IT’S ALL HAPPENING!

by John Walters | 9 Comments

by John Walters

Starting Five

And look at that follow-thru with the wrist. That belongs in the Louvre!

Man On Fire*

*The judges will also accept “American Sniper”

An NBA Finals-record NINE three-pointers in one game. And FIVE in the fourth quarter alone after civilian-clothes Cav Kendrick Perkins (Didn’t he retire, like, two years ago?) dared to talk trash to him at the end of the third quarter.

Stephen Curry (33 points) was magical in Golden State’s 122-103 win against Cleveland, who for three quarters actually played about as well as they are able. Our favorite Curry play of the final period, though, was that slip pass he delivered to a teammate (Durant? Looney?) off the high screen and roll.

Golden State dissects you. Cleveland, or more to the point, LeBron, attempts to bull-rush you. Granted, Susie B., Steph has better teammates. But we’ll take finesse, precision and brilliance over the fullback dive eight days a week and twice on Sunday, which was yesterday.

2. Shot To The Leg/And You’re To Blame

The backward somersault was impressive. The errant shot in a crowded bar, not so much. This FBI agent may soon only be a Female Body Inspector after his gun went off at a distillery in Denver. Although if I’m the manager of Mile High Spirits Tasting Room, we’re now naming a shot after this bozo, whose name has yet to be released.

The victim was shot in the leg but should recover. Just wondering if he’ll sue the bar, the federal government, the FBI agent, or all of the above.

The agent’s name still has not been released. Which seems wrong.

3. Yosemite Claims Two More

Over the weekend two climbers attempting to scale the 3,000-foot vertical that is El Capitan perished when apparently a rope line snapped. Best friends Jeff Wells, 46, and Tim Klein, 42, were experienced climbers who had scaled El Cap several times before (they’d even done so twice in the same weekend before). They were tethered to the same rope and when whatever went wrong did, they fell together    1,000 or so feet to their deaths. Rule No. 1

4. RFK

Fifty years ago today, Robert F. Kennedy was fatally shot while exiting the Ambassador Hotel in Los Angeles through the kitchen. He had just spoken in the ballroom after winning the California Democratic primary.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ujPidSx7Vus

If Kennedy is not murdered, perhaps the 42 year-old senator goes on to win the presidency and we avoid the ugliness and cynicism that Richard Nixon and Watergate brought on. Who knows? But it’s curious, no, how the princes of peace—Gandhi, MLK, the Kennedy brothers—are so often assassinated while the hawks are not. There’s a lot more money in conflict and war than there is in peace.

Meanwhile, it was Frank Mankiewicz, RFK’s press secretary, who announced his death. Fifty years later Frank’s son, Ben, is the host of Turner Classic Movies. Ben’s granddad, Frank’s pop, Herman Mankiewicz, co-wrote Citizen Kane.

5. Is Donald Trump Charlie Weis?

It sorta hit me this morning: the bombast, the arrogance, the “Make America/Notre Dame Great Again” motif. Is President Donald Trump the political version of Notre Dame football coach Charlie Weis?

Neither man had really properly paid his dues in order to take the office they did, but both were so sure of themselves and that they alone could fix the problem. Trump persuaded enough Americans to vote for him, while Weis, a Notre Dame alum, persuaded the school’s board of trustees, its then athletic director, Kevin White, and its president, John Jenkins.

Both men had the tacit support and endorsement of Bill Belichick. You can go further than this (the ardor for cheeseburgers being just one example), but we’ll stop here for now. We’ll also say that we actually like Charlie Weis, for reasons we’ll go into some other time.

Music 101

Set Me Free

Feel-good late Seventies music from Todd Rundgren and Utopia. The song peaked at No. 32 on Casey Kasem’s list.

Remote Patrol

Gone With The Wind

TCM 9:45 p.m.

 

Confession time: We’ve never watched this the entire way through. Nor Citizen Kane. Nor The Sandlot. Have at us. Or maybe, frankly, you don’t give a damn.

