CHRIS PICKS!

by John Walters | Leave a comment

by Chris Corbellini

 

Wild-Card Weekend picks: A Rivers Runs Through It

He’s thrown for more yards than John Elway, boasts a higher completion percentage than Steve Young, has just as many career comebacks as Joe Montana, has a better career passer rating than Kurt Warner, was named to the Pro Bowl more times than Troy Aikman, and has thrown for more than 2,100 yards in postseason play.

That’s not just a career. That’s a bust in Canton.

So, why don’t we give a sh-t about Philip Michael Rivers?

Couple of guesses, and in no particular order: Norv Turner, Martyball, his frowny Twitter meme, his famous Brady Bunch-ish family photo on the beach, the fact that life is too sunshine-y in Southern California to live and die with the Chargers in the postseason, the undisputable fact that his franchise made a mistake leaving San Diego and he’s the face of that mistake, the crosstown Rams always on the verge of something special, his WTF shotput release, the Belichick-Brady Patriots dynasty tap-dancing through his entire career (more on this in a moment), he had LaDainian Tomlinson’s god-like fantasy season in 2006 and they never got past the divisional round, and finally, he swiped the offense from Mr. All-American, Drew Brees.

Strangely, maybe the climate has the most to do with it. For eight games a year, plus the occasional playoff game, Rivers has been letting it rip under sunny skies and a slight breeze. Now, I don’t agree with this theory, but I can’t dismiss it entirely. Example: I once interviewed former Raiders wide receiver Tim Brown about being a semifinalist for the Pro Football Hall of Fame but not getting the final call, and with his Heisman Trophy perfectly positioned in the background for my shot, Brown explained that the HOF writer who championed him (he wouldn’t say who) told him other voters thought playing in the LA sunshine was a knock against his career. The thinking went he had it too easy for half his season, every year. Later, off camera, the typically level and almost-stately Brown added a four-letter word to his explanation. (Later that week, I had a similar run-in about the same topic with former linebacker Kevin Greene, who I thought was going to tackle me off my chair while we discussed his candidacy. It should be noted they BOTH were finally inducted into Canton).

But I digress (for the second straight week). Not that you are really looking for it, but when was the last time you heard an NFL star, past or present, say something about Philip Rivers besides the rote “He’s a great player?” Brees and Rivers are actually buddies and neighbors in SoCal, but that’s about it. Maybe there’s a blasé attitude towards Rivers because he looks blandly competitive at best, and whiny and uptight at worst. True story: A day after the Chargers-Patriots AFC Championship Game in January 2008, I was sub-clipping sound footage from that game for NFL Films, and sure enough my camera caught Rivers midfield, a little stunned and petulant after the loss. Surveying the dancing Patriots that circled him, he screamed “ACT LIKE YOU’VE BEEN HERE BEFORE!” In response, naturally, the New England players then hollered and hooted even louder. I always think of that moment when I think of Rivers. He was just 25 at the time, but I can’t help myself.

That can change, of course. Rivers still has the power to change those perceptions. These days his career has reached the Bettis/Elway/Bourque/Drexler level in terms of “c’mon, can’t we get this guy a ring?” It’s a rallying cry for the Chargers to get behind, and they’ve had some fantastic moments getting to this point, with the rally in Pittsburgh on Sunday Night Football being the most memorable. Quietly, oh so quietly, Rivers and the 12-4 Chargers have been constructing a Super Bowl contender, perhaps hoping the Belichick wouldn’t notice this time.

If the Colts get past the Texans on Saturday, and Rivers claws his way out of Baltimore a day later, the Chargers will indeed face BB’s Patriots in the second round. Which is exactly what I predict will happen. What the “other” LA team does at that point is really up to Rivers and Rivers alone. IMO, it’d be fitting to see him celebrate in Foxboro at midfield.

But before we get there, here are my Wild-Card Weekend picks. As always, the home team is in caps, with William Hill odds.

Indianapolis (+1) beats HOUSTON

Take the over, too (O/U: 48.5). Deshaun Watson is gonna put on a show at home, and Andrew Luck will match him, lightning bolt for lightning bolt.  I’ve been to Houston for an NFL playoff game, and as one would expect from a football-mad town, the city reaches apex batsh-t when it’s a pre-snap third and long and their defense is about to hunt. But I also see Luck converting in those situations, even with JJ Watt at full Grizzly Bear, and that’ll be just enough.

