IT’S ALL HAPPENING!

by John Walters | 2 Comments

by John Walters*

*Apologies for the tardy column. Recovering from a red-eye flight. When we landed at IdlewildJFK, we had this thought…

 

but then we were gobsmacked when our L.A.-based friend immediately replied to that thought at about 2:10 a.m. local time:

 

Starting Five

Hill Tweet Blues

You know the deets. Our two cents is that if Jemele Hill SAYS this on her 6 p.m. ESPN program as opposed to tweeting it, few would have noticed. As for ESPN, it signed the most lucrative TV rights deal in history with the NFL a few years back. Whether or not you agree with Hill doesn’t matter much—she already has a highly pronounced anti-Trump stance and she openly suggested, to her 770,000 Twitter followers, that if fans don’t like Jerry Jones’ threat, they can boycott the Dallas Cowboys.

She never said she would. She never said they unconditionally should. But all of that gets lost in the optics. I imagine she and ESPN will part ways soon, and should. These are two strikes in short order. We know who she is and we know who they are. Why pretend the marriage will work?

2. Napa

If you’ve visited northern California wine country, you know that it is one of the loveliest (and most expensive areas for real estate) spots in the U.S.A. Arguably the most sublime that is neither a national park nor a beach.

Now, Napa is an inferno (11 have perished). More than 1,500 homes and businesses have been destroyed as well as 103,000 acres. Simply devastating. The cause of the multiple fires, outside of drought and record-setting heat, is yet unknown.

3. The Bears Lost, But They Won

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=T3LV2cN3vBU

The above two-point rugby-style conversion is all anyone will remember from Chicago’s 20-17 loss to Minnesota on Monday Night Football. Da Bears should have received three points for this play, which helped to overshadow DITKA’S comments that there had been no oppression for the last 100 years. Have you ever heard of Harvey Weinstein, coach? And that’s just this week.

4. I Scream, You Scream, We All Scream for Iceland!

Everyone’s favorite side (and by far the best-selling kit) at next summer’s World Cup in Russia, outside of their own country, will be Iceland. With their 2-0 win over Kosovo in Reykjavik Monday, they became the smallest nation (Pop. 340,000) to ever qualify for a World Cup finals. Team manager Heimir Hallgrimsson is a part-time dentist.

5. What’s A Wedding Without Rice?

This is the type of story that, when I worked at Sports Illustrated, the editors would have handed to Franz Lidz and he would have knocked it out of the park. Jerry Rice, serial wedding crasher?!? Who knew!

Music 101

These Are Days

I first heard this song this time of year, which is absolutely the best time of year in the northeast with the autumn light and the fall foliage. And I remember thinking, you’ve got a point, Natalie Merchant. You definitely have a point. 10,000 Maniacs never approached the heights of their first two albums, but both were outstanding (don’t call me a Lilith fairy; You’re a Lilith fairy!)

Remote Patrol

World Cup Qualifying

USA vs. Trinidad & Tobago

beIN Sports 8 p.m.

The final qualifier in the hexagonal round. Win and you’re in, Yanks. Draw or lose and it gets messy. The pitch, by the way, was flooded as of yesterday, as you can see above. No word yet on whether the match will be postponed.

 

IT’S ALL HAPPENING!

by John Walters | Leave a comment

by John Walters

Starting Five

Political Football

Vice president Mike Pence travels from Las Vegas to Indianapolis to pull off a stunt at Lucas Oil Stadium, upstage Peyton Manning’s weekend, and continue to promulgate the inaccurate narrative that the anthem protests have anything to do with the military. Then he flies to Los Angeles on your dime.

I understand leaving an NFL game early to beat traffic, but most of us wait until at least the opening kickoff. Great column here by Gregg Doyel of the Indianapolis Star wondering how we got to a place where the president and vice president of the United States so actively attack the First Amendment and reminds readers that such oppressive behavior is precisely why the Pilgrims left England.

Pence, as everyone has written, knew that he was going to stage this walkout (the Colts were playing the 49ers, the one team that has had at least one player kneel every game since Colin Kaepernick first did so) before he ever arrived back in Indy. This was a coordinated stunt with his boss, an opportunity to rally the base once more at the expense of the NFL and Manning as a ruse to take voters’ minds off what spectacular failures they are as leaders. As men.

