IT’S ALL HAPPENING!

by John Walters | 2 Comments

by John Walters

 

Starting Five

Bye, George

At the age of 94 the 41st president of the United States, George Herbert Walker Bush, passes away. A decent (in all senses) president, a great American and an even better person.

Navy fighter pilot in World War II (at 18 he was the youngest fighter pilot in the service when he enlisted), later a Yale baseball player and alum, CIA director, vice president and eventually, president. Husband of 73 years. Few Americans have lived more decorated or estimable lives. The crib in Kennebunkport wasn’t half-bad, either.

2. Bye, Georgia*

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=v11A5uxEe9c

*The judges will also accept “Out-Smart-ing Yourself

“No! No. No no no no no no no no. No. Aren’t you something? No.”

Here’s what we believe happened. Kirby Smart designs a few plays and packages for 2018 No. 1 overall recruit Justin Fields so as to keep him from wondering if there are greener pastures elsewhere. This Punt Fake play is one of them.

Now Smart advises Fields to only attempt this play if the defensive alignment warrants it, otherwise punt. Alabama lines up in Punt Safe, so the fake should be called off. But Fields is a hot-shot freshman eager to make his mark, so he goes for it. Fail. Bama has a shorter field. Touchdown. Game over, Georgia’s playoff hopes over.

3. Hurts So Good

Hurts did the unthinkable: Make us root for an underdog Alabama story.

On the opposite side of the field, Jalen Hurts pens the Hollywood ending so few of us ever get. Replaced on this same field against this same opponent 11 months earlier, Hurts has his number called after starter Tua Tagovailoa suffers a friendly-fire high ankle sprain. Hurts, who would’ve scored the championship-winning TD two seasons ago if Bama’s defense had held against Deshaun Watson and Clemson, leads the Crimson Tide to a pair of fourth quarter touchdowns and the 35-28 win.


And yes, if you were keeping score on Saturday, two undefeated teams and reigning national champions (one more widely accepted than the other) found themselves trailing by two touchdowns in the second half and without their starting quarterback. Both came back to win.

That’s what champions do.

4. Pigskin Leftovers

Kyler Murray is a Grange Award finalist…

Stuff we wanted to say/write or just thought of saying/writing:

–Is it possible Kirk Herbstreit went HAM on Georgia because he had to pick someone for the final slot and that Oklahoma vs. Ohio State was a Sophie’s Choice? Because the Sooners and Buckeyes had more similar resumes, a choice of Ohio State would label him as a homer while a choice of Oklahoma would make him something of an apostate, even if most of us would agree that the Sooners have a better resume. By siding with Georgia he avoids having to explain why he preferred Oklahoma over OSU and also avoids appearing to favor his alma mater.*

*Note: We really believe Herbie believes Georgia belongs in. What makes no sense is his putting Georgia 3rd but also leaving Notre Dame in. If the Irish record fails to dazzle him as opposed to a team with two losses, is he then saying that he believes Notre Dame is superior to both Oklahoma and Ohio State? Because his words all season on College GameDay and Saturday Night Football have not indicated that. 

–Let’s pay tribute to Trevor Matich, our favorite under-utilized ESPN college football personality and the only one of 42 visible ESPN college football figures who picked Notre Dame to advance to the playoff.


— Folks we feel should be invited to appear on ESPN’s College Football Awards Show this Thursday night: Jalen Hurts, Doak Campbell Stadium Shirtless Bibliophile, Staredown Kid, Tyler Trent, Bill Snyder, LSU Death Stare Girl.

–Great idea by one of THE most loyal MH readers, Jacob-Jason Anstey. When I suggested that FCS games should be eliminated (or, if you are the FBS team that schedules it, then you will not be considered for the college football playoff), he wondered how come schools aren’t allowed to just schedule a preseason scrimmage versus an FCS school in August. This is brilliant.

–Clip ‘n Save for Saturday night (and never forget that Christian McCaffrey got totally robbed!!!)


–Inspired by all of his segments over the years, the MH staff, with an assist from our friend and former SI editor Dick Friedman, penned “That’s Rinaldi!” To be sung to the melody of “That’s Amore.”

When the cancer’s Stage 4

There’s a knock at your door,

That’s Rinaldi!

When your long snapper’s blind,

It’s a story he’ll find,

That’s Rinaldi!

