NATURAL SELECTION SUNDAY*

by John Walters | 2 Comments

(PROPS TO OUR PAL MATT ZEMEK, @MattZemek, for thinking of the above)

Check out this Flesh Mob.

Here’s what’s happening at major domestic airports that receive plenty of international flights, such as O’Hare, JFK and I assume Hartsfield. Social distancing, this is not.

Let’s see, federal government, what would be the very worst thing you could possibly do in the face of a pandemic? I’ll go:

  1. Announce an abrupt stoppage of inbound flights from Europe before informing airports or even your embassies in those nations, much less the leaders of those nations. This will induce mass panic from travelers abroad, not to mention Wall Street.
  2. Offer no assistance to the governors of those states, or the mayors of those cities, where the airports are located. It’s like announcing that Popeye’s chicken sandwiches will be free for the next 48 hours without telling the store managers beforehand. The staff can in no way handle the onslaught.
  3. Because of 1 and 2, you create the situation above. Travelers from countries where the virus is more embedded mingling among one another in incredibly tight quarters for an extended period of time. They’re also mingling with domestic travelers as well as airport staffers.
  4. Not taking the temperatures of anyone who arrives and having no system in place to quarantine anyone who is symptomatic.
  5. Letting all of these people eventually leave and disperse the virus to parts unknown, all over the country.

Is that it? Is there yet an even worse way the federal government might have handled this that I haven’t considered?

Someone close told me yesterday that they believe this corona crisis will bring the country together? To this point, the exact opposite has happened as the nation has been divided between those who take it seriously and those who are cavalier, between those who take it seriously and those who call it a Democratic scheme or constantly point out that it’s from China or who warn us not to “politicize” it. Between those who take it seriously and Donald Trump.

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This is a worthwhile read, from Peter Wehner in The Atlantic. “The Trump Presidency Is Over.”

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This is courageous and on the mark:

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I’ve been referring to this entire episode of late, at least in my own head, as The Triumph of Ignorance. You see the Oklahoma governor tweeting about being out and about with his family, or the Florida pol pissed off that his family vacation to Vail was ruined because Vail closed down (news flash: short MTN). You see the Buffoon In Chief holding a National Day of Prayer in order to appease and appeal to his Christian Right Wing Evangelist idiot base, the ones who are almost praying for an end of days scenario.

Courtney Love with the only message that matters

These are the same people, not just those two but the folks who attend MAGA rallies, who poo poo climate change. They don’t believe in anything that they don’t already see, unless it’s connected to Baby Jesus. It’s all about to change, and at that point instead of asking hard questions about the federal government and leadership they’ll blame China, or globalization, or Italy, or the Democrats. I call this The Trish Regan Tango. Anything to not have to face the truth.

https://twitter.com/jdubs88/status/1239219334263623685?s=20

In a couple of weeks, maybe a month, there are going to be plenty more funerals. And officials are going to advise people not to attend. It’s gonna be like that. If it’s mine, in lieu of attendance just read back-issues of the blog, please. Although I don’t think it’ll be mine. I’m fortunate enough to be in about the best situation possible (free lasagna, I might add). I just hope it’s not yours.

CHILD’S PLAY

by John Walters | 1 Comment

Meet Donny and Tony, a couple of kids from the outer boroughs. Donny grew up in Queens and made his money in real estate and grifting. Tony is from Queens and became a doctor. Both are in their seventies, Tony being about five years older.

For the past three years Donny had the most important job on the planet. Now Tony does, but Donny is sorta his boss. Tony is a very intelligent guy, extremely mature. Donny is bombastic and we think he can read.

Now here’s the thing. Donny is being faced with the most existential crisis this country has faced at least since 9/11, perhaps since World War II. And he’s called in Tony to help since Tony is better-equipped to tackle the problem than anyone alive. There’s just one problem: at least half of Tony’s job is managing Donny. Maybe more.

See, as we’ve already noted, Tony is very smart. He’s good at reading people. And what he knows is that Donny respects two things and two things only: money and power. And for Donny nothing is out of bounds—not lies, not crimes, nothing—in the pursuit of those two goals. Tony, on the other hand, has devoted his life to helping and healing people. He’s actually worked much harder and taken jobs that pay way less in order to help people. That’s who he is.