From Peter King:

But the vice president of the United States slapped Manning and Pence’s beloved Colts in the face. Whether he’s a puppet for the president or his own man, Pence trumped a day that belonged to the greatest football hero the state of Indiana has ever seen, and he did it for political purposes. He stole Manning’s last great day as a Colt. Mike Pence will have to live with himself for that. 

Finally, here’s an Indiana native who knew how to pay his respects this weekend…

“Take a look around you here at this city, ladies and gentlemen. When I lived here it was like a minimum-security prison with a racetrack.”

2. Touchy Feely

Jay Feely played 14 seasons in the NFL as a placekicker and so he missed a lot of kicks—70, to be exact. But Feely never quite missed one the way he did last Saturday while working as an analyst for Eastern Michigan-Toledo. Going full-bore Pepper Brooks, Feely appears to see EMU kicker Paulie Fricano connect on a long field-goal try (“Off the cross bar!”) when he clearly misses it to the right.

To be fair to Feely, he has often been a guest on Fox News’ Hannity. He often sees things as being good when in reality they are far right.

An aside from another game: I don’t want to hear “Win one for the Josher” ever again, capisce, Bob Wischusen?

3. And That’s A Ginsburn!

Yes, the Jason Aldean cold open (playing Tom Petty’s “Won’t Back Down”) generated more headlines, as did Michael Che’s second week in a row of strong commentary on Weekend Update. But I just wanted us to pause a moment to appreciate the weekly brilliance that is Kate McKinnon. She’s not just the greatest female cast member since Gilda Radner, she’s one of the most versatile and talented cast members in the show’s history. No one currently in the cast comes close.

At least the SNL writers found a way to repay McKinnon for the last few years of excellence…

This below, by the way, was a great way to tackle something topical…

4. No Wattage

Most of Puerto Rico is still without power, but now Houston is without Watt-age. Secular saint and MH’s pick for Sportsman of the Year J.J. Watt suffered a tibial plateau fracture in the Texans’ loss to Kansas City on Sunday and is out for the season. Through Watt’s efforts, $30 million has been raised to help those in south Texas affected by Hurricane Harvey.

That’s two season-ending injuries in as many seasons for the defensive face of the NFL. Bad things happen to good people. All the time.

5. Yankees Win! Thuuuuuuuuuuuuuh Yankees Win!!!!!!!

Judge’s glove does not fit like a glove

When is the last time the New York Yankees won a playoff game 1-0? Sixteen years ago, also a Game 3, also trailing 2-0 in a divisional series at the time, also scoring the only run on a home run by a left-handed batter (Jorge Posada) also aided by a tremendous fielding play by the team’s most popular player.

Reserves

I Don’t Know What Is Going On Here, But It’s Not a Backyard Barbecue In Greenwich, I Will Tell You That

 

Submitted Without Comment

 

Music 101

Fortunate Son

If not the best Vietnam war protest song, this 1969 guitar assault by Creedence Clearwater Revival is the angriest (and most candid). John Fogerty, who wrote the song  after receiving his draft notice, has said that it took him no more than 20 minutes to write the song.

Remote Patrol

Baseball Foupleheader

Believe it or not, the Dodgers are fun again

Astros at Red Sox, Gm. 4

1:08 p.m. FS1

Nationals at Cubs Gm. 3

4:08 p.m. TBS

Indians at Yankees, Gm. 4

7:08 p.m.

FS1

Dodgers at Diamondbacks, Gm. 3

10:08 p.m. TBS

 

IT’S ALL HAPPENING!

by John Walters | 1 Comment

by John Walters

Starting Five

What The Folk!?!

(Former?) Tampa Bay Buccaneers kicker Nick Folk misses field goal tries from 56, 49 and 31 yards and the Bucs fall to the New England Patriots, 19-14. Granted, those first two efforts were not gimmes and on the game’s final play, Jameis Winston threw anywhere but near his wideouts from 19 yards out. Still, Folk should have connected on that 31-yarder.