Parents sigh, children die, girlfriends cry,

As we reach for the clicker

Tragedies and disease—help us, Rece!

There’s a pang in my ticker!

When you’re waiting to see,

All that’s bad that can be,
On a fall day!
You just know he will show,
Looking sad as can be–that’s Rinaldi!!

5. He Said Xi Said

He wanted a booth

No news is bad news from the G-20 Summit, as China and the U.S. agree on “No New Tariffs.” The good news is that the stock market jumped about 400 points and the better news is that Susie B. may have emerged from that dark mood that’s enveloped her the past month or so.

Reserves

Christyn Vs. Christians*

*The judges will also accept “Back In Black”

Notre Dame and UConn, which had split their past 16 meetings and entered 1 and 2, meet in South Bend. Led by 28 points from true freshman lefty Christyn Williams, the Huskies somewhat avenge last April’s Final Four defeat to the Irish. UConn has now won 122 consecutive regular season games but not the last two national championships.

Two For Tuohy

For the second straight year, North Rockland (N.Y.) High School junior Katelyn Tuohy wins the Nike Cross Country Nationals. Tuohy ran a 16:37 on a Portland golf course, breaking her own course record by seven seconds. Tomorrow never knows with women’s distance running, but at this moment Tuohy is in the same class as Mary Cain and Mary Decker.

Music 101

Long, Long Way From Home

The band Foreigner was comprised of three English members and a trio of Yanks, hence the name. They’re one of the best-selling bands of all time, with 80 million records sold. Coming along in that interregnum between the peak of rock and roll and ’80s New Wave, they get slotted in that “arena rock” bin of disdain by the “serious” rock critics along with Journey, Styx, Kansas, Rush and others. They’ll cry on their yachts about it.

This semi-autobiographical tune dips into the well of moving from a small town to New York City. The third single off their eponymous debut album, it peaked at No. 20 in late 1977.

Remote Patrol

The Last Alaskans

8 p.m. Animal Planet

There’s no business like snow business. This reality show chronicles four families who live in the Arctic National Wildlife Refuge and whose wives argue incessantly about dinner reservations and bridal showers. We think.

CHRIS PICKS!

by John Walters | Leave a comment

by Chris Corbellini

 

Week 13 Picks: Who wants the Lombardi Trophy?

“And you’re naming it after li’l ol’ me? Thanks, Pete!”

Maybe they are keeping their intentions quiet, maybe they are don’t know it yet, maybe it’s the same-as-it-ever-was New England Patriots, but I’m still asking: Who desperately wants the Super Bowl Trophy this season?

(Shakes head) It’s a question I can’t answer yet. So far, I’ve seen four teams dig deep and play above their talent, or annihilate a team so thoroughly I simply couldn’t exclude them. I can’t pick one of the four as a favorite yet, but here they are:

-The Seattle Seahawks

-The New Orleans Saints

-The Los Angeles Chargers

-The Dallas Cowboys.

Drew Brees may have gifted the Cowboys that late interception on Thursday night, but still, that defense just pursues. They are too young defensively to really feel the stakes. With QB Dak Prescott the sneaky run threat offensively, I see Dallas winning its first playoff game, and perhaps surprising from there. The Saints at home are a rocket, and the fuse has already been lit, motivation-wise (get Brees one more ring). The Chargers have the same rally cry with Philip Rivers, and now that Melvin Gordon is out, the Bolts offense will really need him to grip it and rip it through the air. The Seahawks showed me grit against the Panthers last week, and grit will carry them in December, with three winnable games ahead — two vs. SF, and the regular season finale vs. Arizona — and they also play the Vikings and Chiefs at their ear-splitting Stadium.

Yep, sure, all of them have franchise QBs. I’m sure you’re shocked about that fact. But this foursome also boasts those signature moments a team can build a second season around:

-Seattle had that Russell Wilson to Tyler Lockett 43-yard pass that set up the Janikowski FG to win it last week. It was a pearl of a throw, just football poetry on two different levels: 1) Wilson said “Remember me, d-ckheads? I’m still good at this” and 2) The coaching staff told all of us, whether true or not: “Look at us! Look! We’re a spread passing team now!”

-Dallas has the Brees interception. After all those head-shaking penalties, this Cowboys team still found a way to win it against the hottest QB in football. That got a rise out of the home crowd. This was important – as AT&T Stadium is not exactly an intimidating place to play.