Now here’s another thing that Tony knows about Donny: that this man is completely tethered not only to self-gratification, but also to immediate self-gratification. It’s why he stages these rallies nearly every week. He doesn’t do it because he wants to be reelected, although he does. He feeds off the high he gets from the adulation. Finally, late in life, he’s able to bathe in this naked approbation.

So Tony knows this about Donny. Meanwhile, he’s been put in charge of tackling this pandemic thing, which is a word people probably needed to define for Donny some time within the last month.

Donny wants the stock market to remain high. If the market is high, he can say that the economy is great (the greatest ever), and that will get him reelected, and then he can spend four more years staging rallies and feeding off the love. That’s power.

As far as Donny is concerned, he needs this pandemic to go away as soon as possible so that it doesn’t interfere with this incredible bull market. But Tony knows that it doesn’t work that way. He tries to explain to Donny that the only way this goes away is with a vaccine, and that won’t come until a year from now, which is after the election.

So Donny says, “Well, we can speed it up, right? We’re America. We can get one of those vaccines out in a few weeks?” No, Tony says. Vaccines don’t work that way. There are clinical trials yada yada yada and Donny’s already moved on the the next idea.

“Okay, if we can’t get a vaccine quickly, then we can just keep the numbers down.” What? “Keep the numbers down. If people don’t get tested, then there’s no proof that they had this virus. So that’ll keep the numbers down.”

But what happens when people begin dying by the hundreds and thousands? “People die of the flu every year, right? People die of pneumonia. That’s what they died of.”

Tony is in a jam. He believes that the best way to help America is to be spear-heading this presidential task force. But he also understands that his boss’ primary concern is not taking care of people; it’s making the disease disappear (even if it hasn’t) so that the stock market will climb back toward 30,000.

“All those people in hospitals?” Fake news.

“All the deaths overseas?” That’s their problem.

Tony’s not anti-capitalist. Somewhere on his priority list, probably lower, he’d like to see the stock market climb as well. But Tony understands highly infectious diseases. He understands terms such as “flattening the curve” and “exponential.” And what he’s trying to convince his boss, who only understands immediate gratification, is that they must be transparent about this virus and that they must be candid with the American people about what needs to be done.

In the short run that means the economy will literally grind to a halt in a way that none of us have ever seen, at least not beyond a few days. And that will tank the market further, in the near term. But if we don’t take those measures, the numbers of cases and deaths will be exponentially higher.

Donny counters, “Unless we don’t let people get tests. Even though we say they can.”

But the media will unearth the disparity between what we say and what is happening. Doctors and nurses will talk. The cover-up will be everywhere.

“I’ll just keep saying, ‘Fake News,'” Donny says.

Tony tries to persuade his boss that it’s like that old commercial line from the auto mechanic: You can pay me now or you can pay me later. Tony says that it’s better to take the pain now because ultimately the pain will be fractional as to what it might’ve been. Donny simply doesn’t understand. If he can just tell enough lies to keep America optimistic, if he can placate the public at least until early November, that’s all that matters to him. And by the way, why do all these media outlets have to keep updating the number of cases and deaths. Who’s giving that information to them? We need to stop that.

Tony really wants to help America. But his boss only traffics in self- and immediate gratification. Tony knows that the only effective measure against this virus, until a vaccine is developed, is to mandate that Americans go into exile, so to speak. To shut down culture, crowds and most of the economy.

To get as many people tested as possible. Whereas Donny wants to have as few people tested as possible, himself included.

Tony is in a jam. As were General Kelly, General Mattis, etc. He doesn’t really believe in this president, and he knows that Donny’s behavior is actually horribly counterproductive. But Tony thinks the best way for him to help is to be the president’s resident expert. If only Tony can get Donny to see that it’s the disease that needs to be tackled, not Wall Street. But Donny doesn’t care. Because he doesn’t care about people. He cares about wealth. And power. And satisfying himself.

Two guys from the outer boroughs. Two very different lives lived. Two entirely different sets of values. Donny’s the boss. And Tony’s his fixer. But Tony knows that Donny is part of the problem, perhaps the biggest part of it outside of the virus itself. And Donny only wants to hear about lower numbers, not about how much it will cost or how long it will take.

How long will this marriage last? Anyone’s guess.

STARTING FIVE: SATURDAY SERENADE

by John Walters | 8 Comments

The weekend is here but there’s no conference tournaments or even XFL matchups (I miss you already, Houston Roughnecks). So we’ll provide some content and if you’d like to as well, reach out to us.

