IT’S ALL HAPPENING!

by John Walters | 3 Comments

by John Walters

Starting Five

Kneel Arm-Strong

Donald Trump stepped up his campaign against NFL players and the First Amendment yesterday with this tweet:

 

 Then this morning he tweeted that Congress needs to abolish the 60-vote rule so that he can get his health care bill passed. Trump’s “SOB” comments last Friday night dovetailed nicely both with the failure of the GOP health care bill to pass and news, at least given to him, that the FBI had evidence that Jared Kushner was conducting government business on (“Lock”) his private (“him”) email server (“up!”).

And to a great degree this is what this entire charade has been about: Trump distracting America from his disastrous failure to push policies through despite a majority GOP Congress and the news trickling out about his family’s/cronies’ treasonous or at least corrupt and hypocritical actions in the White House.

 

Meanwhile, Lou Holtz, we’ll never tell you to “Stick to sports!”, but this was an ignorant and callous take.

2. The Other Shoe Drops

Tony Bland, one of the assistants charged

The FBI, in a sting operation, arrests assistant coaches from Arizona, Auburn, Louisville, Oklahoma State and USC for funneling shoe-deal money to recruits. And rumor has it that Rick Pitino, Louisville head coach, may be fired today, as he has already used up his allotment of last straws.

So college basketball/AAU/big shoe companies are dirty. I don’t even own a set of pearls to clutch. This is not a closed-system offense. This is a lesion on the skin that points to evidence of a completely diseased organism. Are we really supposed to believe this was taking place outside of the knowledge of the head coaches? And are we really surprised that with so much money at stake and so much money flying around that coaches won’t use some of that money to funnel the top players to their schools?

By the way, the FBI never informed the NCAA that it was conducting this sting. What does that tell you?

3. The Ballad of the Mad Pooper

An unidentified man posted a video (since taken down) claiming that the scourge of Colorado Springs, the Mad Pooper, both suffered a traumatic brain injury and has undergone gender reassignment surgery (apparently one excuse would not suffice so an entirely unrelated excuse was thrown in) and that is why she cannot control her bowels.

No explanation as to why, as the New York Post labels her, “the daring defecator,” always seems to poop on the same neighbor’s lawn. The unidentified spokesman, who may have just been someone horning in on the MP’s infamy, claimed that her name is “Shirley” and that pooping was protected under the first Amendment (it’s not).

4. Who’s Missing From This Montage?

Can you imagine the look on a certain former San Francisco 49er’s face when he first saw this week’s SI cover? ROGER GOODELL?!?! What the WTF?!?

5. From The Mad Pooper to Max Hooper

Crazy court verdict that should be garnering more attention this morning. J.P. Morgan Chase & Co. has been ordered by a Dallas jury to pay $4 billion-with-a-B! to the estate of a deceased American Airlines executive, Max Hopper (as we run to ATM to see if our money is still there).

Four billion dollars! In actual damages, though, Hopper’s wife and two step-children will likely be awarded about $5 million. Still, not a bad haul . Hopper pioneered the SABRE reservation system for AA and died in 2010 with assets totaling $19 million but with no will. The family hired J.P. Morgan to divvy up the goods and appears that JPM took their sweet time and kept billing the family.

Read the story and you’ll find that Hopper owned 6,700 golf putters and more than 900 bottles of wine. How many were belly putters, though?

Reserves

This first inning catch by Yankee outfielder Aaron Hicks (breaking: the Yankees have a surplus of quality Aarons in the outfield, right, Hank?) robbed the Tampa Bay Rays of a grand slam. The Yankees would win 6-1 and are now only 3 back of the Red Sox, who have gone into a tailspin of late. Question: What are all of Hicks’ teammates in the bullpen staring at?

Twitter wants to give us 280 characters? How about first giving us italics? And 140 was quite enough, thanks…On CBS This Morning earlier Delta Airlines CEO Ed Bastian announced that beginning this weekend Delta would be offering FREE text-messaging in flight all around the world. When Gayle King asked him about use of cell phones to place calls, Bastian replied, “Not in my lifetime.”

We like this guy.

