew. An hour or two later, Cornell was dead.

I invite you to put the earbuds in, tap the volume as high as it can possibly go, and taste the robust flavor of “My Wave” from the 1994 classic Superunknown.

2. Ailes No Longer Ailing

And then there was the death of the Jabba the Hut of American media, Roger Ailes. The man who created the Fox News monolith, a man whom Matt Taibbi of Rolling Stone called “the Christopher Columbus of hate” died yesterday at the age of 77. Ailes once told an interviewer, “I created a TV network for people 55 to dead.”

Mission accomplished. And it’s nice to see you’ve reached the end of that sentence.

3. All Your Eggs In One Basquiat

I once attended a party at the home of this man (as bloggers make for wonderful party guests) and overheard someone gush, “OH! You have a Basquiat!” I was certain it was probably some French toilet innovation.

Turns out it was a painting by the Brooklyn-born artist Jean-Michel Basquiat, who died of a heroin overdose at the age of 27 in 1988. Last night the above painting by the neo-impressionist (of course I had to look that up) sold at auction for $110.5 million, the highest price that a piece by an American artist has ever fetched. It was purchased by a Japanese art collector and entrepreneur.

4. Farewell, Drunk Uncle

After nine seasons Bobby Moynihan will make his final appearance on Saturday Night Live tomorrow. In the last five years or so, his “Drunk Uncle” character (“You know what state I’m in? Denial.”) was the funniest recurring bit on “Weekend Update” outside of Kate McKinnon’s Russian peasant. Also, Moynihan co-wrote the David S. Pumpkins sketch, which goes down as a Top-10 all-timer. He’s headed to Hollywood, where he’ll co-star in a sitcom on CBS called “Me, Myself & I.”

5. The Flying Dutchman*

*The judges will also accept, “This Is Your Majesty Speaking”

Well, this is rather disturbing. The King of the Netherlands, Willem-Alexander, recently revealed that he’d flown as a co-pilot on KLM (a.k.a. Royal Dutch Airlines) for two decades or so. The monarch, who flew twice monthly, did so to decompress. In the words of Tom Petty, “It’s good to be king.”

Sir Winston Churchill was a pilot, but he was never known to have flown commercially.

Reserves

Endline, Sideline, Fraulein

Germany’s top-tier league, the Bundesliga, has just installed its first female referee. Next season Bibiana Steinhaus, who looks as if she could play the role of a villainous femme fatale in a Bond film, will be doling out yellow and red cards to the likes of Arjen Robben and Thomas Lewandowski.

Music 101

Hunger Strike

We’ve probably already run this song in this space, but it’s the tune that introduced its writer and co-lead singer, along with Eddie Vedder, to the MTV generation. A classic and the song that pretty much raised the curtain on grunge.

Remote Patrol

Wizard of Lies

Saturday

8 p.m. HBO 

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4G2carVhVJk

Two mega-stars in the twilights of their careers, Robert De Niro and Michelle Pfeiffer, portray Bernie and Ruth Madoff in this made-for-HBO production. Kids, Pfeiffer was the Charlize Theron of the 1980s and early ’90s. It’s kind of a nice book-ender for De Niro, who broke into the business playing NYC characters who knew how to make a buck the wrong way in both Mean Streets (Martin Scorcese) and The Godfather 2 (Francis Ford Coppola). Barry Levinson, another heavy hitter, directs here. Here’s the NYT review.

Or you could tune into Showtime Now and catch up on Billions.

by John Walters

Please Click Here

Because it’s the 21st century and nothing else matters in journalism….

Starting Five

Another Day Of Trump:

Coast Guard Meets Boast Lard

Speaking at the commencement exercises at the United States Coast Guard Academy in New London, Conn., the 45th President of the United States said, “Look at the way I have been treated lately, especially by the media. No politician in history (Wait, he’s a politician now), and I say this with great…surety (it actually is a word) , has been treated worse or more unfairly (You need to get with Julius Caesar, Abraham Lincoln and Selina Meyer) . You can’t let them get you down, you can’t let the critics and the naysayers get in the way of your dreams (“Street light people, whoa-oh-ohhhhhh!”).”

2. Get On With It Already

James scored 38, while Kevin Love put in 32

The Cavs beat the Celtics 117-104 in Game 1 of the Eastern Conference Finals, so now they and the Dubs are a combined 19-0 this postseason. Just get a room already, you two. For me there was only one play in the Eastern Conference playoffs, and that was that Cleveland fast break against the Raptors in Game 1 when Kyrie Irving drove toward the hoop like a bat out of hell and ricocheted the ball off the glass hard (without looking back) knowing that LeBron would be trailing to slam it home. That play signified how Cleveland has ravaged the East since LeBron’s return.

Why has anyone even bothered watching these game? I mean, I guess Cleveland or Golden State may lose one game before the NBA Finals, but it almost seems impure if they do (Cleveland won’t; Golden State may).