Blue Flu

Per the New York Times coronavirus updates page, which is now free, so quit your whining, here are the top five states in terms of coronavirus positive cases this morning:

https://twitter.com/jdubs88/status/1238841041085542402?s=20

One of the many reasons that President Trump is not taking this seriously. He may even be giddy about it. Also, imagine when cage-’em-cuz-we-can’t-kill-’em Stephen Miller informs Trump that most of the fatalities will be people on Social Security, this will only please Trump more. And, please. Let’s not pretend that he cares about the American people. As soon as the presser was over yesterday, he actually autographed a chart of the Dow’s jump yesterday and sent it to Lou Dobbs.

You know that Beatles song, “Can’t Buy Me Love?” Trump universally disagrees with every word of that tune.

Diagnosis Murder

Want to see why there’s a better chance that one of your parents or grandparents is going to die in the next six months than there was before 2020 started? Watch the video above.

Earlier in the same presser, NBC News’ Kristin Welker asked President Trump what responsibility he feels about the pandemic that has accelerated on our shores due in part to his denial of it much of the past six weeks (yes, let’s give him credit for the ban on flights from China, but otherwise…) and he took the opportunity to write his six-word epitaph: “I don’t take responsibility at all.“

That’s my president!

Today in “Americans Suck”

Almost every time I see someone note on Twitter, after particularly bad behavior, such as shooting a lion with a crossbow or live-tweeting a couple’s breakup on an airplane, that “people suck,” I note to myself, Ah, but those people are Americans.

Wake up, America. We suck. We’re arrogant. We’re selfish. We’re self-absorbed. We’re… mostly stupid.

Oh, and thanks for reading this site. But you know it’s true.

Our latest example of “Americans Suck” is Tennessee man and (likely) serial masturbator Matt Colvin, who bought up nearly $18,000 worth of hand sanitizer bottles that cost $1 per and is now trying to sell them on Amazon for $20 apiece. I don’t often advocate arson, but if you happen to be driving past Mr. Colvin’s home and you just happen to have a Molotov Cocktail within reach, why not give it a toss?

Mr. Colvin does this for a living. He stockpiles items that he thinks are trendy and then re-sells them on Amazon. This hand sanitizer scheme is just his latest deal. That’s his idea of capitalism. Ours should be to boycott him.

Coping With Corona

Here’s Zack Rosenblatt of NJ.com (I think that was and maybe still is The Newark Star-Ledger) on how to cope with the coronavirus, particularly if you’re a sports fan, from A to Z.

Here’s some of our own suggestions: TCM, Books (read them!), Hiking, Running, Looking Up At The Sky, Road Trips To Remote Areas, Medium Happy, Twitter, Musicianship (If you were ever going to pick up that French Horn), Polyglotism, Binge-watching (but only in moderation), Pets (maybe buy one, and not just a dog or a cat) and Cooking, Reading Those Magazines You’ve Been Stockpiling, Binge-Boozing (again, in moderation).

Yours are welcome…

Sports Year

His name was Jack Glasscock and he was the the top fielder of the 1880s

Had this idea last night. A sports channel should be dedicating original programming to one-hour shows that dissect a year in sports, beginning at some year in the late 1800s. By the end of the 19th century, after all, America already had Major League Baseball, college football, horse racing and I think 24-hour bicycle races. You wanna learn more about the Brooklyn Superbas? So do I!

Since we cannot count on ESPN or Fox Sports to do this, we’ll begin this at some point next week. If you have a suggestion as to which year we should start (1887? Why would you suggest that???), do tell.

Jersey Girl

https://twitter.com/LauraBenanti/status/1238540113795309569?s=20

It turns out that Tony Award-winning actress Laura Benanti, whom you may have seen imperonating Melania Trump on Stephen Colbert’s late-night show, is as beautiful inside as out. Of course she’s from New Jersey. Of course.

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The site’s always free, but if you’d like to donate, it’s @trumansparks88@gmail.com on PayPal.

THE BATTLE OF BRITAIN

by John Walters | Leave a comment

Two nights and tens of thousands of dollars ago I was watching a Netflix documentary on World War II. I believe it’s called “World War II In Color.” On Wednesday night I watched episode 2, which is all about the Battle of Britain.

As you probably know, Hitler’s plan was to use the Luftwaffe, the most formidable air force the world had yet seen, to take out British air planes and air fields, which would then make it easier for Germany to launch a full-scale invasion of troops from across the English Channel. That was the initial plan.