DALLAS (-2) beats Seattle

The Seahawks offensive line is mediocre, and of all the Wild-Card Weekend teams, Seattle is weakest against the run. So yeah, I think Zeke Elliot has a nice fantasy football day ahead, and the Cowboys D will run down Russell Wilson eventually, despite his ridiculous, change-of-direction scrambling ability. This one feels like a 17-13 finish. In fact, both of these Saturday games could be instant classics, though Indy-Houston should be more of a barnburner.

LA Chargers (+2) beat BALTIMORE

Get him a ring, Chargers. Overwhelm Lamar Jackson, and force the rookie to throw downfield.

CHICAGO (-6) beats Philadelphia

My quantitative analysis, thanks to the PFF player grading tool: There’s an 8.6-point differential when comparing the Bears defense against the Eagles offense (about .782 points per man). That’s the biggest discrepancy of the weekend, and it’s not a good thing for Philly. Not a single Bear graded below a 65, and seven of 11 starters graded above an 80 (most teams have 1-2).

My qualitative analysis: Chicago’s defense should grind these birds into hamburger helper.

Last week: 0-4. Ow.

Season: 24-37

IT’S ALL HAPPENING!

by John Walters | 6 Comments

by John Walters

Tweet Me Right


Love the SVP.

Starting Five

Levi’s (“Haw, Haw”) Genie

The college football national championship game between Alabama and Clemson will be played at Levi’s Stadium next Monday night and here are a few of the reasons the stands may be nearly as empty as they were for this 49ers game:

–The game is being played on a Monday night, a school night, in January. The weather forecast is low 50s and rain.

–These two schools have met in two of the past three national championship games and in all three of the past three postseasons. The novelty has worn off.

–Santa Clara is roughly 2,400 miles from either Clemson or Tuscaloosa. The flights from Atlanta are not cheap (cheapest we found were $845 round-trip) and when you arrive you find yourself at one of the two highest per-capita-income areas of the U.S. There are no deals.

–Spiritually, the Silicon Valley is about as far away from “S-E-C!” as it gets. Stanford can’t even fill up its stadium when it’s good.

–One final item: in the few games I’ve been to recently, I don’t see much of an advantage in “being there” as opposed to watching at home. At home I’ve got the fridge, I’ve got the easy-access lavatory, I’ve got a more comfortable seat, I’ve got the wi-fi, I’ve got (on Saturdays) a second game I can watch. At the game everything costs more, there are countless hassles (no TSA bag check between my bedroom and den), and half the time your eyes are diverted away to watching what’s on the Jumbotron, anyway. Why go? FOMO? Maybe it’s my age, but I’m so over that.

Bottom line: Much like subscribers once became more valuable to the magazines than what their subscriptions would be, in-game audiences are more valuable to ESPN than the money they’d spend on the game. This is a TV show, make no mistake. And it’s not as good of a TV show if played in a vacuum. It’ll be interesting to find what seat-fillers ESPN is able to procure, although we suggest the WWL either stage a coding conference or a ComicCon event pre-game. I don’t think Imagine Dragons is gonna split the difference.

2. The Ceiling Fallacy

More college football? Sure, why not? Let’s discuss what we here at MH refer to as The Ceiling Fallacy, regarding the gripes by Georgia and Ohio State fans during Saturday’s blowout by Clemson of Notre Dame. To wit, there was some whining or at least politicking by Georgia fans, a few players, Tony Barnhart (self-proclaimed “Mr. CFB”) and Matt Hayes of The Sporting News that Georgia deserved to be there.

Here’s how we see it: On their best days, probably, the Bulldogs and Buckeyes have a higher ceiling than Notre Dame did this season. Probably, at their best, they are the better teams. But college football, and real life, is not about assessing you on your Ceiling. It’s about CONSISTENCY.

The legendary college gridiron philosopher Woody Allen is reputed to have once said, “Eighty percent of success is showing up.” He’s right, you know. And that means it’s more about what you’re able to accomplish on your lowest day, not your highest day. Notre Dame had 12 games this season and showed up for everyone. Georgia forgot to show up in Baton Rouge and Ohio State did not bother to show up in West Lafayette.

