STARTING FIVE

by John Walters | 1 Comment

Tweet Me Right

https://twitter.com/ReformedBroker/status/1240999742198304768?s=20

***

You’ll be shocked to learn that this same dude did not want NCAA athletes profiting off their own likenesses, or else he’d find a way to tax them

BURR, SIR

The United States of America is now 0 fer 2 on Senator Burrs. Aaron shot and killed Alexander Hamilton while Richard Burr (R– North Carolina) has now topped that by being the Senate Intel Chief, being briefed on the coronavirus on January 24, immediately liquidating at least $600,000 in stock, more than he had in 14 months (back when Khashoggi was murdered), and never informing anyone other than his $100,000 campaign contribution club, the Tar Heel Club, about it.

Is that bad?

This is taking “talk less, listen more” to a dangerous extreme.

Even Tucker Carlson is affronted:

“[Burr] had inside information about what could happen to our country, which is now happening, but he didn’t warn the public. He didn’t give a prime-time address. He didn’t go on television to sound the alarm. He didn’t even disavow an op-ed he’d written just 10 days before claiming America was ‘better prepared than ever’ for coronavirus. He didn’t do any of those things. Instead, what did he do? He dumped his shares in hotel stocks so he wouldn’t lose money, and then he stayed silent. Now maybe there’s an honest explanation for what he did. If there is, he should share it with the rest of us immediately. Otherwise, he must resign from the Senate” 

The Loeffler Curve

First-term Senator Kelly Loeffler, also a Republican senator from the South (Georgia), received the same briefing. Like Burr, she sounded no public warning regarding the existential threat but instead sold somewhere between $1.2 million and $3.1 million of her stock holdings. Loeffler, who is married to the head of the New York Stock Exchange, is worth roughly $500 million.

But apparently that’s not enough.

Like Burr, faced with a decision of whether to inform her constituents of the existential danger or to not warn them, feathered her own nest with the disaster. Loafer’s husband is the chairman of the New York Stock Exchange, but I cannot imagine her ever sharing state secrets with him. Now would she?

You Can Still Run

The restaurant’s closed. The bar’s closed. The gym’s closed. The lap pool’s closed. The movie theater’s closed. The bookstore’s closed.

You’re sick of being indoors. You’re sick of your co-habitants. No less important, they’re sick of you.

You can still run. If you can’t run (yet), go for a walk. Be outdoors. Exercise.

We can do this.

Nasty Boy

Last Friday President Trump called the reporter from PBS News Hour, Yamiche Alcindor, nasty. Today it was NBC’s Peter Alexander. So at least we know he does not only reserve that term for women of color.

Trump only uses “nasty” when you’ve nailed him and he cannot wriggle out of the question with a lie. He’s such a clown.

Meanwhile, I have a few questions: 1) If Richard Burr and Kelly Louffler knew and comprehended how dangerous the coronavirus was on January 24th, why didn’t Donald Trump? 2) What do you think you’d find if we had access to the Trump and Kushner family’s stock trades in the weeks right after January 24? 3) Where is Dr. Fauci? Is it possible he told Trump he’d no longer be a part of his prop-up-you-legitimacy-with-my-presence show? Or that he saw what Trump did yesterday on his notes and said he no longer wanted to be associated with this?*

Correction on that last Q. He is at the presser today, but read his body language. This is what you do when your significant other makes a racist joke at a wedding.

https://twitter.com/tribros/status/1241044159298850820?s=20

Tampa Tom*

*The judges will also accept “Brady-ton, Florida”

It’s official. Tom Brady, 43, will sit out the 2020 NFL season as a member of the Tampa Bay Buccaneers. The team immediately raised ticket prices 15%, which did not seem to affect demand. There may not be a season, of course, but who cares? And instead of a refund those purchases will likely just be applied to the following season.

All we know is that Tom will be receiving mucho Tampa Bay Bucks.

STARTING FIVE

by John Walters | 5 Comments

Tweet Me Right

Kung-Flu Pander

Truth: COVID-19 did originate in China.

