IT’S ALL HAPPENING!

by John Walters | Leave a comment

by John Walters

From Texas To Taxes

Last week’s big Republican mess was Texas; this week it’ll be taxes, as in the Supreme Court has blocked Donald Trump’s last stand to hide his tax returns from us (Didn’t the New York Times venture under this kimono a year or so ago, anyway?).

Dig: it don’t matter. Those of us who already knew Trump is a charlatan and a crook will simply see the receipts. Those who will never accept that he is will simply find a way to blame someone else for joining the witch hunt. The circle will never be squared, kids. He’ll just go from playing the invulnerable card to the victim card.

The act, it is tired.

What a great weekend for CPAC to be holding its convention, by the way. Fortunately, so many GOP members suffer from memory loss so the events of the past, well, forever, won’t haunt them.

500K

As the USA crossed the 500,000 deaths from COVID-19 threshold, the former guy took to a statement (that I won’t link to) whining about “headhunting” prosecutors and repeating the fallacy that just because he received the most votes of anyone ever to lose a presidential election that he should be the winner.

Never mind that, as many have noted, that’s more deaths in less than one year than the U.S. suffered in World Wars I and II and Vietnam combined. The point here is that Donald Trump and other Republicans who no longer are in power are the truly aggrieved.

As far as this site goes, I’ll try to ignore the histrionics and general douchebaggery of folks such as Trump and Cruz and Hawley and even Meghan McCain, etc., as much as possible. Why give them any more oxygen? Let Merrick Garland and history take care of them.

From Putin To Poochin’

If America had simply installed a Sock Monkey puppet as its 46th president, let’s face it, that would have been an upgrade from “the former guy.” But thus far, one month in, Joe Biden is pretty much pitching, at worst, a shutout.

He doesn’t tweet. He doesn’t ridicule. He doesn’t golf. He doesn’t leave Washington D.C. to stage pep rallies (so how do we even know if he’s doing a good job?!?).

And, we get dogs. Big, shepherd-y type WOOF! WOOF! dogs.

Even though this isn’t a Biden pup, it’s still a big doggy. I’m here for this.

My Name Is Luka

There was a time when the leading scorer in Division I hoops was a veritable star. At the very least a lottery pick. And a future Hall of Famer.

Some of the men who’ve led D-I in scoring over the years:

Oscar Robertson (three consecutive years, 1958-60), Rick Barry (1965), Pete Maravich (also 3 years, 1968-70), Glenn Robinson (1994) and Stephen Curry (2009).

But just as often as not you get, particularly in the past 40 years, a Greg Guy or a Tyler Harvey.

This year’s scoring leader is a legit NBA player, playing on a legit FBS-school squad that’s ranked in the top ten: His name? Luka Garza, Iowa’s 6’11” SENIOR center who is averaging 24.7 points per game.

Garza is from the D.C. area and he even looks like a 1940s comic book super hero. A throwback. It remains to be seen what he’ll do during March Madness, or next season in the NBA.

Was This Actually On Jeopardy?

I hope so.

In case you don’t know…

IT’S ALL HAPPENING!

by John Walters | Leave a comment

by John Walters

Francis Ford Coppola knew a long time ago what Gary Bettman and the NHL discovered this weekend: Lake Tahoe is among the most scenic backdrops in all of the U.S.A. (it’s featured in much of The Godfather II).

For the second consecutive weekend a major American sporting event was delayed for hours due to a weather malfunction. Last week it was thunderstorms pushing the Daytona 500 to the 9-hour mark. On Saturday the NHL’s outdoor game between the Colorado Avalanche and the Las Vegas Knights was put into abeyance for more than eight hours due to sun… I’m melting! I’m melting!

Who won? Mother Nature, two weekends in a row.

Mama Said Knock You Out

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=qVo5u_cYhPQ

Seldom, if ever, will you see a more sudden and devastating knockout than what transpired on Saturday night in Las Vegas. That’s Oscar Valdez putting countryman Miguel Berchelt on the canvas to win the WBC Junior Lightweight title. Who knew 130-pounders could pack such a punch?

Hasta mañana, Miguel.

Crushing Cruz

SNL’s Aidy Bryant has long lived in the shadow of her female contemporaries, Kate McKinnon and Cecily Strong, but last weekend she stole the show in the cold open. Her Ted Cruz was perfect, and a special shout-out to wardrobe and make-up. The braided ‘do was the chef’s kiss the cold open needed.

https://twitter.com/jvharris_1965/status/1363666445670903811?s=20

(Not SNL, but an even funnier own)

Also worth noting: 1) Pete Davidson’s Andrew Cuomo is solid and 2) Chloe Fineman can hold her own in any skit. She’s a keeper.

Davidson, on “Weekend Update,” on living with his mom: “My mom’s a lot like Saturday Night Live: no matter what I do wrong, they won’t get rid of me.”