Don’t let him near your teenage daughter, sure, but he understands a thing or two about college football and life

If college football ever gets to a place where we prioritize potential over performance, then we’re headed to a bad place.

3. Trump’s Line In The Sand…

…stretches 1,954 miles from the Pacific Ocean to the Gulf of Mexico. The U.S.-Mexican border is the line in the sand that Donald Trump has drawn for his presidency, and he’s willing to take down everyone and everything to get his way on this one.

Never mind that illegals are not “flooding over the border” (the rate of illegal immigration has decreased) or that the Honduran caravan mysteriously evaporated. Never mind that most illegal drugs enter the United States via ports or via vehicles that drive right through checkpoints. Never mind that 800,000 government workers are not collecting paychecks: sanctions are coming, alright, Mr. President: to your own federal employees.

Never mind that there remain 1,500 illegal immigrant children in detention camps. We’ve got our own American gulag.

Today is also the day a Democratic-majority House of Representatives gets sworn in, which means they can hold their breaths on Trump’s budget requests for a full two years. It’ll be ironic if the hill that Trump chooses to die on is actually the Rio Grande.

Oh, and wasn’t Mexico supposed to be paying for all of this?

4. Farewell, Mr. Funkhouser

Truly sobered and saddened by the passing of Bob Einstein, better known by his characters Super Dave Osborne and Marty Funkhouser, the latter on Curb Your Enthusiasm (until our dying day, we will remember the line, “The Funkhousers are with Cheryl…”). Einstein, 76, was the older brother of Albert Brooks who, yes, was born Albert Einstein.

In the late Eighties and early Nineties Super Dave was the perfect Letterman guest: a parody of someone who took himself seriously, which was the entire joke. On Curb he was the perfect foil for Larry. He will be missed.

5. Keeper Of The Flame

One of our cheap thrill is happening upon a film on TCM that we’d never heard of and then staring into the abyss, wondering aloud, “HOW HAVE WE NEVER HEARD OF THIS MOVIE?” The latest example is Keeper Of The Flame, a 1943 film starring Katharine Hepburn and Spencer Tracy (their second of nine films together). She plays the widow of a wealthy, nationally regarded civic leader who just died in a mysterious auto crash; he’s the veteran scribe come to write his biography.

It’ not a comedy. In fact, we come to find out that this public hero actually had some very dark views about democracy and the masses. Watch this scene in which Hepburn finally reveals what her dead husband actually was about (remember, this came out in the midst of World War II) and see if it doesn’t remind you of anybody (or a small group).

Spooky.

On a lighter note, TCM host Ben Mankiewicz is feeling his comic oats of late as he settles more comfortably into the late Robert Osborne’s spot. Introducing Casablanca the other night, Mankiewicz said, “For those of you who don’t know the plot, it’s about a beach resort town and a shark that comes to terrorize it one summer.”

The other night, between two Burt Reynolds films, Mankiewicz noted, “He played football at Florida, or Florida State, one of those schools. It doesn’t make a difference.” Then he waited a beat, grinned, and said, “Just wanted to see if I could get a reaction out of you” and went on to note that Burt was a Seminole.

Last TCM note: In two different films in the last fortnight we noticed a striking brunette and only upon later research did we find it was the same actress. Whom we’d never heard of. Her name? Patricia Morison. Considering her features and the fact that we don’t understand how she did not become a bigger star, we’re dubbing her the Rena Sofer of her day.

Morison was born in 1915. She passed just last May.

Music 101 

Gotta Get Away

Don’t know much more about Wyatt Blair except that he’s 25ish and from Orange County, but we actually heard this tune during a film’s coming attractions and liked it. Very Sixties sunshine pop.

Remote Patrol

Liverpool at Manchester City

3 p.m. 

These are the Reds (17-3-0) Salah days, as striker Mo Salah is third in the Premier League in both goals and assists. With more than half the Premier League season completed, Liverpool, i.e. the Reds, have yet to lose a match as they visit Etihad Stadium, roughly an hour away. Man City (15-2-3) is in third place.

IT’S ALL HAPPENING!

by John Walters | 1 Comment

by John Walters

 

MEDIUM HAPPY NEW YEAR!!!!!