More Truth: Chinese state officials, particularly when the epidemic first broke out, were not just irresponsible but downright criminal in how they compelled doctors and scientists to suppress their findings. Literally to destroy positive test samples. This was back in December.

https://twitter.com/lachlan/status/1240261718900604933?s=20

A transparent state could have fought this outbreak far more responsibly and there would only be a fraction of the deaths worldwide.

Ultimate Truth: President Trump only began referring to it as the “Chinese Virus” once he realized his ego alone could not contain it. Once he realized it wasn’t actually going to be “15 going down to 1, going to zero” he opted to go racist on it. Pass the blame, that’s his game.

An Elephant Never Regrets

In Yunan province, China, a group of elephants overtake a vineyard and get themselves intoxicated on corn wine. Who knew that elephants threw bachelorette parties?

The size of the mammal never matters. At some point it’s better to just sleep it off.

Maybe American Exceptionalism Is The Disease And COVID-19 Is The Cure?

Thought a lot about this yesterday and I was going to torture you with 4,000 or so words on it, but then it struck me that maybe we can go more succinct.

Look around at America circa 2020. The rules no longer apply to the wealthy. It’s more advantageous to be ignorant than educated. To be obnoxious than kind. Strength and cruelty trumps kindness. Self-absorption and sybarites rule.

Far too much of America are addicted to sports. It’s not a pastime. It’s an addiction. Wealth is virtue, no matter how it is obtained. Smart young people are going into finance and “wealth management” as opposed to medicine or any type of public service. “I’m a get mine” is the national mantra.

And then COVID-19 strikes. And a person such as Dr. Tony Fauci emerges as a national hero. And Americans, no longer able to satisfy their sports addiction daily, hopefully will find new outlets for their interests and energy. And people are beginning to realize that having enough food, some shelter, and of course some toilet paper are really all you need. Besides your health.

On St. Patrick’s Day evening TCM aired the 1952 classic The Quiet Man, starring John Wayne and Maureen O’Hara. A couple of things struck me about that film: 1) What a striking and strong couple. That ginger lass was every bit the foil for Wayne, who frankly never looked more handsome and was never better-dressed in any film. You got the feeling watching this film that they genuinely got along off-screen. O’Hara, a striking Irish beauty, could hang with the boys. 2) They have everything they could ever want in the film, and yet they live in a two-room cottage. It has a bedroom and a main room with a hearth. And they’re completely satisfied 3) The reason for No. 2 is that their village is a true community, with friends and family who bicker and keep secrets and drink together and laugh. It’s a place you not only want to visit, but that you want to be a part of. It’s something that we as Americans have forgotten in our pursuit of a bigger time-share and a faster car: nothing can substitute for community, be it through family or friends or both.

Will COVID-19 change us? I hope so. I’ve not been much of a fan of America the past few years. I used to be.

Waerner A Winner

Raise the Woof!

As they say at the Iditarod Trail Sled Dog Race, “There’s no place like Nome!” Norwegian Thomas Waerner crossed the finish line (as opposed to the Finnish line, but Norway’s not even on the border of Finland so that joke does not work) in  9 days, 10 hours, 37 minutes and 47 seconds. It’s about 1,000 miles. The closest trailing musher was a full five hours behind him.

In his post-race comments, Waerner was quick to praise his two lead sled dogs, Bark and K2. “He’s the one just charging through everything,” Waerner said of Bark. “It doesn’t matter what comes, he will just go through it, storms or whatever.”

Every dog has his day.

Waerner’s next challenge? How to get back home to Norway.

Suite: Judy Blue Eyes

You probably have heard the Crosby, Stills & Nash tune “Suite: Judy Blue Eyes.” A classic. You may even know that Stephen Stills wrote it about his girlfriend, musician and actress Judy Collins (sweet Judy blue eyes). They’d been dating for two years and when she was back in New York City doing a play she met and fell in love with Stacy Keach, which precipitated their breakup.

Anyway, I’ve always loved the song and couldn’t believe when I looked it up that it never rose higher than No. 21 on the charts when it was released in 1969. Then again, 1969 was a stupendously strong year for music.

I invite you to listen to the song again. But really listen to it. The lyrics. It’s the words of a totally heartbroken dude who is almost pleading with his girl not to break up with him because he’s still that crazy about her. It’s not an angry song. He’s still so in love with her.

