IT’S ALL HAPPENING!

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by John Walters

Philip Finis

Prince Philip, whose story many of us became familiar with via The Crown, has passed at the age of 99. The Duke of Edinburgh, who married the future Queen Elizabeth in 1947 when he was 26 and she was just 21. Born in Greece into both Dutch and Greek royalties, he served in the British Royal Navy during World War II after being educated in England.

Some of our favorite episodes during The Crown‘s run revolved around Philip, particularly the one where he is off at boarding school. Possibly the best episode in the entire series.

Where Do We Go Wrong As We Grow Up?

It’s Right There In The Name

Let’s not forget that there remain plenty of senators worse than Democrat Joe Manchin. To wit, Mitch McConnell (The GOAT of sinister senators), Ted Cruz and Lindsey Graham. But with a name like Manchin (phonetically, please), maybe people should’ve realized he’s an elephant in donkey get-up.

Lately Manchin has said that abandoning the filibuster is a non-starter (he won’t even contemplate returning it to its talking filibuster requirement, which is going to make any updated version of Mr. Smith Goes To Washington a dreadful bore) and yesterday he said that the “the lesson” of January 6 is that we need more bipartisanship.

Wrong, wrong and wrong. The lesson of January 6th is that if you give bullies an inch, they’ll try for a mile. And that if you fail to punish them, they’ll only try again.

Is Manchin a dope? Or is he someone who simply doesn’t realize what he really is?

She Blinded Me With Science

https://twitter.com/spicytine/status/1380171095320506383?s=20

Brazil

Yesterday 4,249 Brazilians died due to a variant of the coronavirus. What began as an epidemiological has morphed into a human catastrophe, as time and time again evidence has shown that governments ruled by narcissistic, ignorant alpha males (we used to call them “macho”) and whose populace put them in power due to a profundity of ignorance and nationalistic tendencies (read: fear of people who don’t look like them) wind up faring far worse than those nations led by intelligent, moderate people.

New Zealand? They’ve basically eradicated the virus.

Brazil, whose president Jair Bolsonaro has downplayed the gravity of the virus from the start, is now setting daily records while it eclipses 4,000 deaths per day. Then again, I’ve long thought that men like Bolsonaro and Trump really never worried too much about the death toll as they probably think it’s a way of ridding society of people whom they’d like to eliminate anyway. The old, the weak, the poor.

The Beauty of Twitter

When Luke Skywalker himself reacts to a post about Darth Vader. That’s a scene that was filmed 45 years ago.

IT’S ALL HAPPENING!

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by John Walters

What Happened?

This is Phillip Adams, a former NFL defensive back whose unforgettable career will not play a role in the fact that he will forever live in infamy. Yesterday Adams, from South Carolina, reportedly fatally shot a 70 year-old ER physician (Dr. Robert Lesslie), his wife, two of their grandchildren, and a man working at the physician’s home. Adams then returned to his parents’ home, about a mile away in Rock Hill, S.C., and killed himself.

We hadn’t even had time to report that former NFL wideout and Florida State standout Travis Rudolph had shot and killed a man in Florida last weekend. Now this. What happened?

A safety who had played in 78 games, never as a starter, in five NFL seasons, Adams began with the 49ers but also played with New England, Seattle, Oakland and the New York Jets, finishing his career with the Atlanta Falcons in 2015. Just an assumption: He had great physical talent but teams learned quickly that perhaps there was something not quite stable in his emotional or psychological makeup?

Lesslie had treated Adams after an ankle injury that accelerated his NFL demise. He also suffered at least two concussions. Adams was 33.

A Man Corner

If you’re thinking to yourself, Didn’t they just stage a Masters event five months ago?, you are correct. But they’re holding another one. Bring on the pimento & cheese sandwiches. I’m hoping that they also use the driving range as an impromptu vaccination site and it would be dubbed “Masters and Johnson & Johnson.”

The last eight Masters have had eight different winners and you might see a ninth this Sunday as pre-event favorites includes never-won-it types such as Justin Thomas, Jon Rahm and Bryson DeChambeau.

Dustin Johnson (Gretzky), who won last November, is also a favorite. Three-time champion Phil Mickelson, 50, is the Gen X favorite.

Keep Going

Since when did they begin scripting Jeopardy! segments? This could have been an SNL sketch (as if SNL would ever parody Jeopardy!) if Rodgers had simply allowed the contestants to keep guessing (“Native Americans?” “People who paid to see Three Billboards Outside Ebbing, Missouri?”).

From Devin Durrant To Kevin Durant

Last night the former league MVP returned after a near two-month hiatus from injuries and went five-for-five from the field, scoring 17 points, as the New Jersey Nets smothered New Orleans, 139-111.