But things never go exactly the way you plan in warfare. The German plan was not to hit London, to preserve the city. But then one wayward bomber hit an East End neighborhood, killing nine or so civilians. England responded by bombing Berlin. The Nazis and Hitler were so incensed that they declared all bets off: London was on the table.

Now I bring all of this up because all of a sudden life changed dramatically for what was, arguably, the most civilized city in the world. Right up there at the time with New York and Paris. Children were sent on train up north. Citizens slept in subway tunnels because the Germans quickly learned that they were much more effective if they bombed London in night.

For weeks on end, German planes bombed London, creating giant infernos and mountains of debris (see above). I’ve thought about this a lot the past two days. Yes, for us this coronavirus is a relative hardship (No XFL!) and it sucks not having March Madness. But, fortunately, for most of us this is simply an inconvenience. And maybe we’ve lost some of our savings. But, again for most of us, this isn’t life or death.

I was touched in particular by one scene in the doc. The morning after a bombing raid a shopkeeper is sweeping the sidewalk in front of his store, even though there’s debris everywhere around. He doesn’t care. It’s important to him to do the job that needs to be done. And that’s his job. No one felt sorry for themselves.

Now, a big reason why London not only overcame this direct attack on its existence and that Londoners soldiered through it so admirably was, as you know, Winston Churchill. The prime minister. Hitler had expected England to sue for peace. He really did not want to fight England, he just wanted England to stay out of Germany’s way as it ravaged the rest of Europe. And Churchill, avoiding the politically expedient maneuver, responded with (in as many words), “No f____ g way!”

Instead of looking the other way, England declared war on Germany. And after Germany took over France Hitler gave Churchill the chance to rescind. And Churchill said No. So Germany, in its arrogance and stupidity, attacked England. And wound up losing.

Where would England have been without Churchill’s leadership:

“We shall fight in France, we shall fight on the seas and oceans, we shall fight with growing confidence and growing strength in the air, we shall defend our island, whatever the cost may be. We shall fight on the beaches, we shall fight on the landing grounds, we shall fight in the fields and in the streets, we shall fight in the hills; we shall never surrender!”

Up to this point our president and vice president and even most of their hand-picked health officials have been providing Neville Chamberlain-like “Peace in our time” sound bytes. There’s nothing to worry about, they assure us, while we can all see by the escalating infection numbers world wide that this virus is a formidable opponent.

Churchill never assured his people that there was nothing to worry about. He told them that we will fight the existential threat to the last man, no matter the cost. America sorely could use a Winston Churchill right now. We don’t have one. At least not one who is connected to this administration.

This is our own little Battle of Britain. It’s a time when America needs true leadership. There is none.

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While I have your attention: the stock market will not begin to rebound until the president comes clean about testing. Until America sees the actual data and has time to absorb it. It’s just like being in a relationship; you don’t get past the pain and hurt until everyone comes clean. The truth may hurt but it will set you free because there’s no more fear of the unknown.

President Trump’s strategy is his well-honed (and ultimately unsuccessful) keep-her-in-the-dark strategy. As a serial adulterer, it has always been his M.O. to lie to his spouse and continue lying. And then, when she’s finally tired of the duplicity, she asks for a divorce and he grants it to her on the condition she sign an NDA. But, like an immature child, his strategy for coping with bad news is to lie. To attempt to appease the person at the other end and hope to persuade them not to react.

He does that with wives. Does it with contractors he stiffs. Does it with Trump University students. And he’s doing it with America now.

https://twitter.com/jdubs88/status/1238439773590523904?s=20
It would be wonderful if the U.S. had a leader who spoke as clearly and was as informed as this guy

But America, at least half of it, isn’t that stupid. We’re listening to the experts. We know that he’s not being straight with us. We know the numbers are unnaturally low on cases because the government is holding back the test kits available. Doing the “No News Is Good News” tap dance.

But it won’t work here. There are too many other nations providing real data, too many experts here unafraid to speak freely. So, and I don’t expect this from him, but Trump just needs to go on TV and come clean. Needs to tell America that we’ll get as many kits out as possible. That this will be both a financial and a public health calamity. But that we’ll fight it every way possible. And that we will get past it. Right now he’s only doing the “we will get past it” part without acknowledging that it’s a real foe. And that’s why the markets are tanking.