IT’S ALL HAPPENING!

by John Walters | 6 Comments

by John Walters

Starting Five

1. Who Shot? Not J.R.

You know what happened. LeBron James scored 51 points and was nothing short of heroic, but J.R. Smith put down Cleveland’s shot at winning in regulation with friendly fire and launched a thousand memes. Our favorite is below.


2. Ms. Bee Havior*

*The judges will also accept “C-U—later”

No matter how complicit you believe Ivanka Trump (look who she’s married to and look who she works for; you’re not buying that innocent beauty act, we hope), there’s really no excuse for what Samantha Bee called her on national television. Regardless of whether Ivanka’s tweet was simply tone-deaf or a troll trot, you forfeit the high ground when you call someone a “feckless ____” and it’s not a Guy Ritchie film. Or Sexy Beast.


And when the libs come back with “He father is a ‘pu**y grabber,'” well, yeah, that’s offensive. So don’t stoop to that level yourselves. Besides, it ignores the issue that as many as 4,400 Puerto Ricans died due to that hurricane last September. What? That’s not the issue we’re all in a fuss about? Oh, okay. Never mind.

And there’s a greater lesson here for all of us, illustrated by the moments created both by Ms. Bee and Mr. Smith, above, this week. And that is this: like it or not, your most defining moment may wind up being your worst moment. So do your best to avoid those. Or, be like the president and have so many worst moments that no one can keep track of them any more.

3. Separation Anxiety

Let’s attack the issue of illegal immigration (not, as MSNBC refers to it, “immigration”) objectively. Let’s not call people “dreamers” but illegal immigrants. So this is kind of a flow charts.

1) You first admit that, no matter how much empathy you have for them, people are crossing the U.S.-Mexico border illegally. You either say A) I understand the law must be obeyed or B) Who cares? Let ’em.

2) If you answer “B,”are you fine with those people being given government aid? Last year, according to the Federation for American Immigration Reform (FAIR), illegal immigrants cost he U.S.A. approximately $115 billion, or $8,000 per illegal immigrant.

3) If you answered “A,” how would you effectively carry out that law? By stopping and/or catching people who cross, throwing them back across the border, and simply waiting until they try again (“Catch and release”)? Would you support a wall? Do you have a plan?

Personally, and I’m not a parent, obviously, but it feels as if some very shrewd and Machiavellian government official (I know, I’m giving them far too much credit) thought of the brilliant plan of scaring away potential illegal immigrants by letting it be known that those who attempt crossing would never see their children again. Draconian? Cruel? You bet. Cheaper than a wall? Much.

The bottom line: There’s no easy solution and while we have no problem with someone revisiting the law on immigration and allowing more Central Americans in (I’ll personally vouch for their work ethic), it is true that there are thousands of officers whose job it is to protect the border. If you’re going to have a law, enforce it. The MSNBC’ers who deplore Trump acting above the law while also ignoring the reality of illegal immigration are simply hypocrites. And they never discuss the cost to taxpayers. Why is that?

4. May The Bee Force With You

The Metroplex is to the Scripps National Spelling Bee what the SEC is to the College Football Playoff. So when Karthik Nemmani, 14, of McKinney, Texas, lost his regional spelling bee to 12 year-old Naysa Modi of Frisco, Texas, he was able to advance to the national bee via wildcard (think of him as 2017 Alabama).

Yesterday in D.C. Nemonic won the non-Samantha bee by spelling a word we’ve never heard of. He’s the 19th Indian-American to win the Scripps bee in the past 23 years. Someone should look into why that is happening, although by the inordinately high number of Indian-American doctors in our health care system, we think we know the answer (parents who stress education).

5. Honey, I Shrunk The Tweets

The latest twist in the Bryan Colangelo saga is that his Italian-born wife, Barbara Bottini, may have been behind the Twitter burner accounts. Either way, this appears to be Colangelo’s final day in the Sixers organization (yes, the 76ers will 86 him, we surmise) although we’d imagine Bryan’s dad has placed a phone call or two to Commissioner Silver’s office in the past few days arguing for clemency.