But it got me to thinking: How many millennials are aware that there was once an NBA player, out of BYU, named Devin Durrant? A 6’7″ forward, Durrant was the 25th overall pick in 1984, a draft that included Hakeem Olajuwon, Michael Jordan, Charles Barkley and John Stockton. Durrant only played two unremarkable seasons, but he had started every game of his career in Provo and was a 2nd-team All-American in ’84 (no mean feat, considering those dudes in his draft class).

A Rube Awakening

The value of TikTok: a millennial discovering the sheer awesomeness of dead ball era pitching ace Rube Waddell and memorializing his idiosyncratic ways in song. Thank you.

IT’S ALL HAPPENING!

by John Walters | 1 Comment

by John Walters*

*abbreviated edition today

Mitch-Slapped

Senator Mitch McConnell has a warning, no, a threat, for major corporations who dare to express First Amendment rights: Shut up.

“My warning, if you will, to corporate America is to stay out of politics,” said McConnell. “It’s not what you`re designed for. I’m not talking about political contributions. … I support that. I’m talking about taking a position.”

Isn’t contributing to politicians NOT staying out of politics? Mitch doesn’t seem to be able to make that connection. Moreover, what he’s basically saying is give us your money but do not expect to have any say in what happens with it.

There’s a term for that: taxation without representation.

I forget who came up with that.

And I Did Not Write ‘Hairspray’

Steph Goes Off Again

Occasionally, you’ll find that regular season NBA game where both teams REALLY cared and wanted to win. That was last night’s Bucks-Warriors contest, which the Dubs won 122-121.

Now, keep in mind, Milwaukee only had one Antetekemnpo suited up, and it wasn’t the future Hall of Famer (and reigning two-time MVP). Still, Steph Curry, a two-time MVP himself, went off for 41 points in the Golden State win.

The Dubs are on the outside looking in at a playoff spot. But Curry is second in the league in scoring behind only Bradley “Try The” Beal of Washington.

Hahn SoHo

I don’t know who George Hahn is or how he showed up on my Twitter timeline, but one year in the desert has me longing for that bitchy male New Yorker type that I’d come to adore.

Hahn personifies it.

IT’S ALL HAPPENING!

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by John Walters

Waco The Echoes*

*The judges will not accept “Sheer Bliss”

It was 9-0 Baylor just 2 1/2 minutes into the contest. Gonzaga would never be closer than that.

The Bears were dominant. They showed it early with domination of the offensive glass (these Bears are swole), precision three-point shooting and harassing defense. Yes, they were whistled for plenty of fouls. Because they were fouling. But as long as guards Butler and Teague kept burying threes, the late-game foul trouble was not going to be a concern.

The game was largely played with Gonzaga facing a deficit in the teens. Every time the undefeated Zags made a mini-run (eight straight points, once), Baylor swiftly and demonstrably responded. This was a pummeling and by the last four minutes, you could see Gonzaga’s heart wasn’t even in it any more. They’d had enough.

One sour note: Jim Nantz and company kept coyly referring to this as the “greatest rebuild” in the history of sport. But they never had the temerity to say from what Baylor was rebuilding. So for those of you that don’t know, one of Baylor’s players (Carlton Dotson) shot and killed another Bear (Patrick Dennehy) while the two were having an argument while practicing shooting guns. Nearly as bad, Baylor coach Dave Bliss tried to cover it up.

Glad to see Baylor has improved its shot selection in the past 18 years.

The Grift That Keeps On Griving

Oops, he’s done it again.

There’s already no shortage of photos or video clips or quotes that illustrate what both a hypocrite and a crook Donald Trump is. And a lazy one at that. This is simply the latest.

Trump is calling for a boycott of Coke because of the Atlanta-based mega-corporation’s denunciation of Georgia’s new voting law. But he of course is still drinking his favorite beverage, as seen here. What’s most illuminating about this photo is that it gets to the half-assed approach to doing things that Trump has always had. He means to hide the incriminating Coke bottle, but he doesn’t take care to ensure that it is properly out of sight. And there is no one in his inner circle competent enough to notice or brave enough to point it out. After all, he released the photo.

What a dope.

Of course, this will hardly change the cult’s mind. They’re too far gone.

Baddoo Begins

No one’s had a better previous two days than Detroit Tiger rookie Akil Baddoo. On Sunday, making his Major League debut, Baddoo homered on the very first pitch he saw. Yesterday, against the team that released him, the Minnesota Twins, the 22 year-old outfielder hit a grand slam.

(This is how you earn your own Wikipedia page and pronto)

Baddoo hit both of these home runs batting ninth. No player had ever hit home runs in each of his first two Major League games batting from the ninth spot. Ever.

By the way, Derek Jeter had been playing Major League Baseball for more nine years and had earned four World Series ring before hitting his one and only grand slam.

