IT’S ALL HAPPENING!

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by John Walters

Starting Five

Hobby Lobby Gets Robby With Hammurabi

The evangelical Christians who run Hobby Lobby must forfeit 5,500 artifacts that were smuggled out of Iraq and they must also pay a $3 million fine (light) after prosecutors went after them. Turns out that they bought thousands of artifacts on the black market (you know who sells Middle East antiquities on the black market to raise money for their cause? ISIS) and had them shipped stateside labeled as “tiles.”

They really showed bad cuneiform on this one.

2. Advanced Physiques

If it’s sports figures in the nude creatively hiding their genitals and nipples, then it MUST be the ESPN Body Issue. That’s Joe Thornton and Brent Burns of the San Jose Sharks, above, and we could have suggested a more inspired way to hide their packages based on those beards.


This shot of Caroline Wozniacki is one of the best this series has ever produced, if not the best.

3. Zombie Protest

In Hamburg, Germany, protesters dress as zombies in advance of the G20 summit (nothing draws protesters quite like the G20; the G19, not so much, but the G20, hoo boy!). When your international economic protest outdoes Comic-Con, you’re on to something.

4. The World’s Most Expensive Wheels

This is the Bugatti from Chiron. The car, assembled in France, has a top speed of 261 m.p.h. and sells for just under $3,000,000. Only 500 exist and more than half have already been sold. The nice thing about this two-door coupe is that it fits snugly on the back of your yacht.

5. Drama Queen

Speaking in Poland, President Trump, an absolute master of polarization, cast the West against Muslims (let’s be frank) by saying that the fight against “radical Islamic terrorism” is about “protecting our civilization and our way of life” (that way being multiple pieces of chocolate cake after dinner and more rounds of golf than visits with our 11 year-old son, one presumes).

He then said, ““I am here today not just to visit an old ally (Poland), but to hold it up as an example for others who seek freedom and who wish to summon the courage and the will to defend our civilization.”

You know, I had the courage and the will to defend our civilization, but then on four different occasions I found a doctor who told me I had shin splints and/or bad feet, something I thought about as I was teeing off from one of my golf courses.

Here’s the thing: Opioids will kill more Americans THIS YEAR than ISIS and Al Qaeda has ALL OVER THE PLANET in the past five. This isn’t about reality. This is about sewing fear in the minds of gullible Americans, which will help to keep the War Machine going as well as the GOP machine. It’s a con, people.

Does that mean there aren’t Jihadists who fervently hope for “Death To America?” Sure, there are. There are also gila monsters who will latch on to your limb and chew their poison into your flesh and you cannot get them off you unless you cut off their heads. Scary, right? But not an every day problem. Sorry.

Music 101

Burnin’ For You

I’d wager that in the summer of 1981 Phoenix radio stations KDKB and KUPD put no song on heavier rotation than this rocker from Long Island natives Blue Oyster Cult. The song hit No. 1 on Billboard’s Rock Tracks list. Note: no cowbell on this one.

A Word, Please

Neophyte (noun)

An inexperienced person; a beginner

IT’S ALL HAPPENING!

by John Walters | 2 Comments

by John Walters

Starting Five

Declaration of Independence

Why Gordon Hayward is leaving Salt Lake City and is headed to Boston: A) His college coach at Butler, Brad Stevens; 2) He wants to advance at least to the NBA Finals in his career, and that wasn’t about to happen any time soon in a Western Conference with the Dubs, Rockets, Russell Westbrook and Kawhi Leonard; 3) Similarly, Hayward (21.9 ppg, or 26th in the NBA in Scoring last season) can now start for his conference in the All-Star Game; 4) He wants to become the greatest player ever to wear the uniforms of the two whitest teams in NBA history, Utah and Boston.

The 6’8″ Hayward has increased his scoring average in each of his first six NBA seasons. He is 27 years old. The man who finished directly ahead of him in scoring last season, Devin Booker, is 6’6″ and 20 years old. He gonna GET PAID in a couple years.

Hayward wrote a “Thank You, Utah” (“Thank You Tah Tah,” is what MH editors would have recommended) piece for The Players’ Tribune in which he buried the lede in graf 6. Bad sportswriting there, Gordo.

2. Fly Girl

If only Bigfoot were also in this photo…how great would that be?

Breaking news suggests that Amelia Earhart’s last days were sort of an Unbroken-type deal. This recently released photograph, taken in the Marshall Islands in 1937 on an atoll where Westerners were forbidden, appears to show Earhart’s navigator, Fred Noonan, on the far left. That may be Earhart, seated with her back to the camera, in the center. She may be looking at a large object, presumably their downed Lockheed Electra aircraft, being towed by a barge.