Stills actually played the song for Collins when they were recording it for the album. In Collins’ words: “[Stephen] came to where I was singing one night on the West Coast and brought his guitar to the hotel and he sang me “Suite: Judy Blue Eyes,” the whole song.“

He was still pleading with her, even in that moment, I suppose.

WENDELL’S WISDOM

by John Walters | Leave a comment

by Wendell Barnhouse

Never have I felt worse about being right.

The last week of February I tweeted to two national college basketball writers asking if the NCAA had any contingency plans regarding the NCAA Tournament and potential problems posed by the coronavirus.

Two weeks ago (seems like two years), as sports began to shut down and the NCAA Tournament was postponed for the first time in its history, I tweeted that the impact of COVID-19 would get worse before it gets better. That was when many were reacting to cancellations and postponements by hoping there would be a pause of maybe a few weeks, maybe just two months.

Is 18 months a “pause?”

The following planning assumptions assisted in the development of an operational environment for this plan. … A pandemic will last 18 months or longer and could include multiple waves of illness.

That is from the U.S. Government COVID-19 Response Plan dated March 13 and obtained by The New York Times.

I’m 66, retired and spend waaaay too much time on Twitter – even more now. I treat Twitter as a news service. That’s why when I saw tweets Tuesday night regarding a COVID-19 report compiled by the Imperial College London group I further realized that my “worse” assessment was mild. Potentially millions dead is not mild.

Which brings me to my point. How and why did a retired sportswriter see the potentially terrible, awful, bad, no-good, horrific impact of COVID-19 weeks before “President” Donald John Trump would even admit that we had a, ahem, problem? (Editor: Maybe sportswriters are smarter than we think… or maybe this is just a self-serving editorial note)

This crisis likely would have been serious had action been taken in mid-January. Had Trump and his half-assed “advisors” woken up and smelled the coffee even a month ago, it would have been border-line too late. Now, it appears we’ll get daily news conferences and tweets from The Orange Menace with an emphasis on racism (“Chinese virus”) and gaslighting (his response has been “perfect,” and he “always knew” it was a pandemic).

(Side note: Trump has been gaslighting for over three years, but this current level has far surpassed previous levels. Maybe that’s because oil prices have tanked – hey, yet another major problem we’re not currently equipped to handle – and gas is cheap.)

This is the kind of “leadership” borne out of a perfect-storm 2016 election that put a narcissistic con man game-show host in the Oval Office. The Trump transition team did a 3-hour table-top exercise about possible crises The New Guys could face. Yep. Oneof those was a pandemic. Two years later, Trump disbanded the pandemic response team established by Obama, the man Trump loves to hate

It’s becoming obvious that after being “acquitted” and not impeached, Trump thought he could win another four years buttressed by a healthy economy and a record-setting stock market. As COVID-19 became the monster in the closet, Trump tried a lie-away plan.

And, of course, any reputable reporting about the dangers of a pending pandemic were merely Fake News attempts to damage Trump’s sterling reputation and spot-on rhetoric.

At the same time, Trump’s circle of trust had closed to just a few incompetent fools. Garbage in, garbage out. “You’re right, boss.” “They’re all out to get you, boss.” “Keep up the good work, boss.”


Trump, as usual, had a strong ally to help disseminate his message. FOX News was more than eager to blast “fake news” and “left-wing, liberal media” reports that were hyping fear and loathing. Somewhere down in Hell, Joseph Goebbels was smiling.

(Trish Regan is not available for comment.)


In an 8-hour period Tuesday, https://worldometers.info/coronavirus, which is tracking COVID-19 in countries around the world, indicated that cases in the U.S. increased by 776.That’s a pace of 2,300 per day.
Our “government” response?

– A “president” who must realize that it’s game over. Biden has the nomination and Trump’s re-election becomes more doubtful by the day as the nation careens into a never-before-experienced crisis.

— A dysfunctional Congress where GOP members like Rand Paul and Louie
Gohmert continue to put country over party.

