Things I decided to say here so as not to subject it to Twitter followers. I’m just firing off these ideas in any old random way, as if my brain has a bump stock. Comment as you will.
The first and MOST IMPORTANT thing to remember in all of this: guns are the instrument, they are not the causation. I’m all for making guns far more difficult to obtain for persons under age 25 (and completely off-limits to anyone under 21), but guns are not the cause of the epidemic. They simply facilitate it.
Second: I’m 51. A younger person reading this may roll his or her eyes and shoot a GOML, but I’m willing to listen to them if they’re willing to listen to me. Being older doesn’t necessarily make you dumber. In some bizarre and remote cultures, older people are actually considered wise. So, to commence:
1. The Death of Community: In schools, in neighborhoods, everywhere. When a sense of community dies, individuals get left behind. First, they get lonely. Some get angry. And many no longer feel accountable to anyone else because they really don’t believe that anyone cares about them. Which leads to how community dies…
2. Let’s Begin With Your Smartphone and Your Earbuds: How many young people do you encounter who are just completely disengaged from the actual world in which they are taking part? I’m not blaming them; this is the technological world into which they were raised (in my era, our parents yelled at us for watching too much television).
Still, wearing ear buds more often than not or checking your smart phone when dining out with your family, as just one example, is yet another opportunity to build community that is lost. And finding “community” on line is no substitute for real community.
3. The Internet Has Made America One Big High School: Thirty years ago you cared about maybe being popular inside your high school. Now you post selfies of yourself on Instagram and crave a greater level of fame. It’s almost as if fame, or infamy, is the only satisfaction that will do.
4. The Internet Has Made Us All Narcissists: We’re far more interested in being praised or at least respected on line than we are by our physical neighbors. Again, a disconnect between humanity/reality and what we experience online.
5. The Amazon-ing of Things: You don’t have to go anywhere to get what you want, and you don’t have to have anything except exactly what you already know that you like. Americans, more than any other culture, live a Burger King (“Have it your way”) life style. That’s capitalism doing its job, but the residual effects are a more isolated, more insulated, more spoiled and far more arrogant culture.
We don’t share. We don’t play well with others. We quit if things don’t go our way right away. We care less about doing what’s right than about doing what we want. We’re frankly more selfish and far less compassionate. Again, the destruction of any sense of community.
6. Music: Oh, man, I really do feel old even suggesting this and I’m not even taking aim at rap and hip-hop. What I am suggesting is that music SUCKS now. I mean, the 10th-worst band of my childhood would be headlining any summer festival these days. Jack White (whom I love) is gonna clean up this summer but I guarantee-damn-tee you he doesn’t have one song off his new album that anyone will be humming to themselves a year from now.
Whatever happened to melodies? Whatever happened to music that wasn’t so self-absorbed?
So, yes, this post may put me into the Troglodyte Hall of Fame. But in my heart I feel that all of the above is true. And if you don’t know me and someone referred you to this post, please understand that I am as opposed to Fox News and all it stands for as anyone. And I’m happy to hear from you about this.
Two days ago Manhattan attorney Aaron Schlossberg went to a nearby eatery to pick up lunch and the next thing everyone knew he became an episode of Black Mirror.
Schlossberg went viral for a plethora of reasons, one of which is that he embodies white male privilege (no one posts videos of black men in Manhattan barking racist or sexist diatribes, but if you live here…). The other is that, as the YouTube search bears out, he has quite the history of hostile encounters with fellow New Yorkers. He’s as much a rageaholic as he is a racist.
And yet yesterday we found ourselves defending him on Twitter. Not what he had to say, but his right to say it. In New York a Dominican-born State Democrat, Adriano Espaillat, filed a grievance (presumably in English) against Schlossberg with the court system. He was joined by the Bronx borough president, a fellow Democrat named Ruben Diaz, Jr.
“We are sending this grievance to say that you cannot engage in xenophobia, bigotry, hate and get away with it,” said Espaillat. “Such behavior should never be tolerated.”