Ranger Things

At their home opener at their brand new ballpark (that hosted the World Series last October), the Texas Rangers shot the double bird to Covid protocols and opened the turnstiles wide.

More than 38,000 fans showed up (but not Gov. Greg Abbott), making it the most heavily attended sporting event since before the pandemic got underway here in late February of ’20 (probably earlier). Oh, and hey, coronavirus cases are up again this week and more than 560,000 Americans have died.

Take me out to the Rangers,

Take me out to the show,

Buy me some sunscreen and hide the flask,

The catcher’s the only one wearing a mask

A Farewell To Unpublished Material

If you’ve ever inadvertently deleted a huge file you’ve spent hours or days creating, you can appreciate the frustration and, yes, rage, that accompanies that moment. So perhaps you can appreciate what a then-unknown journalist based in Paris by the name of Ernest Hemingway endured.

As related in Ken Burns’ PBS series, Hemingway, young Ernest was recently married and living in Paris and stumbling along as a foreign correspondent for The Toronto Star. While covering an event in Switzerland, he met an established writer/journalist who saw brilliance in the young reporter. Hemingway wired his wife, Hadley, to join him in Lausanne.

Thinking she could be of help (the road to hell is paved with good intentions, no), Hadley packed Ernest’s two previous years of unpublished short stories and other works in a valise and boarded a train to Switzerland. Except that something happened to the valise after she gave it to the porter as it never arrived at her compartment.

The bad news: two years of Hemingway’s early work gone. Bad for Ernest.

The potential good news: somewhere in Europe there may sit a valise containing the early unpublished works of the most celebrated American author of the 20th century.

IT’S ALL HAPPENING!

by John Walters | 3 Comments

by John Walters

Suggs To Be U(CLA)*

*The judges will also accept “Bank Heist” or “The Sweet Smell of Suggs-cess”

If you were tuned in to CBS Saturday night, did you just witness the greatest March Madness game there ever was? Maybe, maybe not. Here’s what you did see:

*the longest buzzer-beater in Final Four history (you were sooooo close, Gordon Hayward)

*a heavyweight bout between the greatest upstart program of the 21st century and the greatest program, period

*overtime

*a second half in which no team ever led by more than five points (and Gonzaga did so with less than 1:20 remaining, our friend Andrew Hammond tweeted “This one’s over” and we wanted to reply, “Haven’t you learned by now?”)

A few more notes:

–as incredible as Suggs’ 40-ish foot game winner was, his earlier play (block, recover, half-court bounce pass) was more special. Except that he should have been whistled for a foul on UCLA’s Cody Riley whom, it should also be mentioned, played an outstanding second half. They kept ceding him the open 15-footer, and he kept knocking it down.

–Drew Timme is an unstoppable force anywhere near the hoop. Combine his deft footwork, his long limbs, and his ability to spin right or left and put it up with either hand with ease and you’ve got an unstoppable force.

—The Bruins, even down 5 with less than 80 seconds left in regulation, had a great chance to end it there. Good on Mick Cronin for not calling timeout, but Johnny Juzang either needs to jump-stop and pass to a wide open Tyger Campbell on the left wing or jump-stop and shoot. Players are coached to take it to the rack and draw contact, but I still don’t know why. I mean, I do, but it’s a dumb hoops play, as that charge demonstrated.

—You’re going to hate hearing this, but the athlete the precocious Jalen Suggs most reminds me of? Derek Jeter.

He’s Not Here

Sometimes an Op-Ed, no matter where it appears, is just too powerful not to be shared. Loved this secular Easter homily from Jennifer Finney Boylan in The New York Times. Curiously, when I read this on Sunday morning the column was titled “He’s Not Here.” I’m wondering if the NYT felt a little pushback from its readers and opted with a more bland headline.

Which reminds me: last week I got into a little trouble with a couple of friends when I texted something about “Jesus Christ and the Seven Dwarfs.” It was an attempt at both humor and a little truth. In both stories, we have a virginal, pure and wholly virtuous character surrounded by a small group of men who do not have families and who live in adoration of said character. Then the character is killed by a jealous rival but, miraculously, is resurrected.

One is a fairy tale. The other is the basis for Christianity…

Halle-Kaluuya

Here’s British actor Daniel Kaluuya, best known for Get Out, absolutely killing it as a comic in his SNL monologue. Oh, he’ll be back.

Brazilian Flash Mob

The voice on that señorita! Oy, mama!

Secretary Pete

I love watching Fox News try, with their tiny brains, to paint Pete Buttigieg into a corner only for him to remind them, with civility and courtesy, that he’s six chess moves ahead of them. It never gets old.

Moo-vin’ In

https://twitter.com/buitengebieden_/status/1378850422752960512?s=20

The message on this tweet…