-The Saints had the Eagles rout — the most impressive win of the entire NFL season.

-LA had that final goal-line stand in Seattle, batting Wilson’s final pass away, with zeroes on the clock, because the game couldn’t end on a penalty.

Of course, the Rams, Patriots and Texans are balling too, and they’ve had their moments through the first 12 weeks. Any of those three could peak during this holiday season, with the Rams being especially dangerous. LA could turn the playoffs into its run-and-gun playpen, routing one team after the next. And wouldn’t the NFL just love a LA-LA Land Super Bowl?

Still, my eyes are on that S-N-L-D foursome. Gonna be a fun December.

As always, home team in caps, with William Hill odds. I also added some percentages to correspond with the winners I picked – they represent the calculations made by The Quant Edge that those teams will cover the Vegas line. Full disclosure: I work at TQE as an advisor.

Carolina (-3) over TAMPA BAY (55.6%)

The Bucs will overcompensate and key on Christian McCaffrey in this one, after his two-TD, 100-100 rushing-receiving game last week against the Seahawks. I see Cam Newton and Greg Olsen getting chummy near the end zone more than once, and the Panthers winning it and staying in the NFC Wild-Card chase.

ATLANTA (-2) over Baltimore (57.5%)

Two starts. Two wins. The Lamar Jackson experience has been fun to this point. So much so his QB coach (James Urban) and offensive coordinator (Marty Mornhinweg) are due for raises, and perhaps promotions someplace else. Still, let’s see what happens when Jackson can’t play conservatively anymore – you know, when the Falcons, perhaps the most frustrated team in the NFL and losers of three straight, drop three Julio Jones TDs on the Ravens in the first half.

Indianapolis (-4) over JACKSONVILLE (58.3%)
The Colts are rolling – the winners of five straight. This game won’t be nearly as fast on Florida grass as it would be on Indy’s home turf, and tight end Jack Doyle is out for the year, and yet I still see Andrew Luck completing some throws into tight windows because he’s absolutely feeling it. You see it in his body language. That type of confidence is contagious – easily passed from offense to defense. Luck’s Colts win by a TD, and stick around in the AFC playoff picture. 

PHILADELPHIA (-6.5) over Washington (63.5%)The Eagles at home, in primetime, against backup QB Colt McCoy? This one seems almost too easy, and Philly is banged up at running back, but regardless, I’m not overthinking this pick.

Last week: 3-1

Overall: 20-25

IT’S ALL HAPPENING!

by John Walters | Leave a comment

by John Walters

Tweet Me Right


Is there such a thing as one upcowship?

Starting Five

1. Nov.29: Game 1, 2019 NBA Finals

Kevin Durant scored 51 points and the Warriors overcame a six-point deficit in the final minute in Toronto, but the Raptors, who own the NBA’s best record (19-4), prevailed in OT, 131-128. The Dubs were without Stephen Curry and Draymond Green and have now lost five of their past eight (15-8).

We wouldn’t worry to much about the champs. The Raptors, though, have a terrific nucleus and were led by Kawhi Leonard‘s 37 points. All they really need to compete for the title is Gregg Popovich and/or Jimmy Butler.

Durant becomes the second player this week to put up 50-plus in a losing effort (James Harden). The Warriors become only the second team in history to have three fifty-point scorers in one season (Durant, Curry, Thompson) after one of those fabulous Laker squads where Wilt, West and Baylor did it. Now if they can just get DeMarcus Cousins to post 50 once he is healthy and in the lineup.

2. The Handcuff’s Tale

Far-right activist Laura Loomer, who is Jewish (we already spot a conflict) handcuffed herself to the doors of Twitter’s New York City headquarters last night to protest being kicked off the media platform. Why? She says it happened because she’s Jewish, but common sense tells you it’s because she called a newly elected Congresswoman, who is Muslim, “anti-Jewish.”

Seeing as how Loomer is anti-Muslim, there’s a little hypocrisy in her campaign, no? You really have to hate yourself to throw this much hatred toward a group of people with whom you never interact.

3. Here Comes Cowboys

Lee Roy Jordan remains our all-time favorite Cowboy linebacker, but these two are going to give him a run.