 

Music 101

Just Remember I Love You

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Lt6lYiKcik8

What if America and Christopher Cross had a love child and Little River Band adopted it? Meet Firefall, who scored a No. 11 hit in 1977 with this soft-rock lullaby. The band was formed three years earlier in Boulder by Rick Roberts, a former member of the Flying Burrito Brothers. Backing vocals here by Timothy B. Schmitt of the Eagles. Notice how Men At Work would later crib that ending sax solo for its song “Overkill” as would Quarterflash for “Harden My Heart.” Or maybe we just don’t know anything about the saxophone and that’s a very common chord structure or whatever you call it.

p.s. We’re not hating on this song. It’s a soft-rock classic. No one writes tunes like this any more and we know we sound like a YouTube commenter, but it’s true.

Remote Patrol

Saturday

Strangers On A Train

10 p.m. TCM

We can tell you that rail service on New Jersey Transit has fallen somewhat below this level in the past 60 years

A somewhat lesser known Hitchcock classic. Is the perfect murder possible?

IT’S ALL HAPPENING!

by John Walters | 4 Comments

by John Walters

Tweet du Jour

And Pardon The Self-Promotion…

Starting Five

1. Capital Letters

In Las Vegas the Washington Capitals and Alexander Ovechkin at last broke their maiden, winning the first Stanley Cup game of Ovi’s fabulous career. The Russian scored one goal in the 2-1 win but everyone was babbling about net minder Braden Holtby’s game-saving save late in the third period. Series knotted at 1-1 as we return to the Capital aboard Ovi Force One.

2. Iceland vs. ICE land


This is one of SI‘s four World Cup covers this week (Egypt, England, Mexico sorry, defending champion Germany and host nation Russia, you don’t get one…something about Communists and Nazis?).

And this is Time’s cover from two months ago, illuminating a different type of ICE land.

3 The President Must Wear Flame-Retardant Pants

Earlier this morning….

And then there was this from last year…

4. Sounds Like Han Solo

His name is Juan Soto, he’s only 19, he’s been in The Show for less than a month and he’s already batting leadoff for the first-place Washington Nationals. Soto, of the Dominican Republic, is hitting .375 with an OBP of .459 and an OPS above 1.0. He won’t turn 20 until October 25, by which time he may be playing left field in the World Series.

5. The Walking Dead (Updates)

That’s Russian journalist Arkady Babchenko, who was reported murdered by forces in the Kremlin on Tuesday and then showed up at a press conference in the Ukraine on Wednesday (now THAT is a commitment to duty). Babchenko staged his own murder story to, well, we’re not sure why, but we’re sure the Kremlin may be happy at a later date to amend this false narrative.

Lincoln, who is British, will no longer have to work on that slight Southern twang any more

Meanwhile, in other Walking Dead news, series star Andrew Lincoln has announced that he is leaving the show. We left it about two seasons ago when it became overly redundant and sadistic.

Music 101

The Show Must Go On

In 1973 Leo Sayer, who co-wrote this tune, released it and would perform it live dressed as a French clown. Just a year later Three Dog Night covered Sayer’s tune and had a much bigger hit with it, peaking at No. 4 on the Billboard charts. That circusy jingle you hear at the beginning is called “Entrance of the Gladiators” and was composed in 1897 by Czech composer Julius Fucik.

You’ll notice that Sayer sings, “I won’t let the show go on,” while Three Dog Night sings, “I must let the show go on.”

Remote Patrol

Cavs at Dubs: Game 1

9 p.m. ESPN

Live look-in at the Cavaliers’ chances of winning

If we line these series up next to the Rocky films, isn’t this the one in which LeBron goes to Siberia to train? Livin’ in America, eye to eye, station to station….

IT’S ALL HAPPENING!

by John Walters | 7 Comments

by John Walters

Starting Five

Roseanne Barred

Roseanne,

You don’t have to put on the Alt-Right,

Those days are over,

And now you no longer air on Tuesday nights…

A nasty tweet stating a former female Obama aide, Valerie Jarrett, was the progeny of the Muslim brotherhood and the Planet of The Apes. ABC acted swiftly, canceling Roseanne Barr‘s eponymous sitcom reboot. Now she’s blaming her tweet on Ambien…as our old friend @StevieCade tweeted, perhaps the Rockets should use that excuse for their Game 7 shooting.