3. Looking Good

Meet Megan Good, who is great. She has a 36-1 record at Jason McIntyre’s alma mater, James Madison. Good leads the nation in wins and also has the nation’s second-best ERA, 0.48, for the 50-6 Dukes. They’re headed to Waco this weekend to play in a regional in the Women’s College World Series.

Good has been great for a while now. Her record as a freshman was 29-3, as a sophomore 32-3, and now 36-1. That’s a 97-7 record and the Sidney, Va., native has never had higher than a 1.00 ERA.

How good is Good? She also leads JMU in batting average (.399), home runs (12) and RBI (57).

4. The Moors Murders

In the early 1960s Ian Brady and his girlfriend, Myra Hindley, went on a cruel and cunning murdering rampage outside of Manchester, England. They lured and then killed, often using sexual assault and torture, five young people and then buried them out in the Moors. Brady died at the age of 79 on Monday, which is why this story has resurfaced this week (I’d never heard of it).

Hinkley died in 2002. Both were found guilty in the late 1960s (after Brady’s brother-in-law went to police) and were sentenced to life imprisonment. If you’ve ever been up in the Yorkshire moors, you know that it’s a very lonely and spooky place. Stories such as this one only accentuate that.

5. Follow The Bouncing Ball

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=fGZRkKQQDLo

It kinda feels as if Robert Mueller should also look into impeaching LaVar Ball. I only watched this very quickly this afternoon. On a second viewing, no one looks good here. Colin Cowherd doesn’t support his co-host; Kristine Leahy is a little too combative right from the beginning; and LaVar Ball comes off as the misogynistic bully I suppose he probably is.

Sir Charles nails it … pic.twitter.com/R3z2doh73M

— jeffpearlman (@jeffpearlman) May 18, 2017

Music 101

White Wedding

Punk and New Wave met at an all-night rave, hooked up, and nine months later Billy Idol was born. When this song with its dominant bass line made its debut in 1982, Idol shot right to MTV super-duper stardom. The song hit No. 36 on the charts, but it was ubiquitous on the MTV and on every “Modern Rock” FM station in existence.

Remote Patrol

Godzilla, King of the Monsters

9:45 p.m. TCM

I’m not proud of this, but at one time in my young life my three greatest heroes were Roger Staubach, Richard Petty and Godzilla. And maybe not in that order. This is the 1956 version with Raymond Burr (the original all-Japanese version was released two years earlier).

by John Walters

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Was gonna step up as the independent FBI chief this country needs but bought avocado toast instead

— Billy Domineau (@BillyDomineau) May 16, 2017

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Starting Five

Memo Random

The problem with Donald Trump (just one?) is that he doesn’t see things from the perspective of a person who has ever had to adhere to the law (which he hasn’t), but rather from the perspective of a mob boss. People aren’t either “criminals” or “law-abiding citizens,” they are “bad guys” or “good guys.” And what determines if you’re a bad guy or a good guy is if you don’t or do bend to Donald’s will. Easy, right?

This isn’t a terrible quality in a mob boss or a gang leader, but it is a dangerous trait in a man who raises his right hand, places his left on a Bible, and swears to uphold the Constitution of the United States. Different respected sources (The New York Times, NBC News) confirm that former FBI Director James Comey wrote a memo after a conversation with Trump on the day after General Michael Flynn resigned back in February in which the president said, “I hope you can see your way clear to letting this go, to letting Flynn go. He is a good guy. I hope you can let this go.”

As he wakes up this morning, or tweets overnight, my guess is that Donald Trump, not unlike Nathan Jessup, does not even see what he did wrong. But he just leaned on the director of the FBI to halt an investigation of a man who may have worked with the Russians and on top of that may have been doing that at the direct behest of Trump or people who work for Trump.

Between this and the previous day’s bombshell from the Washington Post in which it was divulged that Trump compromised an Israeli spy embedded with ISIS by giving away a secret shared by Israel to the Russians (the day after he fired Comey last week), it is, as one tweep said, “as if the New York Times and Washington Post are engaged in a slam-dunk contest.”

2. Celtic Uprising

The Boston Celtics will host Game 1 of the Eastern Conference finals tonight (because they finished with the best record in the East) and will have the No. 1 pick in the NBA Draft next month. The Los Angeles Lakers will pick second. Nice to see these historically humble, small-market franchises finally get a leg up in the world.

The Celtics have had a terrific season under Brad Stevens, but I don’t believe this crew as currently constructed has the goods to win an NBA championship (they are a respectable 4-7 versus Cleveland and Golden State the past two seasons). Even with next year’s No. 1 overall pick. We’ll see.

Is Lonzo Ball the premier player in this draft? Shhhhh.