Owl Be Seeing You

This is Caleb Pendleton, a freshman catcher for the Florida Atlantic Owls. On Saturday night Pendleton, 6’2″, of Jensen Beach, Fla., smote now one but TWO grand slams. In his collegiate debut. In the same inning. In his first two collegiate at-bats (versus UCF in a 20-15 win). Batting eighth.

Where do you go from here? Besides north in the batting order.

Gonzo

I had not previously made the connection between Anthony Gonzalez, the Republican congressman from Ohio who voted to impeach Trump and who also held the Robinhood CEO’s feet to the flames in a congressional hearing last week, and Anthony Gonzalez, former Ohio State standout wide receiver who later played with the Indianapolis Colts.

Same dude.

Gonzalez was part of a Buckeye squad that featured Heisman Trophy winning QB Troy Smith and fellow wideouts Santonio Holmes and Ted Ginn, Jr. He would be a first-round pick for the Colts, for whom he played five seasons. He’s still only 37 and was just reelected.

The MAGAs now loathe him. But he’s on his way up.

Also, had LeBron James chosen to play college football for the Buckeyes, they would have started together on the same unit (with LJ at tight end). Neither is sticking to sports.

IT’S ALL HAPPENING!

by John Walters | 2 Comments

by John Walters

Yes We Cancun

If you’ve ever dunked on 7-foot rims, you know what more than half of America is doing to Texas senator Ted Cruz this morning. And rightfully so.

As someone tweeted, “So Ted Cruz wants to cross the border in order to have better living conditions for his children?”

Not that most of us ever thought he was worth a turd’s farthing, but this week Cruz abandoned any pretense of leadership in his state as it went through its worst crisis in decades, then kept changing his story—before cameras—as to why he traveled to Cancun, even as neighbors and airline travel sleuths came forward with receipts.

Don’t speak. Don’t. Speak. Dontspeak.

Ga Ga Over Gonzaga

Kispert

Yo! While almost no one was noticing, Gonzaga is now 21-0. The Zags beat quasi-rival St. Mary’s last night 87-65 in Spokane behind senior forward Corey Kispert’s 20 points, which is right around his average.

The Zags have four starters who average in double figures (Kispert’s 19.2 is best) and two from outside the U.S.: Canada and France. That’s been about standard for them during Mark Few’s incredible run at Bing Crosby’s alma mater.

In nearly 22 seasons as the Zags’ head coach, Few is 619-124 (.833). The worst record his Zags have compiled in the past 10 years is 28-8, and that team made the Sweet 16.

Gongaza was 31-2 when last season was canceled in March. They’d have likely been a No. 1 seed last March. This March they’ll be the No. 1 overall seed.

Ignite Fever

We were checking out an NBA mock draft (in researching the above item) and noticed that three players from one team were in one site’s projected first round. Notice I said “one team,” not “one school.” Why? Because that team is the Walnut Creek-based G League Ignite.*

Why the Ignite put G League in their name flummoxes us, as they’re the only G League team that does so. It would be like one team calling themselves the NBA Celtics.

Ignite’s top draft prospects: 6’8″ Jonathan Kuminga (of the Congo, above), 6’5″ Jalen Green and 6’5″ Daishin Nix (all 18). The first two are projected Top 10 picks. What’s curious is that Ignite, coached by former Laker Brian Shaw, are only 4-2.

The G League’s top team at the moment? The 5-0 Delaware Blue Coasts. Delaware’s having quite a 2021 thus far.

Orient Expressionism

I’d watch out for slide tackle on the near sidelines.

Some managers throw their players under a bus. This one has a rail chance to be unique.

Dolly Lama

America’s greatest secular saint? It may well be Dolly Parton, who has given us all robust (!) lessons on a live well-lived for five decades now. That she also wrote country classic such as “Jolene” is almost besides the point.

So when the Tennessee state legislature proposed erecting a statue of its favorite daughter—if nothing else, it would be a tremendous source of shade—Dolly politely declined in signature fashion.

IT’S ALL HAPPENING!

by John Walters | 3 Comments

by John Walters

Friday Night Pilot Lights

It’s easy to have empathy for the people of Texas during this historic deep freeze, but it’s no less difficult to wonder if perhaps this isn’t, from a governmental standpoint (and who elects the officials in Texas but its people?), a righteous comeuppance.

By standing alone and scoffing at regulations while standing behind that insipid call to arms—”Don’t Mess With Texas”—the Lone Star State was just begging Lord Baby Jesus to illuminate the folly of human arrogance blended with ignorance.

And so here we are. The Lone Star State is in a deep freeze with no power and even less leadership. Hook ’em.

Porcine Provacateur Perishes

Rush Limbaugh, smoker and Oxy addict, dies from lung cancer at age 70. Good riddance.

