You wanna Make America Great Again? Toss everyone in this photo off the side of the S.S. Pandemic. I’m not sure if Jared Kushner, Stephen Miller and Kellyanne Con-her-way were also in the Oval Office for this moment, but man, what a Molotov Cocktail and a few locked doors and window might have accomplished.
Anyway, the President (of course) railed against the oversight measures in the bill, designed explicitly to keep his and Jared’s hands out of the cookie jar. The avarice has no ceiling.
Meanwhile, Bill Maher told Maureen Dowd what we wrote earlier this week: that the Democratic Party should rip up all the primary results and forsake all the debates and nominate Andrew Cuomo for President: a tough guy from Queens who is a second-generation America kicking the ass of a faux tough guy from Queens who is a second-generation American. Urge you to read Ms. Dowd’s column.
Even better is this Op-Ed from Roger Cohen in this morning’s New York Times, “A Silent Spring.” And if you’re too cool or too knowledgeable to read the New York Times, well, be on your way. You’re also the guy who thinks the Beatles are overrated.
Yesterday the USA took the lead among all nations for most coronavirus cases reported (and we ain’t lookin’ back!). If you’re scoring, or gasping, at home, the tally at the top now reads:
USA………….. 85,000-plus cases
China………. 81,000-plus cases
Italy………… 80,000-plus cases
We’ve come a long way in just a week, and let’s give credit where it’s due: Donald J. Trump. Oh, and remember what he said one month and one day ago, on February 26?
“You have 15 people, and the 15 within a couple of days is going to be close to zero.”
Not so much.
Shutting off flights from China? Smart. Not testing anyone entering JFK or Newark from Europe, specifically Italy? Catastrophic.
I recall CNBC’s Jim Cramer around the second to third week of February opining that if he were a young reporter, he’d head out to JFK and interview passengers getting off flights from Milan to see if they had been screened in any way. Prescient.
Times Square usually only looks this way during or after a blizzard
Meanwhile, I remember walking through the Times Square subway station transfer area at rush hour three weeks ago today. Thinking of all the humanity rushing past me, commuters on their way to Westchester, Long Island and New Jersey, travelers from other continents making their way to JFK or Newark. And I remember thinking then, If it’s already here, there’s no stopping it now.
New York, with 39,000 reported cases, would rank as the fifth-most contaminated country behind only the USA, China, Italy and Spain right now.
The Death Calculus
I wanted to address a comment—by the way, I truly “appreciate” (Curb reference) the comments from everyone, particularly since I’m no longer on Twitter—from Kurt yesterday regarding the data on ways Americans find to die each year that don’t receive the hype that the coronavirus has.
The more I thought about it, the more these two thoughts reigned: 1) While Kurt has a point, let’s wait until the coronavirus goes through a full one-year cycle here (March 1, 2020 – February 28, 2021) to consider it alongside these other mortality figures and 2) I don’t recall anyone doing this sort of comparative calculus after 9/11, an event that claimed 2,996 lives.
You wanna talk about “the cure being worse than the disease,” let’s talk 9/11. We lost 3,000 people that day (the coronavirus should top that figure some time in the first week of April), we all knew that it was a one-time event, or not viral, we knew that it was highly preventable (if FBI higher-ups had simply listened to their field officers), and we even knew that no sovereign nation had perpetrated it. In other words, it was a crime and not an act of war.
In Iraq alone, we’ve lost 1 1/2 times the soldiers that were lost on 9/11 and oh, by the way, Iraq played no role in the attack. The Iraqi people have lost an estimated 150,000 people due indirectly to 9/11. I’m not even figuring the Afghanistan conflict into this.
But more than debating, yet again, the righteousness or malicious intent with our invading Iraq, let’s return to the original point. Did anyone say, in early October of 2001, Yo, we lose 10 times more Americans to the flu, what’s the big deal? No, instead we got a full dosage of Alan Jackson songs and a second helping of patriotism.
Curious, eh? Part of this is due to the fact that in 2001 we weren’t all up in each other’s social media grills minute by minute. Yes, the internet existed, but it wasn’t quite directly pumped into our veins the way it is now. I wake up, I check The New York Times coronavirus updates and see how many new dead there are in the USA. I can check back once or twice again before I hit the pillow and they will have updated the figures. We’re all living inside a Black Mirror episode these days.