– An infrastructure of agencies that could respond to help but are mired in red tape and lacking central leadership. Vice-president Mike Pence is in charge of a task force that can’t focus on tasks and has little power. (Pence, though, is a World-
Class ass kisser.)

Every time Trump opens his mouth (without engaging any of the stripped gears in his brain) he makes this crisis worse. (See: Wednesday’s news conference.) At this point, almost all government responses will be too late. The analogy is the process of turning an aircraft carrier steaming at full speed.

If this national crisis results in 18 months of closed businesses, lost jobs, empty grocery shelves, overwhelmed hospitals and millions of deaths, how responsible is Trump? It will be difficult to draw a direct line of responsibility to a POTUS who has already shirked responsibility.

Trump’s high crimes and misdemeanors should be obvious and will be exposed when historians assess this era. And here comes another prediction from Your Humble Scribe that will, I fear, also come true.

While a Trump Crimes Commission should be assembled and empowered in the next year or so, it won’t be. If Joe Biden is the next president, he’ll be cleaning up the biggest mess in U.S. history. We’re facing a combination of the Spanish Flu outbreak of 1918- 20 (which killed an estimated 675,000 in the U.S.) and the Great Depression.

The next administration and Congress will be so busy dealing with the aftermath –unemployment, a tanked economy, a wrecked health care system – that spending time investigating Trump will be viewed as partisan time wasting. Countering that argument will be difficult.

Most citizens will be more concerned about a new normal than holding Trump accountable. He’ll skate. He might face legal challenges but he’ll either flee to Russia –hey, folks, remember that it’s still a formidable enemy – or his lawyers will deflect and delay – hey, folks, remember, the judicial system has been packed all the way to the Supreme Court.

I hope I’m wrong.

STARTING FIVE

by John Walters | 2 Comments

CORONAVIRUS UPDATES

WORLDWIDE CASES: 201,000

WORLDWIDE DEATHS: 8,204

U.S. CASES: 5,881

U.S. DEATHS: 107

Welcome To Groundhog Day


The MH staff has always loved the 1993 Bill Murray film Groundhog Day not just because it’s funny, but because it posits the question, How would you spend one day if you had to relive it over and over and over?

Welcome to Groundhog Day, people. We’re there.

Maybe you’ve lost your job (temporarily). You’re not traveling. You’re essentially trapped wherever you are and hopefully, healthy. So how are you going to spend each unstructured day?

Our hope for you, and what we’ve been trying to do. Don’t waste too much time on social media (don’t laugh). Expand your mind. Expand your skills. Improve your fitness.

You may never have another sabbatical like this in your life. If you were ever going to adopt the Herschel Walker fitness routine (500 push-ups, 500 sit-ups daily), this is the time.

Suggestions for those of us who are somewhat solo proprietors: 1) Cook, and learn new dishes 2) Always be reading a book 3) Learn something entirely new: a language, a musical instrument, how to invest, etc. 4) Write letters or get back in touch with people (without using Facebook).

It’s not a shut-down. It’s an opportunity.

Cancel 2020

It feels quaint to read tweets or listen to sports pundits discuss Tom Brady to the Buccaneers or the latest free agency rumors in the NFL. Particularly when the people we should be listening to, such as public health officials, attempt to brace us for a pandemic that may last as long as 18 months.

This entire month of March has seen people, from Twitter followers of ours to Fox News blatherers to the President, slowly distance themselves from their intransigent denials as to the severity of the virus. There won’t be a 2020 Tokyo Olympics, at least not this July. And I’d put it best at 50/50 if the NFL season kicks off in September. Brace yourselves for the worst, and you won’t be so disappointed.

President Herb Tarlek

As a character on the late 1970s sitcom WKRP In Cincinnati, Herb Tarlek was so much fun to behold. Smarmy. Self-assured when he had no right to be. Lecherous. Never one to hold himself accountable when things went wrong. Dishonest. Crude.

Nine days ago:

As his Wikipedia page entry notes, Herb’s co-workers at WKRP considered him a “general jackass” and yet still maintained a grudging affection for him. That’s where I feel he and Trump part ways. There was a time when Donald Trump was everything that Herb Tarlek was, except wealthier. But then he got mean. And actually began taking himself seriously. Herb, as much of a buffoon as he could be, could eventually be reeled in. He did have a conscience. Our President, who never takes responsibility for his inaction, does not.