Acknowledging that there’s a problem is the first step in solving it.

MARCH MADNESS

by John Walters | Leave a comment

COVID-19 Rapid Fire Thoughts Edition:

Fact and Fiction

“Listen, Brody, it’s just a school of tuna…”

— You know those science fiction disaster films that always have the same elements: 1) Scientist/Expert makes dire warnings 2) Populace does not listen 3) Leaders poo poo his or her advice because they don’t want to incite panic, primarily because panic is bad for business and also for their reelections? Man, did those films not understand reality, eh?

Show Me Cliff Divers

I’m with Charlie here. ESPN has the opportunity to prove to its audience that sports really did exist before September of 1979. Gimme cliff diving from Acapulco. Demolition derbies. And all the Evel Knievel we can handle.

Live look-in at my stock portfolio

They can also resurrect The Superstars, which was sort of an Olympics pitting famous athletes against one another (an entirely new generation would learn who Bob Seagram was). I believe Scott Van Pelt would be into this.

Self-Control

I’m old enough to remember when President Trump delivered an address to the nation and said, “We must put politics aside, stop the partisanship, and unify together as one nation and one family.” It was fun while it lasted.

Shock Market

The Dow Jones fell more than 2,300 points yesterday. That’s it worst single-day loss ever, breaking a record set (checks notes) earlier this week, which broke a record (again checks notes) earlier this month. Oops.

To be fair, this moment is viral just as much due to Erin’s giraffe-skin dress

I knew yesterday was going to be bad when between the 9 a.m. open and the 9:30 bell on “Squawk On The Street” Jim Cramer repeated his infamous line from 2007: “They know nothing!” And then he doubled down with, “I knew more than they did in 2007 and I know more than they do now.”

Someone in the White House was watching. Later in the hour, on air, he excused himself to take a phone call. He never said who phoned, but my guess is that it was either Larry Kudlow or Steve Mnuchin.

Today’s verse to remember: “It’s easy to grin/When your ship comes in/And you’ve got the stock market beat/But the man who’s worthwhile/Is the man who can smile/When his shorts are too tight in the seat”

Your Own Private Idaho

“Get out of that state, get out of that state you’re in!”

Remember just five days ago when we wrote that there were 17 states that had the coronavirus and invited you to predict which would be the final one to report? Well, we are now down to Idaho, Montana and West Virginia. You better bewaaaaaare.

Just a coincidence that these are heavy MAGA states?

A Worthwhile Thread

From 2015 to 2017 Andy Slavitt was the administrator for Medicare and Medicaid. We might want to pay attention to this thread…

A Bulldog In Congress

This is how you hold people in power responsible. Katie Porter does not let Dr. Redfield off the hook. Good for her.

Committing A Cardinal Sinn Fein

https://twitter.com/aravosis/status/1238132638650695681?s=20

The president of the United States does not realize that Ireland is an independent republic and not part of the United Kingdom. That’s kind of a big deal over on the Emerald Isle. Like for the past seven or so centuries. What. A. Dope.

The Best Cinematic Portrayal Of How The U.S.A. Reacted To The Coronavirus

It’s like, the United States (and let’s face it, some of us dumb stockholders) had weeks and weeks to see what was happening in China (and Italy) and we all just thought, Oh, poor them. But it won’t happen here. It can’t happen here. And then for some inexact reason, Pearl Harbor hit this week. What was the turning point? Was it Wednesday’s night’s speech coupled with the Rudy Gobert and Tom Hanks news all within the same half hour? Or was it more than that?

I can distinctly talking to someone on Tuesday and telling them I was going out of New York City. At the time, and this is just three days ago, there was no feeling of Get out while you can. And at the time I remember thinking that the markets were just a see saw. The signs were there for all of us to see. I missed them because I was too enthralled with the present. The White House missed them, and continues to do so, because it does not want to deal with reality.

Knowing how many things that Trump and some of his minions have said in the past few weeks and how those words will reverberate for decades not unlike Chamberlain’s “peace in our time” quote. Now where’s our Winston Churchill?

Sticking To The Script

Man, when even the Fox News anchor gives you the look of contempt…

https://twitter.com/adamwren/status/1238421143721312258?s=20

Goodbye, Columbus

Tweet Of The Week

Yesterday, Monkeys; Next Month, Us?

It’s NEVER His Fault, Now Is It?