Nineteen years ago, this same newspaper provided obituaries/profiles of every 9/11 victim, but they rolled those out over a matter of months. We are simply more triggered more often now (another reason I jumped off Twitter).
But my fundamental question remains: If America was willing to spend nearly $2 trillion to avenge an attack that was entirely perpetrated on one sublime September morning in the northeast, an attack that left nearly 3,000 dead, why wasn’t anyone then comparing the damage to other means of death in the USA annually? Oh, and yes, I get the irony of the “stimulus” package (it’s a relief package, people) that passed yesterday costing about the same.
Unprotected Sects
In Louisiana, a state climbing up the coronavirus rankings so fast that it would make Casey Casem howl with delight (currently 9th), the right reverend (Far Right reverend?) Tony Spell welcomed 1,000 congregants to his Life Tabernacle Church in Baton Rouge on Sunday.
Against the governor’s orders. Pelican Staters have been ordered not to congregate in groups above 50.
In the faith versus fate debate, there’s a part of me that is all for this. There’s really no faster way to eradicate stupid, without resorting to violence, than to allow the evangelicals to congregate all they want in the midst of a pandemic. Am I against religion? Let’s think of it more as me being in favor of freedom of religion.
I’m reminded of this scene from True Detective, early in the series, when Rust and Marty visit a tentpole religious service. And Rust observes, “All these people speeding to a red light” and “I think it’s safe to say none of these people are gonna be splitting the atom.”
Is it right to make fun of the ignorant? Of course not. You know what’s worse? Taking advantage of them. Which is what Tony Spell and, yes, Donald Trump are doing.
By the way, my “landlord” observed this morning that this virus, particularly in densely populated cities, is probably far more difficult on poor people. And then, after a few moments, “Isn’t that always the way?”
A light comes on. Maybe this is why President Trump doesn’t care half as much about the virus as he does the economy. A plague that eradicates both the old AND the poor? He’d call that heaven-sent.
And if we have to lose a few doctors, nurses, physician’s assistants and lab techs along the way? Well, that’s just the price of progress.
Buying Boeing? Boing!
On Monday shares of Boeing, which had been up above $300 all of last year and through January and most of February of this year, were available for $91. Think about this: as recently as February 25th, Boeing (BA) shares were selling for $320.
The good folks at MH Capital decided to dip their beak in the waters and purchase some. Like, a lot. Either Boeing was going to go the way of Lehman Brothers (a stalwart American company that just vanished into thin air during a financial crisis) or it would experience a (government-abetted) recovery.
So, again, on Monday, shares of Boeing? $91.
Yesterday? Shares of Boeing were selling for $182.
Now, I’m no New York Times editorial board member, but if you can add 1 + 1 and also 9 + 9, I think the math comes out to… yes, that’s DOUBLE. A two-bagger, Susie B.? In just four days.
We’d love to say that we held onto Boeing for the entire ride, but we didn’t want to be hogs (“Hogs get slaughtered”) and got out, mostly, after a 33% gain. Who knew it would keep soaring upward… like a plane that actually works?
Anyway, it’s a volatile market. There are great opportunities here. Buy low. Sell high. Everything else is window dressing.
Stars 80
Two famously feisty folks turn 80 years old today: House Majority leader Nancy Pelosi and actor James Caan.
We’ll always admire Nancy for standing up to the Tangerine Tantrum and we’ll always appreciate Caan’s Sonny Corleone for standing up for his sister. Of course, one of them was/is a little better about controlling their rage.
By the time you read this, the United States will have surpassed 1,000 reported coronavirus-related deaths (the actual number could be twice that when you consider how many victims never were tested). It may be difficult to fathom, but when you went to sleep on the last day of February (29th), the first coronavirus death had not even taken place.
You may remember that it was not until Saturday, March 1st, that the first coronavirus fatality, in Washington state, was reported. President Trump reported that the patient was a woman in her 50s. It was a man. The next day, March 2nd, Robert Redfield, the director of the CDC, noted that “the person was erroneously identified as a female.”
He never mentioned who erroneously identified that patient.