Post died in 1935 when his plane crashed on takeoff near Point Barrow, Alaska. His passenger? Famed humorist Wil Rogers.

Earhart took off from Papua New Guinea on July 2, 1937, in her quest to become the first female to circumnavigate the globe in an airplane (Wiley Post had become the first person to do it six years earlier). She never completed the journey, although she had only the Pacific remaining at the time she disappeared. This new evidence strongly suggests that the Japanese captured her and Noonan, considered them spies, and imprisoned them.

According to today’s report, the man who took this photo was later executed.

Mock

In case you were wondering—and I was—the first female to accomplish the feat Earhart set out to perform was Geraldine Mock, who did so in 1964 aboard a Cessna. Curiously enough, another woman, Joan Merriam Smith, also set out to pursue this record two days earlier following the same flight path as Earhart. Mock, who started and finished in Columbus, Ohio, took off two days later (March 19) but finished first. Smith would be killed in a plane crash in the San Gabriel Mountains the following year; Mock died in 2014.

3. When In The Course of Human Events

All of this accomplished in Philly in July WITHOUT air-conditioning!

When I work at the cookoutateria on the 4th, as I did yesterday, I ask tables who seem willing to give me the opening words of the Declaration of Independence. Everyone’s first response is, “We the people…” which is incorrect. Take a few minutes to read the Declaration of Independence today. It’s worth it.

Also happening on the 4th of July….

1911: Ed Walsh stops Ty Cobb’s hitting streak at 40 games. Both will be inducted into the Baseball Hall of Fame, which is 25 years away from being.

1939: Lou Gehrig gives his famous speech as Yankees retire their first uniform number (4) and stage baseball’s first Old Timers’ Day.

1969: 140,000 attend Atlanta Pop Festival featuring Led Zeppelin, Janis Joplin, Chicago, Blood, Sweat and Tears, Joe Cocker, Grand Funk Railroad, Tommy James and the Shondells, and Creedence Clearwater Revival (How had I NEVER heard of this until just now????). Woodstock was just seven weeks out.

From left: Bruce Dern (legs only), Sam Waterston, Mia Farrow, Robert Redford and the lovely but relatively unknown Lois Chiles

In literature, Nick Carroway, Jay Gatsby, Tom and Daisy Buchanan, and Jordan Baker go for martinis at The Plaza and things go awry (and a ‘gin).

4. Cycling Is A Contact Sport

On the fourth day of the Tour de France, an elbowing incident less than 200 meters from the finish line leaves British cyclist Mark Cavendish with a broken shoulder and causes officials to disqualify Slovak Peter Sagan. Watch for yourself.

5. Our Annual Update Of America’s Wildest Trail Race

This race is for Sisypheans, not sissies

Yesterday the Mount Marathon Race, an annual Fourth of July 5-K trail run up and down a hill/mountain in Seward, Alaska, was staged for what is believed to be the 90th time. It was first officially staged in 1915, though it may have been run as far back as 1907.

Anyway, the visually breathtaking and often bone-breaking ascent-and-descent was won by Scott Patterson (I was SO HOPING it was the same SP who played Luke on Gilmore Girls, but alas, he’s an Alaskan cross-country skier) on the men’s side and by MH fave Allie Ostrander on the women’s.

Allez, Allie! This was Ostrander’s second win at her local race.

As you may know, Ostrander is a local and also last month won the NCAA women’s steeplechase national championship. Her time of 49:19 was the FASTEST EVER for a female in this event. “This race it was for Alaska,” said Ostrander. “I’m just happy with this be apart of this tradition, and finally being able to get a win.”

Music 101

Tin Man

Oz never did give nothing to the Tin Man/That he didn’t, didn’t already have… In early 1974 Dewey Bunnell, one of the three members of America, wrote a song about his favorite childhood movie and then begged his bandmates not to put it on their upcoming album. Perhaps Bunnell was using reverse psychology. It not only appeared on Holiday, but hit No. 4 on the charts later that year. Despite this tune, A Horse With No Name, Ventura Highway, and Sister Golden Hair, four of the most heavily played and iconic radio tunes of the early 70s, America still is not in the Rock & Roll Hall of Fame.

A Word, Please

Effete (adj)

Ineffectual, over-affected. In a word, weak.