Once a Jet, always a Jet.

2 Hip, Hip, Jose!

The home run king of the first day of the divisional series round was not 6’7″ Yankee Aaron Judge, who struck out four times, but rather 5’6″ Astro Jose Altuve, who hit three home runs in Houston’s 8-2 win against Boston. It’s rare that Dustin Pedroia isn’t the best short dude, albeit second baseman, on the diamond, but that was the case in Houston on Thursday.

3. “You’ll Find Out”

That’s what we’re afraid of, Donald.

During a photo op on Thursday night with military commanders and their spouses, which took place after a meeting with said commanders and before a dinner with the gang and their wives, Trump chirped, “”You guys know what this represents? Maybe it’s the calm before the storm.”

When asked repeatedly by reporters what that meant, Trump gave two vague answers about the having the greatest military, etc., and then finally teased, “You’ll find out.”

I guess we’ll have to tune in. Then again, do we really need another old, rich white real-estate guy mass-murdering people this week? At least he didn’t say, “The calm before the Desert Storm, III.”

4. Now What?

We’ve all been here. Life seems to be going fine and then suddenly our golden escalator, the one that whisks us off our private jet, malfunctions. Courage.

5. Hurricane Harvey

You’re telling me Harvey Weinstein is a pig? No, wait. You’re telling me you didn’t realize Harvey Weinstein is a pig? I thought this was Hollywood’s worst-kept secret.

Reserves

 

Rabbit? RUN!

I think I’m in love with Alison Hammond. This is the best film-related interview to take place in London since that dude from Horse & Hound interviewed Julia Roberts.

 

Music 101

Just Like Heaven

This 1987 song by The Cure has been called the greatest pop song ever written by a few people whose opinions I greatly respect. It’s a wonderfully sad song. By the way, there was no more oft-played CD in my dorm in the mid-Eighties than The Cure’s Standing On a Beach: The Singles compilation (this song came later).

Remote Patrol

World Cup Qualifier

USA vs. Panama

ESPN2 7:35 p.m.

“Mammy, how I love ya! How I love ya!”

Jump back! What’s that sound? Here she comes, full blast and top down. The U.S.A. has two matches remaining in its World Cup qualifying (the last will be versus Trinidad & Tobago, which seems unfair that we have to take both of them on at the same time) and the only certain way of qualifying for 2018 in Russia is to win them both. It could still get in if it ends up with a draw this evening in Orlando, but that might entail a two-leg playoff versus Australia or Syria.

Imagine, needing to take down Syria to advance to Russia…

IT’S ALL HAPPENING!

by John Walters | 4 Comments

by John Walters

Starting Five

Quadruple Triple

A pair of two-strike, two-out, two-run triples, one of them by reliever Archie Bradley (above), led the Diamondbacks past the Rockies in a wild, wild, Wildcard game last night in the desert. Arizona hit four triples (two by Ketel Marte) in all, the most in a postseason game since 1903 (the year of the first World Series).

MH staff is off for some overdue dental work; we’ll check in later

2. Cam-O’Flage

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=j0GsdwVMA2w

It’s not the National Female League, after all!

3. Mandalay Bay Watch

Is it irresponsible to ask if there was more than one shooter? I don’t think so. Doesn’t mean these videos are gospel truth, but it’s a question worth pursuing at this stage.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=z8D1QYTFBiY

and…

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=LWb5SazxeEs&t=20s

There are a lot more if you click on these. Doesn’t mean it’s true or false. Just that there’s some strange stuff surrounding this tragedy.

4. Christian Ponders

Actual Headline: “Christian Ponder: I Shouldn’t Have Blamed God For Being Bad QB.”

Truly Nolan

Katie Nolan, who never left New York City upon joining Fox Sports (that may have been part of the problem), switches teams and joins ESPN. Is this a coup by Norby or the latest Megyn Kelly-ing of a media giant? Great parting shot by Nolan, regardless: “When I was a little girl, I always dreamed that one day announcements regarding my specific assignments would be forthcoming.”

Meanwhile, what ever became of Georgie Thompson?