I’m sorry. You can get away with it and you should. Mr. Schlossberg was not speaking in an official capacity. I mean, imagine if he were the president and in an official meeting referred to those two Mexican employees as “animals.” Anyway, dislike what he said if you like, but defend his right to say it.
(We’ve lived in NYC nearly 30 years. Of course Schlossberg overreacts and is a complete jerk here. But as to the central point, he’s correct: you walk on busy NYC sidewalks the same way you drive, which is to say you stay to the right. Doesn’t mean he was justified in behaving like a jerk, but the man posting this video was not observing proper NYC sidewalk etiquette.)
Why? Because the First Amendment is not here to protect you for those times when you utter compliments (“Nice shirt, have you lost weight?”). It’s for when you say things that people, sometimes a majority of people, vehemently disagree with. And if you libel or slander a particular person, the law provides for pay back.
But when you say something that the majority of people within a certain vicinity strongly oppose (Mr. Schlossberg is probably already being asked to be a guest speaker at Liberty University) and based solely on the grounds that they don’t like it, they want to censor you? F___ that.
We understand the immigration (we’re sorry, ILLEGAL IMMIGRATION issue) issue is a third-rail topic. Truth gets lost in all the emotion. As a New Yorker who works daily with Mexicans and Mexican-Americans, I’m proud to work alongside them and more than a little aware of what great co-workers and people almost all of them are. They’re the engine behind any successful restaurant. But I’ll also defend Mr. Schlossberg’s right to be an arrogant and MAGA-esque jerk.
This is America.
2. Mike Trout Is Baseball’s Yanni/Laurel
Yesterday afternoon we were scrolling through ESPN mobile on our phone to see what time the Yankees would play (they didn’t??? That’s 4 straight nights without a final score?) when we came upon this headline that incited an involuntary shudder: “Mike Trout Is On Pace For the Greatest Season In MLB History.”
But then we read that Trout went 0-4 last night and is mired in an 0-fer-19 slump, the longest hitless streak in his career.
So which is it: Yanni? Or Laurel?
FWIW: Trout is batting .290 and is not in the A.L. top five in home runs, RBI or batting average. He is not having the greatest season in Angel history, much less MLB, and you may argue that teammate Shohei Ohtani is having a better season. So what does this say about the WAR stat?
3. “$885?? (Low Whistle)”
The French recently passed a law in which people may now be fined as much as $885 for wolf-whistling at or cat-calling members of either sex on the street. So be careful how you hail that taxi on the Champs Elysees, mon ami.
Meanwhile, they’re still burning rape victims in India. So, you know…
(The “til death do us part” part will be easy, but the fidelity part may be a challenge). It was a good run (and also a horrific one what with the genocide and the impaling and the slavery and the forced circumcisions, etc.), humanity, but I’m all for going extinct and ceding the planet to the wild creatures. A least they’ll take care of it better than we have.
5. Mind The Gap*
*The judges will also accept “Selfie-Assisted Suicide”
In western Australia, a 20 year-old Australian man died when he attempted to take a selfie atop this popular tourist stop, known as The Gap. He slipped and fell 40 meters and was washed out to sea. As you can see below, there is a man-made bridge that juts out from the plateau so that tourists may take wonderful photos, but this young man made the fatal mistake of wanting to make it a little more risky.
Reserves
Okay, I probably shouldn’t go here, but I saw a tweet or two this morning on the Schlossberg Affair and without naming names or providing tweets, I wanted to address it.
To begin, I think I’m pretty well established here as someone who for nine summers has worked alongside Mexicans and Mexican-Americans (some documented, some not) and that I hold them in the highest regard as co-workers and friends. And here is the reason I say that: because while there are many racists who are doing the “I’m going to call ICE on you!” rant, and while Schlossberg may well likely be one of these people, the illegal immigration issue is not simply one of Racists vs. Non-Racists.
It isn’t.