Tweet Me Right


Couldn’t resist…

Starting Five

1. Mad Cow!

Someone thought it would be a good idea to pose Bevo next to UGA (clad in a red sweater) prior to the Sugar Bowl. What they got instead was a harbinger to Texas’ upset of Georgia (you know, the school whose fans spent all of Saturday whining that they belonged in the playoff).

 

Texas, behind some Tebow-esque quarterback play from Sam Ehlinger, raced out to a 28-7 lead and thoroughly outplayed the Dawgs for the game’s first 50 minutes. Meanwhile, the SEC remains undefeated in OOC/bowl games it actually cares about. Remember that.

2. Tyler Trent

Moments after Ohio State had dispatched of Washington, 28-23, in the Rose Bowl, the news spread across Twitter that Purdue student Tyler Trent had passed away due to complications from bone cancer at the age of 20. It was Trent whose presence at the Boilermakers’ prime-time game versus the Buckeyes in October seemed to possess the team into playing at a heretofore unseen level. Purdue wiped Ohio State by three touchdowns that night.

Here’s Indianapolis Star columnist Gregg Doyel on Trent and his passing.

3. The Bad Beats Bowl

We missed this outcome until we saw it on the SVP SportsCenter last night. For the second time in the past six years, the Bahamas Bowl featured an incredibly, gut-wrenchingly painful Bad Beat.

Here’s the scenario: Florida International leads Toledo, 28-25, with less than three minutes left. The Over/Under line is 66.5. If you took the under, you’re feeling good. You’ve got 13.5 points to play with.

FIU has the ball and barely, I mean barely, converts a 4th and 6 at the Rockets’ 27. Three plays later, on 3rd-and-1 at the 18, you figure they’ll either convert and run out the clock or fail to convert and kick the FG. Wha do the Panthers do? A run up the gut goes for a touchdown!

35-25. You’re still fine. It’s 60 points and there’s less than a minute to play.

Now there’s less than 10 seconds to play and Toledo is at its FIU’s 43. QB Eli Peters launches a—what else?—rocket that Jon’Vea Johnson hauls in on a dead run just before stepping out of the back of the end zone. Argh!!! But it’s 35-31 (66 points) and the game is over, right?

Wrong! There’s :01 on the clock and by rule Toledo must attempt the PAT. They do, and convert and the game ends 35-32. 67 points. If you took the Under, YOU LOSE!

Ouch. Gruesome. As we’ve noted here before, the 2014 Bahamas Bowl cured us of casual wagering, after Western Michigan (we took them minus-2) blew a 35-POINT FOURTH-QUARTER lead and only won by one point.

Forget the Bermuda Triangle, kids. STAY AWAY FROM THE BAHAMAS BOWL!

4. McChrystal, Romney and Trump

We’ll get to Mitt Romney another day. Over the New Year’s holiday retired four-star general Stanley McChrsytal granted an interview in which he said of the president, when asked if he thinks if he’s a liar and immoral, answered, “I think he is” both times.

McChrystal said, referencing his colleague James Mattis’ resignation, that it would be important for him to work for someone who tells the truth. That he could not work for someone who doesn’t.

Meanwhile, check out that “10-foot wall” encircling the Obama abode

But John Kelly did, even though privately John Kelly has told friends and associates the same things McChrystal said. Who’s the more heroic soldier here? For us, it’s no contest: McChrystal. All Kelly did, by being a presence in the West Wing, was help to legitimize an illegitimate leader.

Trump responded by tweeting that McChrystal has “a big, dumb mouth,” rhetoric that falls somewhere short of the Gettsyburg Address.

5. Safe Streets

Manhattanhenge!

The number of traffic-related deaths in New York City fell to 200 in 2018, which is the lowest number in one year since the Big Apple began recording the statistic in 1910. That’s crazy, when you consider the proliferation of Uber and Lyft drivers, pedestrians hypnotized by their cell phones, folks on Citi-bikes and E-scooters, motorized skateboards and pedestrians camping out on 57th Street in June to glimpse Manhattan’s version of Stonehenge.

This is the living embodiment of a statistic not fitting the prevailing narrative. Next you’re going to tell us that Texas beat Georgia.

 

Music 101

Holiday In Cambodia

Just another schmaltzy, sweet Seventies song from Jello Biafra and Dead Kennedys. It was actually released in 1980 and criticized idealistic, moralizing college students (snowflakes) who were oblivious to the horrors of Pol Pot and the Khmer Rouge. Just another love song.