Remote Patrol

Red Sox at Astros

4 p.m. MLBN

Yankees at Indiana

7:30 p.m. FS1

Chris Sale makes his playoff debut

Midweek day baseball! This is the best sports time of the year. Soak it in.

 

IT’S ALL HAPPENING!

by John Walters | 1 Comment

by John Walters

Starting Five

Yankees Win! The Yankees Win!!!

Top first, the Pinstripes already trail 3-0 and the Twins have runners on 2nd and 3rd with one out. Exit Luis Severino and enter a guy with the least Bronx of names, Chad Green. The reliever strikes out the next two batters and stems the bleeding.

Within four batters, the Yankees tie the game on a DiDi Gregarious bomb to the right-field bleachers. There’s still outs to go in the first and it’s only 3-3, but by that point you already felt as if the Yanks had won.

Green and three other Yankee relievers would strike out 13 Twins and scatter five hits and one run.

Aaron Judge later hit a two-run bomb as New York wins, 8-4.

2. Wipe Trash

This is either the president of the United States or the New York Knicks’ new shooting coach. We’re at the point now where The Worst Wing 30-for-30 is going to take 8 days of uninterrupted viewing to watch. I mean, are you like me? Are you watching this guy and thinking back to when Costanza was actively trying to get fired by the Yankees?

3. Lampin’ Larry

We haven’t had a chance to discuss the season premiere, after a six-year hiatus, of Curb Your Enthusiasm. Absolutely loved the opening shower scene (that is totally me) and the first scene quote: “I never try to offend people, but I always wind up offending people, which is ironic.” That’s pretty much the theme of the entire series.

Also love the usage of “foisted.” No one has more fun with words on TV than David. Not a classic episode; maybe we’ll give it one “pret-tee” good. And by the way, how long ago did Richard Lewis die? And we need us some Funkhouser.

Looking forward to “Fatwa,” the musical.

4. Jimmy Kimmel On Gun Control

Why does a comedian whose show airs at midnight have more incisive things to say about health care and guns than anyone in Washington, D.C.? And has he finally found his raison d’etre, outside of “Mean Tweets?”

Something else to consider…

http://mlb.mlb.com/assets/images/6/9/2/257323692/cuts/640×0/cut.jpg

5. Colin Joust

You know the one person I am unable to find of late? Colin Kaepernick. The kneeling NFL players are everywhere, but no Kaep. Everyone has an opinion on the protest, but there are no fresh quotes from Kaep. He retweets people daily and often, but offers no original tweets himself.

I last saw Kaep in person working out at my gym last February, but then I stopped going there (I pronounced myself “suitably fit” for the rest of my life). Anyway, I wonder how many media outlets are reaching out to him for an interview—certainly many more than NFL teams reaching out to him to rescue their seasons. His QB rating in 2016 was 90.7, which would put him equal to Pittsburgh’s Ben Roethlisberger this season and higher than 18 other NFL starters. That’s pretty good, no?

When will we next see Kaepernick in public? On 60 Minutes? Hosting Saturday Night Live? On an NFL sideline? Or will he go full Dave Chappelle?

The Tennessee Titans just signed Brandon Weeden, who will turn 34 next week, as insurance. Like Kaep, Weeden has thrown 30 career interceptions. The difference is that Weeden has tossed 31 TD passes and Kaep 72.

Reserves

Spencer Hall is quite hirsute

 

 

Music 101

If It Makes You Happy

If you didn’t have a monster crush on Sheryl Crow in the early Nineties, you were either gay, female, dead or Sheryl Crow. The first album was a surprise and this was the monster single from the follow-up. She never quite matched the mastery of her debut album, and then she hooked up with Lance Armstrong, but as this appearance below at the White House shows, the former backup singer for both Michael Jackson and Tom Petty was far, far more than a pretty face.

Remote Patrol

National League Wildcard Game

Rockies at Diamondbacks

TBS 8 p.m.

Kids, you do know that October is the best sports month of the season. Check out these two N.L. West squads who may have the two best sluggers/players that are not national household names: Nolan Arenado of Colorado and Paul Goldschmidt of the D-Backs.