Today:

A few words about “Chinese Virus.” Technically, he’s correct. The virus originated in China. But we all know this guy and at this point we all know why he’s using that term: to deflect blame from himself and to incite his MAGA base to find a scapegoat that doesn’t have white skin, something they are very good at.

I mean, even Fox News has had its Come to Jesus moment…

This is also solid…

“I Say, ‘Let ‘Em Crash’ “*

*The judges hope you get the reference

You’ve been hearing on CNBC about how much trouble the airlines and Boeing are in right now. Funny, eh? Corporations that have turned huge profits the past decade experience a sudden downturn for just two weeks and now they’re about to go out of business? Funny. We’ve been out of work for two months now, collected no unemployment, and are doing fine. I guess we should hold a TED Talk with these CEOs about how to more prudently manage your money.

One reason the airlines are in such distress? They spent as if there’s no tomorrow and, much like the idiots who lost everything buying homes they could never hope to afford 15 years ago, they committed the cardinal sin of believing the market could only ever go in one direction: UP! Let former Secretary of Labor Robert Reich explain:

So airlines such as American made wild amounts of money, besides upping their baggage fees (currently $30 for the first, $40 for the second). What did they do with their profits? Reinvested in themselves, buying their own stock. What does that do? It creates an artificial scarcity of stock, which in good times drives the price higher, which investors love to see, which increases quarterly earnings, which keeps CEOs in plush corner offices and with private jets.

The problem? You’re eating your own bodily reserves to nourish yourself. When the bill eventually comes due because the stock price plummets, you’ve doubled down on your losses. You can’t draw on cash reserves because they are in your stock, whose price is plummeting. You must tear down the front wall of your home to get wood to put into the fire. Kind of self-defeating.

Now, add to that they’ve been issuing debt (this is how Wall Street folk say “taking out a loan” without making it sound so desperate) to finance projects, but now they’ve got little income to pay back those loans. Double whammy.

And so what’s their next move? Come to Washington, D.C., with palms outstretched and beg for a bailout. And my response? I’m Gil in Sexy Beast:

You watch CNBC, you watch an endless parade of millionaires and billionaires extolling the virtues of capitalism. And that’s fine. Capitalism is the economic expression of Natural Selection. And yet as soon as things turn against them, they’re suddenly socialists? No. Sorry.

Whatever airline or airplane manufacturer goes down, let it. That will create a demand vacuum and some enterprising capitalist will fill it. That’s how capitalism works. If a pack of lions forget to set their alarms and they all die of starvation cuz they’re too lazy to hunt, you don’t go throw red meat at them. You let them die and some new predator will gaze upon all those unbothered herds of wildebeest and begin hunting. THAT is the Law of the Jungle. That is capitalism.

Ask Not

Kinda waiting for programs to be developed such as the WPA when FDR was President during the Depression. You’ve got millions of Americans, such as myself, who are out of work and healthy and wanting to pitch in. And then you’ve got millions of Americans who are either overworked or elderly and unable to do things for themselves that they might normally be able to do.

Seems there might be a way to bridge the gap there, no? This article from The New York Times offers some ideas as to how the federal government can begin tapping untapped resources. Meanwhile, if any of you have any bright ideas, hit us up.

Because here’s what I’m thinking: I really want to avoid America looking like that final scene from Joker if we can help it.

STARTING FIVE

by John Walters | 4 Comments

Tweet Me Right

Patriot Gone

Tom Brady decides to deliver sobering news to Bostonians on St. Patrick’s Day: he’s now officially a free agent. Brady, 42, has been with the Pats since 2000, leading them to nine Super Bowls, winning six. A career like no other.

https://twitter.com/HillaryMonahan/status/1239575233918615553?s=20

It probably won’t happen, but Tom Brady to the Chicago Bears would be awesome.

Spring Breakers

Beaches in south Florida remain packed during spring break, despite all the social distancing warnings. Two reasons: 1) Florida has the type of politicians who are only concerned with the tourism dollars and 2) deep down, or maybe on the surface, the youths realize that they’re not going to be felled by the coronavirus.