 

Music 101

My Best Friend’s Girl

You’ll find The Cars at the intersection of punk and New Wave in the late Seventies. And before you make a derisive quip about Ric Ocasek’s odd looks, he’s married to Paulina Porizkova and we’re not. This was the second single off their 1978 smash debut album, one of the best debut albums we’ve ever enjoyed 4,000 times.

Remote Patrol

The Vietnam War

PBS 8 p.m.

Part 9 of 10. Yeah, we get it, JW, you want us to watch this series. Why? Those who cannot remember the past are condemned to repeat it.

IT’S ALL HAPPENING!

by John Walters | 2 Comments

by John Walters

Starting Five

Baseball’s most majestic swing

Bomb Blasts, Not Bombast

On a sultry autumn Monday afternoon in the Bronx, Aaron Judge connected twice to the bleachers (as he had done the day before in Toronto). The silent slugger’s two homers gave him 50 for the season, eclipsing Mark McGwire’s record for rookies. ROY? How about MVP?

2. Begin The Megyn

Unless her personality radically changes in the next few weeks—and it won’t—Megyn Kelly may go down as the SuperTrain of morning talk show hosts. Like the long ago ambitious NBC prime-time show that quickly crashed and burned, Kelly seems to be not just awkward to watch, but a tire fire. It was only one show yesterday, sure, but she had more than nine months to prepare for it. And it was cringe-worthy.

First Jamie Horowitz and now this. Why are NBC execs so, SO bad at their jobs?

3. Oy Vey!

On one hand 2-0 Miami at 4-0 Duke on Friday night at 7:30 p.m. gives the game marquee status. On the other, both student bodies (if not so much their football teams) are heavily Jewish, and Friday is Yom Kippur, the holiest day on the Jewish calendar. What up with that?

Later Friday night, 4-0 USC visits 4-0 Washington State. College GameDay should have been there. And yes, USC is also a Yom Kippur-aware campus

4. The Art of the Kneel*

It’s ironic, isn’t it (at least for us Game Of Thrones fans) that the Tywin Lannister wannabe occupying the White House is admonishing NFL players to “bend the knee” by not bending the knee. Last night Jerry Jones, owner of the Dallas Cowboys, knelt in solidarity with his players (as Shannon Sharpe said on FS1’s “Undisputed” yesterday, billionaires do not appreciate being told what to do, not even by the racist facilitator they voted for).

Trevor Noah on last night’s The Daily Show: “I don’t know if Trump is racist, but I do know he definitely prefers white people to black people. I can say that with confidence.”

*Thanks, The Daily Show

5. Mean Tweets # 11

The Jim Parsons and Gwyneth Paltrow tweets are the funniest, but Kumail Nanjiani’s comeback at the final tweet is gold. Stay tuned to the end.

Music 101

River

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=nAK9Pj5-QXY

Never released as a single, Joni Mitchell’s 1971 Christmas classic has nevertheless been recorded 432 times by various artists. She’s quite the Canadian. And yes, the piano accompaniment borrows heavily from “Jingle Bells.”

Remote Patrol

The Vietnam War (April 1969-May 1970)

PBS 8 p.m.

It’s curious to watch the story of a nation coming apart nearly 50 years ago and then tune to cable news and hear the president call peaceful protesters “sons of bitches.” In last night’s episode, we heard how Richard Nixon clandestinely contacted the president of South Vietnam weeks before the 1968 election to ask him not to attend peace talks so that he could get a better deal from the U.S. once Nixon was elected. LBJ knew about it, via wiretapping, but he opted not to influence the election by revealing it. Nixon won. The rest is history.

Sound familiar?

IT’S ALL HAPPENING!

by John Walters | 4 Comments

by John Walters

Starting Five

Patriots are patriots

Through The Perilous Fight

Donald Trump, speaking at a Friday night rally in Huntsville, Alabama, refers to NFL players who kneel or sit for the national anthem as “sons of bitches,” and it’s on. Nothing like telling a predominantly white audience in the south that uppity N-word are SOBs.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=vrW-GI_9IL8

It’s pretty simple: What Colin Kaepernick began as silent, peaceful protest for what he saw as injustice has morphed into, for those who support Trump, an assault on WHITE POWER. The flag is the symbol of liberty, not of nationalism. The very act of burning the flag or kneeling during the anthem is as American as any pledge of allegiance, because it is an affirmation of the First Amendment, an amendment for which Trump clearly has no respect or regard.