IT’S ALL HAPPENING!

by John Walters | 1 Comment

by John Walters

 

Starting Five

Jamie Fox Up

Meteoric rise. Star-crossed career. The fireworks came early for sports media mavens, as yesterday news broke that Jamie Horowitz is out as president of Fox Sports following a claim of sexual harassment. According to the Los Angeles Times, Fox Sports spent a week interviewing females at its Century City-based HQ.

 

This comes exactly one week after Horowitz laid off about 20 writers and editors and announced an abrupt pivot to “premium video content,” of which he is probably glad none exists of his alleged loutish behavior.

2. It’s The First Week of July: Why Is ESPN (And To a Lesser Degree, Fox Sports) So Obsessed With the NBA?

a.k.a., Carry On Our Hayward Son

The two largest markets in the USA have charismatic rookies who are each leading their respective league in home runs. One of them is also leading in all three triple crown categories.

And yet if you went on espn.com last night the lead story was a ranking of NBA Superteams. The first list of scores up top was for the NBA Summer League. Four of the top six headlines were NBA-related.

Our friend Jason McIntyre has devoted much of his Saturday radio shows in the past month to the NBA draft, impending free agency, and to delving into why the Lakers are playing for 2018. Certainly the NBA draft and even free agency, to a degree, are newsworthy. Also, as I peruse his site, The Big Lead, this a.m., the top three stories are all NBA-related.

On Monday morning, 6’7″ Aaron Judge and 5’6″ Jose Altuve had the top two batting averages in the American League

But the Houston Astros are playing above .666 ball. Aaron Judge and Cody Bellinger. Clayton Kershaw is 12-2. Max Scherzer has struck out at least 10 batters in seven of his last eight starts.

Crickets on all of it. Even the NFL is being overshadowed. Ooooooooooo-wheeeeeee, What’s up with dat, What’s up with dat?

3. A Good Guy With A Gun

In Sedalia, Colorado, 58 year-old Frank Huner mistakes his 33 year-old son, Nicholas, for an intruder, and fatally shoots him. He has now been booked for second-degree murer. Guns prevent some fatalities, but they unintentionally cause some as well. It’s, at best, a wash.

4. Atlanta Traffic (Cont.)

It’s a wonderful city with surprisingly excellent cuisine, but Atlanta is also notorious for its awful traffic. That doesn’t subside just because it’s a holiday: The annual Peachtree Road Race, a 4th of July tradition since 1970, will draw 60,000 participants this morning southbound on the city’s most well-known street. You may want to take an alternate route.

5. The Nets or Knicks Could Use Him

Meet Calvin Roberts. A 6’8″ power forward out of Cal State-Fullerton, he was selected in the 4th round of the NBA draft…in 1980. Roberts never made it to the NBA, but now at age 61, he’s giving it another try. If the Mavericks could sign Tony Romo for a day, why not this guy?

Hickey, left, played his final NBA game just two days shy of his 46th birthday

FYI, the oldest NBA player in history was either 45 year-old Nat Hickey or, as both you and I secretly suspect, Greg Oden.

Music 101

The Star Spangled Banner

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=TKAwPA14Ni4

Jimi Hendrix, Woodstock, performing at 9 a.m. on a Monday morning…..

A Word, Please

Apostate (noun)

A person who renounces a political or religious belief or principle

 

IT’S ALL HAPPENING!

by John Walters | 3 Comments

by John Walters

Starting Five

Whale, Whale, Whale, What Do We Have Here?

On a 4th of July weekend where all New Jersey state parks are closed due to budget measures, Gov. Chris Christie, family and friends had the sands at Island Beach State Park all to themselves. Kudos to the NJ Advance Media for hiring a plane to fly overhead and snap pics of the beached whale.

This has to be the worst season of Jersey Shore yet…

2. Donald Knows GIFs?

 

Most people don’t believe Donald Trump has read the GOP-authored health care bill yet, but there he was Sunday morning tweeting out a GIF of an old wrasslin’ clip of him in which CNN’s logo has been superimposed on to his victim. He claims he’s taking down “fake news.” Remember, Rule No. 1 of Trump: Whatever he says is exactly the opposite of true, and the more vehemently he says it, the more false it is.

3. Summer of Judge (More…)

If the baseball season ended today—and I have it on good authority that it will not— New York Yankee rookie right fielder would win the American League Triple Crown, as he leads in batting average (.327), home run (27) and RBI (62). Since 1967, or in the past 50 season, only Miguel Cabrera of the Detroit Tigers in 2012 has done so.

Here’s what blows my mind: the improved batting average. In 84 plate appearances last summer, do you know what Judge’s batting average was? .179. He struck out exactly 50% of his ABs last season (42). This year he is striking out once in every three ABs.