A wonderful complement to last night’s Saints-Cowboys game was the concurrent airing of North Dallas Forty on some cable channel called AXS. Looking back on it, we think that head coach of the North Dallas Bulls, B.A. Strother, was the original analytics Nazi.

Strother, the first tendencies-addled coach

Anyhoo, the Cowboys beat arguably the top team in the NFS, the Saints, 13-10, and with four straight wins, they’re suddenly fun again. Not quite America’s team again, but fun again. They’re now 7-5 and atop the NFC East. Puppy linebackers Leighton Vander Esch and Jaylon Smith are leading the way.

4. It’s Real, And It’s Spectacular

It matters not the latitude, we here at the MH editorial board are constantly blown away by how close the parts of Earth virtually untouched by man resemble man’s idea of paradise. If you don’t believe us, go visit northern Scotland or Fiji.

This here is Masoala National Park in Madagascar, the last untouched-by-man rainforest on that large island off the east coast of Africa. Not bad, eh? Here’s a CNN story on the remote locale few of us will ever visit (shame). Anyway, we’ve said it before, but Rust Cohle had it right: mass extinction of the human species would really be the most philanthropic thing ever done, in terms of helping this planet. We’re the only species that truly detracts from its welfare.

5. Tuohy Goes For Two

There’s no more false promise than “America’s Next Great Female Running Phenom.” Trust us: We’ve profiled Mary Cain and Allie Ostrander (the latter of whom has fared better post-high school). Last February we took the subway up to the U.S. Armory to watch the next phenom, Katelyn Tuohy, who had smashed the 2.5-mile course record at Van Cortland Park by 32 seconds and had just broken the prep 5,000 mark by 18 seconds (those are incredible margins, by the way), compete in the high school mile at the Millrose Games.

She finished fourth.

Tomorrow, though, is the Nike National High School Cross Country Championships, to be staged in Portland, Oregon. Touhy, a junior at North Rockland (N.Y.) High School, is the defending champ.

Who knows what will happen to her when her body changes from girl to woman? As of now, though, Tuohy owns national high school records for the fastest outdoor mile, the fastest 3,200 meters and the fastest 5,000, often having broken Cain’s records (the two are four years apart and age and grew up about 25 miles away from one another).

 

Music 101

We’re All Alone

In the mold of Melissa Manchester and Carly Simon, Rita Coolidge belongs in the pantheon of sultry ’70s chanteuses with Clairol-ready manes. This single went to No. 7 in 1977 and No. 1 on the Adult Contemporary charts, but it was actually written by gifted syrupy songmaker Boz Scaggs (“Love, Look What You’ve Done To Me”) who also recorded it but as a B-side to a mini-LP. Rita’s version is better.

Remote Patrol

Football Football Football

SATURDAY

Big 12 Championship: Oklahoma-Texas

Noon ABC

SEC Championship: Alabama-Georgia

4 p.m. CBS

Big Ten Championship: Northwestern-Ohio State

8 p.m. Fox

ACC Championship: Clemson-Pitt

8 p.m. ABC

These four games will determine the final three slots in the college football playoff as well as, likely, the Red Grange Award winner (and perhaps the Heisman, too, who knows?). Is there an upset to be found here? Um, no. And we’ll probably regret typing that, but we don’t see one. So, OU, Bama, Ohio State and Clemson and then it’s just a beauty contest between the Sooners and Buckeyes.

IT’S ALL HAPPENING!

by John Walters | 2 Comments

by John Walters

Lightning Round Edition: We’ve got a choo choo train to catch

Starting Five

Is Craig To Blame?

We’re beginning to get a more panoramic view of what took place following 74-72 Saturday night. Texas A&M assistant coach Dameyune Craig (you may remember him as an Auburn QB) rushes across the field to talk sh*t and maybe more after the Aggies win. Why? Because LSU fired him last year.

And there’s Cole Fisher who appears to step in as a mediator. And let’s assume that perhaps Steve Kragthopre wanders in to the kill zone, meaning no harm, but Fisher sees the purple gear and pushes—not punches—him away. And he has no idea Cragthorpe has Parkinson’s. And that’s when Kevin Faulk steps in and the infamous photo is snapped.

Bottom line: It seems as if Craig instigated all of this.