The same people who consume a non-stop diet of Chris Hayes/Rachel Maddow/Lawrence O’Donnell (and why didn’t he like Jed Bartlet, his own son, anyway? I love Jed Bartlet, but that may be because we attended the same university) and basically bow their heads whenever the term “Constitution” or “rule of law” is uttered are more than happy to look the other way whenever it is pointed out that people are entering the U.S.A. illegally.
Can you have compassion for them? Of course. Might the laws be relaxed? Certainly. Do Mexican and other Latino migrant workers make this economy go? From everything I’ve read, yes. Is cracking down on illegal immigration just a wet kiss to Dumb White America so that they won’t blame Wealthy White America for eliminating their jobs? Probably.
But with all that said, illegal immigration is still exactly that. As soon as this subject comes up, fierce Constitutionalists and “Rule of Law” types get all weepy and emotional and “They’re separating children from their families!” and if you dare ask why people should be allowed to enter this country illegally, you’re called a “Racist.”
That’s what the women in this tweet did this morning. And I know for a fact that she lives in one of the wealthiest communities in the U.S.A., one in which I’m certain the population is either White or NBA star/retiree or Movie Mogul. And so I wonder how this issue ever personally affects her.
It’s totally cool to believe that the immigration laws should be changed. It’s even true that many people believe the racist garbage that Trump spews and support him because of it. But it is possible to want to wade into the illegal immigration issue without being a racist. And the moment people like her decide that you can’t be inquisitive about it without being a racist, all you’re doing is ignoring the issue in favor of an ad homimen attack.
What I’d really love to do is camp out on her front yard until she calls the cops to have me removed, at which point I’ll call her a racist.
Music 101
Popcorn
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=vL2TYoBYsnY
Gershon Kingsley originally recorded the version you hear above in 1969 on a Moog synthesizer (later popularized by the Moody Blues and Emerson, Lake and Palmer) but three years later a band named Hot Butter came along and turned this into an international hit. No one knows who was in the band Hot Butter, which is probably for the best for everyone involved.
Remote Patrol
The Wolf of Wall Street
7 p.m. FX
We’ll admit, we’ve never seen this, and we’re not especially dying to, and at 4 hours here there’s probably a commercial immediately after every sexist joke, but we thought we’d at least alert you to it.
James Harden shot just 20% from beyond the arc (3-15) but Stephen Curry was worse, shooting 12.5% from three-point land (1-8) as the Rockets knotted the series with a 127-105 win. Kevin Durant poured in 38.
Curry is now 2-13 from outside the arc in this series. Expect this to be a story line in the long fallow period before Sunday’s Game 3.
2. Wild Kingdom
An animal endemic to Mexico
“You wouldn’t believe how bad these people are,” Donald Trump said during a roundtable discussion with California leaders on sanctuary cities. “These aren’t people, these are animals.”
To be fair to Trump, he was most likely referring to MS-13 members. To be fair to animals, even predators have far more dignity and respect for life than gang bangers.
3. Weary Traveler
With a surname such as Cahill (K-Hill), you should be a dominant pitcher. And at moments in his 10-year big-league career Trevor Cahill has been just that. In 2010 he was an All-Star, had a sub-3.00 ERA, and went 18-8.
Last night we were briefly watching the first inning of the A’s-Red Sox game from the sidewalk outside of Blondie’s (a bar from which we are banned…seriously) when ESPN flashed a quick note about how many consecutive road starts Cahill has lost. We have been unable to verify the number on the WWW, but we think it’s in the thirties.
Anyway, Cahill gave up 3 first-inning runs and was facing Chris Sale and even though he pitched five scoreless after that, Sale doesn’t need that much run support to beat you. The streak continues.
4. Jumpin’ Jack Flash
We loved learning yesterday that the codename given to the mission that would become the inception of the Trump-Russia-Election Meddling (notice we did not write “collusion”) investigation was Crossfire Hurricane.
No lie, we were ruminating on this only last week, as we scoured tunes for “Music 101”, that this is one of the all-time great metaphorical terms in rock ‘n roll history. Totally original. Totally vivid. Just a wonderful job by Mick and Keef.
Tiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiime is on his side/Yes it is
It’s funny, and maybe it’s just us, but the older we get the more we appreciate the truly original lyrics and metaphors/allusions in rock and pop music: “Crossfire Hurricane.” “Tequila Sunrise.” “Suffragette City.” “Little Red Corvette.”
We see this as a musical, the 180-degree rebuttal to Rent. In our version, a middle-aged white attorney fights the noble battle of ridding America’s most diverse city of all languages except, of course, American. Which is totally a language.
Personally, I don’t care what language service employees speak to one another. All I’d ask is that they make eye contact with me and at least pretend to not be annoyed by having to take part in this business transaction as we partake in it (and I’m not just talking about the hookers…for once).
Music 101
Big Bang Baby
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=cR4eCGz5CZQ
In the early to mid- Nineties, when nearly every American band of note was shopping at REI or thrift shops, Stone Temple Pilots turned it up and went glam. God bless ’em. This tune came out in 1996. RIP to Scott Weiland, the greatest rocker/Notre Dame football fan of ’em all (unlike Bon Jovi, he’d stay for the entire game).
Remote Patrol
Evil Genius
Netflix
We finally had the opportunity to dive into this four-part series last night and while it’s not quite Making A Murderer, it’s damn compelling. Basically, it’s an elegy to White Trash America and man is it depressing. And if the words “Pizza Bomber” ever sprang forth from your lips, then you need to watch this. Note well: American criminals are lazy (note how close to the actual home of one of the perpetrators the original crime took place).
At 3 p.m. yesterday the skies overhead in New York City were cerulean blue, the air was warm, and it finally felt like summer. Two hours later, the sky was deep purple and the above was happening. If it does not kill you, nature is totally cool.
Train stoppages turned Grand Central Station into its signature metaphor bnmkl’g bn
2. A Man In Full
Iconic author Tom Wolfe passed away Sunday in New York City at the ripe age of 88. A journalist by trade but a writer deep in his bones, Wolfe meticulously reported on happenings and/or trends and then spewed forth classics such as The Right Stuff (the nascent U.S. space program), The Electric Kool-Aid Acid Test (Ken Kesey and the birth of the counter-culture movement) and The Bonfire of the Vanities (Wall Street in the sybaritic Eighties).
If you read nothing else of Wolfe’s, read the closing chapter of The Right Stuff as he describes the crash test pilot Chuck Yeager endures and how he walks away from it as if it were a 20 m.p.h. fender bender.
Here’s Michael Lewis, the natural successor to Wolfe, profiling him three years ago in Vanity Fair.
Note: We were standing on the corner of 57th and Madison, well, it must have been at least two decades ago, when we spotted Wolfe in his vanilla suit standing almost right next to us, also waiting for the light to change. When it did, we walked next to him and said something like, “Mr. Wolfe, I’m only going to bug you until we get to the other side of the street, but I just had to thank you for The Electric Kool-Aid Acid Test. And The Right Stuff blah blah blah….”
Tom Wolfe could not have been kinder. He turned to me, he shook my hand, and with a smile on his face, he said, “Thank you.”
What we learned last night: Wolfe was actually a talented pitcher who earned a three-day tryout with the New York Giants in the early Fifties.
3. NoKo No Go?
How do you say, “We can’t stand Trump, either” in Korean?
Kim Jong-Un plays his “Two can play at the impetuous, unpredictable tyrant” card last night as North Korea says that if the United States insists on complete unilateral denuclearization as a starting point, that it will not even bother attending their summit in June. Your move, Mad Tweeter!
From The New York Times: “North Korea said Mr. Kim’s government would not give up its nuclear weapons unless Washington removed military threats against his isolated country. Without such assurances, it said Mr. Kim could withdraw from a planned June 12 summit meeting with President Trump in Singapore.”
As someone said or wrote earlier this week, “North Korea without nukes is like Saudi Arabia without oil.” We don’t expect Kim (or as Mike Pompeo calls him, “Chairman Un”) to surrender his nukes voluntarily. Or involuntarily. But he will have fun yanking Donald Trump’s chain for awhile.