 

What happened last Friday galvanized players and others: kneeling or sitting during the anthem—the playing of which has no more necessary place at a sporting event than at a religious ceremony—is now, at least for us, a symbol of defiance of Trump, for a man who does not respect the tenets of freedom and liberty and justice for all.

 

There are big-P Patriots in the NFL and small-p patriots all over the country, and as Bob Costas wisely stated on CNN this morning, being a patriot is so much more than being a part of/supportive of the military. This entire obsession with beatifying the military as secular saints, by the way, began after 9/11. Which was part of bin Laden’s plan: tear away the one thing that makes this country great: the freedom to express yourself in any way you please non-violently.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=dK3aUPSbYDE

Here’s billionaire Steve Mnuchin, who loves America so much that he spent your money to take his wife on a honeymoon to France…

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=nKJO6zyI_kU

Anyone remember this dude?

2. A Bunt Home Run? Yes, A Bunt Home Run

If you were wondering if the Detroit Tigers are simply going through the motions this month, this Brian Dozier leadoff bunt home run confirms it.

3. Miller Time Out

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=je0S74_Q04k

Someone did this to me when I played quarterback in 6th grade in Pop Warner football. Never realized it could cost you a game. Miller got flagged for unsportsmanlike conduct after a 3rd down play midway through the fourth, gave the Bills a fresh set of downs, and Buffalo went on to win.

4. Puerto Rico

Most Puerto Ricans are without power, and issues of food and potable water are soon going to be at high-crisis levels. If only Puerto Ricans were American citizens. Wait, wut? The storms are past, but the troubles are only beginning. This is MH’s official we-haven’t-forgotten post.

5. The MH Domin-Eight

Our weekly rankings of the top eight in college football. Note: Based on what I saw out of the Fighting Irish on Saturday night, I won’t be surprised at all if they find themselves on this list later this season.

By the way, our preseason pick to win the Grange Award was Saquon Barkley. We’re feeling awfully good about that pick after last Saturday night. Also note, that on the most crucial play of the Nittany Lions’ season, he stayed in for pass protection.

  1. Alabama (4-0) Tide trounced Vanderbilt 59-0 and suddenly those Derek Mason features look a bit premature
  2. Penn State (4-0) Maybe Clemson has the better road win, but maybe Iowa is better than Ohio State, anyway.
  3. Georgia (4-0) Or maybe the Bulldogs have the most impressive road win, in South Bend.
  4. Clemson (4-0) Tigers had a three-quarter post-Louisville, post-Auburn hangover versus B.C., then put up 27 in the fourth quarter.
  5. Oklahoma (4-0) The Sooners had more trouble with Baylor in the first half, and with Tulane the week prior, than a Top 4 team should.
  6. USC (4-0) Far from in love with the Trojans, but Stephen Carr is a future Heisman favorite and they have played three consecutive solid opponents.
  7. TCU (4-0) Impressive win for the Frogs in Stillwater
  8. Washington (4-0) Equally impressive win for the pooches in Boulder.

Music 101

I Got You Babe

I got flowers in the spring/I got you to wear my ring/And when I’m sad, you’re a clown/And if I get scared, you’re always around…

Schmaltzy sure, but this 1965 folk song by Sonny and Cher (what ever happened to them?) is a simple and timeless classic: you think they were gonna have Phil Connors be roused from his slumber by just any song in Groundhog Day? Sonny Bono, then a songwriter for Phil Spector, wrote the song as a rebuttal to Bob Dylan’s “It Ain’t Me, Babe.”  The ditty spent three weeks at No. 1 in August of 1965 and sold more than one million copies.

Here’s their final time performing it together…

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=eBoJe0ihS-M

They seem to be having fun, no?

Remote Patrol

The Vietnam War, June 1968-May 1969

PBS 8 p.m.

As civil unrest and racial violence reaches levels of hostility unprecedented since the Civil War, Richard Nixon wins the presidency and promises—wait for it—law and order. I wouldn’t put this doc quite up there with Ken Burns’ The Civil War or World War II efforts, but that’s partly a product of how difficult it is to provide a linear narrative of Vietnam. Telling the story has proven to be its own quagmire.