We’ve been rather conservative with many of our predictions, both here and on Twitter. Three weeks ago we said sports should shut down for all of March (it will be longer). On Monday we said the U.S. death toll would top 1,000 by Sunday (it was shorter). Then yesterday we had a record number of deaths for one day, 223. So here we are, on March 25th, and we’ll go ahead and say that the U.S. death toll, which took 25 days to get to 1,000, will be at 2,000 by April 1st. We’ll see.
Best thing we heard yesterday, from Dr. Anthony Fauci to CNN’s Chris Cuomo: “We don’t decide the timeline. The virus decides the time line.”
From Spring Breakers To Record Breakers
In just the past 12 or so hours, the United States has broken two very dubious fiscal records. First, the Senate passed a $2 trillion relief bill, the largest aid package in American history (remember, though, the government never had the funds for universal health care). Then this morning, a record-high jobless claims number of 3.28 million came in from the Department of Labor.
Sniff, sniff. Do you smell that? It smells a lot like socialism to me.
Just What I Didn’t Want*
*This will make sense when you read the above
Hopefully, you’re healthy. And if so, you may find yourself reading more books during this isolation period. This week I finally tackled my old SI colleague and friend Steve Rushin’s childhood memoir, Sting-Ray Afternoons.
I really enjoyed it. Steve and I were born 12 days apart in 1966 and it was enjoyable to read a master craftsman relive a parallel suburban childhood. Those of us who lived through it will tell you that we cannot imagine having grown up in a better decade than the ’70s. Steve hits on plenty of notes that will resound with anyone now in their 50s: Evel Knievel, killer bees, Saturday nights on CBS, the undeniable street cred of Levi’s corduroys (for Catholic school students), the woods behind one’s house/neighborhood where all types of nature were explored (our Crestview woods, in New Jersey, was where I spied my first Playboy mag), wood-paneled station wagons (ours was a Chevrolet), basements, baseball cards (I still have more than 4,000 of mine) that came in clear plastic packs of 42, etc.
It was also eerie to have so many personal connections: a big brother who could bench-press a small automobile and who’d impose his will on you, a sister who threw up inside the car on a family outing, an almost pathological connection with wordplay (Steve discovered palindromes, spoonerisms and alliteration way before I did, while I was reciting the alphabet backwards at age 5… and yet they never tested me for dyslexia, which, like gluten allergies, did not yet exist in the 1970s), and a first basketball coach (for him, Jim Thomas, or Jamal Tahoma; for me, Sgt. Ted Lovick) who was the Jesus of Cool.
The only cultural touchstones I don’t think Steve tackled, and I’d have to go back and read it to be sure, were The Exorcist (terrified me) and Bigfoot (growing up mostly in New Jersey, my friends and I knew our chances of spotting Bigfoot were minute, but we always held out hope). Oh, and the Son of Sam, but that was more a tri-state area phenomenon, I guess.
Alan Page, Rushin’s childhood athletic hero, was sort of a sports Bigfoot
Steve’s great advantage growing up, by the way, is the same one I had: He was blessed with the world’s greatest parents.
Finally, it’s surreal to read that Steve’s best friend growing up is now one of my closest friends (the husband of MH contributor Katie McCollow). Great read. Pick it up if you’re looking for a story of childhood, of the Seventies, of days when parents seemed more concerned with teaching you how to be an adult than with being your friend. I’m looking forward to reading the follow-up, Nights In White Castle.
Here Comes Amazon (Again)
Relax, Susie B. I think your Amazon (AMZN) stock is going to be just fine. MH Capital bought a lot more under $1,900, by the way. Yesterday morning CNBC’s Jim Cramer said he could see it being a $3,000 stock after all the coronavirus mess plays out (and when will that be???) but even right now, how could you not love it?
If you need to purchase any item for the next month or so that is not food, your options are severely limited. CostCo? Target? Walmart? Sure, but in all of those places you actually have to enter and deal with people. Amazon, well, is there any large business in America (unrelated to pizza delivery) that is more suited to exploit the coronavirus crisis?
And, by the way, why isn’t Amazon in pizza delivery already? Seems like a natural fit.
Heisman Winners Given The Heisman
A trio of Heisman Trophy-winning quarterbacks from the past decade, Marcus Mariota, Cam Newton and Jameis Winston, were all allowed to depart their respected teams in the past week with not even a “Don’t let the door hit your tail pad on the way out.”