Hold off on engraving that Nobel peace prize.
4. Bummer Of 42
LeBron James scored 42 points last night—21 in the first quarter—but the We-don’t-like-one-another Cavs fell by 13 points in Game 2 in Boston. The Celtics outscored the Cadaverliers by 14 points in the 3rd quarter to reverse a seven-point halftime deficit.
Jeff Van Gundy on ESPN had a memorable night with a trio of great lines late in the game. First, on a ball boy who is a full-grown man: “We’ve got a guy who’s balding out there sweeping the floor.”
Smith’s push
After the refs wussed out on calling an obvious Flagrant 2 (automatic ejection) on J.R. Smith and instead called a Flagrant 1: “I can’t disagree more with that call.”
On the Cavs folding like a cheap suit late in the game: “The Cavs eyeroll each other more than a couple in a bad marriage.”
5. Tarp On!
As it began raining heavily during the sixth inning of the Yankees-Nationals contest last night, the above tarp was rolled out. Genius! How have we gone all these years without branding on tarps? Turns out the Nats are not the only ones who are making it rain when it rains…
…The Chicago Cubs have figured it out as well. This will be standard in all ball parks except perhaps Tropicana Field within a year.
Reserves
Suns at Number One
Will Talking Stick Arena soon be Marvin’s Room?
The Phoenix Suns, who infamously lost a coin flip in the 1968 NBA Draft to the Milwaukee Bucks—the Suns picked second and landed Neal Walk while the Bucks took a dude named Lew Alcindor—finally won the number one overall pick last night.
Do they take University of Arizona center DeAndre Ayton (owner Robert Sarver is a Tucson guy), Duke power forward/Swiss Army Knife Marvin Bagley III, who grew up in Arizona and led Corona del Sol (Tempe) to a state championship as a freshman in 2015, or 6’8″ White Euro Magic Johnson dude Luka Doncic, who has been coached abroad by new Suns coach Igor Kokoskov?
We honestly have no clue whom the Suns will pick or should pick. We do know that a lot of old ‘ballers prefer Bagley.
Ash Wed Every Day
People play golf as an ash plume rises in the distance from the Kilauea volcano on Hawaii’s Big Island today.
— Getty Images News (@GettyImagesNews) May 15, 2018
To paraphrase Friend of the Blog Matt Zemek, there’s no better metaphor for America in 2018.
CHK Update
One of our pet stocks is Chesapeake Energy, an Oklahoma-based natural gas (read: Fracking!) (because the Chesapeake Bay is so close to the Dust Bowl) company we don’t necessarily believe in, but its stock we do believe in. For three years we’ve followed its yo-yo trajectory of up 10%, down 10% with somewhat relative certainty.
In recent months we’ve gotten in whenever it went below $2.85 per share and out after it hit $3.15 per share. Call it what you will, it has worked.
Last week CHK dipped to $2.92, which was still too high for us to jump back in. Then Prez Trump called off the Iran nuke deal, gas prices soared and well, just a week later CHK is trading as we type this at $3.74 per share. That’s a 28% jump in one week. Again, we DID NOT get in. But it woulda been nice. Stay tuned.
Music 101
Give Me Love (Give Me Peace on Earth)
A few of George Harrison‘s most popular post-Beatles hits were nothing less than prayers. This 1973 song and “My Sweet Lord” both fit that bill and both were also No. 1 hits. When this tune hit No. 1 in June of 1973 it knocked “My Love” from the top perch, which was rather significant because the artist behind that song was…Paul McCartney.
Remote Patrol
Yankees at Nationals
7 p.m. ESPN
Max is one of two hurlers (the other is Kershaw) who has won three Cy Youngs this century
You can tune in to Dubs-Rockets Game 2 later (9 p.m., TNT), but here’s an interleague contest with a ton of star power: Starters C.C. Sabbath versus Max Scherzer (four Cy Young awards between them), former Rookies of the Year Aaron Judge and Bryce Harper, and perhaps future Rookie of the Year Gleyber Torres.