Remote Patrol

Nova

9 p.m. PBS

If you’ve been paying attention, something called New Horizons, a spacecraft, is zooming past Ultima Thule, an object that is located 4,000,000,000 miles from Earth. Hoping Ultima Thule has restrooms and Slim Jims.

IT’S ALL HAPPENING!

by John Walters | 6 Comments

by John Walters

Tweet Me Right

Since deleted. Funny, guys.

Starting Five

1. Standing Pat, Staying Put

With a 28-0 third quarter fueled by four Utah turnovers, Northwestern erased a 20-3 halftime deficit to win the Holiday Bowl, 31-20. It was only the Holiday Bowl, played before a few thousand soggy souls in San Diego, but it was also the Wildcats’ third straight bowl victory and it sent out this senior class as the school’s winningest, with 36 victories in the past four seasons.

Most importantly, coach Pat Fitzgerald immediately quashed any rumors that he might be taking Vince Lombardi’s old job in Green Bay. “Hashtag ‘Go Cats,’ man,” Fitz said while still on the field. “I’m not going anywhere. This is home forever.”

2. Year-End Pink Slips

Six NFL coaches were fired on the final day of the NFL season or, one day later, the final day of the year: Vance Joseph of the Denver Broncos (two seasons), Steve Wilks of the Arizona Cardinals (one season), Dirk Koetter of the Tampa Bay Bucs (three seasons), Adam Gase of the Miami Dolphins (three seasons), Todd Bowles of the New York Jets (four seasons) and Marvin Lewis of the Cincinnati Bengals (16 seasons).

Coincidentally or not, four of those six coaches are black, rendering the league, whose player pool is 70% African-American, with two such black coaches (roughly 6%). Hello, Rooney Rule!

Lewis makes his Cincy exodus with a slightly above .500 record but an 0-7 record in playoff games. Ouch.

3. Laura’s Leaving

Due to a dwindling number of advertiser, Laura Ingraham‘s radio show was canceled. Foxy  Blonde Hate Mongering continues (Tomi Lahren and Britt McHenry still exist), but Ingraham, who took glee in mocking a high-school shooting survivor being rejected by Cal-Berkeley (he has since been admitted to Harvard), is particularly pernicious.

She’ll now be opening for Louis CK on his flyover-state comedy tour…

4. Walker Capital: “What Do We Know?!?”


That’s our new slogan at WC, Medium Happy’s middle-class wealth management firm. Last January, giddy from having chosen Nvidia (NVDA) as our stock pick of 2017 the year before, announced Bitcoin Investment Trust (GBTC) as our stock pick of 2018. That stock, which opened the year at $21.23, closed yesterday at $3.95 (we stand by our selection with the minor caveat that we should have advised you to short it).

Of course, 2018 was the worst year for the stock market since 2008, all of which came down in the final three months (the market was booming, the Dow at an all-time high, when Jamal Khashoggi was killed on October 2; coincidence?).

So what is our advice for 2018—last year’s top performing stock was Advanced Micro Devices (AMD), which rose 79% overall but fell 45% in the final quarter? Oh no, you’re not gonna fool us again. Our only advice in this volatile market is to not go chasing yesterday’s news, good or bad, or even the previous hour’s. And hold on to your Amazon (AMZN) stock. Always.

5. CNN: Champagne News Network


Ordinarily über-professional CNN show hosts Anderson Cooper and Don Lemon got a little tipsy while doing New Year’s Eve festivities last night. Chris Cuomo was off somewhere with a foam roller and a Bowflex machine.


(It’s “conch,” with an “n,” Bill).

Music 101 

The Breakup Song (They Don’t Write Em)

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0GoI48D4oAg

In 1981 the Greg Kihn Band had a couple of hits that charted, including this one that reached No. 15 in autumn of that year.

Remote Patrol

Outback Bowl

Iowa vs. Mississippi State

Noon ESPN2

Fiesta Bowl

UCF vs. LSU
1 p.m. ESPN

Citrus Bowl

Kentucky vs. Penn State

1 p.m. ABC

Rose Bowl

Ohio State vs. Washington

5 p.m. ESPN

Sugar Bowl

Georgia vs. Texas

8:45 p.m. ESPN

Five games, one day. Find your favorite pair of flannel sweats and get comfortable.