Limbaugh can rightly be hailed as the patriarch of Trumpism. The architect of White Supremacy meets White Victimhood. His radio show, which launched in June of 1990, laid the template for Fox News and right-wing AM radio and later Donald Trump himself.

Unabashedly bigoted and misogynistic, Limbaugh plumbed a vein of fearful and angry (and often under-educated) white Americans who felt threatened that the Reagan Era was under assault. You want to know where party over country began? Wherever Rush appeared on your A.M. dial.

I’ll never forget the time Limbaugh appeared on Letterman. He was both charming and ultra-conservatively mean, and Dave played the role of genial host, gently ribbing him. Finally, Limbaugh went off on a white power soliloquy and when he finally came to a stop, Dave waited a beat. Then Dave asked, “Do you ever wonder if you’re just full of hot gas?”

Tatis A Lot Of Money

The San Diego Padres ain’t no dummies. They see a brilliant future in 22 year-old shortstop Fernando Tatis Jr., and so locked him up with a 14-year, $340 million contract. That seems like a lot of money now—it is, averaging out to $24 million annually—but 10 years from now it may seem like a steal (at which time the team will probably renegotiate).

There’s no more up-and-coming squad in baseball than the Padres. And Tatis is the cornerstone of it all. Look out for the Air Friars!

Texas Turtle Trauma

For all the mercenary malevolence of its elected officials such as Gov. Abbott, Senator Ted Cruz and our former Dept. of Energy head Rick Perry (a former Texas gov. and a Trump appointee), there are plenty of decent people in Texas. Let’s begin with the volunteers who are rescuing thousands of sea turtles near Padre Island who without their aid would have frozen to death.

When sea turtles’ temps drop to a certain level, they literally cannot move. They are in danger of drowning. Rescuers have literally been picking them up and bringing them to an indoor shelter to heat up, saving the lives of many.

Ted Fled

Other than the fact that he’s unlikeable, without integrity and possessed of no courage, I don’t understand what people have against Senator Ted Cruz. So what if millions of Texans are without power and many will literally freeze to death; Cruz has a family, including an “ugly wife”, to think of and when a few business class seats open up on a flight from Houston to Cancun, who is he not to book them?

Acropolis Wow

There’s snow in Athens and Arabia, too. Climate change. It’s here. Were you waiting for it to send you a Change of Address card? This is what it looks like.

IT’S ALL HAPPENING!

by John Walters | Leave a comment

by John Walters

Look, Pa, It’s A Metaphor!

Ah, the sweet smell of karma…

James And The Giant Peach Basket

The Phoenix Suns were 6-0 on a 7-game home stand and led the Brooklyn Nets, playing without Kevin Durant or James Harden, by 20-plus in the third quarter. They’d already put up 75 first-half points.

You know what comes next.

James Harden got involved. The three-time NBA scoring leader finished with 38 points, leading the Nets to an epic 128-124 comeback win in the Valley. The Nets scored the game’s final 10 points and outscored Phoenix 74-49 in the latter half. Even though Sun guard Chris Paul was incredible in the fourth quarter, burying three after three (and finishing with 29), it felt inevitable most of the way that BROOKLYN would overcome.

Nets at Lakers, Thursday. This is the Finals that ESPN is dreaming of.

Texas Two-Face

So Texas wanted energy independence. It got it. Now in the face of the worst winter cold snap in decades, millions of Texans are freezing (many to death) because of massive power outage. The state’s Republican pols, from the governor on down are blaming false scapegoats such as the “Green New Deal” (it has never been voted on) or frozen wind turbines (which, on the best of days, would supply less than 12% of the state’s power).

This is 21st-century Republicanism at its finest: be the cause of your own demise while blaming a Democrat-preferred option that isn’t even part of the situation.

and this…

and this…

Sorry, I’m Not Home Right Now, I’m Walking Into Spider Webs, But Leave A Message And I’ll Call You Baaaaack

and then there’s advanced arts…

Don’t Think Of It As Another Deluge Of Snow; Think Of It As Another Heaping Of White Supremacy

If MTV’s “Real World” Confessional had a political filter, here’s a fine template.

Here’s Lindsey Graham appearing on Hannity and saying OUT LOUD what most of us have known for years: without the racists and the zombie-like evangelicals (that’s a Venn diagram that largely overlaps, granted), the Republican party as currently constituted would never have enough votes to overtake the Dems.

Translation: They may be Deplorables, but they’re ours. So we must continue to court them.

Apparently it never occurs to Graham or Mitch or others that if the GOP could simply embrace conservatively fiscal ideals while also being inclusive to all colors, sexual orientations and creeds that they might actually have something. Nah. Let’s just continue to play the “good people on both sides” card.

..and this from Lindsey Graham:

Coffee Cake (or Lasagna) Where I Live, But Same