 

IT’S ALL HAPPENING!

by John Walters | Leave a comment

by John Walters

Starting Five

Mellow Yellow Fellows

The Los Angeles Rams overcame those color-rush yellow unis to beat the San Francisco 49ers 41 -39 (“39ers, amirite? Hello?”) last night on “Thursday Night Football” (slogan: “When it’s on, it’s on”). Under first-year coach Sean McVay, AGE 30, the Rams are 2-1 and have the NFL’s most potent offense.

McVay, the youngest head coach in modern NFL history, is making waves in a city known for them

No, seriously. The Rams are averaging 35. 7 ppg (No. 1), Jared Goff is No. 2 in the league in passing yards per attempt and Todd Gurley (above), a.k.a. The Gurley Man, is No. 1 in rushing touchdowns.

Up next for L.A. on October 1th? At Dallas. That should be interesting.

Meanwhile, sure it’s not the wisest thing to kick off a game at 5 p.m. local time in a stadium next to a major freeway at the southern tip of San Francisco Bay, but does the NFL really expect us to believe Levi’s Stadium was filled, as they say, to 100% of capacity last night? Or is it just a matter of scores of secondary-market tix going unsold?

2.Mad Men*

Kim is 33 years old, or younger than Ivanka. Trump is 70, or older than the DPRK

*The judges apologize to all the good—and bad—folks at Sterling, Cooper, Draper, Pryce

Tuesday: Donald Trump calls Kim Jong Un “Rocket Man” and threatens to “totally destroy” North Korea in a speech at the United Nations general assembly.

Thursday: Kim releases a statement in which he promises to “definitely tame the mentally deranged U.S. dotard [senile old person] with fire.” Ooooooooh. So Khaleesi of you.

 

Friday: Trump tweets that Kim is “definitely a mad man.”

Small blessings, but at least they’re only lobbing insults at one another compared to what both have in their arsenal. Meanwhile, can someone put out an alert to Dr. Phil?

 

3. Another Kelly At 9 A.M.

The New York Times story is titled “Megyn Kelly Is Ready For Her Closeup,” to which we ask, “Is she?” The former BFF (Blonde Fox Female) steps into the 9 a.m. hour of NBC’s Today on Monday, instantly becoming the second-most popular Kelly (Ripa) at that  hour on TV.

Kelly is smart and pretty and all, but we kind of feel NBC paid for the Megyn Kelly of five to seven years ago as to the MK of 2017. It’s like that insane deal (at the time) Sony gave Michael Jackson in the 1980s after Off The Wall and Thriller had been released. The time to have gone into business with The King of Pop was before then.

4. “We haven’t seen this many people come forward to speak out against a bill since Cosby.” 

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5l09fdpD5Sw

It’s extremely satisfying to watch Jimmy Kimmel, to borrow a term used by a famous orange-haired men earlier this week, “totally destroy” Senator Bill Cassidy this week. Of the many terrific points he made, Kimmel wondered aloud why so many congressmen and Fox flunkies go directly to ad hominem attacks about his qualifications to discuss health care when the man in the Oval Office’s main qualification to be there was that he once said, “Meatloaf, you’re fired.”

Later in the show Senator Al Franken appeared, and the Democrat from Minnesota and erstwhile Saturday Night Live writer quipped, “You know, I usually don’t like it when comedians get involved in politics…”

5. Bye Bye, Bettencourt

Liliane Bettencourt, the heiress of French cosmetics company L’Oreal, has died. Bettencourt was 94. Why should you care? With a projected worth of $44 billion, Bettencourt had been the world’s richest woman (now the mantle belongs either to Baby Ruth candy bar heiress Sue Ellen Mitschke or to Oprah; probably Oprah).

Music 101

Archie, Marry Me

Can a band whose members originate from the eastern Canadian islands of Cape Breton and Prince Edward make it big? Alvvays‘ (pronounced “Always”) self-titled 2014 debut album hit No. 1 on the U.S. college charts. The band, led by lead singer-songwriter Molly Rankin, released its second album earlier this month.