How does this shake out?, is the fun part. Does Boston select the presumptive No. 1 overall choice, 6’4″ guard Markelle Fultz out of Washington? Do they take or threaten to take Lonzo Ball (I’m not sure he isn’t the better choice) just to induce the Lakers to trade up a spot? Do they trade down a few spots to, say, Phoenix (who landed the fourth pick when they finished with the second-worst record), where Josh Jackson or De’Aaron Fox or Lauri Markkanen will still be waiting because they don’t want to take the ball out of Isaiah Thomas’ hands? Is Thomas, who is 5’9″ and 28, part of the Celtics’ future?

3. The Quick Brown Fox and Other Mock Draft Thoughts

As a Suns fan, I won’t mind if they pick the quick brown Fox over Josh Jackson at No. 4

The most intriguing mock draft I’ve seen at this early stage belongs to Reid Forgrave of CBS Sports, who has the Celtics taking Duke’s Jayson Tatum (they need a talented 4 more than a gifted guard), the Suns picking 6’4″ guard De’Aaron Fox at No. 4 (everyone’s favorite “sleeper” only in the sense that they think he could wind up being ROY) even though they don’t need a guard (much less another guard from Kentucky; this would give them FIVE), and the Pistons taking Luke Kennard at No. 12.

Why is Dillon Brooks off everyone’s radar?

Pondering: 1) I love Kennard’s game, too. He’ll never be the centerpiece of a franchise, but he’s the kind of glue guy all championship-caliber teams like to have. 2) Dillon Brooks, who was named Pac-12 POY over Markelle Fultz and Lonzo Ball, was not on any of the four mock drafts I perused. What did he do, kneel for the national anthem? 3) Caleb Swanigan, Big Ten POY, was only on one mock draft board; hey, he’s an undersized low-post banger; it’s usually NBA fool’s gold with rare exceptions, and I like him, too. 4) De’Aaron Fox is only 6’0″, but I agree he may be the most dynamic player in this draft. I like his star potential. 5) For much of the first two months of the college season, we heard how Villanova’s Josh Hart was a leading national POY candidate. Now he’s a late first-round pick? Potential steal for someone?

4. The Most Dramatic Moment In Golden State’s 136-100 Game 2 Win Against San Antonio…

Mike Brown was almost arrested on his way to arena thanks to Gregg Popovich and the Spurs. He tells the story pic.twitter.com/Bvf59BkMbs

— Anthony Slater (@anthonyVslater) May 16, 2017

5. So You’re Not Feeling Minnesota?

Sara Groenewegen, a native of British Columbia, has a 30-2 record and a .59 ERA. She pitched a no-hitter last weekend.

The top-ranked softball team in the nation according to the NCAA Coaches Poll? Minnesota, which has an astounding 54-3 record. The Golden Gophers also went 16-3 against teams in the 64-team NCAA tournament AND, as you might imagine due to their locale, played more road games than home games and won 38 of the former (they lost 2 games at No. 8 Washington and one at Illinois). The GGs were 16-0 at home and have a 25-game win streak.

As far as RPI goes, Minnesota was ranked No. 11. The GGs have the nation’s 2nd-best team ERA and 3rd-best batting average. This team can play.

Freshman backstop Kendyl Lindaman is batting .438 and has 20 home runs, both top 10 in the nation

Why am I telling you this? Because Minnesota, the No. 1 team by coaches’ ranking with that gaudy 54-3 record, did not in the NCAA eyes merit one of 16 sites to host a 4-team regional. Hence, they’ll be on the road in Tuscaloosa this weekend. And if they get out of that, they’ll face the winner of the Gainesville regional: Florida is the NCAA’s top overall seed.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=nGuVTw01vrM

The NCAA needs a dose of Robert De Niro lecturing Sly Stallone in Cop Land: “You BLEW it!”

Music 101

Senses Working Overtime

There’s a little Talking Heads,  a little Modern English, and maybe even a touch of Thompson Twins in XTC. The band formed in 1972 but didn’t hit it big until a decade later with this tune, a top 10 hit in their native England. I never knew this: the band abruptly stopped touring in April of 1982 due to lead singer Andy Partridge‘s overwhelming stage fright. If you saw them in San Diego on April 3, 1982 (you and Bill Miller; they were “incendiary!”), you saw their last live show.

Remote Patrol

NBA Tipoff

8 p.m. TNT

Game 1: Cavs at Celtics

8:30 p.m. TNT

Lord knows they’re trying—they’re always trying—but the difference in quality between ESPN’s pregame show and TNT’s is, well, like watching the Dubs against any team without Kawhi Leonard. Anyway, I won’t be watching TV tonight and if I were, I’d be watching Apocalypto (BBC 9 p.m.), but seeing as how we’re trying to lure Susie B. as our angel investor, I’ll post this as the RP choice and even include a photo of Sweet Pea (is she the only human who refers to him as that?)