Of the three, Newton has been the most successful, leading the Carolina Panthers to a Super Bowl berth five years ago (where he will be remembered for a moment of ignominy related to a fumble). Mariota has signed with the Las Vegas Raiders (yes, it’s odd to type that). Winston seems to be drawing no interest: I guess teams aren’t in love with interception-slinging dudes who have problematic character issues.
Nine of the past 10 Heisman Trophy winners are quarterbacks. The first five are no longer with their original franchises and at least one, Johnny Manziel, is no longer in the NFL. The most successful besides Newton, who was the NFL MVP in 2015, is Lamar Jackson, the reigning NFL MVP. The jury’s still out on Baker Mayfield (trending down) and rookie Kyler Murray (trending up).
The first overall pick in next month’s NFL draft? It will almost surely be the reigning Heisman Trophy-winning quarterback, Joe Burrow. There’s something about a Heisman passer that teams drafting first find irresistible. And sure, Burrow looks like the real deal. But here’s the truth: quarterbacks are almost never sure things. If you’re looking for a sure thing this spring, pick LB Isaiah Simmons, wideout Jerry Jeudy, or defensive tackle Derrick Brown (that’s right, we did not include Chase Young).
Have you ever seen (or been) a woman planning a dinner party? Or a birthday celebration? Maybe your wife? Now assign those same duties to a man or a husband. Chances are, and this is anecdotal experience based on what I’ve seen in both personal and professional life, that the women will do a far superior job. Far superior.
If that’s a sexist observation from me, so be it.
Women, by and large, are better planners than men are. They have to be. They’re biologically attuned to it. Women must plan from a visit by an unwelcome friend every month. Men literally must unzip and can stand behind a tree or bush (as I often do when out on a run). That’s as much planning as it takes.
As I listen to (male) governors and (male) hospital CEOs or officials plead for supplies (ventilators, gloves, masks) from our male White House administration, I begin to see a pattern of patriarchy. Men simply were not up to the job of planning for this pandemic (save the science editor at The New York Times, who was warning all of us about this weeks ago). I have no doubt in my mind that women would have done a better job.
Asking for ventilators now is like throwing a backyard barbecue, the guests are at the door, and you’ve forgotten the charcoal briquets. A few years ago I volunteered to cook the Thanksgiving turkey. One problem: I didn’t begin defrosting it until late Wednesday evening. Bad planning. That’s what men are good at: being bad planners (and not all of them are as bad as me, I understand).
Females are better planners. This was a job for them. But, of course, you know, her emails…
*The judges will also accept, “Gotta Keep ‘Em Ventilated”
Last night on CNN they had a waaaaaayyyy-too-good-lookin’ Hollywood E.R. doctor on (I doubt he’s the foremost E.R. physician in L.A., much less America, but he’s certainly one of the more telegenic) and host Chris Cuomo asked him a pertinent question: What exactly is it like to be deep in the throes of COVID-19, in terms of respiration?
The study doc, I think his name was Evan McMurray, told the viewer to imagine putting a treadmill on the steepest angle. Then turning it up to its fastest setting. Now get on that treadmill and see what your breathing feels like after two to three minutes. And see how long you can last.
The Hollywood doc was describing a very non-Hollywood death. Not only are most patients dying in isolation (See? All those years I never got married and being warned that I’d die alone? Turns out it won’t matter in the age of the coronavirus), but it’s not the black-and-white movie put the back of your hand to your forehead and cry, “I do declare!” and then passing out. Forever.
No, it’s literally gasping for breath. And no matter what you do you cannot get enough oxygen into your lungs. It’s frantic. It’s exhausting. If you’ve ever “killed” yourself in a track workout and remember those first few seconds after you’ve crossed the finish line, you know that feeling. Now extend it onward for minutes… hours… until you go into cardiac arrest.
And that’s what happens when patients don’t have ventilators. And patients don’t have ventilators. One reason, because our federal government wasn’t prepared. Another reason, because Donald Trump doesn’t want us “to become Venezuela.” If only every politician who thinks this way, from the President on down, could die the kind of ventilator-deprived death that thousands of people all over the world have died. They might then, and only then, begin to have an appreciation of what people are going through.
Of course, Republicans never have empathy. Not until they’re actually going through the pain themselves. That’s what makes them Republicans.