Let’s be sinister for a moment. If you have a viral disease that kills less than 1/10th of one percent of Americans in their working prime or teens but kills nearer to 10% of Americans who are five to ten years past their final productive years… this is like a purging of the Social Security and Medicare class. Imagine if our leaders were not as understanding and compassionate as Max Brooks, above. Imagine if they said, You know what, this disease is bad but our economy tanking is worse. Everyone go back to work. There’ll be some deaths and that’s bad and all, but it’s only going to be gramps and granny.

Now, imagine if they did not actually say that, but instead only took steps (or failed to take steps) that assured the same outcome. Which is what they’re doing.

Jim Cramer on CNBC just now: “We may be sacrificing the economy for the sake of people between the ages of 70 and 90.” That’s sort of true. It’s sort of curious that people are asking if it’s worth the sacrifice. RIP your gramps!

Peloton Center

Things I’d be doing if I produced SportsCenter: 1) Nightly reports on the top 10 Peloton finishers of the day. I’m not exactly sure how Peloton works, but I believe your time can be ranked versus everyone else on Peloton at the time, or that day, or whatevs. Why not show America the winners? 2) Iditarod live reports. It’s an American institution, dating back to 1973; it’s in a remote and exotic (but not warm) American location, and it’s actually taking place right now, and

3) Figuring out what type of events you can create yourselves, hopefully with the help of federal officials, that are social-distance friendly. I’d go for a Gumball Rally (Google the film) type event, a cross-country car (or bicycle) race.

“Try Getting It Yourselves”

America Worst

Add this quote to the numerous profane things the President has uttered since the coronavirus became a thing. On a conference call with American governors yesterday, Donald Trump told them that as far as badly needed ventilators go, “We’re backing you, but try getting it yourselves.”

Here’s what I imagine might be happening in the Oval Office when Dr. Fauci leaves the room. You’ve got Jared Kushner and Stephen Miller whispering in the President’s ear. And maybe, just maybe, they’re telling him that if people cannot be tested, then those people do not technically have COVID-19. And if those people, almost always older people, happen to die before being diagnosed, who’s to say that it wasn’t emphysema or Parkinson’s or dementia or whatever ailment they’d been flirting with for awhile? The important thing, as far as his reelection goes, is that the diagnosis and deaths are down.

Do you really believe, knowing what we know about Kushner and Miller, that they are more concerned with saving lives than with saving his presidency? I don’t. I believe they are the firemen heading to the fire but stopping for red lights and stopping to the Chick Fil-A drive-thru on their way over. Because you can’t get nailed for exponential increase in numbers of coronavirus if people don’t actually get tested for them.

Meanwhile, as this story shows, the World Health Organization had 100s of thousands of test kits, manufactured in Germany, that they were ready to ship to the U.S. We said, No thanks, our CDC will do it. And then the CDC screwed the pooch. We’ll never know how many lives that delay, upwards of a month, cost America. But it did. And none of those deaths are going to go on the “Died of Coronavirus” roll.

He likes to keep the numbers down.

Two words: West Virginia. I’ve been to West Virginia, and maybe you have, too. And in terms of social distancing, WV has been social distancing itself from the rest of the Lower 48 for centuries. Still, not a single diagnosis? C’mon.

Chicago Pope

So I went on the HBO and the Netflix streaming services Sunday and here’s my question: When did popes become so popular? The Two Popes (on Netflix), The New Pope (HBO) and The Young Pope (also HBO). What’s up with this papacy obsession?

I consulted MH’s unofficial Culture Editor (and Editor In Charge Of Licking The Spatula During All Baking Exercises), Katie McCollow, who suggested that poping is the most popular TV franchise since NBC’s spate of Chicago-based shows. And it was about 1.8 seconds later when we both decided that either NBC or HBO or both needs to release Chicago Pope. He’s a gruff Irish Catholic who operates the worldwide Catholic church out of a firehouse in Lincoln Park, although he’s actually more of a White Sox fan. Eventually he is induced to also run for mayor. You’d watch. So would I.