2. Is Bryan Lyin’?

Last night The Ringer ran with a story that insinuates that Philadelphia 76ers GM Bryan Colangelo operated perhaps five burner Twitter accounts that he used to spread gossip about the team’s own players and even share information that had not been made public. The Sixers copped to two accounts—the only two The Ringer shared with the Sixers when they placed their call of inquiry.

Colangelo, 52, is the son of legendary NBA exec Jerry Colangelo, who launched the Phoenix Suns, was president of USA Basketball (during its post-2004 resurrection), and who was installed as a sort of Mr. Wolf to the Sixers a few years ago to oversee “The Process.” Maybe Bryan never felt loved there because his pops got him the gig?

The bigger question is, Was this real journalism or not-fully-completed reporting? There’s a lot to suggest that The Ringer is onto the truth, but they have not actually proven their case, which a well-reported story is supposed to do. As Jason Robards famously told Dustin Hoffman and Robert Redford, “You haven’t got it.”

3. The Good Shepherd

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=CwLdVU5Tc3E

In a news room full of sycophants for Donald Trump, Shepherd Smith alone seems to get it (not that there aren’t a newsroom full of sycophants for Obama across Sixth Avenue at MSNBC, but there is more than a whiff of difference between the two presidents’ ardor for honesty). When the Great American Fact-Out finally ends, he alone will be able to exit the Newscorp. Building with his coif held high.

4. Manhattan-henge

 

With a sunset to the west that seems perfectly situated between the skyscrapers followed shortly thereafter by a full moon rising from the east, this is an ideal week for celestial-bodies lovers to be inhabiting Manhattan. Sure, we cannot see many stars due to the sheer amount of artificial light emanating from our streets and buildings, but we do have this.

If you’re here, 57th or 34th Streets are the best roads on which to experience this.

5. What If LeBron Joined The Warriors?

He’s going to be a free agent (again) this summer and he’ll turn 34 in December and he can more than afford to accept a deal that won’t financially cripple a team’s roster AND he probably wants to win another NBA ring or two (which he most likely won’t do in the next fortnight, barring an injury to Kevin Durant or Klay Thompson). So why wouldn’t LeBron James, alias “Sweet Pea” on this site, join the Golden State Warriors (alias “the SuperVillains”)?

The Jazz may be the West’s best non-Dubs team that is not filled with divas.

The Boston Celtics would not want him. The Sixers are too dysfunctional (see No. 2). The Lakers and the Clippers are not headed to the NBA Finals any time soon. Gregg Popovich would not want the Drama. The Rockets? Maybe, but they already have two divas. We actually ruminated on this for awhile on Monday and our three best choices for LeBron, if he wants to at least return to the NBA Finals, are one of the two teams in this series or the up-and-coming Utah Jazz (who have the best rim protector he’d ever have played with in Rudy Gobert and a burgeoning, selfless All-Star in Donovan Mitchell).

But what if LeBron were to join Steph, Draymond, KD, Klay and Kerr and promised to just be himself and sign on for two seasons with an option for a third? And what if Adam Silver did not block it? If he really wants to play in the NBA Finals and, secondarily, live in California, here’s his golden opportunity.

Also, we are not just saying this to troll our most loyal female reader, but just to bring it to light: If Michael Jordan had never gone off to have a torrid but ultimately unsatisfying affair with baseball, he likely would have WON eight NBA Finals in a row. Not made eight NBA Finals in a row. Won them.

Music 101

Cape Cod Kwassa Kwassa

Ezra Koenig went from growing up on the Upper West Side, to migrating to northern New Jersey, to returning to the UWS to attend Columbia, to teaching at a public school in Brooklyn, to fronting the alternative rock band Vampire Weekend. This was the fourth single off their monster 2008 eponymous debut album, which naturally appeared on the Columbia Records label.