2. Clip Clap

While ESPN has been doing vinyasa flow postures in an effort to bring every possible Los Angeles Lakers (11-9) angle to you this season, the Staples Center’s other tenant, the Los Angeles Clippers, have quietly moved to the very top of the pack in the Western Conference. Yes, even above the Warriors.

The Clippers (14-6) traded away or lost its most prominent TV pitchmen (Blake Griffin, CP3, and DeAndre Jordan) and have won 8 of 9. Leading scorer: Tobias Harris.

No egos. No drama. Beautiful thing.

3. You Can’t Go Brohm Again

Purdue coach Jeff Brohm, a native of Louisville and a graduate of Louisville, where he was the starting QB, decides to remain in West Lafayette with the Boilermakers. There are dumber things people have done than decide to remain with a team that has Rondale Moore for two more seasons.

4. Les Moonves, Pond Scum

James Stewart of The New York Times with a tale of extortion and lechery from the top guy at CBS.

5. Adios, Torreyes

The New York Yankees trade 5’7″ utility player Ronald Torreyes, who was like the most popular amigo in the clubhouse and also epitomized Wee Willie Keeler‘s “Hit ’em where they ain’t” credo. Our feeling is that Torreyes simply did not strike out enough to be considered “a true Yankee.”

IT’S ALL HAPPENING!

by John Walters | 4 Comments

by John Walters

 

Starting Five

Knickers: Big If True

Who has time to worry about gene-edited babies with Knickers the steer roaming the prairies of western Australia? His owner, Geoff Pearson, says that Knickers is 6’4″, 3,000 pounds and is a Holstein Friesian. He’s also too large for the processor but why would you ever turn Knickers over to the  butcher? Geoff, Geoff: start charging tourists a fee to see him. That’s how we do it here in the States.

Holy Cow! We look at Knickers and we’re reminded of what Crocodile Dundee said about knives. “You call that a knife? THIS is a knife!”

2 Hang On Glider


Hang gliding in Switzerland, and the instructor failed to harness in his American passenger before they embarked on the flight. Or maybe he just realized it was an American. Either way, crazy. Keep your eyes on the passenger’s right hand.

3. Bad, Bad Man

This is Samuel Little (current photo below), who is 78 and incarcerated in Texas. Recently Little has confessed to authorities that he killed upwards of 90 people in a number of states, which may make him the nation’s most prolific serial killer this side of Marlboro Lights.

Little supplied a chilling answer to one official who wondered aloud how he had gotten away with so many hideous crimes for so long:

“I can go into my world and do what I want to do,” Mr. Little said, according to Sergeant Mongeluzzo, describing neighborhoods around the nation where poverty, drug addiction and unsolved murders are common. “I won’t go into your world.”

4. Haley Stays Home

The nation’s top-ranked women’s basketball recruit is headed east for college. Just not that far east. Haley Jones, a 6’1″ wing from Santa Cruz, California, is headed 40 or so miles east to Stanford. She was courted by UConn and Notre Dame, among others.

While heading all the way back east sure worked wonders for another Californian (Diana Taurasi) once, it’s hard to fault Jones for remaining close to home while attending the top academic institution west of Chicago. Also, there’s the weather. And, hey, UConn hasn’t won a national championship since 2016!

5. Chairman of the Board

From The New York Times…

After three weeks, 12 straight draws and a day of tiebreakers, Norway’s Magnus Carlsen finally retained the world chess championship in London on Wednesday with a victory against Fabiano Caruana, his American challenger.

Reading on, we learn that officials got tired of this deal going nowhere to they basically pivoted to speed chess: Carlson and Caruana were given only 25 minutes to make a move. I’ll stop complaining about the video reviews in college football games now.

Music 101

Sweet Thing

Tomorrow marks the 50th anniversary of Van Morrison‘s Astral Weeks,—so why don’t you feature this tomorrow, MH??? Because we’re not smart and we’re also forgetful and just shut up okay geez!—which is the cool kids’ favorite VM studio album though we prefer Moondance.

Remote Patrol

The Outlaw 

8 p.m. TCM

Russell: Hay now!

A cornball Western, released in 1943, but starring a young, buxom Jane Russell. Westerns weren’t sexy before this one. Russell, whom people my age recognize from our youths as the middle-aged woman doing bra commercials on TV and touting herself as “a full-figured gal,” is at one vertex of a love triangle also featuring Doc Holliday and Billy the Kid.