4. Bavarian Bus Tragedy

In beautiful southern Germany, a  bus collides with a lorry (truck) and explodes into flames. Nineteen travelers are believed dead.

5. Grid Her

Meet the new head football coach at Nederland (Colo.) High School, located in the Rocky Mountain foothills a few miles west of Boulder: Beth Buglione, 52, who is believed to be the first female high school football coach in the state’s history. Buglione is replacing Aaron Jones, a popular coach who was fired after 11 seasons. Expect a little push-back on this hire.

Music 101

Sentimental Lady

Someone was listening to The Bridge this morning on Sirius/XM. This song was written and recorded by Bob Welch, who was a member of Fleetwood Mac from 1971-1974 (or just before they recorded one of the most successful albums of all time). Released in October of 1977, it rose to No. 8 on the charts.

The song was originally on a Fleetwood Mac album in 1972 but got no attention. Here is Welch performing it in 1982 with Christine McVie, and that’s Mick Fleetwood on drums.

A Word, Please

Polyglot (noun)

Knowing or using several languages

IT’S ALL HAPPENING!

by John Walters | 2 Comments

by John Walters

Starting Five

Joe Mama!

I miss the quaint days when the loudmouth New Yorker from Queens whom everyone was mad at was John McEnroe… Anyway, Morning Joe and Midnight Mika published an op-ed in the Washington Post this morning titled “Donald Trump Is Not Well.” 

Excerpts:

This year, top White House staff members warned that the National Enquirer was planning to publish a negative article about us unless we begged the president to have the story spiked. We ignored their desperate pleas.

and…

More significant is Mr. Trump’s continued mistreatment of women. It is disturbing that the president of the United States keeps up his unrelenting assault on women. From his menstruation musings about Megyn Kelly, to his fat-shaming treatment of a former Miss Universe, to his braggadocio claims about grabbing women’s genitalia, the 45th president is setting the poorest of standards for our children.

It’s easy to forget that they’re talking about the President of the United States here.

Of course, Trump had to tweet this morning:

 

 and then Joe Scarborough came right back up the president’s highway…

 

Stay tuned…

Foul Ball Fouls Up Fowler

Well, that sucks. Dustin Fowler, in his Major League debut for the New York Yankees, chases a foul ball into the right field stands and tears his patellar tendon. Fowler, 22, never even got an at-bat. He’s out for the season. Here’s hoping for a complete recovery.

3. NVDA: Half-Year Update

At the start of this glorious year, MH’s crack/crap finance staff provided our ONE stock pick for 2017 (You may have gained access to it from our special Medium Happy VIP paywall section). Anyway, that stock was Nvidia, NVDA, a Silicon Valley-based company that does compression and is trying to democratize the internet by putting it on everyone’s smartphones (or is that Pied Piper?).

Anyway, on January 3rd, the first trading day of 2017, NVDA closed at $102.01.

On June 30, as I type this, NVDA is at $146.65 in pre-market trading.

That’s a net increase of $44.64, or 43.8%. *

Also, kids, MH’s evergreen day-trade stock pick, Chesapeake Energy (CHK), was at $4.48 last Friday and looks to open at $5.03 this morning. That’s greater than a 10% jump. In one week. Remember, sell when CHK jumps 10% in one week, and buy when it falls 10% in one week. As a company, it’s hot garbage; but as a stock, it’s a yo-yo.

*Earlier this year, NVDA actually closed at $159.94. I don’t see any reason why it won’t return there and beyond later this year.

4. No Re-Greta’s

 

So, MSNBC canned Greta Van Susteren at its 6 p.m. hour and I’d like to suggest this comely brunette from Good Morning, Britain, Susanna Reid, as her replacement. This is beautiful.

5. Steve Spence Is A God

At an all-comers meet at North Hagerstown (Pa.) High School on Tuesday night, former U.S. Olympic distance runner Steve Spence clocked a 4:55 mile. Spence, the cross-country coach at Shippensburg University, is 55 years old. Here’s what’s astounding: Spence has now run a sub-5 minute mile at least once each year since 1976.

42 years. That’s nutty.  According to Runner’s World, that’s the longest such streak in existence.

Music 101

Mystery Achievement

I try to avoid putting the same band in this spot more than once in a calendar year, but this under-appreciated 1980 gem from The Pretenders was rolling through my mind this morning. Chrissie Hynde is the queen of Turn-It-Up female rockers (“Why did you say female rockers? Why not rockers?” ZIP IT!)

A Word, Please

Calumny (noun)

The making of false and defamatory statements in order to damage someone’s reputation;