Remote Patrol

Stanley Cup, Game 2

Caps at Knights

8 p.m. NBC SN

If the game is as entertaining as the Medieval Times on Ice pregame spectacular, you’re in for a treat.

IT’S ALL HAPPENING!

by John Walters | 5 Comments

by John Walters

Starting Five

Curry and K.D. combined for 61 points in Game 7.

Two by Four

Cleveland will meet Golden State in the NBA Finals for the fourth consecutive time. That’s never happened in NBA, NFL, MLB or NHL history.

It didn’t come easy. The Cavs and Dubs both needed to win Game 7s on the road. While the HOFers on both teams displayed mettle, they got help from the upstarts. Boston went ice cold in the last five minutes of the fourth quarter and shot 7-39 from beyond the arc in Game 7 (Terry Rozier was 0-10). Houston, meanwhile, set an NBA record with 27 consecutive misses from beyond the arc in Game 7, shooting 7-44.

Still, credit both the Cavs and Dubs from overcoming 3-2 deficits and the Dubs especially for overcoming double-digit halftime deficits in both Games 6 and 7. In the second halves of both games, Golden State outscored Houston by a combined 58 points.

2. Gareth Bale-Out

Goal No. 1

The Champions League final between Liverpool and Real Madrid was knotted 1-1 in Kiev after 60 minutes when the Spanish side decided to sub in Gareth Bale. In the match’s final 29 minutes he scored two goals and nearly got a hat trick in leading Real to its third consecutive Champions League championship.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Ff_sM9H402M

Goal No. 2 (above)

Because Bale is Welsh and the Wales must qualify as its own nation as opposed to being part of Great Britain, you won’t be seeing him in Russia when the World Cup begins in a little more than two weeks.. That’s a shame.

3. Jakob’s Ladder

Norway is not renowned for producing great milers. Finland, yes (Paavo Nurmi). And yes, Grete Waitz was Norwegian but she was a marathoner.

Well, now it has. At the Prefontaine Classic in Eugene last Saturday 17 year-old Jakob Ingebrigtsen crushed it with a 3:52 mile. Last year on this same track on this same weekend Ingebrigtsen ran a 3:58, becoming the first 16 year-old ever to crack sub-4 (legally) and also the first person born in the 2000s to do so.

4. Water-Logged

A flash flood in Ellicot City, Maryland, about 13 miles west of Baltimore, caused major damage and swept away at least one National Guard member. Said Maryland governor Larry Hogan, “They say this is a once in every 1,000 years flood, and we’ve had two of them in two years.”

5. Will Power + Horse Power = Checkered Flag

After a crash with 12 laps to go in the Indianapolis 500, the cars went under the yellow. On the restart a few laps later Will Power, who finished 2nd three years ago with the Penske team, surged ahead and won easily. The 37 year-old Aussie was the runner-up in 2015 by just 1/10th of a second.

Music 101

Day By Day

This hit from the 1972 musical Godspell was released as a single and reached No. 13 on the Billboard charts and every middle school talent show in the U.S.A. that year had two earnest girls performing it. In the single release, the vocal credits went to the cast of the show—lead singer Robin Lamont was not individually credited. She’d later go on to appear in the Seventies horror classic He Knows You’re Alone, then earn a law degree and become a district attorney in Westchester County (now we feel incredibly slothful).

Remote Patrol

Steve Martin & Martin Short

An Evening You Will Forget For The Rest Of Your Life

Netflix

It’s hard to appreciate, if you were not around for it, what a superstar Steve Martin became in the late 1970s. His concerts sold out as if he were Taylor Swift and “A Wild And Crazy Guy” was an album you actually wanted to own (“Some people have a way with words; others………not have way“). Anyway, at about the same time Martin Short was making a name for himself as this quirky comic on SCTV, a Toronto-based sketch comedy show which would air on Friday nights late on NBC and which was in danger of upstaging SNL—so Lorne Michaels, a Canadian himself, poached Short from the cast as a two-fer. Anyway, here they are with their own two-man live show.