We imagine if that were our office we’d have a rather healthy view of ourselves, too. That and the lifetime appointment helps.
You Bettor, You Bettor, You Bet
By a 6-3 margin (the spread was 2 1/2) SCOTUS strikes down the federal ban on gambling, leaving it to states to decide whether or not to legalize it. One more reason to NEVER leave your couch!
2. Golden Statement
This is actually illegal in 14 states
Game 1 between the Warriors and Rockets was only 67 seconds old and already James Harden had forearm shivered Kevin Durant on a drive to the hoop (no whistle, of course). Afterward, Draymond Green was having none of it. As he retrieved the ball to inbound, Harden remained in his way, baiting him, so Green forearmed him to the neck/jaw.
Technical foul.
So what? The Dubs, after a shaky first quarter, tied it before halftime and led by approximately 10 most of the second half in securing a 119-106 victory. Harden got his—41 points—but the Dubs were too deep and too accurate. Durant scored 37 and Klay Thompson 28. Stephen Curry poured in a relatively quiet 18.
Game 2 tomorrow.
3. Follow The Money
Ivanka at the wailing wall….
–60 dead Palestinians (zero dead Israelis) in clashes at the West Bank as the U.S. moves its embassy from Tel Aviv to Jerusalem. It’s worth noting that the single largest individual contributor to the Republican party is an American Jew named Sheldon Adelson.
…as 40 miles away, dozens of protesters are slaughtered. What in God’s name (literally)?
–Meanwhile in Asia, one day after Donal Trump tweeted about giving a break to China telecom giant ZTE, which had been a target of his tariffs attack, the Chinese government issued a $500 million loan to the Trump organization so that it can build a resort/casino/hotel in Indonesia. You cannot violate the Emoluments Clause any more explicitly than that, but the best a White House spokesperson could do was say, “I’ll have to refer you to the Trump organization.”
It’s not the same degree of depravity (fiscal corruption and treason as compared to genocide), but we’re kind of at the point in the Trump administration that would be like a human rights worker asking about that one rape and murder in Dachau while 4,000 other camp detainees were gassed to death that week.
4. This Is____Carly Jepsen
We saw this mashup for the first time Saturday night and giggled. FWIW, the “This Is America” video has already garnered 118 million views on YouTube. This parody has had 3 million.
5. Penn State Nixes Outing Club (Keeps Football)
It’s not a bad album cover for your debut
On April 2nd Penn State, citing “activities that exceed the University’s acceptable risk level,” sent a letter to its 98 year-old Outing Club (basically, they go on wilderness excursions) that it was being dissolved. The school also dissolved its Grotto Caving Club and Scuba Club.
Seriously.
The “Go Take A Shower With Jerry Sandusky” Club retains the university’s whole-hearted support, of course.
Music 101
Vindicated
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=grro3-yyxRo
They put out quite a lot of terrific, radio-friendly rock in the summer of ’04: “Take Me Out” by Franz Ferdinand, “Float On” by Modest Mouse, “Maps” by the Yeah Yeah Yeahs and this tune by Dashboard Confessional. Lead singer Chris Carrabba saw a screening of Spiderman 2 and penned this song in 10 minutes, gave it to the producers (“gave” is used liberally here) and they used it for the closing credits. It’s a winner.
Remote Patrol
Cavs at Celtics, Game 2 8:30 p.m. ESPN
And we still can’t believe Philly preferred Fultz to Tatum in the draft
The Green C’s led by as much as 26 in Game 1 and coasted home most of the final three quarters. I’m going to go ahead and say they won this series when Cleveland was unable to put LeBron and Kyrie alone in a room together and persuade them to settle whatever issues they had. And I know Kyrie’s not playing in this series, but then either is Isaiah Thomas.
Also, at 7:30 p.m. on ESPN comes the NBA Draft Lottery, which is only slightly more rigged than the Golden Globes. Watch as Adam Silver punishes the Phoenix Suns for tanking the final three months of the season (we say 4th pick at best for Phoenix).
